"Rachel, we have been over this at least half a dozen times…"
"Yes I know. However, I just want to make sure that our lines of communication remain open. We are entering into something similar to a business deal, and I feel it's important to discuss the expectations and needs of each party…"
Puck leaned his head against the glass of the driver seat window and waited for the insanity to stop. Last night, Puck had been looking forward to this morning more than anything. Now, he wasn't sure what to feel. He had woken up at 5 am to the sounds of booming thunder and the sight of pouring rain. On top of the miserable weather, Puck had gotten to school half an hour early. He hated being early for anything because it was like announcing to the world that you had nothing else better to do
The most shocking sight of the morning had come in the form of Rachel Berry knocking on his car window wearing a neon yellow rain slicker with matching rain boots and a black skirt. Puck thought she looked like a damn bumblebee.
After getting into the passenger seat, Rachel had proceeded to tell Puck (multiple times) about the rules and guidelines she had developed for their pretend dates.
Initially, Puck had tried to be polite and pay attention, but Rachel liked going over every little detail. Puck decided that he definitely needed to up his caffeine intake if he was going to be seeing Rachel this early in the morning for the next couple weeks.
"Hey Rachel," Puck jumped in while she was still talking, "there's only one rule that we really need to remember…the Golden Rule. You know, do unto others as you would have done unto you." Puck thought the color gold would appeal to Rachel as a symbol of star potential.
Apparently not.
Rachel crossed her arms in front of her chest and huffed, "Nice try, but I don't think so."
"What's wrong with the Golden Rule, it got me through some rocky times during kindergarten."
"Well," Rachel replied, "According to your rule, I should throw a slushie in your face then to return the favor. It's only fair," she said while smiling sweetly.
Crap, Puck thought. He should have seen that one coming.
"Fine, we can go with your rules."
"Thank you. I thought you'd see it my way. Just so we are absolutely clear, could you please recite them to me once before the bell rings."
"Fine."
Puck cleared his throat and took in a deep breath before beginning to say the list.
"Be respectful and polite. Mind my manners. Follow proper dating etiquette. Keep the details of our relationship private. Do not flirt with any other girls. No dumbass nicknames for each other. Look into your eyes when I am speaking to you…not anywhere else," Puck ticked each rule off on his fingers.
"And in terms of physical contact…" Rachel prompted.
"We can hold hands down the hallway. Hugging is acceptable as long as my hands remain on your shoulders or back. When kissing, my tongue should remain in my own mouth or you will bite it off."
Puck stopped talking and rested his hands in his lap to signify that he was done playing a parrot by repeating Rachel's words.
"Puck, you forgot one very important rule."
Puck hadn't forgotten. He wanted to make Rachel squirm.
"I think I got them all. Wait, did I mention the one about hugging?"
"You know you mentioned the hugging," Rachel said between clenched teeth.
"Well, then I guess you are just going to have to refresh my memory." Puck said.
"I know you know," Rachel retorted.
"I do not."
"You do too."
"Do not."
"Well if you don't remember, then you have the mental capabilities of a carrot," Rachel hissed.
"What's up doc?" Puck said with a straight face.
Rachel stamped her foot on the floor of the car. "You are impossible. Fine the last rule is….I will not have sex with you!" Rachel opened the passenger door and got out of the car. Puck got out on his own side and met her in front of the bumper.
"Rachel, don't be mad. I was just kidding. You need to learn how to take a joke."
"I have a fantastic sense of humor," Rachel responded seriously.
"Of course you do," Puck said at a hurried pace. "Don't worry about what happened in the car. I will be the perfect fake boyfriend from now on. Besides, you're the last person I would ever want to sleep with at this school."
"Thanks," Rachel said sarcastically.
"Seriously, the absolute last. I would experiment with Kurt first before I ever tried anything with you."
Despite herself, Rachel let a tiny smile spread across her face.
While Puck and Rachel had been talking, the parking lot around them had rapidly been filling with cars. School was going to start in five minutes.
"You ready to do this thing?" Puck asked as he extended his hand to Rachel.
Rachel didn't trust her voice right then, so she nodded. She clasped Puck's hand, and they walked into the front doors as a couple.
*********************************************************************************************************************************************
Rachel was used to people staring at her at school because of her fashion choices or because of her participation in glee club. Rachel liked to tell herself that the gawkers were just jealous of her unique gifts and can-do attitude. She took their mockery and looks of disdain almost as a compliment considering her inevitable future success.
She was not, however, used to students looking at her with genuine curiosity.
As she and Puck made their way down the hallway, Rachel saw students point at them and then whisper to each other. Rachel kept a firm grip on Puck's hand as they traveled through the maze of bodies, and was glad that he did not make a comment about her currently sweaty palms. Although he would never say it aloud, Rachel knew that Puck was a little nervous too.
When they had almost reached Rachel's locker, the football coach tapped Puck on the shoulder and asked to speak to him for a minute. Puck agreed, but gave Rachel a look that said "I don't want to leave you." Rachel thought Puck's acting was believable so far.
Before she could change her mind, Rachel played her part perfectly and gave Puck a quick kiss on the cheek. He grinned at her before walking away.
Rachel went to her locker alone. Within ten seconds, she was surrounded by four of her fellow glee club members—Mercedes, Tina, Kurt, and Artie.
"Hey guys," Rachel said while trying to act casually, "I can't wait to get started on some of Mr. Schu's new choreography this afternoon."
"Forget glee club," Mercedes said. "We want to know how you and Puck happened to choreograph yourselves next to each other this morning."
"Yeah, w…wh…what's the deal?" Tina piped up.
"You guys saw that?" Rachel asked.
"Uh-huh," Kurt answered. "that type of PDA is hard to miss when you violate the high school caste system as grievously as you just did."
"I might as well tell you then that Puck and I are dating."
"Each other?" Artie squeaked. "Is he blackmailing you? Blink once if you can't say anything because you are under distress right now."
Mercedes pounded her fist into her hand, "Just say the word, and I will take care of him for you."
"Guys stop. Puck is not blackmailing me. The simple truth is that he's my…boyfriend." Rachel struggled to get the last word out because it felt so foreign on her tongue.
"H-h-how did that happen?" Tina said giving voice to the question that everybody had in mind.
Before school, Rachel and Puck had decided that the best way to answer this question was to be purposefully vague.
"I've been helping Puck rehearse and we've gotten closer lately. He may have the rough exterior of a delinquent, but he can be really sweet on the inside once you get to know him…and the heart wants what it wants" Rachel finished kind of lamely.
The group thought about her statement for a moment before speaking all at once,
"She's been brainwashed" Artie decided.
"An alien abduction per-perhaps" Tina offered.
"She must be on crack," Mercedes concluded. "You know that stuff can make you crazy."
"Hold it people, let's not judge Rachel too harshly. Puck is not without certain physical charms. Heck, if he wanted to join team rainbow for the day, I would totally hit that. Maybe Rachel is going through a lustful stage right now and just needs to get it out of her system. Bad boys can be hard to resist."
"Thank you Kurt, I think." Rachel addressed the rest of the group, "I have not been brainwashed or abducted and I am not on crack. I am fine, but thank you for your concern."
"Concern about what?" a voice said behind Rachel. In the heat of their discussion, no one in the group had seen or heard Puck's approach.
All the glee club members jumped a bit in surprise.
Artie tried to smooth over the situation by saying, "Concern over the swine flu epidemic. We were all just saying that we need to be really careful and wash our hands."
"Oh," Puck said in a disbelieving tone.
"Anyways, we should get going," Mercedes said. Tina grabbed the back of Artie's chair and started pushing him down the hallway. Kurt added a "Toodles" as he and Mercedes also left in a hurry.
"Do I know how to clear a room or what?" Puck joked.
"I'm surprised they didn't congratulate us on our happy news."
"You told them about us?"
"I didn't have to, they saw for themselves."
"Were they horrified? Did they think you were crazy?"
"There were mixed reviews, but this performance is just getting started."
"Did anyone say anything interesting about me?" Puck wanted to know.
"Well," Rachel tapped Puck lightly on the chest, "Let's just say that when this is over, you may get your shot with Kurt after all."
Remembering back to their conversation in the parking lot, Puck couldn't help but laugh.
"So are you doing okay so far?" Puck asked.
"Yeah, it's not as bad as I thought."
Over Rachel's shoulder, Puck spotted a Cheerios uniform and a flash of blonde hair. It was Quinn. Finn, of course, was standing right by her side. Quinn and Finn were going to be walking by Rachel and Puck within the next thirty seconds.
No more dress rehearsal. It was show-time.
"They're coming," Puck informed Rachel, "You know what this means?"
Rachel felt a large lump forming in the back of her throat because she knew exactly what this meant.
Puck stepped closer to Rachel until there was only a mere two inches between them.
Rachel's mind was racing like crazy. She knew it was too late to back out now, and strangely, she didn't want to. Her heart was beating wildly, and she briefly wondered if Puck could hear it too.
Puck bent his head lower.
Then lower.
Until his nose was practically touching Rachel's.
Rachel froze. She forgot all about the plan. She had no idea why she was standing in this particular hallway at this particular moment. She felt like a statue.
"Puck," she whispered.
"What?" he whispered back.
"I forgot what I'm supposed to do."
Puck took his hand and gently brushed a piece of stray hair away from Rachel's face.
"It's easy Rachel," he said while letting his hand cup her chin.
"What's easy?"
"All you have to do is… Pucker Up."
He demonstrated.
Rachel thought that he was right.
It did look easy.
So she followed his lead.