Chapter 2:SpringPondTreePlace

Alright, I'm sorry for what I said last chapter. You know, about the hair thing. I guess odd-colored hair really is quite common. After all, all I have to do to see it is look in the mirror!

*Finn the Harvest Sprite hereby withdraws all negative and/or insulting comments on, about and to odd-hair. He understands he was a hypocrite and apologizes for it. He will receive a stern talking to.

"How did you find my fabulous town?" Mayor Hamilton inquired. "Was it not divine?" We were in Town Hall, after Molly recovered from her spoilsport-induced trauma.

"It sucked!" Molly said.

"Yeah!" Kevin said, waving his arms for emphasis. "We got kicked out of every store!"

"We didn't even do anything wrong!" Molly stated. Why does that not surprise me?

"But we met Cloud McStrife!" Kevin said.

"And that makes it all better!" Molly smiled, revealing teeth that needed to be brushed. BADLY.

"Quite," Mayor Hamilton responded. "Also, if you see someone named Bo, would you give him this toolbox?" He said, taking the kit out from underneath his desk. "He is a minor, but we don't have child labor laws here, so he works at the Carpenter's."

How exactly does that work again?

Back at the farm, Molly and Kevin were trying to decide on a name for their new livelihood.

"Cowflesh Farm!" Kevin yelled.

"Sashimi Ranch!" Molly insisted. She waved her hands in a childish manner for emphasis.

"COWFLESH!

"SA-SHI-MI!"

"Guys!" I broke in. "Just call it Sashimi Flesh and get it over with."

The next day, Molly and Kevin were in the fields. And they were actually farming. I mean, I'm not being sarcastic, they were making holes in the ground and putting seeds in them! "Hey guys!" I said. I was standing on the fence surrounding the property. "Remember that you need to actually water your plants!"

"Why?" Molly called back in response.

I sighed, realizing it was too good to be true. "Because the plants need to drink!" I shouted back.

"Why?" Kevin asked.

"JUST DO IT!"

Molly stared blankly at me. Kevin said "I respect your beliefs Finn, but Molly and I don't believe in incest."

Later…

"We have finished placing liquid on the vegetation, wise one," Kevin said to me.

Wise one?

"We're gonna go to Flute Fields and introduce ourselves!"

Oh. No.

"Shouldn't we go to the Goddess now?" I said, trying to avert disaster and get them to be responsible at the same time.

"Oh, Finn!" Kevin said, "You're such a sp"-

"DON'T!" I shouted, desperate. "We can go to Flute Fields, just don't say that word!"

"Proilport," Kevin said.

"You idiot!" Said the man in the yellow hat. He was yelling at a small boy, presumably the man's son. The man was holding a glass of lemonade in his hand. "You put a lemon with three seeds in my lemonade! That's an odd number! I can't eat anything odd!"

"Fine!" The boy said. "Then I'll just take it out!"

"NO! NO!" The man protested, stamping his foot for emphasis. "It's already contaminated! It won't work!"

The boy slammed the glass down on the floor. We were in Marimba Farm's farmhouse. It was a nice place, filled with all sorts of colorful vegetables that would have given the shop a great atmosphere… except they're, ya know, vegetables. And those get moldy, fast.

"I'm leaving! And I won't ever come back ever until the Yellow Bell rings!" He stormed out the door past us. The man turned to us. "Oh, guests." He then went into his bedroom.

"Sorry," A woman behind the counter said. "That was my husband Craig and my son, Taylor. They get like that sometime." She paused. "My name is Ruth."

"Aren't you going to go look for your son?" Molly said. Ruth said "Didn't you hear him? He'll be back after the Yellow B"-

"AHH!" Kevin yelled, covering his ears. "I haven't beaten the game yet! Don't spoil it for me!"

Ugh. (Again.)

We were at Horn Ranch, talking with Cain's wife, Hannah. "Oh, um, hello…" Hannah stuttered out upon our entry into the farmhouse. "My husband has said so many, ah, things about you"-

"Do they involve cowflesh?" Kevin asked.

"Or sa-shi-mi?" Molly inquired.

Hannah wisely ignored them, and called Cain into the room. "Cain!" She said. "Give these two something so they won't bother us!" She was obviously scared out of her wits.

Smart woman.

"Alright," Cain said, coming in from the fields. "Take this cow, and please," he begged, "don't annoy us!"

The cow was black and white, and elicited hungry looks from Kevin. "Must. Resist. Urge. To eat. Cowflesh." Molly squealed with delight, in spite of her brother's rambling. "I think I'll call you… Bozo!"

"And take this milker!" Cain said, tossing it to Molly. As we were leaving, a woman about Molly's age entered. "Hi Mommy! Hi Daddy!" She said. Then she noticed us. Then she noticed Kevin. "Hey, there hot stuff. I'm Renee. But you can call me 'awesome.'"

I call her a slut. Even more so than Kathy.

Bozo the cow in tow, we were now back at the ranch. "Now can we go to the Goddess Pond?" I asked, realizing we might never go.

"Sure," Kevin said. "Ready when you are."

"You know," Molly said, "if you really wanted to go, all you needed to do was ask." I stared at them blankly and said "Sometimes I wonder if you're stupid, or I'm just goddamned, motherfucking ineffective."

Kevin giggled. "He said a curse word…"

I have been trying to get Kevin and Molly to go to the Goddess Pond for as long as I can remember. I have finally convinced them to go.

And the bridge is out. THREE CHEERS FOR MARVELOUS ENTERTAINMENT! There was a boy standing at the foot of the bridge. "Hey!" Molly called out. "Hyway siay ethay ridgebay utoay?"

The boy responded to her Pig Latin. "There was a storm a couple of days ago! I'm supposed to repair it, but I don't have my toolbox."

"Kevin," I whispered. "This must be Bo! Give him his equipment!"

"The man doesn't even have that?" He trailed off, barely audible. "Poor guy…"

"HIS TOOLBOX!"

Kevin nodded and took the tools out. "These yours?" Bo nodded. "Yup. If you could hand them over"-

Molly snatched the tools from Kevin. "CATCH!" She chucked the box at Bo, and it hit him on the head. "OW!"

"I said 'catch…'" Molly mumbled. "You okay?"

"Just some internal bleeding and permanent brain damage!" He responded. "Nothing serious!"

Bo was about to get started on the repairs when… "I'm kind of hungry. Could you bring me some lunch before I get started?"

This comment sent Kevin swirling in a fit a rage. He ran up to Bo and pinned him on the ground.

"We gave you the tools! Now you fix the bridge!" He yelled. "Kapish?"

Bo just stared at Kevin.

"KAPISH?

Bo finally responded. "I think I just kapished myself."

THE NEXT DAY

After Kevin tore innocent forest animals to confetti with his ax, we were finally at the Goddess Pond! I know, I can't believe it either!

The Harvest Goddess herself stood before us. "Oh brave heroes…" She said. "The power of nature has been drained…" She shed a tear, and continued. "Fires don't burn. The soil is infertile. Ships aren't sailing"-

Kevin interrupted. "Ya know, that reminds me: If ships aren't sailing how did Molly and I get here in the first place?"

I stared at Kevin, gasping for air. You do NOT interrupt the Harvest Goddess.

Molly joined in. "Yeah, and for that matter, is this a spring, or a pond? They never really make that clear…"

The Goddess stared at me, as if I would know what to do. I shrugged. "You know what?" The Harvest Goddess snapped. "Just ring the five bells between 6 and 6. If you need more help, look it up on a fansite." She paused. "PEACE. OUT."

Kevin and Molly stared at each other. Kevin said, "That Goddess is such a spoilsport…"

Molly burst into tears.

I really am getting stupider just looking at these two, aren't I?

Author's Note: Next time, I promise I'll get up to the Red Bell, at least. Oh, and anyone who gets the Curious George reference gets a cookie. Anyone who gets the Spongebob Sqaurepants one WINS.

And I'm sorry it took so long to update. I was having internet trouble.