Story Title: Teach Me the Meaning…
Chapter Title: Teach Me the Meaning of Promise
Summary: Bagoas hates serving Darius as a courtesan but fears what new duties Alexander's reign might force him into performing.
A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long. Things got a bit busy around here between different events and celebrations. Also, it just didn't want to be written. I deleted it twice, I think. But I hope you enjoy it!
Warnings: Any guys who are reading might want to hang onto their balls…
Disclaimer: I have no ownership in Oliver Stone's Alexander or in Mary Renault's books. I'm just borrowing some of their historical characters for fun.
"Please, Bagoas, King Alexander will be here at any moment. He wants to meet with all of the members of the harem and its staff," the chief eunuch pleaded with the young courtesan. "I know you're frightened, but he made it quite clear that he wanted everyone at this meeting, including even our slaves."
Bagoas glared at the overseer, but the sound of commotion and unfamiliar male voices from the courtyard below his rooms sent the youth scrambling for his private privy. Tyriotes quickly followed to hold back his friend's hair as Bagoas retched up his breakfast. The chief eunuch felt a new wave of compassion flow through him as he watched and listened to the effects that the youth's immense fear were having on his physical body. When the nausea and vomiting had passed, Tyriotes helped the young courtesan to a seat at his dining table where he gently patted away the youth's sweat with a damp cloth.
"Alright, I'll tell the king you're ill, but you'll have to meet with him eventually, Bagoas. You can't hide in your rooms forever," the overseer finally relented. "I have to go now. Tyriotes, stay with him."
Once the chief eunuch had left, Bagoas climbed unsteadily to his feet and stumbled into his bedroom where he collapsed into the familiar comfort of his blankets. Again Tyriotes followed his young friend, sitting down on the edge of the small bed and running a soothing hand over the youth's hair and back. Bagoas stared up into the elder eunuch's dark eyes, tears glistening in his own. But the young courtesan had cried himself out over the last few days, and now his body felt numb under the weight of his nervous fear. It wouldn't be long before the youth was truly sick from all of the stress he was suffering.
Tyriotes could sense the resignation that was slowly killing the willful and lively spirit that he had come to love about Bagoas, and he had no idea of how to stop this creeping death. The elder eunuch knew with absolute certainty that his friend had begun to pine away and would die of this deepening depression if nothing happened to reverse it. But he had no more idea of what Alexander would ask of Bagoas than anyone else did within the harem. The necessary relief the youth needed might not come at all along with this change in the ruling power of their lands.
"Speak to me, Bagoas. Tell me what to do to help you. Please," Tyriotes pleaded softly to his friend.
"There is nothing you can do, nothing within your power or that you would be willing to do," Bagoas whispered, nuzzling against the elder eunuch's thigh as he curled around his friend. "I want to die, Tyri, and I want it to be on my terms. I don't want to be used again. I just want to be freed from this life."
"I know, little one, and I wish I could help you. But as you pointed out, I'm not willing to help you with that," Tyriotes pulled the youth up so that he could cuddle his friend against his chest. "I'm so sorry, Bagoas."
"It's not your fault," the young courtesan's voice was muffled slightly as he wrapped his arms around the elder eunuch's waist, holding tight.
The pair sat in silence after that. Bagoas felt his eyelids droop as weariness replaced his emotion-fueled strength. Despite his fighting to stay alert, the youth began to doze against Tyriotes's chest. Ever since the word had come that Alexander would be taking up residence in Babylon while he regrouped and reorganized, the young courtesan had been on edge. And now all of the tension and restlessness was catching up with him, leaving Bagoas unable to fight off the exhaustion any longer, even though he knew Alexander was just beyond his door in the harem courtyard below.
Barely an hour had passed when someone gave a firm knock on Bagoas's door. The sound startled the youth to full alertness, but it was Tyriotes who bid the visitor to enter. The courtesan gave a plaintive grunt. This was his apartment, not Tyriotes's; therefore, Bagoas should get to choose who was admitted. And once again, the youth was not in the mood for visitors. However, the men who entered his rooms would not have been turned away regardless of the courtesan's wishes.
"I was told that you were ill and came to offer the services of one of our physicians should you wish them," Bagoas peaked at the golden-haired stranger standing in his front room who had spoken. "You're Bagoas?"
"Yes, this is Bagoas, and I'm Tyriotes, his current caregiver," the youth's friend offered a bemused smile to the handsome stranger and his even more attractive companion. The pair projected an aura of gentle and friendly concern, despite the fact that both their scars and parade armor proclaimed them to be military men. "We thank you for the offer, but I'm not sure if there's much your physicians can do for him, my lord."
"What has caused his illness to make you say such?" the golden man slipped into Bagoas's bedroom and sat down on the stool before the youth's dressing table. His auburn-haired friend moved to lean against the doorframe between the two rooms, quiet and observant.
Bagoas, taking courage from the warmth in the first stranger's voice, shifted against Tyriotes in order to study the pair. The courtesan's trained eyes easily picked up on the fine quality of their clothing and dress armor, noting that although it was meant primarily for display, all of the pieces would still provide the same services as their battlefield counterparts if the situation called for it. While both men seemed gentle and welcoming, the youth also immediately recognized in their countenances that each possessed the potential and ability to command and that they would be obeyed. Darius and his generals had possessed a similar bearing, but none of them had ever seemed as open as either of these two men. Bagoas wondered if such a friendly quality in his commanders (and there was no doubt in the youth's mind that these men held that kind of position) had been the determining factor in gaining Alexander so many victories in the face of difficult odds.
Bagoas was interrupted from his silent musings by Tyriotes forcing him away enough to allow their eyes to meet. The young courtesan could see his friend asking without words for permission to speak for him. Although reluctant to have his private life laid bare before two strangers, Bagoas preferred this situation over the thought of Alexander discovering his fears only after calling for his services in the bedchamber.
"Go ahead and tell them whatever they wish to know, Tyri," Bagoas whispered. "I'm not sure I can myself."
Tyriotes nodded, tucking the youth's head under his chin before turning back to the golden stranger and his friend, "To be quite blunt about it, he's terrified of King Alexander, and it's putting a lot of stress on his body. That's what is making Bagoas sick."
"I see," the golden-haired stranger had turned very grave at this news. His friend, however, had gained a rather amused gleam in his eyes. "But he has never met Alexander, has he? Why does he fear someone who he doesn't even know?"
"Bagoas has been a courtesan since he was fourteen, and while formerly Great King Darius was never observably abusive to him, he didn't exactly make Bagoas's services easy either," Tyriotes felt his young friend turn his face away from the men, knowing this talk left him feeling embarrassed and ashamed. "While it is not uncommon for men to assume a eunuch cannot feel pleasure, Darius also seemed to assume that we cannot feel pain either. In light of some of the rumors we have heard of the Greek city-states, Bagoas fears that even if Alexander were to know and understand about himself and eunuchs in general that the Macedonian king would still not give any consideration to his delicate senses. He's afraid that Alexander will hurt him or allow his men to hurt him in the midst of their lusts."
"Rumors? What rumors?..."
"If you're speaking of the relationship between an eromenos and his erastes," the auburn-haired man interrupted his companion, "then let me assure you that there are strict codes of conduct regarding such relationships that Alexander would never break, even if lesser men might choose to ignore such prescriptions."
"No one will hurt you or force you to do anything you don't wish to do, Bagoas," the golden-haired man whispered soothingly. "Besides, I think Alexander's lover might object to him taking a courtesan into his bed."
Tyriotes became curious at the look the two men exchanged, leaving the auburn-haired individual with a mischievous grin on his lips.
"Hmm, I've never really thought about this type of situation before," the auburn-haired man paused for a moment to snag a chair from the front room to sit on. "Well, obviously a king is expected to take at least one wife and produce heirs. And there are always political marriages that must be tolerated. I can't recall a single instance of Alexander looking at another man or boy, though, so I've never considered what my reaction would be if I found him with a male courtesan in our bed."
"You're King Alexander's lover?" Bagoas stared over Tyriotes's shoulder in surprise at the beautiful man.
"Yes, I am. My name's Hephaestion, and I feel no ill-will towards you, Bagoas. You may be a courtesan, but as I understand it, such a life has never been your choosing."
"No, it hasn't. My training may have been pleasant enough, but I have never enjoyed sex," the youth admitted as he nuzzled against Tyriotes's shoulder, wanting his friend's reassurance. "Since I began serving Darius, I have only been an object, a means to an end. I just want to feel human again."
"Don't worry, Bagoas. We'll make sure you're well treated from now on," the golden-haired man promised. "Tell us, if you hadn't been forced to become a courtesan, what would you have liked to do with your life?"
"I've often thought about that, and in the end, I decided it really didn't matter. I just wanted to travel."
"Well you'll certainly do that with us," Hephaestion smiled, but then turned somewhat more sober. "Bagoas, would you and Tyriotes mind telling us a little about eunuchs? I mean we've never really encounter anyone like either of you before, and we would like to understand about you."
"Well, I guess to begin with, we should explain a little about our geldings," Bagoas leaned back to stare into Tyriotes dark eyes, knowing that this would be more difficult for his friend to talk about. "I was banded before being gelded. It prolongs the pain but is ultimately safer. It stops the circulation of blood before any cuts are made. Tyriotes, however, was simply cut which caused problems for him."
"The day after my gelding, the cutter's well became contaminated and everyone in the household came down with dysentery. My wounds were not properly tended to because of the sickness and so they fester deeply," Tyriotes gave a regretful sigh as Bagoas ran his hands along the elder eunuch's sides in a consoling gesture.
"He's always in some amount of pain now, but he hides it admirably," the youth leaned forward and pressed a loving kiss to his friend's cheek. "Most individuals die when their wounds turn septic as his did."
"Bagoas is one of the lucky ones, though. He can still feel pleasure if someone takes the time to coax his body into it," Tyriotes pulled Bagoas into a protective hug as he returned the chaste kiss.
The two men remained silent as they watch the pair comfort each other. The eunuchs' words were hard to listen to, but Hephaestion and Alexander wanted to know what these men had endured. Unbeknownst to each other, both Macedonians were already thinking up ideas of how they could help Bagoas regain his dignity and to give each of the two eunuchs his manhood back.
Alexander felt pained by the fear the young courtesan had expressed concerning him, but the youth's mistreatment by Darius cut at him even more. The idea that a man could use a boy in such a manner who was clearly not cut out for a life of harem captivity made no sense to the Macedonian king. Bagoas would be much more beautiful in Alexander's eyes if the young eunuch were allowed to flourish in a life of freedom.
Finally remembering their company, Tyriotes and Bagoas explained in general terms their lives within the confines of the harem. Both men showed interest in the fact that the elder eunuch had acted as the primary servant of the late Queen and were pleased to learn that Tyriotes had been taught to read and write Greek at her request. The two also spoke the language eloquently which caused Hephaestion to suggest that perhaps they could act as interpreters or even teach their Persian tongue to some of the willing generals and military support staff. Both eunuchs showed interest in the idea and requested that the auburn-haired man speak to Alexander about it.
"I'm sure he'll agree to it," Hephaestion grinned at his companion, slightly surprised that neither eunuch yet realized that the golden-haired man beside him was indeed Alexander.
Both Bagoas and Tyriotes were accustomed to Darius's rich clothing and ornate articles of jewelry and armor which set him apart from other men as clearly being the Great King. Alexander, however, currently wore nothing to distinguish himself as being of any higher rank than his lover. It was no wonder neither eunuch had guest at his identity, and in light of Bagoas's fear, it was probably for the best in this moment.
"Do you think King Alexander will permit Tyriotes to continue staying with me, Lord Hephaestion?" although the young courtesan's voice was timid, he also sounded hopeful.
"All the members of the harem have been given their freedom. The two of you can do as you please," the auburn-haired man smiled. "Those who wish to return to their homes can go. Those who prefer to stay on with the army we will find work for that is to their liking."
As both Bagoas and Tyriotes offered their thanks, a knock sounded at the courtesan's outer door before a servant entered the small suite with the eunuchs' lunch.
"I guess we should take that as our cue to go and partake of our own meal," the golden-haired man glanced at Hephaestion.
The quiet general gave a nod, "Yes, we both have duties to attend to as well. I hope we can meet with each other again and talk more, Bagoas, Tyriotes."
"Thank you for coming," Bagoas offered a shy smile as he and Tyriotes both unfolded themselves from the bed. "Both of you have helped to alleviate my fears."
"That's good to know," the golden man patted the young courtesan gently on the shoulder. The youth smiled up at him, taking a moment to marvel at the warmth and respect he found in the Macedonian's piercing grey eyes.
Finally the stranger stepped away from the eunuch and up to Hephaestion. As the pair left, each man wrapped an arm about the other, and Hephaestion pressed a loving kiss to his companion's golden hair which caught Bagoas's attention. For a moment the young courtesan stood stupefied, staring at the door that had just closed behind the two men. But then he suddenly dart forward and out to the catwalk beyond his apartment, the youth watching with widened eyes as Hephaestion and his friend headed along the hall towards the king's bedchamber.
"King Alexander?" Bagoas questioned in a whisper. The two Macedonians turned back to the young courtesan.
"Yes, Bagoas, I am Alexander," the golden-haired man answered softly, offering a gentle smile to reassure the youth.
The young eunuch approached the Macedonian king with nervousness but found he no longer felt any true fear of the man. When he was within arm's reach, Bagoas halted and observed his new king in silence for a time. Finally, though, the youth took the last step forward and accept the warm embrace that Alexander offered him.
"You'll never be treated as an object again, Bagoas. Hephaestion and I both promise you this," the king whispered into the eunuch's silken hair, bringing a smile to the youth's face.
"Thank you, my king," Bagoas replied as he finally pulled away and head back to his rooms. Tyriotes was waiting for him outside the courtesan's doorway, having watched the interaction between the two.
"Feeling better now?" the elder eunuch asked.
"Much better," Bagoas answered.
End A/N: So reviews are appreciated. Whether they are complaints or compliments, it doesn't matter. Thanks for reading! I'm going to try to come up with one more chapter, but don't expect it too soon.
Thanks again! ~ Stony Knight