Notes:
I still only own Michiko, Kishi, Akira and the Yankees. :)
~Tali
Chapter 12 – Making Up
If shame had a face I think it
would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes
Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
Well here we go now one more time
~ Sick Cycle Carousel, Lifehouse
And so things continued in this vein for the next couple weeks. Every time Kyou saw Haru, he would punch him. Sometimes Haru would fight back and they would tussle until they were exhausted (which didn't take long as neither of them were sleeping very well), sometimes he wouldn't. If Haru didn't fight back, Yuki would punch Kyou instead. In every instance, Yuki would tell Kyou that it wasn't helping and Kyou would reply that it was helping him.
As for Michiko, her sleep was constantly interrupted by nightmares from the past and her appetite suffered for it. She lost more weight than she could really afford but simply could not work up an interest in food. She kept having a recurring nightmare about the first and last times her other self had emerged.
The first time, her father was punishing her for accidental magic – she had protected herself from his initial punishment for mouthing off and earned his wrath instead when she had suddenly blacked out. When she came to her father was screaming about her being a freak and that was why no one could ever love her. When he realized it was her again he had taken the belt to her back until she had no tears left to cry.
The last time was right before she started at the magical school. They had gotten into a huge fight because Grandfather had agreed to pay for her schooling in hopes of her gaining control over her powers, which had started emerging in violent and destructive ways. Her father tried to get her with the belt and when she came back to herself she had beaten him with it. He looked up at her and told her that no one could ever love a monster like her. She had been terrified when she realized what she had done. She packed her few belongings and never stepped foot in that house again.
She had lied to everyone and stayed in abandoned houses or lived on the streets during summer breaks, working non-stop on class work so she could finish early and be completely free. That was when she met Kai and he taught her how to survive during the months she was out of school. When she finished school she had handed her parents the paperwork to make her a legal adult and remained on the doorstep while she waited for them to sign it. Why am I dreaming about this? I thought it was done and buried? I haven't had a black out in years and years.
The part of the dream that was really killing her peace of mind was the part when her father would morph into Haru and he would tell her that no one could ever love a whore like her. She would beg him to let her explain but he would just laugh coldly and walk away. She knew she wasn't a monster or a freak or a whore but it just kept circling around and around until she thought she would go crazy.
She also had a feeling Kyou was not being entirely honest with her when he said he didn't know what she said while she was talking in her sleep. She had caught him watching her with an entirely too understanding look on his face a couple of times and wondered if he had realized they were haunted by many of the same demons. Well, she would have told him eventually anyway she thought idly as she washed the dishes. She had gone to bed alone every night since the day she spent at Shigure's but every morning someone would either be in bed with her or in the chair next to the bed. It seemed to rotate mostly between Kyou, Tohru, and Yuki, but she had seen Shigure, Hatori, and even Ayame a couple of times as well. She tried to tell them it was not necessary but they refused to listen and continued to come over every night.
She had asked Yuki why he was so worried about her late one night when she had woken from yet another nightmare. She knew she considered herself his friend, but he always stayed at arm's length – even continuing to call her Sato-san after knowing her for so long and helping watch over her. He had laughed softly and told her that he was worried because he was her friend. He worried because she was the only other person besides Haru he knew that accepted him exactly as he was no questions and no expectations. He could show her any facet of himself and she would treat him exactly the same. He told her that even though he kept his distance, he still felt very close to her. She had smiled and told him she liked all sides of him.
She had also had a late night conversation with Shigure a couple nights ago that was both enlightening and surprising. He had reminded her that Haru was barely sixteen and of the pair of them, she should take the lead. He asked her if she truly wanted to walk away from her relationship with Haru and she had to admit that she didn't, but she didn't know how to approach him for fear of what he would say. She confessed the part of her nightmare that involved Haru and Shigure had told her that while he understood her fear, it wasn't going to get any better unless she spoke with him. Perhaps after that the nightmare would go away. He also told her that something had changed with Haru after that second night and he was no longer angry, just depressed.
She liked the mornings Hatori had been there the best. He just watched over her while he read through her energy healing books and when she woke up he would run his hand over her hair in a fatherly gesture she had come to treasure. He would allow her to make him breakfast and they would talk about healing and medicine. He had been training her in the science of healing as much as she had been training him in energy and they had a few lively discussions on the best methods of treatment. He still couldn't believe energy healing could be powerful enough to negate the need for surgery.
She sighed as she settled onto the couch to do some reading. She had a particularly dry book to read through and it really seemed to help lull her into sleep. She wished for a moment she was watching movies with Haru before pushing the thought out of her head. The distraught girl didn't know what to say or do to get things back to where they were supposed to be.
----------
A hesitant knock sounded on her door and Michiko walked listlessly over to answer it. "Yes?"
"May I please come in? I'd like to speak with you." Akira said quietly.
Michiko shrugged, "Sure. Let me put on the kettle."
Once the tea was made they took seats at the table and Michiko poured out. Akira played with her cup for a few minutes before she gathered the courage to speak, "Michiko-san, please forgive me for being nosy, but what happened between you and Hatsuharu?"
"I'm not sure. Why do you ask?" she replied as she blinked back tears.
"Well, it's just that he asked me out on a date today. He was upset and got suspended for violence last week and when he got back today he asked me to go to the movies and dinner with him."
Michiko had to work to keep her face from crumpling at the evidence that Haru had indeed broken up with her and moved on. "Haru may date whoever he wishes."
Akira studied her, "How can you say that?"
"What else can I say? I can't force him to want to be with me and if he's asked you out then he's obviously not interested in me anymore." Michiko managed to get out.
"He seems very unhappy though. Are you sure he doesn't want to be by your side? Something is definitely wrong with him. He's not been acting like himself and he's been very violent."
Michiko shook her head, "He told me to stay away from him and I don't know how to make it right. If he asked you out, maybe it's right for him."
"Or maybe he's as upset as you and doesn't know what to do. He's my friend and I don't like seeing him hurt."
"As long as he believes what he does I can't do anything about it."
"He knows you didn't sleep with Kyou."
Michiko looked at her sharply, "How did you know about that?"
"He told me before he got suspended."
"If he knows and still hasn't spoke to me then that tells me everything I need to know."
Akira shook her head, "You're as stubborn as him, aren't you?"
Michiko glared at her, "Why are you here? If you want to date him, don't let me stand in your way."
"You're really willing to walk away from him after one little fight?" Akira asked sharply. "I thought you loved him."
Michiko's face crumpled and fresh tears started falling, "I do."
"Then do something about it." the girl snapped before letting herself out.
----------
Haru spun around and glared at the girl that had taken hold of his arm. He and Kyou had just finished fighting and he wasn't in the mood for stupid fan girls. When he saw it was Akira he smiled tightly. "Have you made up your mind?"
She looked up at him with worry clear in her eyes before her face firmed and she answered, "I don't think we should go out."
He turned and punched the wall, "Why not? I'm not good enough for you?"
She smiled a little, "Honestly, I thought I wanted nothing more than to go out with you. I've been biding my time and waiting for you two to break up. But, when I saw how much it hurt you to be away from Michiko I decided I want you happy more than I want you with me. We're friends and I don't think we're meant to be anything more."
"I can't be with Michiko so why not grab your chance?" he replied angrily.
She reached up and touched his cheek, "You can and you should. You two are so unhappy; you should go over there and talk to her."
"She won't talk to me." he argued.
"Of course she will. She loves you. And you love her. Talk to her." she replied before squeezing his hand and walking away. He watched her go and dashed away the tears that had started falling at the thought of the girl he loved more than anyone else. He absently rubbed his hip while he thought about her. I wish I could talk to Mi. I'd tell her how much I love her and how sorry I am. She's the only one that ever accepted me as I am and I walked away from her without even giving her a chance to explain. I should have known she loved only me and that whatever was between her and Kyou was because of their similar histories.
----------
What Michiko didn't know was that things had reached a breaking point among her friends. Yuki wanted his bed back, and a full night's sleep, which he hadn't had in two weeks because Haru refused to leave his side except for when he stayed at Michiko's. He even tried to go to class with him, which was really upsetting the teachers. He cared about his friend, he really did, but he just wanted him and Michiko to make up so he could have some peace and quiet. He knew neither of them was going to get any better until they made up and vowed to make that happen very soon. Even if he had to hog tie them together to get it done.
Shigure was tired of Kyou punching Haru through the doors and into the walls and Yuki doing the same to Kyou now that Haru had pretty much stopped fighting back. He had gotten to the point where he refused to fix anything since they were just going to break it anyway. He had also vowed to get the couple to at least talk to each other.
Kyou was tired of seeing his sister crying about the stupid cow and the painful memories it had apparently brought to the surface. He wouldn't object to a full night's sleep, but since he had his own reasons for rarely getting those, the lack of sleep didn't affect him the way it did Tohru. He was also bored of fighting with Haru. It just wasn't any fun when the ushi didn't fight back. He even felt sorry for the rat since as far as he could tell, Haru only let go of his shirt when Yuki went over to Michiko's. Of course, Yuki taking up for Haru balanced out any sorry feelings he had. Kyou's eyes narrowed as he thought of a plan.
He crept quietly into the dining room where the ushi was predictably clinging to Yuki. Tohru's and Shigure's eyes widened as they saw him pull his arm back and pop the ushi in the back of the head. He dropped like a stone and Kyou smiled.
"Kyou-kun? Why did you do that?" Tohru asked uncertainly.
"It seems to me that tonight should be Haru's turn to keep an eye on Mi. Maybe then they'll talk and we can all get some sleep."
Everyone looked at him questioningly for a moment before Shigure hopped up, "Let me just get the car . . ."
Yuki looked up at Kyou and he braced himself to get yelled at, but Yuki just smiled tiredly. "How are we going to get him to stay once he wakes up?"
Kyou picked up some rope he had put down in the hallway and waved it at Yuki who chuckled and grabbed an end to start tying him up.
By the time Shigure drove the car around they had Haru tied up snugly, but not painfully. They carried him out and dumped him into the back seat of the car then squeezed in next to him, allowing Tohru to sit comfortably in the front seat.
A few minutes later they pulled up outside Michiko's apartment building and lugged him up the stairs. Tohru got the key out of Kyou's pocket with only one blush and opened the door. Michiko looked up and she saw her friends dump Haru unceremoniously on her floor.
"He wants to talk to you." Kyou said.
"And you want to talk to him." Tohru added.
Michiko blinked at them, bewildered.
"You are both very unhappy right now. We all believe that the only way for you both to be happy again is together. We'll be outside the door holding it shut until you two make up." Yuki explained.
"Are you serious?" Michiko asked.
"Yes." the said together.
"Okay. Um, see you later?" she said uncertainly.
The four trooped out and shut the door behind them. She heard them lock the door. She stared at Haru for a few minutes trying to figure out what she should do. He looked terrible. There were dark circles under his eyes, he was thinner, and he was sporting quite a variety of old and new bruises. She stared at those for several moments trying to figure out what he could have been doing to get banged up like that. She got up and walked over to him. She tugged up his shirt to see he had several bruises on his torso as well. Concern won out and she walked over to the door. She unlocked it and when it opened she nearly got shoved right back inside.
"Whoa! Hold on. I just had a question is all." she said quickly.
"What's your question?" Shigure asked.
"What the hell happened to him?"
"Kyou knocked him out so he couldn't argue about coming over."
"Not that. I mean why does he have so many bruises? On his face and torso? Some are fresh and some are more than a week old."
Shigure, Tohru, and Yuki all turned to look at Kyou. Michiko followed their gazes and saw him shift guiltily. He was also covered in a variety of bruises, though not as many as Haru.
"Kyou-kun? Is there something you want to tell me?"
"No."
"Is there something you should tell me?"
"…"
"Kyou-kun?! You didn't do that to him, did you?"
"…"
"Why would you do something like that?" she asked tensely.
"I deserved it." came a quiet voice from behind her. It felt like there was ice skittering along his spine and he felt more unwelcome in her home than he ever had before. He knew it wasn't her charm, but his own guilt. She spun around and saw Haru was awake and looking at the floor. His entire posture radiated shame.
She turned back to Kyou. "We'll talk about this later. You better make sure you have a damn good apology ready for him when we do." she looked at the others, "You saw him doing this?"
They nodded guiltily.
"Then you better get working on your apologies too." She slammed the door in their faces and put down a barrier so no one could get in or out of the apartment without her.
She knelt beside Haru and gently reached out and untied him. "Welcome to my home, Haru-kun. Come with me."
The icy unwelcome feeling eased at her words. Maybe it could be all right again? He tried to resist but she gently pulled him into the bedroom and urged him onto the bed. When she tried to take off his shirt he started to fight her in earnest.
"Haru-kun. Please be still. I just want to heal them for you. I can't stand to see you so beat up." she told him softly.
He acquiesced and she tugged his shirt off and tossed it behind her. Her face creased with worry as she saw how many bruises he had. "Why doesn't Kyou have this many bruises?"
"I realized he was hitting me because he was worried about you so I let him and didn't fight back. I deserved it after the way I treated you." he replied placidly.
Michiko sighed deeply. "No one deserves to be treated like a punching bag. Hold still, this might tickle a bit." she told him as she placed her hands on his sides and they started glowing a soft white.
"What are you doing?" he asked, vaguely curious.
"Healing you, silly. I told you that's what I was going to do." Several moments later all of the bruises on his torso were gone and she reached up to gently cup his face. They looked into each other's eyes while she healed the bruises on his face and the lump on the back of his head.
Once they were healed she rested her forehead against his and spoke very quietly, "I've missed you, Haru-kun."
He sighed as well. "I've missed you too, Mi-chan."
"Where do we go from here?" she asked.
"I don't know. I love you and I realize that there isn't anything between you and Kyou. I'm sorry I didn't even give you a chance to explain and I'm sorry I called you a whore. I wasn't thinking clearly. All I could think about was that I was somehow losing you."
"Haru-kun, you were not in any danger of losing me. We have to trust in the love we have for each other or what we have won't last."
"I know. I was stupid."
"Not stupid. Just scared, and understandably so. I hadn't told you that I considered Kyou my brother so when you saw us together you could only think what you did. That was my fault and I'm sorry."
He reached up and cupped her cheek, "I love you."
She smiled, "I love you too."
They met halfway in a kiss that felt like coming home.
"Come on, let's get some sleep." she said as she pushed him over so she could get into bed.
He climbed under the blankets and turned so they could hold hands and rest their foreheads together. Haru watched as she slowly drifted to sleep and followed soon after.
----------
Michiko didn't open her eyes when she woke up. She had developed a little game where she tried to figure out who was with her before she opened her eyes and looked. She could identify all of them by how they held her hand and what their hands felt like. She would puzzle through it aloud and they would try to not give themselves away before she had decided. Except for Hatori, who said he didn't believe in playing silly guessing games.
Haru had been awake for quite sometime as she had woken him up during a nightmare. He soothed her but she hadn't woken up. He watched as she started talking quietly. He grinned when he realized what she was saying.
"Hmmm." she moved her foot back and felt the edge of the bed nearby. "You're in the bed with me so that means it's not Shigure, Hatori, or Yuki." she ran her thumbs across his knuckles and frowned lightly. "You're hands are too big to be Tohru's, but they're not calloused the same as our resident tree climber." She pondered for a moment. "You can't be Ayame because I'm pretty sure he's incapable of silence and Yuki and Kyou threatened him with death if he climbed into the bed again. Can I have a hint?"
Haru leaned forward and gently kissed her temple.
Her eyes snapped open and she saw him leaning over her. "It wasn't a dream or am I still dreaming?"
"It wasn't a dream." he whispered.
She burrowed into him with their hands between them so he wouldn't transform. "I love you."
He smiled into her hair, "I love you too."
He enjoyed being close to her for a moment more before pulling away. "Mi-chan, what are your nightmares about?"
She frowned at him, "Old stuff that doesn't matter any longer."
"If it doesn't matter, then why are you dreaming about it?"
"I don't know. It wasn't as bad last night so maybe our argument was what brought it on." she replied.
"If that was the case, don't you think it would have stopped since we made up last night?"
"But I didn't remember right away that we had when I woke up so maybe it hasn't sunk in yet." she returned.
"Sweetheart, you were talking about not being a monster or a freak. That doesn't have anything to do with what happened between us."
Her eyes shuttered, "I don't know what you're talking about. I know I'm not a monster or a freak."
He held on when she tried to get away. "But who told you that you were?"
"It's not important."
"It is. Please." he asked gently while smoothing his thumb over her cheek. "I only want to know so I can help."
"It was my father and as I have only spoken with him twice in the last seven years, there is nothing for you to help with." she snapped.
He looked at her in surprise. "Okay. I understand that you don't want to talk about this now and I'll wait until you're ready."
She closed her eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just a very sore subject, even after all this time."
He dropped a kiss on her forehead, "I understand."
She grimaced, "I'm not sure that you do and honestly I hope you never will."
He pulled back from her, "Why?"
"I don't talk about my past because parts of it were terrible. The only way for you to truly understand is for me to tell you all about it and I don't know that I ever want to do that."
"Mi-chan, you do realize that I can't accept all of you unless I know, right?"
"Yes, but I don't know if I'm strong enough and what will you think of me once you know what I've done and what I'm capable of?"
He took a moment to ponder that she said what she'd done and not what was done to her before deciding to press later. "I'll think you're a good person and love you as much or more than I do right now." he replied firmly. "You've already told me parts of it. Why not tell me the rest?"
"You don't know that it wouldn't affect your feelings for me." she replied.
"Mi-chan, you're talking to someone that has a side not only capable of, but gleefully willing to, do all kinds of terrible things. Do you think I'd be any less understanding of you than I ask you to be of me?"
"But Haru-kun, there are a thousand shades of gray between those sides. What I'm talking about is more black and white." she replied softly.
"It doesn't matter. I love you and nothing you tell me is going to change that." he held her eyes so that she know he was absolutely confident in that. What happened to you? Please tell me. I want to help. To be there for you, like no one has been before.
"I'm not ready yet. Please don't make me tell you right now?" she pleaded.
He sighed, "For now. But you will have to tell me eventually."
She nodded before curling back into him.