Chapter 23: Close to Confession

With the possesion of any secret came the fierce desire to share it. The same was as true on the Enterprise as it was on Earth or any other planet under or free from the Empire's control.

Having found the ultimate weapon, Captain James T. Kirk had also acquired the intense urge to tell someone about it. He was a man use to boasting but all too hesitant when it concerned the Tantalus Field. Kirk knew it was foolish to reveal anything about it to someone who could become a threat. This knowledge quickly excluded any crew member on the Enterprise who was below him in rank but capable of surpassing him. It also excluded anyone with any form of dangerous wisdom.

It was true that Scott knew of it but Kirk was aware that the Engineer was devoted to him and the thrill of the secret shared between them had faded away stardates past and after the 15th person had gone on to oblivion. And with its passing, the need for confession had been borne once more.

This was another reason why the appearance of Marlena into his life was so welcome.

The sex didn't hurt either.

It was after such a lengthy session of passion that Kirk was inspired to show his lover the device that had secured his place in the Empire and promised even more power if he so desired.

Her comment had been innocent enough, of course.

She had merely asked him how he had killed Pike.

But even then Kirk had heard something in her voice that sounded too much like distaste. He knew that he had not yet had his fill of the woman. It was not an easy feat to inspire and keep his passion as Marlena had done.

He was not finished with her and when he was Kirk wanted the pleasure of ending it to be his own.

Obviously despite her own level of cruelty and self preservation she still had some of what Kirk believed to be the weaker traits of her sex: a repugnance to blood and violence even when it was needed.

In that moment, Kirk was grateful that the knife he had killed the previous Captain of the Enterprise with had been left behind on the planet Nan de Meer had returned to.

"Oh there was no blood," Kirk lied, even then recalling the red-stained chair he had replaced the second he had ascended to Captaincy but had sent to storage on Earth as another trophy.

Marlena watched the man disbelieving as he played with a dark lock of her hair. Kirk dropped it, pretending to be hurt by the accusing look in her eyes. Then the flicker of an idea coursed through him and the revelation that Marlena could satiate both his physical need and the strong desire for confession. The very softness he had seen in her made him feel even more secure. She would not seek his position, woman that she was, but rather be more apt to help him keep it.

"Come," Kirk said, taking the woman's warm hand and leading her from the bed. "I'll show you."

***

Half-Vulcan, though he was, Spock felt the strong need for confession as well. Day's passing brought the realization that soon the dreaded time, the one event that had been his greatest hesitation in joining the Empire, was coming, and the logic that it could not be avoided.

He had never been closer on the day he was to have contact with Sarek. Sitting in the Sickbay, Spock had let himself snap at McCoy after some trivial remark the human had made.

The Doctor looked at him closely.

"Are you all right?" McCoy asked, sensing something, fearful of the answer.

"For the moment," Spock replied.

"What the hell does that mean?"

But Spock refused to answer.

"Keep it to yourself then," McCoy grumbled. "What do I care."

But the human did care and knew the error of his own words. If he hadn't cared the subsequent silence wouldn't have bothered him quite as much nor would he have been so afraid.

When Spock did raise his eyes, meeting the Doctor's own, the human saw the unmistakable look of fear in them as if his own emotion was mirrored there.

That look increased McCoy's own dread, feeling the net of logic shaking and tearing beneath their feet.

It was as if Spock was contemplating telling him something. Then, as quickly as it had come, the fear was gone and the Vulcan's own apathy had returned, the emotion there, nothing more than an echo.

Though, he was still frightened, looking at the man, more a friend than he had ever dreamed of, McCoy could not let the subject rest. "Look… Are you sure that you're okay?"

"I am sure."

"Really."

"As long as you are here."

The statement staggered McCoy. He could not believe that he had heard those words spoken, but even the fact that they had been proved that something was not normal.

"Is that proof of a certain trust on your side?" McCoy asked, trying to sound as if he was part joking.

Spock once more remained silent. Looking at the man, seeing cracks in the reserve he seemed so content to assume McCoy felt a sting of anger at the man for not finding the strength to tell him what was on his mind.

"Damn you and all Vulcans. How in the blue blazes am I supposed to help you if you don't tell me what's wrong with you?" the Doctor snapped.

He knew it was a mistake, the perfectly wrong decision to have made for rage flashed through Spock's eyes.

"And when have I ever needed your ineffectual aid, Doctor?"

The air was tense between them, and as McCoy watched Spock suddenly stand and leave, he felt the urge not to make it linger there. Often their discussions had ended in rawness, a feeling of too much emotion. McCoy knew that in the past it had always been his own emotions at the head. Now he had seen Spock's and it made him feel ashamed.

"Spock. Don't go," the human shouted out. "Look. I'm sorry."

"Your apologies are almost always ready," Spock said. "You would be better advised to stop apologizing. I will accept it this once but do not feel the need to ever do so again."

McCoy didn't know if the words made him feel better or worse. However, the nod that Spock gave betrayed no signs of hostility and he felt fairly sure that their relationship was not hurt by the squabble as the Vulcan left.

Outside the Sickbay, one of Spock's men approached him.

"Sir. I was looking for you."

"Yes," the First Officer stopped and addressed the man.

"About the matter you discussed with me. The arrangements have been made."

Spock nodded.

The man did not wait for some sign of appreciation but simply turned and headed back in the direction he had come from. Spock cast one last and long gaze at the Sickbay doors before heading back to the bridge.