I don't own Ashes to Ashes
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It was another four weeks before they found a further lead on Rosa McKellen's murder, and the small morsel they gleaned seemed barely worth it in the long run.
Somehow –Alex suspected with more than a few lies and deceptions- Shaz had obtained an official document on Jess Meridan, and when she handed a photocopy to Gene and Alex in the office one morning, they both stared at her in disbelief.
"Shaz, this is a classified document- where did you get this?" Alex couldn't keep the astonishment from her voice, nor the small amount of pride that rose up in her chest, and as she glanced to her left she saw Gene crinkling his brow, as though he were suppressing an imminent compliment.
Shaz blushed slightly, looking to the floor as she spoke, "I looked at the records Ma'am- I couldn't find any Jess Meridan in the Births Register except a seventy year old lady in Southampton... And then I got talking to some bloke who works at the Registry Office, and he said he'd show me about.... only, when he did I pretended to get lost and went into the records room and- well... I found that." She was still pink with embarrassment, and Alex stared at her in disbelief.
"You broke into the Registry Office?"
Shaz shrugged, "not really, Ma'am... he let me in if you think about it... I just had to pick a couple of locks to get in the filing cabinets, and that was it... besides, I checked out her real name-" her voice turned defensive as she pointed to the slip of paper in Gene's hand, "- and she's got two previous convictions for assault, theft and resisting arrest."
Alex glanced at Gene, half-hoping he would reprimand Shaz for behaving with such folly, but realising the moment she looked at him that he was impressed, his eyebrows halfway up his forehead, arms crossed, showing perfectly well that he was listening. Alex said nothing, fighting with her belief in ethics and her own need for justice in this case; no, it wasn't entirely ethical stealing records from the Registry Office – after all, people who changed their names often had perfectly good reason to do so- but she, too, was impressed with Shaz's findings, and the fact that they at least had a basis for speculation now somewhat loosened the tight knot that had formed in her chest whenever she allowed herself to dwell on the failing case.
"Good work, Granger," Gene said, voice almost tight as he dismissed the young WPC. Alex looked at him carefully, attempting to decipher exactly what his thoughts were – he was obviously impressed, but she could never understand why he wouldn't elaborate on his opinions, instead of delivering a 'good work, Granger' as casually as though she'd simply made him a nice cup of tea. The moment Shaz had closed the door behind her, she turned to him with arms crossed and one eyebrow raised.
"Are you ever complimentary?" She asked, expression full of annoyance, the feminist in her putting his lack of elaboration down to prehistoric male views on masculinity and rising up to fight against it.
Gene blinked, looking at her for several moments before putting the piece of paper in his hand onto his desk, placing a hand on her waist and rubbing gentle circles in the skin of her hip before murmuring huskily, "I compliment you all the time, Bolly."
Alex rolled her eyes, neither responding to, nor pulling away from, his touch. "Except when someone's giving you a good seeing to, Gene; Shaz did a great job and all you said was-"
"At least I said something, Bols," Gene interrupted, dropping his hand from her hip and bringing it down to rest on his leg, "instead of treating her like a bloody crime suspect! What d'you call that bloody inquisition about where she got it from, anyway?"
"It wasn't an inquisition, Gene, but evidence like that won't stand up in court- it was obtained illegally, meaning that it's void and we-"
"So we don't tell the bloody courts we broke in!" Gene said firmly, standing up and grabbing his coat. "If we arrest her, it'll be for murder, not changing her sodding name! You wanted a lead, Bols? Well you've got one, so get off your high horse and start doing something about it."
She looked at him for several moments, watching as he straightened his tie and pulled his coat around his shoulders. "Where are you going?"
He sighed, "Just do some work, Bolly; I'll talk to you later." He made to leave, but on catching her hurt expression at his apparent brush off he stopped, hesitating only briefly before he stepped forward, cupping her face subconsciously before realizing that the shutters were still open, and that the rest of the team could easily see in if they glanced round. Seeing the nervous look on her face, feeling a slight pang in his chest at the almost fearful way in which her eyes glanced at the open window, he dropped his hand to her waist, perching on his desk directly in front of her, fingers slipping over the soft, smooth skin beneath her blouse as he spoke, noting the way her face changed from scared to annoyed. "Don't do that," he said softly.
"Do what?" She asked, turning her head away to glance back towards the team again. He sighed, widening the gap between his legs and tugging her gently closer to him. Alex looked at him in shock, pushing back ever so slightly.
"Gene, people might see us!"
He rolled his eyes. "I'm a big bloke, Bolly. 's long as you stay there, nobody's gunna see anything." He slipped his hand slightly higher, meeting her gaze as he murmured, "stop looking so sulky; doesn't suit you."
"Thought you had a meeting?" She said sweetly, pulling away completely and leaning back against the filing cabinets with a smug look. Gene frowned.
"And I thought you had the decorators in last week – how come you're looking like such a sulky cow?" He crossed his legs and arms, looking at her expectantly. When she didn't reply, he sighed. "Fine, I'm going. Do some work, Drake. I'll be back in an hour."
He left without another word, and Alex flinched in disappointment. They had argued before, of course they had. They'd disagreed over team members and disputed point after point on case after case and yelled blue-bloody-murder at one another, yet this was different. He hadn't been angry, or aggressive or even argumentative-he just seemed distant, as though he was hiding something, something of importance... She couldn't even begin to fathom it – for a few moments, she imagined that he was with another woman, before pushing the idea aside as she realized that in three months they had hardly been apart for more than an hour.
She felt cold, and, even though she knew that she shouldn't, she felt jealous, as though the closeness she had developed with Gene over the last months was false, that even if they were sharing a bed he didn't really need her... and then suddenly she was shaking the idea off, telling herself she was being stupid; he was still his own person, after all, and he was within his own rights to have secrets...
Just because they were sleeping together didn't mean she had to know every tiny detail about his life, she resolved. So she told herself to stop, to get back to work and organise the team so that when Gene returned she could show her own independence, release that seemingly dormant creature which had burrowed into her stomach in the stead of that heady desire for Gene's companionship... but she couldn't help herself.
An hour passed, and she took to checking the clock every few minutes, glancing to the door and expecting him to burst through at any moment, but it wasn't until five that Gene returned, three hours after he left. He made a beeline for his office, barely glancing at anyone as he went, locking himself in and instantly picking up the phone. Feeling utterly dejected, Alex stood up and headed into the canteen, making herself a black coffee with sugar. It was wrong, she told herself; he wasn't a pet to be kept at her heels, and he was perfectly free to do whatever he wished with his time... she just wished he had shared whatever it was with her, rather than brushing her off for whatever 'meeting' he had to go to. She aggressively slammed about the kitchen, making herself a coffee with deliberately exaggerated force, hoping to release some of the unreasonable anger in her stomach.
She sat with her legs crossed, hands cupped around the warm coffee mug as she drifted between dejectedness as she thought about his afternoon evasion and into daydreaming about the intimacy of their breakfast that morning, where they had curled up together on the sofa, feeding each other small titbits of food...
It was only when she heard the soft click of his boots on the floor that she looked up, seeing him leant against the door frame, still wearing his overcoat draped loosely about his shoulders, tie dangling halfway down his chest, looking completely shattered, but pleased. Alex sat there, saying nothing and waiting for him to make a move, to speak first, or to reach out and touch her... He remained still, looking at her with a soft expression that melted her stomach, despite the annoyance still nagging at her innards.
"How was the meeting?" She asked, sipping her coffee in what she hoped was a casual manner. Gene slid the chair next to her from under the table, straddling it somewhat uncharacteristically so as to rest his arms and chin on the backrest, eyes warm and smiling, causing the simmering joy in her stomach to overflow, frustration slipping away as she tilted her head to the side, resting her chin on one hand.
"It was good," Gene said, eyes not leaving hers, mouth tugging into a small smile. Alex was struck by the sight of his almost childlike expression, the open happiness, the lack of worry, the casual relaxation that she rarely saw on his face, and she had to stop another smile teasing across her own lips.
Nodding, Alex asked nonchalantly, "you took longer than I expected... where did you get to?" She ran her fingers around the rim of her mug, tearing her gaze from his and tapping her toe lightly. She heard Gene's snort of amusement, felt his fingers close around her wrist as he pulled her hand into his, and she looked around to see him smiling in something akin to endearment.
"Bloke's gotta have some secrets, Bolly," he grinned, caressing the back of her hand with his thumb. Her eyes narrowed and he sighed, standing up and dropping a light kiss to her forehead. "Get back to work, love- only half an hour left." He walked away, fingers lightly trailing over her jaw as he pulled back. Alex sighed, lifting her mug briefly to her lips before following him out.
---
Gene didn't broach the topic again, and by the time they entered the flat after eating two courses in Luigi's, Alex was practically bristling, even as she allowed Gene to escort her up the stairs. His arm rested lightly round her waist as he led her towards the sofa, fingers tracing tender patterns in her hip as they sat down, before he lightly pulled her into his lap. She drew back as his lips moved to her neck, but made no action to leave, still remaining seated on top of him, though she pushed back from his shoulders and met his eyes sternly when he repeated the attempt to kiss her. Gene sighed, falling back on the cushions and raising a questioning eyebrow. "What've I done now, Bols? You only ever stop me when yer on the blob or you want to piss me off, so what is it?"
Alex narrowed her eyes at him, debating the pros and cons of stringing the conversation along, before opting for the quick and simple route. "Where did you go this afternoon, Gene? It's not a difficult question, and you've been avoiding it all evening."
"It's not important, either," Gene answered levelly, eyes fixed on hers. When she didn't relent, he groaned, "Why are you so bothered, Bols? I went for a meeting; it's not like I was off shagging some prozzie in the back of the Quattro!"
Alex bit her lip, averting her eyes. She was overreacting again, she knew, but somehow she couldn't help it. "I just want to know, Gene."
He rolled his eyes, tucking a stray tendril of hair behind her ear, "you don't need to know everything, you know!" She looked at him, eyes soft, and he frowned. "What?"
She blushed slightly, and then said, in a soft, timid voice, "I don't like not knowing where you are, Gene... it scares me..." She turned her head away, but a moment later he was pulling her to his chest, large hand cupping the back of her head so she was looking at him. There was a smile in his eyes, though his lips remained customarily pouted.
"You daft tart," he said quietly. "What the bloody hell d'you thinks gunna happen to me?" His fingers combed through her hair as he tilted his face slightly, brushing his lips across her cheeks before moving her head to his shoulder, arms wrapping around her protectively as he chuckled lightly at her. She poked him hard in the chest.
"Don't laugh!" she murmured weakly. "I just... I'm not used to being away from you now... and I don't understand why you won't tell me where you were going." She knew she sounded pathetic, but the honest truth was that it was true; she was used to his bulky frame being within walking distance of her, or at least of having the knowledge of his whereabouts, and the idea of him withdrawing from her was painfully incomprehensible.
Gene sighed, turning his head to look at her. There was a moment of silence, in which he took in the gentle lines of her face, the softness of her hazel eyes, and the small fleck of bolognaise sauce that had managed to escape his notice on the corner of her mouth. He leant forward, flicking his tongue lightly over it before moving to nuzzle her ear, voice a low whisper as he muttered, "you really want to know?"
Alex nodded, closing her eyes as he slid his mouth over her face. "Yes..."
He kissed her earlobe, tongue flicking out to caress the soft skin before he murmured softly in her ear, his hands on her waist, "I sold my flat, Alex."
Alex twisted her head round so fast it cracked, causing both of them to flinch as she snapped her hand up to her neck. "You did what?" she asked, voice rising several notches and causing Gene to cringe, loosening his hold on her.
"I sold-"
"You sold your flat?" She interrupted, seeing him blink in surprise.
"Well, yeah, that's what I-" he was interrupted again, and with a sigh he fell back against the cushions, putting one arm across the back of her sofa as she began to rant.
"You sold your flat? You just went out and sold your flat – where do you expect to live, Gene, you arse? That's your home!" She didn't know why she reacted so angrily; she knew they were as good as living together, but they'd never made it official, never called each other roommates or house mates or any of those things, and in that moment she was terrified of what such an admittance might entail. "You can't just go out and sell it on a whim! It doesn't work like that you stupid, stupid man! What in God's name were you thinking you complete imbecile! Why the hell would you sell your flat, Gene?"
She was flushed and red in the face, and for a moment Gene wasn't sure whether to be turned on or worried that she was going to hit him... When she began to rant again, he grabbed her face, pulling her mouth to his and kissing her with ferocity, until he eventually pulled back, replacing mouth with hand and glaring warningly at her. She didn't move to argue, and he slowly lowered his hand, expression relaxing slightly as he spoke, voice soft, tentative, almost nervous, even as his hand slid confidently up the outside of her thigh and to the soft curve of her arse.
"Sold it for you," he said quietly, tracing up her stomach and across the underside of her breasts as his hand moved up to her chin. "Hasn't been my home since you went an' phoned me at whatever time o' night it was..." he pressed a kiss to her lips, grinning sheepishly at the look of utter disbelief on her face. "You still mad?" He probed, eyebrows knitting together in a nervous frown.
Alex stared at him. "You've just gone and sold your flat, Gene, and didn't think to ask me about it! I think I've got the right to be a little peeved!"
He frowned, "why'd I need to ask you about it? I haven't slept there in three months, Bolly; None of my stuff is there, I've got no reason to keep it and the markets good for property... Jesus, Alex, I thought you might be pleased!" He stood up, dropping her heavily onto the sofa and moving to stand on the other side of the room, head resting lightly on the wall. Alex continued to stare at him as she lay there, now sprawled in a wholly unattractive position as she took him in, her eyes wide.
"Wouldn't it have been polite to ask, Gene? I assume you plan to live here? Only actually, this is my home, and if you want to be a permanent lodger then surely I ought to know about it?" She could feel trepidation rising in her stomach, nervous fear clasping at her innards. She shouldn't be angry – she wasn't, really... but what the hell was he thinking? Three months, and he wanted to drop his own, individual life, throw all his cards on the table and just skip along into her flat on a permanent basis? She didn't even know how long she'd be here, if she'd even wake up here the next day, and he was launching into co-habitation and property-sale.
She snapped out of her train of thought, shocked to see Gene hesitate, his hand flying nervously to the back of his neck, scratching and rubbing lightly as he averted his eyes, voice small. "Well... no, I was... it was gunna be a surprise, Bolly..."
"What? One day you just swan around and tell me you haven't got a bloody home to go to so why don't you just shack up here?" Her face was red and she was spitting, and Gene felt himself bristle.
"What the hell is your problem, Drake?" He snapped, pushing off the wall angrily. "It doesn't matter whether I own somewhere else or not, because I don't bloody live there! I hadn't been there in a month until last week, and it never bothered you then! Why are you so bloody averse to living with me, anyway? You just waiting until the shags run dry so you can shove me out, is that it?" His fists were clenched, his jaw tight, and his eyes were dark with anger. Alex leapt up, meeting his angry shouts with her own, arms flailing in rage.
"Is that what you think of me, Gene? Some dirty little scrot who'll let you shag her for a couple of months? Is that it? Because you can get out right now if you think I'm-"
"If I thought you were a whore Alex, I wouldn't be asking to live with you." His voice was more level, and though his tone was clipped, his apparent calm stopped her in her tracks and she was staring at him again, only this time it wasn't disbelief so much as hope, and as Gene shoved his hands in his pocket, Alex found herself calming, too. She remained quiet, waiting for him to speak again, biding her time. Eventually, he met her eyes again, scratching his arm nervously as he spoke. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about," he started, "only I was gunna wait till the paperwork was all done so it was all sorted out..." He hesitated, before stepping towards her, standing inches from her body but not breaking the touch barrier. His breath brushed across her skin, though he remained still, voice soft and husky, "wanted to go someplace new, Bols; new house or flat or somethin... was gunna ask you to move in once I sorted it out, show you I mean it..." His voice dripped with vulnerability, and in that moment Alex felt guilt rise in her stomach, stepping closer so that her chest pressed to his, hand cupping his cheek as she met his eyes.
"I'm sorry... I didn't... I was just nervous, Gene."
He frowned, "bout what? Nothing to be nervous about at the moment..." he tilted her chin up, pressing a light kiss to the corner of her mouth.
"Won't people ask questions if we buy a house together?" Alex murmured, closing her eyes as he moved to kiss the bridge of her nose, then moved to her forehead.
"Don't care," he said gruffly, tangling his fingers in her hair and gently flicking his tongue across her skin. "They 'ave to find out sometime, Bols," he murmured, "may as well be now..." He brought his lips to her mouth, gently sucking her upper lip between his. "Wanna be with you... properly..." he pulled back, nose resting against hers, eyes locked as he whispered to her, "Move in with me, Alex."
She kissed him softly, wrapping her arms around his neck and easing her mouth over his. "Ok," she answered, closing her eyes to the tender embrace of him, allowing him to scoop her up into his arms, his mouth not leaving hers as he carried her through to the bedroom, stumbling only once over a pair of shoes, smiling into her mouth as she giggled at him.
As he laid her down on the blue silk sheets of the bed – their bed, he thought to himself - his hands worked softly at the buttons of her blouse, popping them one after the other as his mouth moved gently with hers. "Are you nervous now?" He asked softly, pushing the fabric aside reverently before pulling his mouth from hers, trailing lips over chest and stomach teasingly. Alex sighed softly, shaking her head, before realizing he wasn't looking at her and forcing words from her throat.
"Not nervous," she whispered, "not now..."
"Were you before?" He reached for her boots, unfastening them and dropping both they and the socks to the floor. He dropped a soft kiss to the hollow of her left ankle before returning to her mouth, tongue tangling with hers, "were you scared?"
"Yes," she admitted softly, stroking his hair lightly as he pulled back, blue eyes meeting hers, full of assuring warmth and desire.
"Why, Alex?" He whispered, kissing her neck softly. "Don't want you to be scared of me..."
"Not scared of you," she spoke quietly, pushing her hips up into his, "scared you'd get bored of me if we got serious..."
His fingers reached her fly, lowering it slowly, slipping the button away before sliding his hands beneath the denim, easing it down her legs and dropping kisses to her skin as he went. "Couldn't get bored of you, Bolly," he said, dropping the jeans aside as he pressed his open mouth to her thigh. "Not when you make me feel like this..."
Alex let out a soft moan, her lips parting in an 'o' as Gene kissed up to the fabric of her bra, fingers reaching behind her to unclasp it before he tugged it gently with his teeth, sliding it from her arms.
"Are we serious, Alex?" He murmured, casting the garment aside, for some reason relishing the intimacy of her first name, now more than ever before, knowing it was a silent barrier they'd never given thought to; at moments like this, when they were trembling on the edge of a precipice in their relationship, it felt right to address her as such, with plain, open honesty.
"Yes," Alex answered softly, whimpering as he placed a gentle kiss to each taut nipple, before moving to her mouth again, laying his fully clothed body over her almost completely naked one.
He nodded slowly. "Good," he murmured, placing his mouth over hers and kissing her with tender passion. They lay still for a few minutes, arms around one another as their mouths teased and tasted, until Gene broke away to rest his forehead against hers, breathing slightly heavy. His voice was soft and yet gruff, and the depth of honesty made Alex's heart tighten, her breath hitching as he spoke. "Always been serious, Alex," he said, finding her hands and entwining both sets of fingers with his own. "Never been just a shag... not since you got us stuck in that bloody vault!" He kissed her with a renewed level of passion, his mouth harder against hers as he sucked and nipped and licked at her, somehow still gentle, even though she was finding it difficult to breathe from the intensity of it all.
"Why the vault?" She asked when he pulled away, his fingers now reaching for the knickers and tugging them from her body. "Why then?"
He didn't answer straight away, treasuring the moment of uncovering her completely, watching her for a moment before bending forwards to press a light kiss to her folds, then whispering, "I just knew," he murmured, flicking his tongue out to tease her clit, "knew if I was gunna die holding onto anyone, wanted it to be you..."
At that Alex whimpered, tugging at his shirt and attempting to pull him up the bed. He obeyed her directions, moving to help her as she began to undress him, sliding first his shirt and then his trousers from his body. Once they were both completely naked, breath mingling hotly in the cool of the room, Alex cupped Gene's cheek, tenderly caressing his skin before she spoke. "Show me how serious you are, Gene," she whispered. "Make love to me..."
She expected him to snort, call her a pansy ponce and laugh at her; instead, he cupped her face in both hands, tenderly kissing her before he replied. "Can't," he whispered softly, "you know I don't do love, Alex." He kissed her again, mouth soft and warm against hers, "I do this... you and me..." he murmured, brushing lips once more, a mere caress, but one that sent shivers down her spine. "I need you..." His mouth caressed the pulse at the side of her neck briefly, before he began speaking into the lightly perfumed skin, murmuring as he went, "not just for tonight... need you forever, Alex... but I won't do love."
"Then show me you need me," Alex whispered, turning her head towards him. Gene met her eyes, and then nodded.
"Yeah... ok..." There lips met in a passionate lock, and then they were lost, caught up in a dance of bodies, a tangle of sweaty limbs and a cacophony of pleasure that rocked their bodies and minds.
---
When Gene pulled out of her, he said nothing, simply rolling her onto her side so that his chest was pressed into her back, arms possessively around her, fingers of one hand toying idly with her nipple as he kissed along her shoulder blade and the back of her neck.
"Gene..." Alex yawned covering his hand with hers and entwining their fingers.
His voice was muffled, mouth still brushing over her skin, "Yeah?"
She turned her head slightly so that she could see his face, taking in his profile, the closed eyes and the relaxed expression. She smiled. "I like it when you call me Alex..."
Gene cracked his eyes open, lifting his head up and brushing his lips over her ear, "you don't like Bolly-knickers?" he teased, hand trailing down her side and hip.
Alex smiled, "I don't mind it at all," she said, unable to keep the amusement from her voice, "in fact, it's endearing in a way, although the fact you associate me with champagne because I'm posh did used to rankle a little."
She felt his grin on the back of her neck as he kissed her once again, pushing her hair aside, "don't worry," he said, "I reckon if we keep shagging like this there'll be nothing left of your posh-knickers anyway."
"The way you tear them off, I'm surprised I still have any left at all!"
He laughed, pulling her tight into him. "Could just stop wearing 'em, if you fancied it?"
Alex rolled her eyes, twisting round to look at him and raising an eyebrow. "Have you ever worn jeans with no knickers, Gene?"
"I've not indulged in lingerie in many years, Bolly," he said, voice mellow and serious, though his face cracked in two at her raised eyebrow, eliciting a small snort of amusement from him.
She laughed, "oh you know what I mean – trust me, you're better with me wearing them. Otherwise the denim will chafe and you'll have to wait several days before I even let you get near to me with that-" Gene kissed her into silence, then pulled back.
"Keep yer knickers then," he said quickly, cringing slightly, "but if you wear a dress, I'll rip them skimpy things off you before you get out the door!"
Alex smiled, settling down against him and kissing his chest. "Deal."
There was a long silence, before Gene leant to nuzzle at her neck, his voice quiet. "I like calling you Alex, too..."
She met his eyes, smile wide, "will you do it more often?"
He cupped her face, touching his nose to hers, "yeah, I will... 's long as the team ain't around."
"We will tell them soon, won't we?" Alex asked worriedly, pulling back ever so slightly. Gene nodded.
"Yeah, we will... soon... but at work it's still 'Bolly' and 'Guv'..." He kissed her gently, "when we get home, you can call me anything you like."
----
It was dark; the moonlight was creeping in through the crack in the curtain, highlighting Gene's face as he lay there, showing every line and wrinkle while he slept on. Alex's hand rested lightly over his chest, feeling the gentle thump of his heart beneath her fingers, lip quirking ever so slightly at the soft rhythm.
The confusion of the day had lifted now, and her heart clenched with guilt at the pain her own lack of faith had caused the man sleeping beside her. It still baffled her that she had reacted so rashly, so out of character... She wanted things to be serious between them, but the idea of publicly announcing her relationship with Gene Hunt had seemed tantamount to putting a noose around their necks and jumping willingly from the foot support. It had seemed irrational, she thought, to sell his home and move in with her without so much as a word, and yet, now she had dwelt on it, had heard his feelings, his opinion, his honesty, she realized that he was trying for her, trying to be committed... And for some reason, she knew he hadn't done this sort of thing often, if at all – he'd been married, yes, but it didn't mean they'd co-habited beforehand...
But looking at him, feeling him there with her, living and breathing, made her realize that it wasn't that she was worried about; she knew that every moment she spent with Gene meant a harder time getting home, that every second she spent thinking about him instead of Molly was distracting her from the task at hand...
But she had tried to get home, so many times, and nothing had worked, nothing had helped... And now here she lay, with a man who made her happier than any other ever had, who made her feel alive, safe and comfortable whenever she saw him. Every moment she spent in love with Gene was another away from her precious daughter, and yet she couldn't tear herself away from him. The links to her own world had long since ceased to bleed through to her television, all lost to whatever abyss of time she was caught up in, and it was almost as though someone wanted her to give up, to stop fighting and just stay...
That was the real problem, she thought. Moving in with Gene meant accepting the life she had in this time, in eighty-two, where Molly wasn't even born yet; because moving in was commitment, and commitment meant sticking around, being there for one another... And the truth was, she wanted that commitment, just as much as she wanted to look after her daughter.
Sam had described Gene Hunt as a cancer on his tapes, eating away at his brain and forcing him deeper into his own imagination, and yet, somehow, it made no sense; Gene was one of the most humane people in existence, despite his flaws, his political incorrectness and his complete disregard for the rules. She couldn't have imagined him.
She reached out, caressing a wayward lock of hair from his forehead and pressing her lips tenderly to his temple, once again questioning how she could ever have believed him to be a fabrication; no amount of imaginings would develop that smell, the earthy scent of skin mingled with his spicy soap, the underlying smell of alcohol and cigarettes that seemed to permeate his whole being, and then an extra hint of something, a small, subtle, tangible scent that set the whole thing off and made her sigh with soft contentment... And whatever he was in this strange dystopia she had landed in, she knew, more than anything, that the emotion she felt for him was irrevocable, ingrained so deep in her system that she wasn't sure she could ever get rid of it, even if she wanted to, even if she woke up tomorrow in 2008 with Molly at her side.
"I love you, Gene," she whispered, voice soft, honest, and, despite knowing he was asleep, nervous. She pressed her lips lightly to his, feeling him stir into consciousness as she did so, his arms tightening around her as he gently pulled her closer until her face nestled against his chest.
"Mmm," he groaned, "I'm tired...go to sleep, Alex..." She smiled, kissing his shoulder gently as his hand slid familiarly down to rest on her rear. "Nice arse..." he said sleepily, "like it... s'nice..." He squeezed her rump gently before readjusting his position on his pillow, squashing his nose up slightly as he fell back into sleep, snoring lightly.
Alex felt tears pricking at her eyes, even as the smile of contentment spread over her face. "Oh Gene," she said softly, resting her head on his chest closing her eyes lightly as his heart beat out a gentle rhythm of reassurance beneath her ear, the ultimate sign of life...
But though the noise was warming to her heart, she could feel a lump in her throat as she longed also for another heartbeat- a faster one, one she had first felt in a far-off hospital, where she had pressed her two forefingers to the bare skin of her daughter's chest during the first minutes of her life... She closed her eyes briefly, whispering sadly to Gene's sleeping form, "I wish you could have met Molly..." Tears trickled down her cheek, falling onto Gene's bare skin as she finally allowed herself to grieve for the daughter she feared she might never see again. And even as he slept, oblivious to her pain as he snored softly on, Gene's presence kept her grounded, his warm breath on her neck abating the ice-cold grief that tortured her soul, the touch of his hand on her skin a quiet reassurance in the horror of her loss.
----
Thanks to Feline, as ever :-)
Mage of the Heart