The Commander walked down the corridor, steps light, though she still had a deep, dark sadness clinging to her inside. She'd miss Kaidan, no doubt about it, but she would have missed Ash more. She'd never had a real friend. Her family had been killed when she was sixteen when slavers raided her home world, Mindoir, where a small border colony had been formed. She'd only been saved since an Alliance patrol had happened past, and she'd enlisted with the military when she was eighteen. For those two years between losing her family and enlisting she'd been totally alone, struggling to survive as the orphan and castout she was.
But it wasn't without its merits. Due to the loss of her family, she'd formed the skill to become incredibly attatched to anyone she worked with, or considered a friend - and she didn't have many of those. Early in her military career she was stuck facing an overwhelming enemy force. Having remembered how useless and pathetic she'd felt after watching the slaughter of her homeworld, she'd become so angry that she'd risked her own life to save her fellow soldiers and defeat the enemy, even against the impossible odds. Her bravery and heroism earned her medals and recognition with the Alliance fleet, but more importantly, it earned her the trust of all those she saved. It might even have been worthwhile, if most of them hadn't been killed in the next mission they were sent on.
And so she had basically lost every friend she'd earned. She'd ended up on the Normandy, most recently, and had been determained not to form any close bonds, due to the fact people seemed to die so easily these days, but as the time passed she found it difficult - it was just in her nature to befriend and protect. And Ashley Williams, who had had a life so different from Shepards, had become her best friend. And it was a bond they wouldn't break - that was why the Commander had chosen Ash in the long run. And a little because she was scared of Kaidan's feelings for her.
He was a good man, but he'd talked to her about someone he'd loved a long time ago, and that had hurt the Commander. She didn't want to know about people's past loves. She envied it. She'd spent so long running and fighting that she just wanted to think she was special in someone's eyes, not that she had to compete with the image of the past love they had. Even with that, she'd never felt any real connection to Kaidan, not beyond friendship anyway.
She was very attatched to Ash, who had become her best friend, and to Garrus who she loved like a brother, even to Wrex who had taken an almost fatherly approach to her. She adored Joker's playful sarcasm, and sometimes she adored him for more than that, but simply pretended she was imagining it. Tali had fast become a friend to the Commander, since they both loved mechanics, engines and similar - that was what had led the Commander to be an engineer. She got along well with all the crew, from the soldiers, to the engineers, and even the medic. She even liked Liara, despite the fact the asari had had a bit of a crush on the Commander at first - a crush Shepard had soon put a stop too, since it wasn't in her nature to, well, be attracted to such feminine people.
So this all whirled over in her head as she walked down the corridor, around the large stature that was the galaxy map, through the shifting door, down a small curved flight of stairs and finally paused at the elevator. She reached out her delicate hand to touch the button to open the doors, but found they opened automatically, and Garrus gave the Turian version of a smile to her from where he stood in the elevator.
"Commander. I was just coming to see you." He stepped out of the elevator and turned so he could look at her, while still leaving enough room for her to exit if she wished.
"To see me?" The Commander repeated, raising an eyebrow in question. "Is something wrong, Garrus?" She couldn't take anymore bad news today, that much she knew.
"Well, no." The Turian replied rather sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head with his hand. "That's just it. We've been to all these strange worlds, had most of them blow up on us, faced down giant mutant plants, all manner of geth, chased an insane scientist who was harvesting human body parts from within, found ancient Krogan armor for Wrex, shot, blasted and fought our way through all manner of complex twists and turns, and now... well... lost Alenko... but everythings fine." He lifted his gaze. Hard, sharp, almost raven like eyes fixed on her. "Everything's fine." He repeated confidently.
The Commander frowned, trying desperately to get his manner of thinking through her head. "Everythings fine?" She repeated, feeling as if they were just going round in circles. "How can you say that, Garrus?" Her voice broke slightly, and she tried desperately to hide it, watching him much as a dissaproving guardian watches a small child who's just smeered banana all over the walls.
"Because I believe in you, Commander, and I know you'll get us through." Garrus nodded, no pause in his speach. He believed in her that much.
Shock passed over the Commanders face, but quickly faded and was replaced with a secure look of pleased happiness. "Garrus... thank you. It's nice to know someone is confident this mission will work out."
Garrus seemed to smile, the hardened pannels of his face twitching slightly near his eyes. "That's right." He reached up and ruffled her fringe. It had become a kind of custom for them, ever since they'd realized how like siblings they acted. Wrex and Ash had even gone as far as teasing them about the situation, saying things like 'a Turian brother? You can do better than that, Commander!'
The Commander laughed and took a slight step back, pushing his hand away playfully. "Oh! Between you and Joker, how am I ever supposed to have a bad day?" She laughed with joy, almost sarcastically.
Garrus merely chuckled, shrugged his well sculptured shoulders and leant over to give her a soft kiss on the cheek. "Don't worry, dalninil, everything will be fine. I know it will." He smiled, and soon strode off, marching up the stairs she had decended down.
The Commander smiled, feeling like a little girl all over again. It was the same feeling she got every time he called her 'dalninil', the Turian word for sister. It had started when he'd requested permission to call her lotha dalninil, which meant Little Sister, and she had a feeling that it would be the same til the day she died.
Smiling, feeling happier about the situation, confident that they could get through this and succeed, she stepped into the elevator, pushed the down button, and turned as she heard the doors slide closed. After the short journey down, she stepped out into the cold, still air of the garage.
Her smile increased. The garage of the Normandy was where she felt most at home. Usually it was where she, Garrus, Wrex, Tali and Ash hung out, so it was no wonder. Right now Tali was obviously off studying the Normandy's impressive engines, as she was absent, and Garrus had gone to the upper levels for reasons unknown, but Ash was over at her workbench, and Wrex was leaning against his locker nearby, arms crossed, eyes closed.
He was asleep. Like always. But somehow he possessed that remarkable ability to stay standing, and more so, to know when anyone approached him, since he always opened his eyes and put on a look much as if to say; I was not sleeping!
Denial. But Shepard always found it so amusing. Smiling, knowing the reaction she'd get, the Commander walked over to Wrex's post, keeping her movements as soft and gentle as possible to try and sneak up on him.
"Won't work, Shepard." Wrex's gruff, but well-humored voice said. When angry his tones got so deep that they almost seemed to shake the Normandy, but he wasn't angry at this moment, he was sounding almost pleased. One of his eyes opened and peered at the Commander with amusement. Soon enough he opened his other eye and turned his head to look at her. "So what's going down?" He blinked his blood coloured eyes.
The Commander paused before him and snapped her fingers as if to say 'Damn, and I was so close this time, too!' but she was evidently just joking around. When he asked his question, she merely shrugged. "Too much to explain, Wrex. Too much to explain..." She let her voice trail off and found herself staring at the lockers suddenly. Giving a shake of her head, she turned her eyes back to Wrex and forced a smile. "The Admiral's been riding my ass, trying to convince me we're doing this for humanity." She rolled her eyes and gave a shake of her head.
Wrex made a noise deep in the back of his throat that most would consider a laugh. "Pathetic. Still thinks he needs to bribe you. He doesn't know you like we do, Shepard."
"Is that an attempt to make me feel better?" The Commander chuckled softly. "You'd be the third one to try and succeed for a while." She joked lightly and slipped her slender hands into her pockets.
"No. I'm not trying to make you feel better, Shepard. If you want that, the Turian seems good at it. I'm just stating facts. You'll get us through, Shepard." Wrex stated rather matter-of-factly, giving the slightest shrug of his muscle packed shoulders.
The Commander quirked an eyebrow. "Wish I was as confident as everyone else seems to be." She chuckled gently and glanced at Ash from the corner of her eyes. The soldier was wrapped up in working at the nearby bench, but looked quite upset still. "Well... nearly everyone." The Commander added softly, unpocketed a hand and gave a slight wave to Wrex, before heading towards her best friend.
Wrex's goodbye was just a nod and a single word. "Shepard." And he soon closed his eyes again and went back to listening to the hum of the Normandy's engines.
Ash shifted uneasily on her booted feet and gave an agrivated sigh as whatever it was she was trying to fix fell apart in her hands.
"Need some help with that?" The Commander smiled as she paused by Ash, one hand on the work bench, eyes on the mess that had been created by Ash breaking things.
Ashley Williams lifted her head and looked at her friend. "Oh, hey Commander. No, no help needed. Just an extra arm or two required." She chuckled lightly and soon diverted her gaze back to the mess in her hands. "Ah. I just can't seem to concentrate right now. I guess... I guess I'm just feeling bad." She paused, frowning slightly. "I mean, I walked up to your quarters before to leave that mech manual you wanted in your room, and I couldn't... It just... seemed so wrong to see that Kaidan wasn't standing there, fiddling around with that comm like he always insisted on doing." She rolled her dark eyes as if remembering how annoying it had been to always see Alenko fiddling with that comm. "I had to turn around and come back down here." She set down what she'd been working on and reached for a nearby book, which she then handed to the Commander.
Shepard took it with a faint smile. "Thanks. Might help to take my mind off things." She sighed softly, and pushed aside some of the random junk on the table so she could sit down on the bench. "Williams... don't feel bad. It was my call to make, not yours, and I think I made the right choice."
"I just feel like... if it wasn't for me, for our friendship, Alenko would still be alive." Ash looked at the Commander. "Zal, I feel like I'm responsible for his death." She frowned, dark eyes worried. She really was feeling bad if she'd stepped down from calling Shepard 'Commander'. She usually only called the Commander by her real name when they were at the Citadel, drinking or flirting with random guys.
Being called Zal, her nickname for Zalora, made the Commander feel a bit better. She lifted her gaze and watched Ash, and for a while the two just frowned at each other. Zalora set down the mech manual and reached out a hand to give Ash's shoulder a squeeze. "I didn't want to lose the best friend I'd ever had, Ash, true. But I also had other reasons for not choosing Alenko..." She frowned and dropped her gaze.
Ash blinked and quirked an eyebrow. "Such as?" She asked questioningly.
"You don't need to worry." Zalora chuckled softly and jumped down from the bench. "I have to concentrate on keeping the crews morale up, and I can't do that by explaining why I let Alenko die." She shook her head and looked back at Ash with those beautiful eyes of hers.
Ash crossed her arms, looking determained. "Zal. I know you better than that. Somethings on your mind, and I want to know what." She barely seemed to blink, trying to stare the Commander into submission it seemed.
Zalora chuckled softly. "Maybe later, Ash. For now I feel like I've told the story a million times." She shook her head and looked up as the elevator doors opened and Garrus stepped out. The Turian walked over to his usual place by the mako.
Ash threw her hands up and gave a fake sigh of annoyance. "Again?! God, Zal, I thought I was your best friend? Now you go and talk to Vakarian and Joker more than me." She chuckled and flashed a small smirk the Commander's way.
"Ash, I didn't mean--" Zalora tried to interupt, but Williams interupted.
"Make it up to me." Ash smirked, hands now resting on hips. "Let's head to the Citadel and take the night off. You, me, and the whole crew. We'll reek havoc on the Citadel and show the council just how bad we can be." She laughed, and the Commander could see it would be no good trying to say no.
Zalora slowly began to smirk, then gave a laugh. "Well... it would do wonders for morale..." She nodded knowingly, thinking it through in her mind.
"You bet it would!" Ash laughed and gestured around to the few mechs hanging in the garage. "And it's always so much fun. We could catch up on some girl talks." She joked slightly, smirking.
"Okay." Zalora smirked at her friend. "We'll take a break at the Citadel. And that's an order."
Williams smirked and gave the Commander an all too fake salute. "Aye, aye, ma'me." Still smirking she turned back to her bench, ready to finish up her jobs so she could better prepare for the well deserved break.
Zalora turned to go, smirking still, and as she passed Wrex she heard him grumble. "Good call, Shepard," in approval. That boosted her confidence moreso, and with the thought of a night of freedom in mind, she took the elevator back up to the second level, and was soon bounding up the stairs back towards Joker's post. She treked down the corridor and paused beside his seat, opened her mouth to speak, but found he cut her off.
"I heard, Commander. I'll tell everyone now." Joker glanced at her sideways, and the Commander could see the bright smirk on his lips. She watched as he opened the comm links and soon had the word spread. Even from where they were at the front of the large vessel, she could hear the cheers of approval from the entire crew. Yes, R&R was just what they needed right now, and it would do everyone the world of good, she was positive. So confident that she didn't even mind that Joker had been listening in again.