I don't own Ashes to Ashes

---

When Alex stirred into consciousness the next morning, Gene was just rising, lifting his head from her stomach and getting to his feet as he headed to answer the shrill call of the telephone, attempting to remain quiet as he crossed the room. He closed the door behind him, the dull click as the lock slipped into place too loud in the previously silent room, causing Alex to flinch slightly. She sat up, dropping her feet to the floor and smiling mildly when Fitz stirred from his basket, walking mutely over to place his head in her lap, warm breath caressing her hand as his large eyes looked up at her dolefully.

"You should be asleep, young man," she scolded playfully, only then glancing towards the clock and realizing that, in fact, it was twenty past one in the afternoon. With a sigh, she stood up, walking towards the door idly. Her hand reached forward to grasp the handle, but a moment later it had been wrenched open from the other side; Gene's face was set, his jaw tight, but before Alex could ask what was wrong, before the words had even begun to form in her throat, he was talking to her, his voice stiff and pained in his throat.

"Back later," he said, pressing a small, barely-there kiss to Alex's cheek before striding out the door, his face completely pale and drawn. Alex could only stare at him blankly, watching the wooden door thud shut behind him with confusion etched on her face. A few moments later, she heard the roar of the Quattro's engine, and the unmistakeable screech as Gene stepped on the accelerator and sped away to God knows where.

---

Two hours later, he still hadn't returned, and though Alex knew better than to worry – after all he was a grown man, and had looked after himself, however questionably, for a good few years before she came along- she couldn't help herself. Every few minutes she would jump to her feet and peer expectantly out the window, hoping that the gleaming red car would materialise in front of the house and allow her to abandon the sick worry that was rapidly flooding her stomach. It wasn't rational, she knew; he could be anywhere, doing something as simple as watching water go by – though the idea was unlikely, to say the least- but she couldn't shake the memory of his heart wrenching grief, or the worry that something would snap, that whatever progress they'd made in grieving would regress and she wouldn't be there to help him...

She busied herself with cleaning the kitchen, the living room and the bathroom, killing an hour of her time looking like a domesticated housewife to distract her mind and stop her wringing her hands in distress. When she had polished and hoovered each room to perfection, the rubber marigold gloves having picked up copious amounts of dirt, she phoned Ray at CID. She had hoped to find that there was a case they needed advice on, or that by some stroke of luck they had found a lead in the McKellen case, that they might need her expertise in Psychology to help them with a criminal profile... But there was nothing - absolutely nothing, aside from the knowledge that the Super was bitterly angry that his two senior officers had run off without so much as a goodbye. Nothing but that, and the fact that their replacements were bitterly harsh and, in Ray's own words, "strung up like a g-string on a washing line." After having reassured Ray that she and Gene would be back within a week, and that they would deal with the Super's anger immediately upon their return, the conversation reached its inevitable conclusion, despite her best attempts to draw it out with unnecessary inquiries as to the teams wellbeing. She hung up reluctantly, the dull 'clunk' of the phone as it settled into the cradle echoing around the empty room and resounding in her brain as she attempted to keep at bay the nagging, increasingly insistent unease in her stomach.

For a few brief moments, she entertained the idea of telephoning the Super herself, hoping that in doing so she might spare Gene some of the aggravation on their return, and maintain the illusion of distraction from the dark thoughts currently clouding her mind, but when the phone rang without answer for five minutes, she gave up, once more dropping the receiver into the cradle and trying not to sink into despair.

In the end, she was granted a respite from the painful thoughts that tore through her mind as Fitz pawed longingly at the front door, his leash caught up between his teeth as he looked from Alex, to the door, to Alex again. Deciding she could use the fresh air, and hoping silently that the dog could provide a big enough distraction that when they returned Gene would already be sprawled casually across the sofa, she fastened the collar on the dogs' neck, taking the house key from the sideboard and locking the door behind her.

---

It was only when she reached the corner of the street that she realized she had no clue as to whereabouts she was; she had never before visited Manchester, and she suspected it had probably changed more than a little in 2008, so even if she had, there would have been little hope for her. Fitz waited calmly at her heels, looking up expectantly, his large tail thumping on the floor behind him as he awaited her lead. Alex hesitated, eyeing him almost nervously, and then shrugged, turning left and hoping for the best as she attempted to navigate the strangely quiet streets with only her gut instinct to help her.

Fitz walked patiently at her heels, trotting happily beside her without complaint and behaving perfectly. She barely had to murmur the word 'sit' when they went to cross the roads, and when other pedestrians passed them by he made no attempt to jump up as he might have done with Gene or Alex herself. He didn't react to the sound of cars, nor the noisy clatter from nearby houses as families argued, and Alex silently wondered whether the dog was not silently announcing his own depression by acting as docile and sedate as possible.

Her opinion changed instantly when a small, white-haired poodle with a high-pitched, yelping bark, rounded the corner. A moment before, her trusting hand had loosely gripped the leash in its grasp, barely needing to maintain contact as the large dog remained resolutely at her ankle as though the model of perfection, and now the leash was trailing along behind him, splashing in small puddles as he tore up the pavement towards the unsuspecting and wholly unnerved female dog, who instantly pawed and whined at her owners ankle, begging to be picked up as the large brown and white ball of fur barrelled down the street, right up to the little old lady who looked scathingly at both Alex and Fitz in turn.

"Good God, woman!" She snapped as her gaze fell on Alex's beet red face, "Control that beast! Can't you see little Bessie is shaking in her boots?" Alex stared, both embarrassed and slightly taken aback; the woman's accent didn't come from Manchester, and somehow it felt odd that the first person besides Gene she met would be from London as well.

"I'm sorry," she stammered, glancing at the white poodle as though in apology, to see that she was indeed trembling in the ladies arm. Her gaze wandered to Fitz, who was slowly but surely lifting himself up onto his hind legs to sniff at Bessie's rear, and, flushing crimson, Alex snatched the lead up, tugging Fitz to her heel and ignoring the whine of protest that left his throat, leading him forcibly away with more mumbled apologies. Fitz resisted, pulling towards Bessie with brute force, until the little woman seemed to regain her senses and hurriedly walked away. The moment the brown tail of the ladies coat disappeared around the corner, Fitz was walking as calmly as ever, his trotting pace as regal as before; this time though, Alex's hand gripped the leash until her knuckles were white with the effort, and when a golden Labrador rounded the corner and Fitz attempted all too abruptly to mount her, Alex tugged him away, sparing an apologetic glance at the frowning owner, before turning around and walking them back to the house.

---

Gene was just pulling into the street as Alex unlocked the door, and the moment she had let Fitz into the house she bounded down the steps towards him, planting herself firmly in front of his broad body as he stepped out of the car, shutting the door lightly behind him. It took a few moments for Alex to notice the difference in his expression, but while the lines of his face were firmly set in thought, there was a slight hint of relief in the depths of his blue eyes. Though he said nothing, he pulled her tightly into the circle of his arms, one hand burying itself in her hair as his heavy breath tickled and teased across her scalp. She returned the embrace warmly, her hands slipping beneath the heavy coat to trace light patterns across his back, absentmindedly turning her face to press her soft, warm lips to the hollow of his neck.

"You ok?" she murmured softly, tracing her nose along the strong line of his jaw before drawing back to meet his eyes. His rough, warm hand cupped her cheek, and there was such depth in his gaze that she shivered, her heart swelling as he nodded slowly, before lightly pressing his lips to the small dimple at the corner of her mouth.

"Fine," he murmured, "I'm fine... c'mon..." catching her hand in his, squeezing slightly to reassure her when she saw the shadow of doubt spreading over her face, Gene led her towards the house, drawing her into his side and through the door towards the living room. Fitz lightly nudged Gene's knee with his nose as he steered Alex towards the sofa, but Gene barely ruffled the dog's hair once before he turned his body away, drawing Alex into him and sighing as her hair tickled his face, smelling faintly of fruity shampoo as he smoothed one hand over the flyaway strands.

She closed her eyes to the gentle caress, sighing lightly and resting her head on his chest before murmuring in a barely audible voice, "where'd you go?"

Gene's lips pressed to her hair, and the unmistakeable waft of cigarettes washed over her; there was no mistaking that Gene had spent the majority of his absence puffing on a cigarette, and from the way he held her, as though she were made of fragile glass that might break if he touched her too hard, she could only assume that it was out of stress. Her hand slid to his side, slipping under the plain shirt he wore to caress the soft, sensitive skin that always caused him to sigh softly. His breath blew lightly against her cheek as she turned her face up to his, eyes questioning even as his teeth worried his lower lip. Eventually, he traced a finger down across the plains of her face, thumb teasing across her lips before he murmured softly, "Mam's solicitor wanted to go through the will with me..." He seemed to flinch slightly, and Alex instinctively shifted closer, lips pressing to his cheek lightly as she brought her free hand to gently finger through his soft hair.

"What happened?" She asked softly, settling her head on his shoulder so that he didn't have to look at her face if he so wished. Gene's hand rested lightly on her waist, his chin coming to rest softly on the top of her head as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Dunno... was sort of a blur... had to... I 'ad to get something from 'er... from the body, I mean an'..." his grip tightened ever so slightly before he spoke again, his voice cracking. "Dunno what they do in there, Bols, but it was like... like she'd lost fifty years... looked like she did when I was a kid- was bloody scary." He shivered, hooking an arm beneath her legs and tugging her gratefully into his lap, forehead resting lightly against the soft, thumping pulse of her neck. Alex said nothing, gently cradling his head with both hands, pressing her lips to his ear as he flexed his fingers lightly on her waist, as though in doing so he might banish some of the grief that had welled up yet again. "Wasn't... it wasn't bad... I mean- she looked happy... sorta peaceful..." his breath was warm, and he didn't move as he spoke, vivid recollections of his mother's silent, seemingly relaxed face flashing in front of his eyes, causing him to shake with a mixture of bitter grief at his loss, and gentle relief at the look of utter happiness that had imprinted itself on his mind.

With her fingers gently caressing Gene's scalp, Alex murmured softly in his ear, calming the harsh breaths with gentle words and soothing glances of her skin against his. "She's safe, Gene... you're safe..." She felt Gene's nails dig into her as his grip tightened on her waist at these words, and she met his gaze, noting the pleading questions in his eyes and feeling her chest contract.

"D'you believe in that sorta thing?" He murmured, "Heaven... hell... all that bollucks?"

Alex sighed, tracing the curve of his eyebrow with one finger. "Maybe," she whispered, trailing down his cheeks and over his jaw with a tender caress, eyes following the path that her fingers made over his skin. "Not so much heaven, just..." there was hesitance in her eyes, but Gene's eyes were quietly pleading, asking questions she knew he couldn't bring himself to voice aloud, lest her answer cause him further grief. "Well, I don't believe there's nothing there afterwards... Maybe it's heaven, maybe it's just a place where you feel happiest, but-" she gulped, then added, softly and quietly, "I just can't see why we'd exist if there was no place to go on to.."

Gene's mouth turned up into a smile of ironic amusement as his lips brushed her wrist. "Always had you down for the science-proven bollucks about big bangs and bloody chimpanzees..." his murmur was soft, almost relieved, and Alex smiled as she watched his face relax slightly, the muscles of his cheeks losing some of their rigidity as the smile widened ever so slightly on his lips.

"So- so she'd be with Jack, right? When she was happiest?" His eyes were hopeful, practically pleading, but the smile remained, as though that was what he really wanted for his mothers soul... Alex felt her lip tremble as she nodded, tears stinging at her eyes as she looked at him. "And Stu?" Gene asked softly, his voice almost childlike, vulnerable, to the point that that Alex had to pull him to her chest to hide her streaming tears as she answered him, fingers caressing his neck and scalp as he pressed soft, hesitant lips to her neck, as though asking for something – anything - that would make him feel better...

"Yes, Gene," Alex whispered, tears falling onto his hair. "She's with them."

The tension in his body lessened instantly, his arms sliding around her as he smiled shakily into the warm skin of her neck. "Good," he managed, his voice raw and grating. Alex was sure that as they sat, his head resting on her shoulder, face buried in her neck, that she felt a warm trickle of tears down her neck, but said nothing. When he eventually pulled back a while later, there was no further redness in his eyes, and Alex said nothing, only moving to rest her forehead lightly on his, feeling their breaths mingle.

For a while, they simply sat there, both of them lost in thought, eyes closed as they stayed still, ignorant to all but the warmth of one another's bodies and the array of welcoming smells that drifted from their clothes and permeated their nostrils.

Eventually, and somewhat to Alex's surprise, it was Gene who broke the silence, drawing slightly away from her and opening his eyes as he spoke, soft and timid. "She left you something..."

The statement caused Alex to open her eyes, lifting her head and frowning slightly at the absurdity of it. "Me?"

Gene nodded, then frowned, and then followed it up with a small shrug. "Yeah... well... indirectly, I mean..."

Alex raised one eyebrow in query, and he sighed, shifting slightly in his seat so that he remained more upright. "Gene, you can't leave something 'indirectly'... it doesn't quite work that way, its-"

A groan escaped Gene's lips as he attempted to distract her from a long-winded lecture, and eventually he opted simply to speak up loudly above her analysis of laws regarding the deceased. "She left me something then," he said, voice dropping a pitch when she paused in her speech, allowing him to continue. "She left me something to give to you... well not you, necessarily... I mean, she doesn't say you, but I know what she meant and-"

"Gene, what are you on about?" Alex asked, fondness creeping into her voice as he rolled his eyes and her finger traced his cheek, a small smile on her red lips.

A moment later, he pushed her lightly off so that she was on the sofa next to him, looking thoroughly confused as he stood up and dug in the back pocket of his jeans, drawing out a folded square of paper which he handed to her, his eyes averted, fixed on the ground. "Here..." he said, "it's the last paragraph." He shoved his hands into his pockets, and Alex could hear him gulp as she carefully unfolded the paper, smoothing it out so that she could see it more clearly. It was a photocopy, and a glance at the top of the page told her all she needed to know; it was Maddie's will.

She looked up to him, her eyes unwittingly panicked, unnerved, as she spoke. "Gene, I don't want to intrude on-"

"Alex," Gene interrupted, looking at her with warm eyes that were full of emotion and depth, "please... read it – you don't have to read it all, just the last paragraph...it's for you."

She hesitated a moment too long, just long enough that she could see the pain and desperation flash in his eyes, before she turned her eyes to the page, arms shaking nervously. It felt wrong to hold a copy of Gene's mother's last wishes, when she had barely known the woman for twelve hours, and yet here Gene was, insisting it was meant for her, that it was fine... Her fingers trembled as she folded the paper over so that all she could see was the final paragraph, blocking the rest from view, her eyes brimming as she read the words before her.

'My final bequest is to my son, Eugene, for the engagement ring given to me by Captain Jack Callea, the love of my life. It is my dying wish that this ring be passed to whosoever touches Eugene's heart the way that my beloved fiancé touched mine; of this woman, I ask only that she treat my son with the same love and devotion I would have bestowed upon my loving Jack, if time had been more kind.'

It was signed and dated, but Alex couldn't make either signature nor date out through the blur of tears that spilled from her eyes as she bit down on her lip, looking up to Gene and searching for something, anything, though somehow she had no clue as to what this something might be. There was a moment where the blurred outline was stock still, and then he was in front of her, knelt between her legs with his large hands on either side of her face, thumbs wiping away the tears that slipped from her eyes. Her vision cleared slightly, the focus of her gaze suddenly those bright, glistening blue eyes that looked at her with such devotion that her whole body shivered.

"You ain't meant to cry you dozy tart," he murmured softly, his lips pressing to her forehead briefly before he pulled back again.

"But- how- how can you be sure? It might not be me she means at all! I'm- I'm just-" She looked scared, panicked, and he frowned, shaking his head.

"Alex," Gene murmured, cupping her chin and holding her gaze for a long moment, in which the only sound was the sharp inhalation of Alex's teary rasps. "I don't wanna let you go... that's all I need to know, alright?" He hesitated briefly, then added, "Well... that, and I thought you felt the same way..." At the last, doubt crept into his voice, edged with worry and fear as though he truly wondered whether he had been wrong, if she didn't feel that way at all.

"I do, Gene," she whispered, covering his hand with hers, and he couldn't question the sincerity in her voice; it dripped from each of the three syllables, and he could have sworn that, in that moment, he saw his whole life ahead of him. "I do," she repeated softly, "I love you, I do..."

He pressed a finger to her lips, eyes intense as he nodded, "Good... now shush, you daft cow." For a moment, he held his finger there, and then, when he saw that she wasn't going to say anything else, he pulled his hand away, digging in his pocket for a worn velvet box that was slightly tattered, the jewellers name having long-since faded from the soft covering. He flicked the lid carefully up, meeting her eyes and grasping her hand in his.

"I ain't asking you to marry me, Alex," he murmured, pressing his lips to her wedding finger almost wistfully when he saw the slight look of fear that dawned in Alex's eyes as he knelt, before continuing. "Just don't go making any plans to get hitched to anyone else, ok?" His eyes were nervous, and Alex could have sworn she felt his palm clamming with sweat, but it didn't shake the smile from her face as she nodded, swiping her spare hand at the tears that continued to trickle freely down her cheeks.

His fingers drew the ring from the box, trembling as he lifted her hand towards him. For a moment, he hesitated at the wedding finger, looking almost longingly at it, before he met her eyes, seeing the slight widening of her pupils before sliding the small ring down her middle finger and bringing the hand to his lips once more, kissing from fingertip down to her wrist without taking his eyes away.

As he rose up to sit beside her, he never once broke her gaze, nor did he even look unnerved – as she irrationally expected - as his arm slipped around her shoulders, pulling her head in to rest on his shoulder. "You're sure you want me to have it?" Alex asked, her voice cracking momentarily at the thought of having the romantic sentiment wrenched away from her, but he nodded, completely confident, putting those momentary worries at ease.

"Positive," he said without trace of a doubt, pulling her into his lap and smiling slightly. There was a moment's hesitation, then he frowned, "I mean... s'long as you actually want it, then it's yours..."

Eyes bright, Alex leant forward, catching his lips with hers very briefly before whispering, "thank you," she whispered. For a moment, he said nothing, simply holding her gaze with a depth of feeling that would have floored her had she been on her feet; as it was, she could feel her whole body go weak as she leant forward, resting against him with a soft sigh.

He turned towards her, his mouth finding hers almost hesitantly, his hand tightening on her hip as his tentative lips caressed her own. She expected him to pull back at any moment, but instead he drew her closer, the softness of her lips a welcome distraction from the slight grief that the exchange had unhinged in his stomach; it seemed too final, almost as though he were giving up on his mother somehow... but he understood, as Alex responded to him, that this was what she had wanted- Maddie wanted him to be happy, to be loved, and being with Alex gave him that love and happiness, in a way he could never have imagined. And, unknowingly, she had provided him with a way of showing Alex, without the words that always caught in his throat, just how much she meant, how important she was to him...

He caught her lip between both of his, sucking lightly before swiping his tongue across her lip, silently requesting entry. There was something tender in the way she responded, in the warm welcome of her mouth and the gentle caress of her fingers as they danced across his shoulders and up the line of his neck; It was passionate –almost ground-breakingly so- but something beneath the surface was different. Their kisses were nearly always raw and lustful, and even though they had exchanged tender embraces in the past, the magnitude of this was different, on a completely different plain, and there was no need for the sexual expression that they might normally have progressed to.

There were no words needed, no confusion, no questions, and as she kissed him, her tongue tangling with his, he didn't doubt for so much as a second that he had made the right choice in giving her the ring.

---

They pulled apart a while later, lying down length-ways on the sofa and holding one another in a delicate embrace. Alex rested her left hand on Gene's chest, gazing at the ring in bewilderment whilst Gene closed his eyes, his breathing steady and warm on her face.

In the shafts of sunlight that broke through the blinds, the gold ring glittered, the sizeable ruby, which was set amongst twenty tiny diamonds, sending rays of light bouncing off in all directions. She was struck again by a powerful wave of emotion that threatened to bring tears once more to her eyes; it was beautiful, and perfect, and the fact Gene had given it to her so willingly, without needing once to question his decision, made her chest ache with joy. Yet again, though, she felt the wedge driving her away from Molly growing ever bigger, but this time, she couldn't bring herself to even consider leaving Gene's side; he needed her, and she knew, without having to contemplate it, that now she had experienced life so completely with this man, that now she had watched him endure pain beyond her comprehension and seen the depth of emotion he was truly capable of, and had felt the innate pull that drew her unquestionably towards him, she could never be without him. She knew now that she could never leave him without spending the rest of her existence being wracked with guilt and grief, that she needed him just as desperately as he seemed to need her... and as his arms tightened around her and his lips pressed gently to her temple, silent tears slid down her cheeks as her decision was made.

"Love you..." she whispered tearfully, and she couldn't be sure whether it was meant for Molly or for Gene, but as he tightened his hold on her, she knew it didn't matter.

"Yeah..." Gene murmured, his voice drowsy as he nuzzled her hair lightly with his nose. He yawned, almost as though he was just waking up, and then murmured, "I'll tell you someday... when all this is over..." he yawned again, his next words a barely decipherable mumble. "Tell you then..."

----

If Gene expected sunshine for his mother's funeral, he was sorely disappointed, but as he and Alex stood at the graveside, hands clasped together in the pouring rain, his clothes clinging to his body like a second skin, there was something almost fitting in the way the weather seemed to reflect his grief. As he watched his mother's coffin being lowered into the ground, and saw the raindrops hammering onto the wooden surface, glistening on the petals of the lily bouquet resting on the casket itself, it seemed right that it should be so, that he shouldn't feel pleasantly warmed and comfortable, that he should take this one, final opportunity to apologise, to remember, to give something back to her...

The priest's voice was lost to him, and all Gene was really aware of was the grief in his stomach and the warm reassurance that he found in Alex's hand. The rain poured, and he was glad that his tears were lost in the cascade that fell from the darkened sky, glad that he didn't have to fight back the stream of grief that poured forth from his heart. His breathing was laboured, his grip tightening on Alex's hand, and a moment after the priest had finished speaking she was stepping into the circle of his arms, her head resting below his chin as she too looked on at the heavy wooden casket.

A few people threw flowers onto the grave, and after a few moments, wherein Alex glanced up at him with hazel eyes full of sympathy and warmth, he brought the rose he held to his lips, brushing the petals lightly before tossing it onto the pile of flowers with a final wistful glance. A moment later, his face was in Alex's neck, the smell of rain, wet mud and shampoo all mingling in his nostrils as he breathed shakily, his breath hot against the coolness of her wet skin. Her left hand lifted to his cheek and he raised his head, catching her hand in his and eyeing the ring that seemed to shine out even in the dull, miserable weather. Having twined their fingers together, he kissed her knuckles briefly before pulling her to him, his mouth next to her ear as he spoke above the hammering rain and the roaring wind.

"You ain't goin' anywhere, are you?"

Alex shook her head, biting back tears as he squeezed her tightly, desperately, his voice cracking in her ears. "No Gene," she replied softly, "I'm not."

He nodded, holding her briefly, then slipping his hand into hers and drawing her away; as they passed the neighbouring grave, Alex stopped, eyes on the grey stone, her lip quivering. Gene turned, a strange dread gripping his stomach, before his gaze fell on the engraving that had yet to age. The tight knot in his stomach loosened, an unexpected smile dawning on his lips as he pulled Alex into his chest, lips pressing to her forehead.

"Guess some people just have to end up together," he murmured, watching as the rain cleared slightly and the crowd around his mother's grave thinned. He could feel Alex's frown as she looked up at him, but his eyes returned to the grave before them, lips twitching into a warm smile.

"Didn't you know?"

He shook his head, grinning to himself. "Hadn't a clue." Tugging her hand, he drew her away, only once glancing back over his shoulder towards his mother's grave, and that of her life-long love, imagining, for one fleeting moment of warmth, that he could see his mothers smiling face once more.

Alex caught his eye, glancing up at him through the spitting rain and squeezing his hand gently in hers. He returned the gesture, leading her away from the graves, his arm slipping around her waist and drawing her to his side. "Come on, love," he murmured, dipping his face to briefly capture her lips, "Let's go home."

----

As always, many thanks to Feline over on TRA – she does a wonderful job making sure everything makes sense :)

Hope you liked it, and this period of angst is over now I swear :P

Mage of the Heart