Chapter Eight: Confessions

The lesson Spock had to teach McCoy had worked. McCoy could not look at anything slightly alcoholic in the first few days following the tragic event of Deirdre and Channing without being violently sick. Soon the repulsion faded but the Doctor still wouldn't dare to take a drink. He did it in remembrance of the dead mother and lost child.

The Doctor's reputation as a drunk did not fade as quickly as Spock had seen to the demise of the actual vice, however. People still snickered or made jokes. To face them McCoy tried to drown them out by becoming as unreachable as a Vulcan. He developed a certain degree of respect for Spock, half-human as he was. McCoy found it not an easy task to be without emotions.

Drugs offered no comfort. Spock ensured that.

A few days after Habilcar's celebration, the First Officer could be found searching McCoy's Office.

"I cannot take away all the drugs from your office," Spock stated. "You are a physician after all. However, I will take these away and trust you to be wise."

The last was a threat, McCoy knew. With the previous lesson from the Vulcan, McCoy felt no urge to betray that trust. Still he felt the Vulcan used his control over Chapel, exploiting her affection to keep an eye on him. He'd often find her watching him or behind his shoulder.

Still that affection was waning, McCoy knew. Chapel went from fawning over the Vulcan to treating him with contempt. She was beginning to question her feelings for the man or at least her own morality and loyalty.

Finding out about the Doctor's new sobriety Kirk treated it with the same cruel mirth he treated everything.

"Physician heal thyself!" the Captain exclaimed. "You're a fine Doctor, old Sawbones. Isn't he a fine Doctor?"

The question was aimed at Spock.

"Yes," the Vulcan simply answered.

The Captain was dismayed while McCoy was shocked. The First Officer was obviously sincere.

"Well… Uh," Kirk mumbled. "Do you think I would accept anything less?"

"Not with the number of knives aimed at your back," McCoy agreed.

"Good point," Kirk said. "Which reminds me… Mr. Spock? Have you been able to find a replacement for my food taster? The last one didn't last very long."

The Vulcan nodded. "Yes. He will be at your next meal, waiting."

"I guess I should know his name."

"Ensign Williams, Captain."

Kirk nodded. "I hope you told him he gets the normal wage. I can't have people trying to poison me to get what they consider a good paying job. Still, they're getting so hard to find these days. Thank God women are not that way!"

As always, Kirk still found time for his sexual liaisons, McCoy knew. He had even slept with Chapel once. Of course, Kirk had believed that this would make the Nurse vulnerable. Whenever in Sickbay he would try to torment the woman about letting Spock know about the encounter. The Captain had been disappointed once again when this had not affected Chapel at all. He had envisioned and hoped for the opportunity to make his trips to Sickbay more fun and was saddened that this game would not continue.

"You broke my Nurse," McCoy told Spock once when the man was in his office.

The Vulcan just raised an eyebrow in question. "I do not see how I could have done this. I'm barely around Nurse Chapel."

"Maybe that's the problem," the human stated. "Why don't you just sleep with her, make it the most unpleasant event of her life so she'll be sick of you."

"If you knew about Vulcans you would know it does not work that way."

"Well," McCoy thought for a moment. "Tell me how it works. I would find it most… fascinating."

"I choose not to discuss it," Spock refused.

McCoy was becoming irritated. "Okay so I should know enough not to suggest that you sleep with Chapel but you won't let me know why not. That's not very logical."

"It is logical to know that humans would not understand us," Spock reprimanded.

McCoy sighed heavily. "You are half-human though. And the way I've seen most humans behave you'd have some trace of desire you'd try to suppress."

Spock studied him. "You do not seem to have these desires," he finally said.

"What the hell…"

"You do not seem to have these desires," Spock repeated. "I have heard of your conduct. While many would agree that you are sentimental, a fool and illogical, I have never heard of an instance of you searching for sexual gratification. Or maybe you are more… discreet?"

It was a shock to hear those words for it implied that the Vulcan had been inquiring or at least paying attention to his personal life and behavior.

"Checking to make sure I don't drink behind your back or have no plan to interfere with the Empire?" McCoy asked coldly, deciding finally that there could be no intimacy or interest from the First Officer.

"No," Spock said calmly. "The affairs of everyone on board this starship have a tendency to leak out. Sulu's desire for Uhura. Even Chapel's affair with Kirk. Still I have never even heard a whisper about your personal life. Since humans put great importance on fulfilling their needs I can not undersand why someone as irrational and emotional as you would behave so chaste."

McCoy's cheeks reddened. Disscussing his sex life with the Vulcan had made him feel a little too vulnerable himself.

"I…" McCoy stammered. "I just don't feel that need yet… I… I haven't been intimate with anyone since my divorce."

He had never told the fact to anyone, even his friends, as few as there were. Why he had decided to tell the Vulcan this was a complete mystery to the human.

Spock nodded. "I knew about your divorce. It seemed connected."

"Old Vulcan logic," McCoy said without the same contempt he usually used. "Of course, you side with my former wife. You probably don't even understand why she married someone as 'foolish' as me in the first place."

"I would not say that, Doctor."

McCoy was the one to raise an inquiring brow now.

"I saw your treatment of Deirdre and Channing. That kindness and care towards women is not usual in this time," Spock explained. "While not being an ideal mate for a Vulcan, you showed yourself to be more than adequate mate for a human."

McCoy opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

Spock noticed the silence. "We are similar to each other in this way. No matter how slightly."

McCoy studied the Vulcan's face.

"I was set to be married at the age of 7. The marriage was cancelled."

"Did that upset you?' McCoy asked curious.

"No. I was not connected to her. It was merely an occurrence."

"Tell me," McCoy asked. "Is there no word for love in the Vulcan world?"

"There is indeed a word. But you would find, Doctor, that it holds no more power than understanding or logic."

"I should have known," McCoy said.

"Yes," Spock nodded. "You should have."