Author's Note: WARNING. This fic has rape, abuse, violence, sex, and language. Also MPreg. There will be a male getting pregnant in this story. So if it isn't your thing, just move along, but I do recommend you give it a chance; I myself am quite excited about this story. :] There will also be major disregard for the rules of science (obviously) and Stephanie Meyer. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Threefold

Chapter Eleven

Guilt.

Building up inside of me, making it hard to breathe, to swallow. I couldn't think straight; I just kept picturing their faces. All the people I would be betraying if I took this step; accepted what Jacob was offering me. Was it idiotic to want safety, to be desired and protected during the coming months, when I would be at my most vulnerable? Perhaps not, but the person I was choosing to protect me…that might be my downfall. For yes, Jacob was strong, and he was loyal and he had a pack that would fiercely protect him and the Alpha's mate - me - but then again…one new arrival, one Imprint, and I was gone. I had no permanent guarantee. There was no real security here, only the illusion of it. Jacob was too young, too fickle, just as I was. Within one week his obsession had grown to such a state that he was confessing to love me, and in another he might grow bored, or I would move on. My place was not here.

Fire.

Burning my throat; I was thirsty, so thirsty. And inches away from biting into him and draining the life-giving essence. He smelled divine and I had no other wish but to devour him, just as I knew he wanted to claim me, over and over again. My scent still lingered on him from our time together, that fateful day. Not even last week. How had time moved so fast? And his body heat was…all-consuming. Burning me alive. I wanted to break out, to return to the welcome chill of my wife and my Coven, but then again…I knew I was always destined for hell. Jacob would kill me with his fire.

Pain.

I'd left behind them all…my wife. My sire. My friends and family. How could I betray them so easily? Was I really as fickle a creature as Carlisle had made me believe? How I wish I could just return to my 'dark years'…they were simple. I lived through simple needs. When I fed, I fed well, and humans were too weak to mark me with their essence. Their offspring wouldn't survive in my body long enough for me to even know. No more than a blip on the radar. And their blood was strong and thick, and most of all it was plentiful. As long as I didn't give away what I was, the Volturi wouldn't come after me. I would be free to sate myself forever.

But how lonely that would be.

Loneliness. What an odd concept.

I'd only felt it…perhaps twice before. It was the reason I'd returned to Carlisle, and it was the reason I had so immersed myself in Isabella Swan. I was lonely, and I'm not built to be alone.

Jasper had helped. He was my best friend, my closest brother, and my confidante. Were it not for Alice I'm sure things would have been even closer between us. But even thinking of this makes my guilt more substantial, for I love Alice like a sister, and I love Jasper like a brother. I just can't help but dwell on the 'What If's.

What if I had never gotten sick with that damned Influenza.

What if my parents hadn't died.

What if Carlisle hadn't bitten me.

What if Esme had never been found.

What if Jasper had stayed in the army.

What if Alice had been believed, instead of sent to an asylum.

What if the bear had ended Emmett.

What if Rosalie had survived her attack without our intervention.

What if I had stayed away, drowned in my sinful life. The life I wanted to live.

What if Shape Shifters didn't exist, and Jacob was just another human. And Bella had never come to Forks. And Jacob had never fallen for Bella. And the Nomads had just passed on through without incident. What if we had moved just a little sooner, like we'd planned. What if I'd never come back from my Honeymoon.

What if I'd died in that fucking hospital bed, after the taste of sulphur had entered my mouth.

A metallic taste is one of the last symptoms of the Spanish Influenza. Once it develops, the patient has perhaps hours to live. I remember that taste clear as day, buried forever in my subconscious, and now I'm a creature destined to crave it; fire and brimstone and iron to fill my body every single fucking day for the rest of eternity.

The Gods have a sick sense of humour.

If there are any.

I was sure I was going to hell when I died. I was certain of it. Now I'm not sure if I'm there already; my head is pounding from all the thoughts rushing into my head. I'm feeling weaker by the hour…I must feed. I must protect myself, and my child. And that means not going back to the Coven. Bella will kill me for my disloyalty, and Carlisle will force me to give this one up as well. I cannot do that. I cannot suffer that same emotional and physical pain. The tiny thing moving inside of me has become a reminder that this is real; I am alive and so is the father…the other father.

Jacob.

I do need him. I'm not strong enough to survive on my own.

If I had waited…been able to control myself just that little bit longer from biting her…would Bella be pregnant with my child right now? Most likely…and it would have killed her. Incubus mothers didn't often survive the childbirth. How many deaths was I responsible for beyond the bite? How many women would I have made suffer for months with a rapist's spawn before the birth killed them, had I not drained them upon their release, and mine? Countless, perhaps.

And no one has any idea.

I'm such a fucking monster, sometimes I wonder why I don't get struck down by lightning every day. Not that it would affect me. I'm not even granted the small mercy of an easy death.

What if Bella had been just a little too late, and I'd stepped out into the sunlight?

What if the Volturi had killed us all after the newborn attack, because the Coven and the Pack hadn't been able to neutralize them all? What if I could have talked Riley down, and saved another life?

I've been trying. Every single fucking day of my life I've been trying to make amends for what I've done. I figure I have eternity to do it, but one never knows. And what do I do next? Fuck it up by giving into what I am, and get pregnant with a shifter's child. Fuck, how screwed up can this get? Honestly…I could have fought Jacob off. I could have been smart and run away when his Wolf broke through. I could have never followed him when he'd slammed me against the wall and called me his, and I could have just taken Bella and walked away. He'd be sad for a while, but we weren't Imprinted. He'd get over it just like he'd gotten over Bella.

Too quickly. I couldn't trust him.

But I wanted to.

Hadn't I already? I'd trusted him not to hurt me, trusted him with the knowledge that I now carried a mixture of ourselves - that makes me sound like a lovesick teenager, which I most certainly am not. I hate how weak he makes me feel, and I hate how dependant I've become already. He is becoming my sanctuary, and my release, and I hate him for that, because I know that as I let myself get deeper and more involved, it's getting harder to pull away.

Just like with Bella.

I was getting too involved.

But I'm not strong enough to walk away right now. I need protection until I give birth. Wow, that sounds so weird to think, even though I know that as an Incubus I'm capable of carrying a child. But still…holy hell, I'm pregnant. Even when he'd said it to me I'd almost broken down…but why? Was I afraid that he would have the same reaction as Carlisle? Hadn't he already? I mean sure…there was acceptance and general happiness now…but what about down the road, when it finally hits home that a male vampire is giving birth to his kid? What would he say to that?

Why do you care?

Why do I care? Oh God…this headache is killing me. I just keep seeing them all…Bella, her expression fierce with anger, intimidating, lips that could create the most enchanting smile curling into a sinister snarl as she attacked. I could picture her; like before the family meeting only worse, for she would have fierce intent of murder in her eyes. And who would stop her? Jasper, of course. I knew he would…would Esme? Perhaps; she was like a mother to me after all, and I like her son. But that was the real question wasn't it…when it came to me or Bella…who would win for my family's loyalty? That question scared me, because I wasn't positive of the answer. When I'd first met her, my family had known; they'd told me if it ended badly it was no trouble, we'd just move on and no one would be the wiser. Now though…there had almost been a war over her protection. Was that because of me, or because she had managed to worm her way into everyone's subconscious? We were wired now; 'Protect Bella, Protect Bella'. It certainly repeated over and over in my head, like a broken record. But now everyone was playing their different melodies, and the discordant result was pounding into my head with the speed and deadly certainty of a freight train. I was trapped.

Was Jacob a way out?

I don't know.

I just don't know anymore.

I couldn't even begin to guess what he was thinking, but I could tell by the look in his dark, luminous green eyes, and the way his touch and kiss grew in desperation until he was a harsh, demanding contact against my body. He needed to forget, he needed to just let go and not have to worry about any of the consequences, or what to do when it was over.

I could give him that, even if I knew that's all he wanted me for.

Vampires aren't meant to be weak. Neither are werewolves, or shifters. During my research I had come across one legend; a female werewolf had been pregnant with a litter - perhaps three or four - and was due to give birth in about a month. She had been so desperate, because she knew she wasn't strong enough to survive on her own, and her mate had been killed by a wandering tribe of Nomad vampires. She was so distraught, and needed protection so badly, that she entrusted herself to the defence of a vampire couple. Two other females who'd found her when an attempt at a hunt had nearly ended in a miscarriage, or a premature labour. The vampires had cared for the werewolf, bringing her food and making sure she was safe until she gave birth to three healthy male pups. I don't know what happened after that, but it made me think…surely, if enough of those occurrences happened - if enough of them were true - then we could all just work together. Go all Brady Bunch on each other or something.

But there's always the closed-minded ones. The ones who would never accept that vampires, werewolves and shifters - hell, even throw in the wood elves and fairies for good measure - could just…co-exist without the constant need to fight each other. Or anything. What the hell let's even tell the fucking humans.

Actually…that doesn't usually work out well. Witch-hunting and all that. Stakes through the heart might be inconvenient. And I'm sure silver bullets hurt like a bitch.

Sigh.

Edward whimpered lightly as I answered his kiss with equal force, my arms wrapping around his waist with enough strength to crush a human. My Wolf wanted to give his mate anything he desired; whatever was needed of him. But I couldn't. I couldn't take advantage of Edward when he was in such an emotional state.

"Stop, Edward, we shouldn't do this," I murmured, not able to hide the fact that I was very angry with myself for saying that as I loosened my hold, giving him room to push away, which he did. He was breathing heavily, as was I - trying to get all the oxygen back in my lungs. He ran a shaking hand through his hair, brushing away some of the rebellious fringe from his bright green eyes - still. I'd have to look into that - and fixed me with a small smirk.

"Too much for you to handle?" he asked, voice heavy with arrogance, but it didn't fool me. I could see it in the human eyes, the eyes that hadn't had years to develop a wall to hide emotions behind. The gaze that hadn't perfected the art of hiding emotions. The expressive green that told me everything.

I sighed lightly, smiling just a little - a gentle, loving smile - and brushed my palm over his jaw. He was trembling very slightly beneath my touch, hands clenching into fists by his sides as he looked down, breaking the façade of arrogance and smug superiority. I could see it clear as day, because it was the same as me; vulnerability, fear of rejection. "You're not thinking straight, and this is a lot to handle, for both of us. I think everything will look better in a few hours' time. Just give it time, Edward."

"We don't have any time," he muttered in reply. He sounded pained.

"We have tonight, and we can buy more if that's not enough. Come on." I moved my hand from his face, instead lacing my fingers through his, and pulled slightly, making him follow when I once again began my path towards my house. I could still see the light on, and I knew that I had a shit-load to explain to Billy, but that would all wait. Tonight I just wanted to enjoy some silence, even if it wasn't peaceful.

How can he be so fucking calm, when I'm so freaked out over here it's all I can do not to just…break down? Like I did before; fucking sissy. Honestly, not three days and I'm an emotional wreck. Even more so than usual.

I should never have pretended to be what I'm not. I'm an Incubus. I call to people; it's what I do. I change my personality to match theirs; I change my scent to appeal to them; I do whatever they need of me, and that's that. I don't settle down, and I don't try to live normally. That's not what I am and it sure as hell sounds better than my alternatives.

Jacob was right about one thing; I don't like not knowing. And here I am on the edge of a giant sea of ignorance ready to dive in. And he can't see that it's killing me. Or maybe he can, and he's just good at hiding it. I'm scared out of my fucking mind. Hell, I don't even know what will happen tomorrow. I'm afraid for Jasper, and the lies he's telling right now to buy me some time. I'm afraid for Jacob, for what will happen when Bella finds out - for she certainly will. I'm terrified for myself, of what Carlisle will do, or make me do, or what he will force others to do to me…I don't know what he's capable of. I don't know what my own Sire is fucking capable of. And that's not good, because that means I don't know what to expect.

Jacob has enemies too; Sam will not be happy about being not even a Beta anymore; he's the Omega, the lowest of the Pack and that means he'll want revenge. He'll want payback for what Jacob is doing most certainly; he's an old-minded sort. He doesn't want a 'Fraternizer', I think it's called, as leader of the Pack, dominant over him, and I don't know what he's capable of either. When I'd listened to his thoughts in the clearing after his defeat they screamed of murder, and of course he has the prior Pack as well; Jared and Paul. I couldn't begin to guess what he was plotting, but I knew he was up to something; no one who thinks things like that would be willing to just roll over like a good dog and bare his throat without some sort of poison in his fur.

And the parents…what would Billy do? He held influence and status, what would happen when he found out? I can't even…I don't want to. There's so much shit lying at the bottom of this haystack and there's no clues of where to start. Jacob will still have to be the Alpha, and what am I? Just the good little housebitch who stays home and hidden away from the rest of the world, because one side of Forks is searching for me, and the other would kill me if they found me there! So yes, Jacob has no idea, but neither does anyone else. I'm more alone right now than I was when I had nobody. At least back then I had my sisters, and my brothers and my mother and Sire. Hell, even Tanya was around for a little hook-up when I got bored. But now…there was no one, and I can't even begin to explain.

If I had a heartbeat it would be flying.

There's just nothing I can do, nowhere I can go where I'd have someone to back me up.

We were inside the garage now, and I shut the door behind us as we went in, making sure not to be seen. Now begins the era of further secrecy and deception. I'd have to still be an Alpha and hide the fact that my pregnant Incubus mate was at home all day long, just waiting to be discovered.

But I could stay here a lot of the time, maybe start fixing up cars again. Not like I didn't have a lot of time to kill now.

There are funner things to do than fix up cars.

Perv voice. Sigh.

I heard Edward chuckle softly, and I turned around to look at him. I was glad to see a smile on his face, even though it was half-hearted and weak. "Something funny?"

"'Perv voice'?" he quoted, laughing again as he said that and I smiled somewhat sheepishly.

"It's your fault."

"How is that my fault?" Colour was returning to his voice, a light back on in his eyes that had dulled, and I was glad. It didn't suit him to be sad; Edward was beautiful anyway, and he was even more so when content, but he was practically breathtaking when he was happy. I wanted to be starved of oxygen all the time.

"Because you inspire it. I can't help but think shit like that when you're around," I muttered in reply, walking over to sit down next to him on the cold garage floor due to the severe lack of places to sit. I'd have to start redoing this old piece-of-crap shed into something somewhat liveable.

"Great, I inspire a perverted voice inside of an Alpha's head. That's not going to get complicated," he replied with a roll of his eyes, making me smile. I wanted to reach out and hold him to me…but that might be a bit much. I don't know…I felt like I was walking on eggshells here, and I didn't want to break any finely-tuned happy vibes in the area.

"I've already traumatised Seth, I should think," I said, remembering my brief little fantasy, back in the brief span of time when he and I had made up our own little pack. Edward and I laughed in unison, before my memories shifted to Leah's little fantasy, and his eyes widened. I just shook my head. "Don't ask me, man. Apparently shit like this is hot to women. Who knew?" That just make him smirk. "What?" I asked.

He just shook his head. "You, pup, have a lot to learn." I'm really glad his phone rang, just then, because it saved me having to think up a snappy and impressive retort…and I was coming up blank. He fished out the little silver device and checked the Caller ID before flipping it open.

'Who is it?' I mouthed. He didn't answer, instead pressing a button on the phone, and I heard the voices; the speaker was on. He set it down on the floor between us.

"Edward." It was Bella speaking. Her voice was low and deadly, and I saw him shiver very slightly in response, eyes closing and fists clenched by his side. For a brief second fear flashed across his face, and it took all I had not to growl at her; how dare she make the Alpha's Mate afraid; I'd rip her head from her Goddamn body! "Where are you?" She was murderous, that much was clear. Had we been discovered, already? Damn it; I thought Jasper was meant to buying us time, to think! To plan! What if he was in on this too; in league with Carlisle?

"Hunting," he answered, voice not betraying any of his fear; he spoke calmly. How long did it take to master such a composed expression, to be able to lie smoothly no matter what you were feeling?

"Bullshit! You went off to finish the job, didn't you? Didn't -? No, Alice. Shut up! Let me speak to -." There was a scuffle on the other end of the phone as someone obviously tried to grab it from Bella, halting her mid-accusation. I could guess what she was talking about; killing me. Again? Really? Drama Queen.

"Edward, honey?" Esme, this time, and I saw Edward visibly relax. I was glad it was Esme who had managed to grab the phone, and not Alice or Carlisle. I knew Alice's psychic powers were hazy when it came to my kind, but there was no telling what she might get glimpses of anyway. And Carlisle...don't even get me started. I didn't know the full extent of what Edward had suffered at his Sire's hands, but I knew I'd want to murder the Alpha Cullen if I ever found out. "Edward, where are you? We're worried. Neither you nor Jasper are back and Jasper's not answering his phone. You know we just like to check up on you…"

"Jasper's not back?" Why wouldn't he be back? He'd have plenty of time to return to the house from when and where we'd left him...unless something happened to him...

And all was silence. Edward was staring at me with wide eyes, and the other end of the line was silent. It was because that question - the one about Jasper - …well, I'd said it. Which meant that the cover of Edward hunting with his brother was blown, and it depended entirely on who heard on the other end of the line, because I just blew that Edward was with me, somewhere and the Cullens had no idea.

Shit shit shit shit shit…oh yeah and more shit.

SHIT.

"Esme, Jasper told me he was heading back to the house, and I wanted to stay out a little more because I had caught some mountain lion scents, and I was still thirsty. He should have made it back to the house by now, surely," Edward said quickly, trying to cover up the slip.

SHIT.

"Let me talk to him." There was another small silence as the phone was passed over, and then a rushing sound; someone moving through the house, maybe? "Jacob?"

Carlisle. Have I said shit enough times? No? Well…SHIT.

"Are you alone, Sire?" Edward asked, and when Carlisle answered 'yes' he nodded towards me, gesturing for me to speak.

"Yes, Carlisle. I'm hear. How many people heard?"

"Bella, Alice, Esme and I all know you're there with Edward, which as you can expect raises a lot of questions, doesn't it, my Fledgling?" My mate shivered heavily at the menacing tone in his Sire's voice, and this time I did growl, letting him know that it would not be stood for. "Anyway," he continued, "my first question is this; where are you, and are you going to come home quietly?" He didn't need to finish the other option; Or will we have to hunt you down and bring you back by force?

"I can't come home, Carlisle. You'll all destroy me. You'll burn me to ashes for letting this happen."

"Edward, that's ridiculous. What's going on, son?" From fledgling to son; distant and cold to warm and comforting; manipulation? Who knew? This was a master game of chess, something that went way over my head. I couldn't even begin to grasp the subtle complexities of Edward and Carlisle's relationship. All I could hope for was that Edward's status meant enough to Carlisle to avoid any threats of violence. Emotional or physical.

"Sire…I'm…" He was trying to say it. I know he was. I could see it in the way his hand tightened around his abdomen, his eyes tightly closed, jaw locked. He tried to force the word out, but he couldn't - of course. He hadn't been able to say it to me, so why would he be able to say it to Carlisle, the man who had forced him into an abortion and his first lover, his Sire? The person he was meant to be able to trust had betrayed him before, and now I could see the fear Edward held for himself; he was so afraid. How had I not noticed this?

I spoke for him, placing a hand over his, resting on his knee and squeezing lightly. "Edward's pregnant, Carlisle. And I'm the other father." There was silence again. It stretched for so long, that I was sure Carlisle had hung up for a moment, before he heaved a deep breath. I spoke before he could; "And I intend to fully place him under Pack protection, if necessary, so that neither you nor any of the other Cullens can lay a finger on him or the child. To do so will warrant an all-out war."

"Before you jump to threats of war, Jacob," Carlisle said, his voice like icy steel. Edward shivered again, and I squeezed his hand more tightly. "You should know some things; an Incubus child is dangerous. There is no telling what will happen if this thing is allowed to grow; it could kill Edward during birth, or even starve him beforehand! Not to mention all the outside threats; your Pack, the Volturi, my Coven. You are entering into dangerous territory by thinking about allowing this child to exist. The best thing for Edward would be to come home so that I can safely get rid of it, and then we shall move away from Forks as planned, and life will move on. We will never return while you are residing here, and Edward will stay married to Bella as was intended. That is the best thing for all parties involved, and I would take this offer if I was you."

"You obviously have no concept of how an Alpha thinks, Doctor Cullen," I replied, my voice just as harsh; "My Wolf has accepted Edward as my Mate, and now he is bearing children of mine. I'm not going to let that go and neither will my Wolf. We don't condone murder, leech, and you would do will to remember that."

"I remember you saying once you can't kill what's not alive. It worked when you were intent upon warring with us."

"My outlook on life has changed. So should yours. I am fully prepared to contact wolves all across the continent to bring your Coven down if I even hear a rumour of any of you trying to harm Edward or his child." I felt Edward's eyes on me as I spoke, his grip tightening in my hand at my threats, but I didn't pay attention. Not right now, I had to focus. "If necessary, I shall explain the situation to Bella, or to all the Cullens, but I do not care. Right now I am thinking of what's best for my Mate, and that is staying with me where I can protect him and keep him safe up until the time he gives birth."

"You broke our contract by having contact with Edward."

"Actually, if I remember correctly, I think I said you keep whatever is between us a secret, and in return I won't go blabbing about us either or enforce the Treaty. And I've upheld that end of the bargain."

"Listen, leech, I don't want a fight, and so I'm offering you a deal; I will not tell anyone about any of this; the bite, Edward's true nature…none of it. I'm confident in my abilities to do so, and to silence the Wolves that know already. And in return you will not harm Edward, you will not allow anyone else to harm Edward, and you will keep whatever there is between us a secret. There will be no concern around the Treaty or Bella or anything like that. You will not have a war on your hands - a war I assure you we will win." Edward quoted it perfectly. Hooray for photographic vampire memories.

It was obvious that this was angering Carlisle; I could hear his frenzied pacing, growls interspersed with his breaths on the other side of the phone, and it seemed like a tense forever until he spoke again, voice heavy with anger and barely controlled resentment. I couldn't understand why he was so angry; so what if the wolves and the Coven knew Edward was an Incubus. What difference would it make, really? They didn't need to know how those were created or anything, and so what if Edward and he had had a little fling before Esme came along, really? Or was it the whole 'procreation-capable' thing he was trying to cover up? But why?

"Edward, son, I'm giving you one last chance to come back home. Be smart and leave this shifter behind. Think about your wife! Bella would be heartbroken if she knew what you were doing behind her back, and think about your family. You keep tearing us apart by leaving, Edward. Why do you keep doing this?"

Looking at him, I could tell this whole cock-and-bull emotional crap was working. No matter how hard anyone tried, Carlisle would always hold sway over his first companion; Edward's eyes had darkened in sadness, tears of venom welling up before he tried to blink them away, heaving a deep, shuddering breath.

"Because you keep leaving me no other choice," he said, hanging up with a finality that seemed to echo in the room. I felt a chill run through me at what we had just done, at what had just happened. Jasper was apparently missing and we had no idea why, and the Cullens knew already that I was with Edward, so that made sure that whenever Jasper got back, whatever lie he told would immediately be found out. We had no idea what Carlisle might tell the rest of the family, or if my Pack would accept this. We had no idea if we were safe or not, or what we would have to do tomorrow to keep surviving.

"Well, shit," I muttered, and Edward laughed. The sound was forced.

"My sentiments exactly."

Author's Note: Okay, first thing's first; MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! I don't care what the update day says it's the 25th where I live right now! Woop; here's my gift to you, the last finished chapter I've written so far of this story. The rest I'm simply going to have to wing and get my ass in gear to keep churning out these chapters. Sigh. My beta's going to be so pissed with me. Oh well I'll buy her a cookie or something. .

There wasn't a huge response to the last chapter, and I can understand that, but think about this one! Jasper's MISSING D: And Carlisle's going to try and steal Edward! And Sam's plotting and Bella is this close to killing Edward. I love that you all want her to die; that's good, when I do finally kill her off no one will hate me. =D I gave a hint in here...and the last chapter...as to the motives behind Carlisle's actions. He really is just trying to protect everyone at once, but their interests are splitting.

Angsty! Now shit's gonna start piling. =3 Don't you just love it?

If you do, Review!

HigherMagic x