Hey everyone! if you added me to your favorites or alerts thank you so much! and if you reveiwed thank you so much!

Thank you to Whitlock slash whore for being an awesome beta!

I dont own anything twilight!

Im really sorry for the length of this chapter but i really wanted to finish up edwards past to get on to bellas! enjoy everyone and please reveiw!

Chapter 3

"Edward, please tell me what's happening! You're kind of scaring me." I heard Alice's soft voice. Somewhere in the middle of my breakdown, she had come in and was now sitting on the floor. She was rubbing my back and to my surprise, was crying herself. I handed her the letter. She took it from me slowly, as if it was a bomb. Which it was, the bomb that wrecked my life.

Alice was going to be crushed. She and Bella had always been close. Once Alice had gotten into high school, they somewhat grew apart but she was Alice's sister. That's what she was, our family. And she just left. She didn't just abandon me, she abandoned everyone. How was I going to explain this to my parents, God, how was I going to explain this to her father…? Wait, Bella surely did not leave without giving her father any notice. I rose off the bed and skidded by a weeping Alice, right out the door. Charlie had to tell me where she had gone. I was not going to give up.

I ran down the stairs taking two at a time, almost running over my mother.

"Edward, what's wrong?" she said with worried eyes. I could not look at her. I just could not face them yet. I got into my car and had to wipe my eyes roughly. They stung, and I could barely stand to keep them open.

I sped to her house, hoping I would be greeted with her truck. Hoping that the piece of crap would sit in her driveway. That she thought she made a mistake. That she wasn't leaving. That she wasn't throwing us away.

But when I arrived at her little white house, all I saw was an empty driveway. I parked and got out and ran to her door, hoping the spare key was where it always was. Maybe she left Charlie a condemning note as well, maybe there was a way. I got into her house and rushed to her kitchen, where they always left notes to each other, but the little dining table sat empty. I stood there hoping for a miracle, hoping for a way out of this.

She had fled the town she had lived in her whole life because of a decision I forced her into. I hadn't just ruined my life ,I had ruined hers, ours. I never thought Bella would leave her father all alone; I was surprised she even agreed to go to college. But the fact that she just left him with hardly any notice. I didn't believe it, I just couldn't. I ran up to her room, hoping for anything, that maybe she left something there. But when I got to her room, all I saw was empty drawers and an empty closet. Her bed was still made, only thing missing was the quilt her Gran made.

I sat down on her bed and let myself be absorbed in all her belongings. She didn't take any pictures. I wondered if she wanted to remember me. Did she hate me enough that she could forget how happy we were? Maybe all the stuff in the note was just for my benefit. Like a mad man, I stared going through each of her drawers, to make sure I hadn't missed anything. I kicked the dresser fiercely when I came up with nothing.

"She's gone, Edward." Charlie was standing in the doorway. He looked grim. He looked like me. This was my entire fault.

"I know." I said, barley a whisper. I ran my hands through my hair.

"Did she say-?" I let the question trail as I looked up at him, putting all my hope in that one question.

"No, I'm sorry. She didn't. She told me this afternoon that she was leaving." He ducked his head and swallowed deeply as though he was just coming to terms with it. "I honestly thought she'd back out, but from the looks of her bedroom, I was wrong." He leaned his head up against the doorframe and closed his eyes.

"No sir, I was wrong." I left Charlie's house that night without ever looking him in the eyes. I knew if I saw his eyes, I'd crumble faster than I already was, because his eyes were the color of Bella's.

****

In the following weeks, I destroyed everything that reminded me of Bella. I threw every article of clothing of hers in the trash. All our pictures were burned in my trashcan. My mother insisted on keeping all the family photos she was in, I don't know why. She wasn't coming back.

The truth was, in no way was I angry with Bella. I was infuriated with myself. Everything that I associated with her made me want to jump off a building. I won't lie in saying that sometimes I didn't contemplate just that. I was in so much pain, all because I lost her. And I was in so much pain for what I did. If I had just done things differently, she'd be here. But I couldn't change anything.

Alice told me multiple times that I should just try to find her. That I was simply giving up. But I didn't know where she could have gone. Her phone was disconnected shortly after it all happened. She went to such extreme measures to avoid all contact with me. I was sure she loathed me for what I had done.

After almost going mad from sitting in my room alone, I left and went to Bella's house. I felt so horrible for what I had done to Charlie in this as well. Bella was all he had. So I sat and watched him. Sometimes I prayed Bella would come rolling in her noisy truck to see him but she never did. But for some reason the hours I spent in front of her house were the highlight of my entire day. I felt like I could feel her there more than anywhere.

I watched him answer the phone one day and I almost jumped out of the car in hopes that it was her on the line. But he never showed one ounce of happiness in his face as he talked, always anger. So I just knew it couldn't be her. That he must be talking to someone at his office, annoyed at the fact he was being bothered. But it was the same every night, he'd talk on the phone for ten minutes, then sit in front of the TV with pizza and beer and go to sleep. Bella always had cooked for him; her whole face would light up when she cooked. It was one of the few things besides reading she enjoyed. And she was amazing at it, so unlike her mother. Renee would always make these horrendous dishes. And when she left, I remember Bella saying she missed the smell of burnt food. Bella started cooking for them shortly after her eleventh birthday because she had stomached the last pizza, she had said. The hours sitting in my car at her house was the hours I truly allowed myself to think about everything that had happened. To simply think of her and enjoy all the things we had together.

So every night I sat with Charlie, unbeknown to him. We were the two people Bella had abandoned. And after six weeks it became clear she wasn't coming back.

****

I sat staring at her window, looking at the yellow lace baby curtains. I always asked why she didn't just take them down. And she always said because her mom and dad decorated her nursery together, and when she looked at them she felt like she could see a semblance of when they were happy. I turned away from the window.

"Holy Shit!" I yelled. Charlie was standing at my window with a grin turning up his mustache. I rolled down my window, being completely mortified with the fact I had been caught.

"Evening ,Sir." He had always asked me to call him Charlie. But one night he caught Bella and I fooling-around on the couch and threw me out. Soon after that, I always called him sir. And he never offered to change it back.

"Edward, come inside, we should talk." And he turned on his heel and went back in the house. I noticed he left the front door open. I pulled the key out of the ignition and ran my hands threw my hair in nervousness. I didn't know what he wanted to speak about. I took a deep breath and got out.

When I came into the house, he was sitting at the table in the kitchen, over pizza and two beers. Charlie had never offered me a beer before. I sat down across from him and looked down, carefully avoiding his eyes.

"Take a piece and have a beer, kid." He said as he wiped his face clean of pizza sauce.

"You want me to have a beer?" I raised my eyebrows in question. He let out a manly chuckle and shook his head.

"Yeah, some how I think you need it more than anyone." I smiled lightly and opened the beer for a swig. I let the coolness run down my dry throat. I looked around the kitchen, noticing all the differences since Bella left. The floor no longer shined from her hard work. The sink was filled with coffee mugs and plates. And there were empty pizza boxes everywhere. I looked back to his face as he surveyed me. We were drifting into an awkward silence.

"What brought this on, sir?" I asked incommutably as I fiddled with the beer can.

"Well it's not like you haven't been sitting on my street for a month." My eyes grew wide at his admission. I quickly began to try to mumble something out. But he just waved his hands in forgiveness.

"It's fine, kid. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute about everything." He once again cleared his throat. "I've been speaking to Bella in the past weeks and you should know that she's adamant on not coming home. There is no reason for you to sit by my house waiting. She isn't coming back here." He avoided my face while he said this. But it wasn't anything I wasn't already sure of. But what surprised me was that he talked to her.

"Has she said where she is, Charlie, I mean, sir, I need to know! I need to see her, pleas-." He held his hand up, beckoning me to stop.

"She won't say where she's at. Were not really on amazing terms at the moment, but she calls every couple of days to tell me she is okay. But she isn't ever coming back to Forks. She has told me that numerous times." He deep sighed, took a drink of his beer, and then looked me directly in the eye. "What you're doing isn't healthy, kid. I've been left before I know exactly what turmoil you're going through. All the blame you're placing on yourself. But there isn't anything to be done once a person leaves. I'm sorry. But listen to me, you're too young to give up." He averted his gaze after that. He put another slice of pizza on my plate. "And please take better care of yourself. It looks like you haven't eaten in a month!" I took a large bite of pizza, trying to remember the last time I actually did eat. Charlie got up and slapped me on the back before going to the living room. After I ate the pizza, I went in there and watched the baseball game with him. We sat in silence for the most part, but it felt good to be with someone who understood. He never mentioned Bella again.

I stopped sitting in front of her house after that. I always went in every night and sat with him. We would always talk of small things. Never Bella. I knew he was hurting too. I could tell by the fact that the house's condition slowly got worse. I didn't know how to help him. I thought he'd be offended if I simply told him that she wasn't coming home to clean it. So I just kept my mouth shut.

Besides seeing Charlie, I kept myself locked in my room. My parents and Alice all tried to get me to participate in different things, but I just had no energy to pretend that I was okay. My dad opted just to give me space, while my mother and Alice were far more persistent. My mom didn't know what truly happened. Alice had actually kept her mouth shut. I just couldn't bring myself to tell her that it was my entire fault. I knew she missed Bella too. They had things that they did together as well. She was like their daughter and she abandon them too, all because of me.

I was sitting in my room, lying down like I always did when I heard her soft tap on the door.

"Hey sweetie, It's me. I brought you some lunch." She pushed her way into my room, through my clutter strewn all over the place. I had always been cleanly, I just no longer had the drive to do anything.

"Thanks" I raised up and took the sandwich and drink from her. She looked slowly around my room, taking in the disaster that it was in.

"I...um... wanted to talk to you." She cleared her throat and sat on the corner of my bed. I knew what this was about. She was trying to make me feel better. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it wouldn't work, that nothing would work, because nothing would bring her back.

"Edward, it's august seventh. You are supposed to be going to Dartmouth in two weeks at the latest. And I don't see how that is possible when you only leave the house to go and see Charlie." I stared at her blankly. I didn't know how so much time had passed. She had been gone since the last week of May. Bella and I had planned on going to Dartmouth a week ago to set up the apartment. How had two months passed? The very thought of going to that apartment without Bella made me sick. The very thought of coming home to an empty place every night almost made me throw up. I shook my head fiercely.

"I don't think I can do it, Mom." I swallowed deeply and ducked my head. "Not without her, anyways."

"Why Edward, she's the one who left you? No one will tell me what happened. Not you, not Alice. I don't know how to fix this if I don't know what happened." She got up from the bed and started picking up my dirty laundry in a crazy fit.

"Mom, there isn't any fixing it. It's done." I admitted, at a lost of what to do, so I simply sat there and watched her gather armful after armful of clothes and throw them into my hamper.

"Well, that's just too bad. You should be angry with her for leaving you. Not tearing your self apart." To my utter horrification, when she turned around, I saw tears streaming down her face.

"Mom. Please, stop."

"I hate her, Edward. I absolutely hate her for doing this to you. I haven't seen you smile in months and you won't even talk to me. I never thought I could hate her. She was so much a part of this family, but I hate her for hurting you like this. And she didn't even say goodbye." She kept cleaning in a fury. I finally got up, went to her and grabbed her by the arms.

"Mom, stop. You can't hate her. If you want to hate someone, hate me. It was my fault. All of this is my fault. Don't hate her, just hate me." I said to her. I didn't want her to think of Bella like that. Bella was a wonderful person and I was the wretched one who ruined everything.

"What Edward? What'd you do that was this awful, huh? Did you cheat on her? Did ya'll get into a fight?" She threw her hands up in the air.

"What?!"

"God Mom, Bella was pregnant, okay?" I scram back. " I told her to get an abortion and she left me. Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that what you so desperately wanted me to talk to you about?" my mothers face fell and she just stood there, staring at me. My chest felt heavy at what I had just told her. I didn't want her to ever know that. I didn't want her to hate me too.

"What?" she said in a voice as soft as a whisper. I pulled her over to the bed, and sat her down. I then went and retrieved Bella's crumpled letter from my desk drawer and laid it in her lap. She looked down with tear brimmed eyes as she read. When she was done, she drew me into her arms and hugged me.

"Sweetie, no one should hate you. These things happen." She rubbed my head and then drew back to look in my eyes. "I'm sorry, Bella's right though. This wasn't just your fault. She decided in the end what had to be done, not you."

"Yeah but she wouldn't have done it if it weren't for me." I shook my head.

"But, like you said, you can't fix this. Even if Bella hadn't left, she still would have had issues with what happened. You have to know she did what she had to do. It isn't your entire fault ya'll aren't together anymore. You have to move on with your life." I was so tired of hearing that. People were acting like it had been a year, when it had been two god damn months since I lost everything. Give me a fucking minute to figure shit out.

"Mom, I'm not ready to move on from any of it. If you're talking about college, that's a lost cause. I'm not going to go and act like this shit didn't happen."

"I understand, but you have worked so hard to go there, honey. And you still have to worry about your future. You're just going to throw everything away." She wiped at her eyes. I knew she was just trying to understand. But with every word she hurt me more. I couldn't be expected to do this.

"No, mom. I'm not going." My mom patted my leg and left my room. I didn't care about what she had said. I had accepted fully that she wasn't coming back. I knew that now. All hope that I once had was completely gone now.

I worried every second about where she was at, what she was doing. Did she ever think of me, like I did her?

********

I hadn't thought what was going to happen long term. However, I just couldn't go to Dartmouth without her, it'd make everything worse. I couldn't imagine anything worse than what was happening to me right now. Because if I went, everyday I'd be reminded of everything that never was. Of all the chances I threw away, because of what I did to her. I had everything and now I have nothing. And that's exactly what I deserve.

********

Later that night, when Charlie and I were eating pizza and watching some sporting event on TV, He turned to me and abruptly turned it off. I wiped my face clean and stared back.

"Um...uh...your mom called me today." My eyes went wide at what he said. I kind of had figured that Charlie didn't know what happened because I figured that he had kicked my ass two months ago. I continued to stare at him anticipating his anger.

"Oh stop looking like I'm about to cut your balls off or something. I knew what happened when she left. My first instinct honestly was to kill you, but that night when I saw you in her room looking so guilt stricken I couldn't do anything but relate with you." I softend my posture, now that I knew he wasn't going to go all Sheriff on me. Charlie took a swig of beer and cleared his throat.

"I couldn't exactly be upset about something that happened to me eight-teen years ago. I understand probably more of what you're going through and what you went through than anyone. When um...uh Renee ..." He almost chocked on her name. Charlie hardly ever spoke of Renee. I think this was the first time he had said her name since she left him. He cleared his throat once more before continuing.

"As I was saying, when she got pregnant, she didn't want to have Bella. I honestly don't think she ever wanted either of us. I wanted her to keep it. I begged her to keep it. I offered to raise Bella by myself if she'd just have her. That was, um, actually the plan but in the end she stayed with us. I always thought she'd grow to love me in time because of how strongly I loved her. And for awhile it seemed she did. But when Bells was nine months old, she tried to leave and I wouldn't let her leave with Bella. We had a huge fight and she decided to stay. But it happened again when Bells was about seven, only worse. I mean she wasn't ever mother of the year. She was forgetful and somewhat childish in the way she acted but she tried and to me as long as she was trying it was okay. But she started going out continuously and I assume now stared running around on me. And we fought constantly and she basically blamed me for everything wrong in her life." To my utter surprise, Charlie's voice faltered and he rammed his thumbs in his eyes in hopes to not let me see the tears forming. I turned my head away, trying to let him collect himself without me staring. He finally seemed to gather himself before he continued.

"I was surprised that she stayed as long as she did. It still hurts because she was the only woman I ever loved and she never returned it. But Edward, the point is that Bella loved you. That she ran away because she loved you. And she would never want you to ruin everything you worked for because of her. She may have not been right, but it's what she decided, not you. What happened were the choices of two people, not one. I have wasted so much of my life trying to figure out what the hell I could have done differently to make Renee stay. It's an endless road of what ifs and it never ends. Bella left because she thought you both would be happier. I have never hated Renee, even in the beginning for what happened, because she did it to be happy. And that's what love is, putting someone else's happiness above your own. Bella did that for you, she left so you could put what happened behind you two, not for you to give everything up." I knew Charlie was right. Bella had said almost exactly that in her letter. She left me so I could be happy. But how could I be happy without her? How could she have thought that I could just go on with life without her? That that's what I truly wanted?

I nodded my head at Charlie and tried to gather my thoughts.

"I just can't sir; I just can't do it without her. This was what we worked for not just me. Where is she? Where is she going to college? Why am I the only one that's throwing everything away by not going? She threw it away when she left. We could have worked. We could have tried." I stared down at my hands, crossed in my lap.

"Edward, you didn't make the decision she did. And you have to move on because she isn't ever coming back." I looked at his sympathetic face. He was right; she wasn't ever coming back here, to him or me. I couldn't help but feel like Charlie was being hypocritical. Here he was, sitting in six week old pizza boxes and beer cans, and I'm the one in a bad place?

"Sir, with all due respect, your not handling this well either. You haven't cleaned in two months. We both are at our wits end, I'd say." Charlie looked around slowly, taking in the mess and let a long breath out.

"Yeah yeah, I'll clean if you try to go to that school."

"Somehow I think I'm getting the bigger project." I said, smiling.

"Yeah, well, you haven't seen the rest of the house." we both let out laughs and it almost felt foreign. I hadn't laughed in I don't know how long. Actually, I do. It was two months ago. The laughter died down and Charlie turned to me seriously.

"You need to go; you owe it to yourself and everyone who loves you, including Bella. Stop punishing yourself for something that is already done." Charlie got up and went into the kitchen after he said that, leaving me alone in his crowded living room with my thoughts. I looked around and saw the framed photos of Bella all around the house. He still even had Renee and his wedding picture on the mantle. The two people he loved most had left him. I still couldn't get away from the nagging feeling that Bella leaving was my entire fault. No matter what they said, I knew it was. But Charlie was trying; he tried to be a great father to Bella after Renee left and was now trying to help me after Bella left. The least I could do was try.

**********

The first year at Dartmouth came and went. I was an outstanding student and I got constant praise from all my professors, but they were the only ones who even knew my name. I never went anywhere or socialized in class. I went home for all the respected holidays, but besides that, I kept myself locked in my apartment.

When I had gone home, I had seen Charlie and he was still in the same state. He didn't look like he was trying at all, he looked like he was giving up. But I listened to his words anyways and kept trying.

But the time had come that I was dreading. Summer vacation, I knew the time would come where I had to return to Forks. Return to concerned faces and the absolute embarrassment of what transpired between Bella and me. I had just finished my last final for the day and I was stalling by cleaning my apartment spotless before I caught my flight. I was putting the final changes on my living room, when I heard loud screams from down the hall. Ugh...not them again.

I had actually never met my neighbors, but I should know enough about them. They fought like cats and dogs and were under the perception that the walls were a foot thick. I knew that two months ago he had come home drunk and with lipstick on his shirt. I knew that three months ago she had cheated on him with another man in there very apartment. Yes it was bad, like, bad. I couldn't imagine being in a relationship that dysfunctional.

The screams escalated and I heard something slam at my door. I ran to the door, hoping they weren't getting physical, to find a woman with wild strawberry blonde hair throwing suitcases around.

"Well, Fine Elezar, I'll find someone else. I hope you're fucking happy with Carmen. You'll never find someone as good as me. I'm the best you'll ever get." The man let out an evil chuckle and gathered more belongings in his hands.

"Seriously? You actually believe that shit you spout? Your so fucking full of yourself it's unbelievable Tanya. You're washed up. You and I both know that nobody wants you." The woman let out a hideous shriek and grabbed a large Louis Vuitton suitcase. Yes, I know who Louie Vuitton is. I did grow up with Alice.

They started fighting over the suitcase, arguing about whose it was. The man said it was his, that she gave it to him as gift. I sat there, about to close the door, as it seemed no one was getting hurt, when the man suddenly elbowed the girl in the face, and took the suitcase. Her nose started spewing blood everywhere. Shit.

"I think you need to leave, sir." I said in my most masculine voice.

"What the hell did you just say to me?" the man turned to look at me. I had been standing there for five minutes, and now they notice me?

"I said, you need to leave, or I'm going to go back into my apartment and call the police. Leave now and I won't." The girl had her hand covering her hurt nose but I could still detect a slight smirk on her face.

"What the fuck ever, I'm out." he threw the suitcase at the girl and stormed down the hall, to the elevators. I rushed to the girl's side, to have a look at her nose.

"Wow, it's broken. I need to drive you to the hospital, come on." I grabbed her arm to help her up, but she started weeping into my arm.

"Um Miss, are you alright?"

"No, it's just… I don't have health insurance, or enough money to go to the hospital." She shook her head and let go of my arm and steadied herself. "Do you really think it needs to be set? I always see people popping their noses back into place." She let out a nervous giggle.

"Um...uh that could really injure your bone structure." I thought about it for a minute. I thought about the monthly allowances Carlisle had been sending, that I hadn't touched except for groceries.

"I'll pay for it; I don't want you to cause permanent damage to your nose." I gave a tense smile. I felt incredibly awkward, but I couldn't just let the woman go without any type of examination. He had hit her pretty hard. It wouldn't sit right with me. Plus, I had no desire to sit for hours in a county hospital waiting room. She gave me huge smile and nodded her head. I helped her shove all of the forgotten belongings into her apartment and locked her door before we made it to my car.

"I'm Edward, by the way; I don't think we've been properly introduced." I said as I helped her into the passenger side.

"Oh, I'm Tanya. It's great to meet you." Her voice was velvety smooth. Her eyes were so light they looked almost white. Her wild strawberry hair hung in thick ringlets down her back. I couldn't help but notice that she was extremely attractive, even with a broken nose. But what I noticed most was that she was the absolute and complete opposite of everything Bella was.