A/N: I do not own Harry Potter (although I wish that I did (money!! $_$)) all rights go to J.K Rowling, though I'm just borrowing her ideas and adding some of mine.

Gilderoy Lockhart

In the first days of Autumn, the trees surrounding Hogwarts started to lose their leaves. Harsh winds screaming around the castle were starting to grown normal again, Hagrid was preparing for the winter, and professor Flitwick already suffered from a cold. Everything was completely normal, except for the Whomping Willow, which was in a particularly bad mood.

"Heard that the Weasley's crashed into it with their flying car." Draco mused one day in the Slytherin common room.

"Heard?" Harry asked while Nott, Crabbe and Goyle were roaring with laughter. "Heard from whom?"

Harry could tell that Draco was doing his best not to laugh, and failing miserably at it as he replied.

"From their blood traitor mother of course!"

"Their mother? Do explain Draco." Harry said.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you had lessons with professor Snape." Draco said, with a face of one who just made a particularly intelligent conclusion. "Apparently, Hogwarts send the blood traitors a letter with what their sons did, and their mother replied by sending them all a Howler during breakfast. Can't speak for you lot, but it truly made my day."

The fires in the dungeons roared as laughter filled the common room, the people within it delighting in the suffering of the poor Weasleys.

In fact however, Harry did not have a real reason to laugh. His lessons with Snape were still an utter failure to say in the least. After nearly one week of lessons, Harry had expected to see at least something emerge from his wand, but all he could manage was making his wand shake slightly, which, for some reason he could not comprehend, was impressing Snape.

According to his schedule, he and the other Slytherins had a double period of defence against the dark arts on Friday. He had heard the stories from the older Slytherins, who respected him. Some even saw him as their equal. Apparently the new teacher, Lockhart, was a complete disaster, which seemed to fit nicely with the conclusion Harry had made out of the article in the news about the Knockturn alley incident.

Not really having a choice, Harry, Draco, Nott, Crabbe and Goyle went to their defence against the dark arts class. As Harry had expected, they were sharing this lesson with the Gryffindors, Weasley and Granger among them. Both seemed to avoid his gaze. Completely natural, after he had hexed them in the dungeons deep beneath the school in their previous year.

The classroom looked nowhere near what it had looked like in their previous year. Everywhere Harry looked, were paintings, photographs and even a few drawings of Gilderoy Lockhart, the chairs had been rearranged so that everybody was forced to look to the centre of the classroom, and on the desk of the teacher himself, was a pile of what could only be fan mail. Sighing heavily, they took their seats, and Harry already had his wand half drawn when the door crashed open and something blond with sparkly white teeth entered with an enormous:"GOOD MORNING!"

"Let me introduce you to your new defence against the dark arts teacher....me!" Lockhart said, showing the class a book with his own smiling portrait on it, as if he were holding something genuinely pure and holy.

"Order of Merlin third class," Lockhart continued while Harry put his half-drawn wand back into his robes."Honorary member of the Dark Force Defence League, and five-time winner of the Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award."

"The guy is a complete nutter!" Nott hissed in despair.

Harry and Draco could only grunt in agreement. Crabbe and Goyle could only gape in astonishment.

"...But I didn't get rid of the banshee by smiling at her, you know." Lockhart finished with a flashy grin. He waited for the class to laugh. A few Gryffindors did so weakly. Harry was pleased that only disgust decorated the faces of the Slytherins who were present.

"So! I would like to start our first lesson with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about, just to check how well you read them." Lockhart said while handing out pieces of parchment.

"You have thirty minutes, starting..now!"

Harry looked at the questions on his piece of parchment.

Question 1: What is Gilderoy Lockharts favourite colour?

After casting his eyes to the heavens and sighing, Harry looked around at his fellow Slytherins.

Draco was drawing on the back of his piece of parchment, after which he sent it as a paper plane towards Weasley and Granger.

Nott had burned his piece of parchment to a crisp, and now raised his hand, asking why he hadn't received his quiz yet.

Crabbe and Goyle had the exact image of a pair of monkeys who had been staring at a banana, after which someone took the banana, and the monkeys couldn't yet figure out what happened yet, and another Slytherin, of whom Harry did not know his name, was hanging back and ignoring his piece of parchment altogether.

"Blaise Zabini." Malfoy said, after he saw Harry looking. "Pretty much the quiet type. Pure-blood, that's for certain. Ability with magic..I'd say above average. Nowhere near you of course."

"Maybe we should to get to know him." Harry said softly. "Could be a valuable ally."

Draco opened his mouth to reply, but then received the image of his paper plane, slowly burning away in the centre of the classroom. Lockhart miraculously hadn't realised a thing.

"Sir," Malfoy said raising his hand. "Weasley stole my quiz and burned it while I was writing about your miraculous survival after your encounter with the banshee!"

Lockhart looked down at the small pile of ash at his feet, and made a small jump backwards, as if he had just discovered a dead animal there instead of a small heap of ash.

Lockhart looked at Weasley, who was too late in hiding a smile at Lockharts reaction, which Lockhart took completely the wrong way.

"You think it is funny to irritate hard working students Weasley? Ten points from Gryffindor!"

Lockhart took out his wand, pointed it at the small pile of ash, and said "Whispey".

Instead of clearing up the ash, or vanishing it all together, Lockhart ended up in spraying ash all over the classroom.

Harry lazily flicked his wand in order to evade the ash blowing his way, and was surprised to see that Granger had done the same, although with a bitter look of concentration.

"Now!" Lockhart said, forgetting his quiz altogether and lifting a large covered cage on his desk. "To business."

"It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures know to wizardkind. You might face your worst nightmares, right in this room. I'll assure you though, that no harm will come to you whilst I am here.

Despite of himself, Harry gave the cage more of his attention. Could it be that he might actually learn something here?

"I ask of you not to scream, "Lockhart said softly to the silent class. "for it might provoke them."

Lockhart lifted the cover of the cage while the class held its breath.

"YES!" Lockhart proclaimed above a shrill screaming. "Freshly caught, Cornish Pixies!"

The Slytherins sat back again with a sigh, and a Gryffindor snorted.

"Now look at yourself!" Lockhart said in a tone usually used in addressing small children. "None of you realise the danger you are in. They can be very tricky if you aren't careful." "Now..Let's see what you make of them!" Lockhart said, and he opened the cage.

Chaos erupted. The pixies shot in every direction. A pair of them were lifting a Gryffindor up by the ears, some of them escaped immediately by crashing through the window, showering the class in pieces of glass, and the rest proceeded in rampaging through the classroom.

Harry sat back. More than one pixie had dared closing in on him, and all of them now had their heads stuck in the far end of the classroom wall. Draco was doing his best to remain calm, but was obviously determined to remain in the safe zone called Harry Potter's personal space. Crabbe and Goyle had apparently aligned themselves with the pixies, and were proving a match to their blue contestants in terms of pure destruction. Nott had positioned his desk against the wall, he himself sitting underneath it, cutting down his blind spots and making it virtually impossible for any pixie to get near him and evading his impediment jinx. The boy called Blaise was sitting on top of Nott's desk, and decided that Nott's way of handling the pixies was best, and reverted to his strategy of impediment jinxes.

Harry first thought that Weasley had also aligned himself with the pixies just like Crabbe and Goyle, but after a second glance, he was merely trying to whack a pixie who had a hold on Grangers hair.

Within minutes, the entire class except Harry, Draco and Lockhart were hiding under their desks, mimicking Nott, who still hadn't suffered a single injury, just like Harry, Draco and Blaise. Pixies were spraying potions across the classroom, they picked up schoolbags and tossed them out of the broken window, they ripped books apart, and completely ignored the lone Gryffindor who was now hanging on the steel chandelier.

"Come now, come now! They're only pixies!" Lockhart said, pulling out his wand.

"Peskey Piskey Pesternomi!"Lockhart had absolutely no effect. One of the pixies took Lockhart's wand, and chucked it out of the broken window. Lockhart screamed and went for the Nott strategy, making for his desk, nearly being crushed by the Gryffindor as the chandelier gave under the weight.

The bell rang, and suddenly, tables collapsed as everyone made way for the exit.

Harry, Draco, Nott and surprisingly, Blaise Zabini, calmy picked up their school bags.

"I think I can ask you to put them all back into their cages right?" Lockhart said as he sped past them, pausing to give them a sparkly smile.

"thirty points for Slytherin and we'll do it." Draco said. "Each."

"Well of course, of course!" Lockhart said hastily, closing the door behind him. "Thirty points for Slytherin!"

Harry rolled his eyes at Draco. "Was that necessary?"

"Being paid to torture annoying little pixies? I'd do it!" Nott said, drawing his wand again.

"Why am I included in this?" Blaise said with a yawn."

"Because you are probably better at this than Lockhart himself." Harry said. "Now let's get this over with!"

The Slytherins drew their wands, and Harry put on the spell casting glove he stole from Borgin and Burke's.

Chaos proceeded again.

In a few minutes, all the pixies, more than one of them bruised and a single one with a broken arm and leg, were back into the covered cage, leaving only Crabbe and Goyle, who were smashing Lockhart's desk with his own books in the now silent classroom.

The class looked as if it had held a rhino with tantrum. Except for the walls and the ceiling, the classroom was completely destroyed.

Harry stepped over the fallen chandelier, removing his spell casting glove as he did and receiving his blurry vision again for a few seconds. "We are not responsible for the mess." He said to his fellow Slytherins. "We put the pixies back in their cages, and that's that. Now let's go, or we'll be late for our next class."

Ignoring the wrecked classroom, the group of Slytherins followed Harry out.

A/N: Dear readers, sorry for the big break between my chapters, but I'm sure you are all still alive so no worries there. Tried to put more detail in my stories, please let me know if you realised it (and whether it is good/bad). Also, while reading some of my reviews, I found out that I completely forgot about Blaise Zabini (thank you Fifespice), so I just chucked him in the story.

As always, read and review, and thank you for reading.

Arildun

BTW: Tips for the plot are always welcome. If I like it, it might just happen.