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I'll Remember You

Chapter Nineteen

The silk felt so cool and nice against my smooth, tanned skin as we walked into the restaurant. Almost everybody was staring at me and how I looked. It made for an awkward entrance. I brushed everything off with a smile; I was never one to show how I really felt. What would it matter if I stopped hiding everything, just for a second, though? Who was I anymore? I was a broken hearted girl with no talent and no place in this country. I was a woman with high ambitions but low self esteem. I was a woman who had been cheated on, but would learn to move on. I was a woman who, no matter how hard I tried, couldn't forget about him for a second.

I quietly took my seat while the waiter locked my gaze the entire time. I sighed and rested my chin on my hand as my eyes skimmed the crowd. There weren't many people in this place tonight, surprisingly. I order my meal of Chicken Parmigiana and Spaghetti. Italian was my favorite type of food, by far, they were incredible cooks. Once the waiter brought us drinks I stirred my water with a straw and stared into it as the ice cubes clanked off the sides. I felt more vulnerable than anything and the walls I had built were falling down.

I looked around at the people and the single men looking at me, as well as quite a few taken ones. I could have practically any single guy yet I only wanted one. I didn't think that was too much to ask for, to just have one guy out of the billions that existed. I didn't care if the others found me attractive or anything, as long as he did. He, however, was no faithful. He did not want me. I would be millions of miles after by tomorrow night. I would check into my hotel room in the Comfort Inn, which the U-Haul would take my belongings to, and I would unpack. By the next morning I would have to search for a place to go.

Why couldn't I stop thinking about him? I was never going to see him again. Nobody wanted to speak; they had never seen me sad. I never exposed my depressed, sorrowful side to them and now that I had they weren't sure how to handle it. I was always so tough, so unfaltering, but now I was weak and fragile. I had already been broken and desperately tried to piece myself together but the clue wasn't very sticky, and the pieces weren't very tightly pieced together.

I wanted for somebody to wrap me up in there arms. I wanted somebody to hold me close and assure me that everything would be fine. I wanted to go back to before this month, when I was unspoken but happier about my life and relationships. I wanted to rewind and never have to live through this part of my life. I wanted to make sure that I would leave a month before our final vacation so I wouldn't have to feel all of this. I would have saved me some pain and suffering, but it would have taken away a ton of happiness and the bond of a tighter friendship as well. Miroku had his hand over Sango's on the table and InuYasha had leaned over to whisper something into her ear that made him smile and her giggle. Why couldn't I have a sweet relationship like that? Why couldn't Koga and I be like that?

"It's stuffy in here; I'm going to get some fresh air." I said quickly before I glided elegantly out of my chair and pushed it back in. I grabbed my silver clutch and made my way to one of the many outside balconies. The double doors to the balconies were open wide so I just floated out and looked over the two story height beneath me. I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry but I knew I couldn't. Crying would ruin my makeup and make everything that much more horrible.

Koga's POV

I handed over the keys to my Camaro so that the man could park it. Emi was hanging all over me, already. She was sneaking sips of alcohol, well she wasn't really sneaking or sipping, out of a metal can. She was tripping and stumbling all over the place. I mentally slapped myself for choosing such a prestigious place to take her to. She was dressed like a hooker and smelt like a drunk. Her high pitch squeal-giggling was really starting to give me a headache and I was sick of her tripping into me or on me.

"Oh this place is so big and pretty!" her breath reeked.

I cringed. "Yeah, it is."

I lead her into the place and the people eyed me up suspiciously with the girl. I looked anywhere but at the girl on my arm. Finally the woman there showed us to our seats and took our orders. Emi's words were slurred from the alcohol and she couldn't seem to make a proper decision. I rolled my eyes and ordered the same thing for her that I was getting. She wouldn't top talking. "I remember this one time I got so drunk it wasn't even funny, I ended up sleeping with so many guys that night. Well, I wouldn't know but somebody taped it."

"I, um, think I need to get some fresh air or... or something." I mumbled.

I quickly pried her hands from me. I left the table and walked to a balcony. I closed my eyes as I walked out onto the porch area and took in breathes of the sweet summer air. I couldn't help but stay there and enjoy the quite and fresh air. When I opened them I saw the most beautiful girl but her eyes were closed as well. She had full lips; a gorgeous face, flowing hair, and a beyond perfect body. I spoke up with a slight stutter, stricken by her familiar appearance. "I... I didn't mean to disturb you, I'm sorry."

She turned and I finally realized who I was talking to. Standing in front of me was the one and only Ayame Wind. She looked even more beautiful than just a couple of hours ago, when I had last seen her at Denny's. I wanted to grab a hold of her and pull her perfect body close against mine. I couldn't though, we were over by far. What were the chances I would run into her...?

Ayame POV

"Its fine, I was just leaving anyway." I mumbled quickly as I looked at the ground. I wasn't bound to lock gazes with him; I definitely wasn't ready for that, for looking into those amazing blue eyes. Young love, it hurt like hell. Cheating only hurt me worse. Had Koga came here knowing that this was where they were supposed to take me?

"Wait Ayame," he grabbed my wrist before I exited, "I'm sorry for everything I did. Ayame I... I can't stop thinking about you. I'm sorry for everything I did to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you like that. I know it's killing you on the inside since you won't ever let your feelings out. Please, don't go to America and hate me. I don't want you to think badly of me, Ayame, I want to be a good memory." He whispered.

"I always think the best of everybody, you have no worries." I replied.

"But I don't want you to have any regret about us. I think we took one hell of a chance and I loved it. I would have never undone that chance if I could. I mean, I think about how much easier it would have been if we were never together but, when I look at how much I would have missed out on that, I realize that I'd rather lose you and be sad rather than never be with you and miserable. Ayame, that month with you was the most incredible month of my life and I would never do anything to take it back."

"Koga... do you really mean it?" I whispered, looking into those eyes and searching for truth.

"Ayame, like I've said before, I love you–" he started.

"KOGA!" a girl squealed and interrupted.

She threw herself all over him. "Emi..."

"Ayame? What are you doing always talking to her?" she growled.

"Emi I... Ayame... I... I..." he stuttered.

"Koga what's this about?" I asked, hurt and quietly.

"Ayame..." he looked at me sadly.

"We're on a date, then going back to Koga's for some sex. We planned it!" Emi cut in.

"Koga, please tell me that it's the alcohol speaking for her..." I begged.

"Ayame..."

"It's the truth, isn't it?"

"Ayame..."

"I'm sick of getting hurt Koga." I snapped. The tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn't help it as they streamed down my face. "I'm so sick and tired of you hurting me! You gave me all these years of some sadistic wild goose chase even though you knew I loved you! You played with my mind Koga but never wanted to date me! You made me believe that you really did love me, then turned around and cheated. You came crawling back to me, begging for forgiveness and what not, only to be with a slut that you're planning to have sex with. I can't promise you'll be remembered as the best person in my life. I usually try to remember only positive things Koga but I can no longer guarantee that with you. The only thing I'm one-hundred percent sure of is that I'll remember you."

"Ayame, please stop." He begged.

"I've already been hurt enough, stop playing with my heart." I growled and left, swiping furiously at my eyes. I frantically made my way to the bathroom and looked into my reflection. Was I not good enough for him? Was I too good looking so much now that the only thing that mattered anymore was my looks and an emotional connection was practically impossible? I felt like I was Helen of Troy; beautiful and nice looking for she was never meant to be truly happy. She was never meant to have the life she always wanted and had to live with the fact that everybody only wanted her for her looks, every day of her life. Everybody knew what she looked like; nobody knew what she was like.

I didn't have waterproof makeup on tonight. My mascara streamed down from my eyes like a black illness spreading, as if you could see a plague grow through the body by black discoloration. I was hit by one of Apollo's arrows and deceived to believe in a plague of love. Since I rubbed my eyes, my eyeliner was smeared too. My eyes were puffy and pink. I sniffled and grabbed some paper towels, wetting them, and dabbing my face to clean off the ruined makeup. Another person walked in and I looked up to see Kagome.

"I saw that Koga was here with Emi, I don't think anybody else noticed." She whispered.

"So what? It doesn't matter to me, Kagome; I'll be gone tomorrow anyway. I'm as good as gone." I shrugged.

"Ayame, I know it must hurt you." She sighed.

"It's going to hurt; a lot of things are going to hurt. I'll live Kagome; I'm doing fine so far. Let's not worry about Koga, that bastard doesn't matter anymore. I have the greatest group of friends, excluding him, that a girl could ask for. I'm going to be living in the world power place, America. The place that imperialized so many and got away with it, the country that tried to help yet usually ended up failing miserably. It was a place of freedom, democracy, where my opinion would count. Koga is going to be here, he can have Emi. To hell with them both, I don't give a fuck anymore. I'll have too much to worry about to deal with him once college starts."

"I guess you're right." She pointed out.

"I am right and there's no doubt about it." I confirmed.

"Are you sure you're okay though?" she questioned.

"I'm positive Kagome, I'm perfectly fine." I lied.

"Ayame, I couldn't imagine..." she frowned.

"No pain, no game. Once I redo my makeup let's go back out and enjoy dinner."

"If you insist."

"Which I do." I pointed out quickly.

--

"I'm going to miss you so much!" Kagome cried. Everybody had tears in their eyes by now as we reminisced about younger and better days. We never thought we'd ever be separated but it was finally happen. Never underestimate the impossible; that was a lesson that you learned to live with when you became older, it was part of life. Everybody had given me my farewell gifts. Streamers and confetti were everywhere throughout the old house and Gramps sat quietly in his chair.

He had set the whole party up himself while the rest of us were away eating at the fancy restaurant. I embraced each of my friends before they left, hours later. The only person left to face was my grandfather. He had his feet kicked up and I knew that, underneath it all, my absence would play a big part on his life. "Gramps, please know that I'll check in with you as much as I can possibly manage. I'm not like some people who may have left you and never kept contact."

"You know about your parents, don't you?"

"Yes."

"How long ago did you figure it out?"

"Two years ago, when I was really big into mysteries."

"You must hate me." His old eyes welled up with tears.

"Are you kidding me? You're not my mother, Gramps; you're the one who was there for me when she left us. You were there to take care of me and you wanted her back into both of our lives so you hadn't contacted my father either. You were living on the hope that someday, just someday, she might return but she hasn't. Gramps, she never will and she wasn't good enough to come back to you. Maybe she realized she wasn't worth the chance of seeing you again." I suggested.

"Not the slightest. You're mother never had a heart." He frowned.

"You loved her unconditionally."

"She was my only child, my one baby, and I lost her."

"I'm sorry Gramps, she's nothing like you." I pointed out.

"Better than that, she's nothing like you. I don't know what I'd do if you had ended up like her but you're complete opposites of each other. You look like her, just as beautiful and perfect, but you have a heart of gold. Hers is worn down with despise and rebellion and distrust. She never learned to live with another, she was too afraid to get her heart broken. Speaking of which, where's Koga?" he asked.

"Neither of us handled the break up well, I didn't want him to come, it would only hurt more." I lied for his sake.

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