Hi! sorry this took so long once again lol i really am going to get into a flow of things!
Thank you so much Kissa whitlock for being an absolutly fantastic beta. No matter how much is going on with you, you always seem to get the chapters done and do great job!
Thank you to anyone who reveiwed or added me last chapter! It means alot to me that ya'll like the story!
Reveiw please and enjoy!
Bella's Past
Oh God, oh God, oh God, this could really not be happening. I stared down at the two little blue lines on the test in horror. This just isn't happening, I knew that by saying this I wasn't actually doing anything, except delaying the official shock of what this meant. Still, I kept repeating the same thing.
This couldn't be happening.
I grabbed the pregnancy box to read the directions one last time. However, all I discovered were the facts.
I was pregnant.
I sat back on the toilet in Edwards's immaculately cleaned bathroom. The tears came with vigor. I dipped four more tests in the cup I had urinated in, just to be completely thorough with it. However, I knew, deep down that there was no point.
I was pregnant.
I felt like the walls were going to completely close in. I finally just laid down on his thick bathroom rug to sob. I didn't know how this happened. Well, honestly I did, it happened a month ago in the back of Edward's Volvo at the Forks high school prom. Well congrats Bella, you're officially a fuck up. How in the hell was I going to tell Charlie about this? Oh, Mary mother of Joseph, he was going to completely blame himself.
I think my father maybe had two sex talks with me after my mother left. They basically consisted of 'Don't have sex or you'll get pregnant' Fan-fucking-tastic. I was a smart girl, you'd think I could follow those simple instructions. But when you're in the back seat of the love of your life's car, with no condom, the horny teenager comes out with a vengeance and lands a life inside of you...
That's when it first happened. I realized there wasn't a thing in there, it was a baby. I climbed off the rug and looked in Edward's spotless mirror. I raised my shirt slowly to inspect my stomach. It still appeared to be completely flat. No small bump, just my stomach. But right now, there was a little tiny person growing. The thought almost knocked me over with it's significance. A baby...
Edward was, most likely, pacing outside of the door. He was giving me just enough space to sort through everything in my head. I'm sure he was jumping around, doing something to release his nerves. Edward was always nervous though. He was somewhat jumpy and anxious. I always marked it down to him needing everything absolutely perfect. And he worried a lot. But that was who he was and I loved him. I gathered enough courage to open the door, with tests still in my hands.
My eyes fell upon Edward, with his hair an absolute disaster from his pulling. His knee was bouncing like crazy. He looked up with saucer wide green eyes that were the color of peas. He stared at me with the same awful expression for what seemed like years. He swallowed and started to speak, then he would stop and try again. Finally, he found his words.
"What do those lines mean?" he looked at me like a dyeing man in the dessert and I was his glass of water. But I felt horrible with the realization I'd just have to throw it into his face, with the cold shock of reality.
"They mean pregnant, Edward. I've taken four tests and everyone is positive." I slowly came and sat down by him, in hopes that my presence would calm him down like it always seemed to do. I put my hand on his knee, because it always drove me insane when he did it and right now, I swore he was shaking the room. I looked into his scared eyes and told the truth.
"I'm pregnant."
He down cast his eyes away from my face and just slowly hung his head. I didn't really know what to say, or how to comfort him. The initial shock of this had already worn off of me. I didn't know exactly what would happen now.
A baby is inside me, growing and living. I tried to picture what our child would like. I could imagine it'd have Edward's crazy hair, the only person I'd seen spared in his family was Alice. Who got Carlisle's beautiful blonde hair, while Edward got Esme's strange colored hair? I wondered if it'd have my brown eyes or Edward's emeralds. I couldn't help but look over at Edward. Even in all his anguish he was still beautiful. I hoped our child would look exactly like him. As I was looking I also noticed how panicked he looked. His eyes were huge and he was just staring into space. Was he in shock?
"What do you mean you took four? I must have bought at least twenty! Take them all! You could be like a false positive or some shit." He said, his voice extremely panicked. His eyes were wide and he stared at me as if he was at his wits end. I couldn't help but be somewhat annoyed with him. I'm the one who just found out in nine damn months I'm going to have to push a fucking person out of me.
"They'll say the same thing. There isn't such thing as a false positive, these things are ninety-nine point nine percent effective. No matter how many I take they will all be positive." I looked up at him trying to keep my face understanding. I decided to just lie down and let him sort through this in his head. I was going to have a baby.
I was so incredibly scared but excited in some way. I didn't know what this meant for college but we could figure it out. We might need to stay in Forks a little longer. I don't think Charlie was ready for me to leave anyways. My whole life was about to change.
That thought brought me out of my baby-induced haze. Of all the things that was going to change. I felt my eyes become wide. I remembered all the things my mother use to complain about having children young. Never getting to go out with friends or never having a life to herself. I knew that I would experience all those same things but I would never abandon my child or make them feel unwanted. My mother had made me feel unwanted everyday of my life. She made me feel like I was the fault of her marriage not working because they never got to be alone. Edward and I would always work. I know this is going to be hard but we can figure it out.
I looked over at Edward to see him sitting completely still, staring off into space. I would have thought that by now he would have been comforting me already. That's how it always worked. I couldn't help but wish I could know what he was thinking because right now he just looked completely...terrified.
"Um...uh...I know there is a clinic in Port Angeles, for us to uh... you know. I don't think this is right, Bella. We have our whole lives ahead of us and this will undoubtedly end it!"
My breath caught in my throat as soon as I heard his words. I felt my eyes become blurry with tears. How could he think that? I felt my cheeks turn red with anger. He couldn't be so sure about something that just happened. This wasn't some decision to make lightly, this was our baby.
"You've thought about it all of five God damn minutes, and you're sure I need to run off to some clinic and right our wrongs?!" I yelled. He tried to reach out and touch me but I couldn't stand to look at him. I turned away, wiped my eyes, and headed for the bathroom. He had no idea what that would do to me.
I slammed the door and leaned up against it breathing heavily. The tears were coming in buckets as I thought about giving the baby up. I didn't know why I felt so strongly about becoming a mother. In actuality, I had never had much of an opinion on abortion. But with the realization that a baby was in me I couldn't just get rid of it. I'd never get rid of it; it'd be with me forever in my guilt.
"Bella, you really aren't proposing to keep it! You're not thinking clearly!" I heard his alarming voice through the door. How could he be so callous about my feelings in the matter? Just immediately telling me what I should do and think. I swung the door open to find his sparkling green eyes looking back at me. I was so angry with him I didn't even care about his terrified expression.
"I'm not proposing anything; I just don't think it's rational to jump to conclusions after five minutes of thinking about it. You're acting completely insensitive about this."
"You're being overly sensitive and attached to it." Edward yelled. I felt my eyes well up with tears at his hurtful comment. How could I not be attached to it? It's our baby. Edward got a shocked expression on his face when he realized what he had said.
"Get a grip on yourself Bella. We'll figure this out, I promise." He took me in his arms at that moment. And no matter how angry I was, I couldn't push him away I just wanted to feel him around me. I wanted to think that he was speaking the truth that this would all be okay but somewhere in me, I doubted it. His comments had left marks inside me threatening to scar already. How was I going to keep the two things that mattered most to me? I had to because I know I can't loose them.
I wiped my nose on Edward's shirt half out of spite considering it was one of his new Ralph Lauren T-shirts. He deep sighed, and I couldn't help but look into his beautiful green eyes. I loved him so much and never thought that anything could rival it but what was growing inside me right now could make everything I ever thought in my entire life completely wrong.
We stayed like that for five minutes just letting everything that had become this afternoon settle between us. I didn't want to fight with him. But I could tell in his anxious behavior that he was just as worried as ever. He was just clouding his emotions from me like he always tried to do. But what he didn't know is I could read him like a book.
"How about some dinner?" Edward offered, letting me go to grab my hand. I nodded my head in agreement.
"Yeah I am pretty hungry, as it is I'm eating for two." I said in a sarcastic tone but when I looked at Edward it was visible he didn't find anything funny in my comment. He looked like someone had punched him in the stomach. He faltered in his steps as he led me out of the room.
"Um...yea." was all he said.
We ate in silence in his empty kitchen. Everyone was gone. Alice was out doing god knew what while Carlisle and Esme were gone, like usual. Ever since Carlisle had been appointed head of surgery he had been gone non-stop. I knew it was making Esme mad, which is why she was in her studio outback, not to resurface till in the morning. I asked her why she slept out there when Carlisle was gone and she had explained;
"Because I feel so empty in that bed with out him there, that I'd rather be in my own space than in a room that is suppose to be ours." She never told either of her kids of the problems they were experiencing, but she told me, trusted me.
I couldn't help but cringe at how upset they'd be with us for getting pregnant. But I had to hope they'd come around. As I sat staring at Edward's stoic expression, I had to hope he would as well.
Shortly after that, I left, which was unusual. But I couldn't take seeing Edward's depressed face any longer. He wasn't acting at all like I had anticipated. Edward was always nervous and somewhat dramatic but tonight he just sat there, blank of all emotion. And it wasn't the comfortable silence we'd drift into occasionally. It was laced with all this unsaid tension that he was afraid to vocalize to me. That alone made me angry enough to leave. But I decided in the end maybe we just needed to be alone for a while.
As I crawled into my driveway in my noisy truck, I saw my Dad peek his head out in the window of the kitchen. I gave him a small wave before turning off my truck. We had always had a good relationship even after the trials of my mother leaving. We were so much alike and from what I heard my mom had always orbited somewhere around us never quite fitting in. But in my maturity, I've come to think the reason was she never wanted to.
"Hey Bells, your home early tonight. What's the occasion?" he said as he opened the front door, greeting me with a side hug.
I usually spent all my nights at Edward's, especially in the summer. But Charlie was always under the illusion that we slept in separate beds, which Esme and Carlisle use to enforce till they got so busy. But I know my dad is far smarter than to believe that his eighteen-year-old daughter doesn't have sex with her boyfriend of five years. He just chooses to not mention it. Hoping Esme had covered all those bases.
"Um, nothing, really." I knew I wasn't convincing. I was the worse liar in the world. My dad cocked an eyebrow at me, but kept quiet and led me into the living room. He sat down in his chair and just simply turned on the TV. I joined him as I always did and we just sat. He knew when I was ready to talk I would, and if I didn't it must not have been very important.
I felt the heaviness of today's happenings weighing on me. I felt like every time my dad gave me wayward look he was going to pop up from his recliner and yell that he knew all about it.
I knew my dad could tell I was nervous, so when he simply shut the TV off in the middle of an inning, I knew he had figured me out.
"Dad, I really don't think you wanna talk about this." I said while looking in my lap.
I bit my lip in nervousness. I hadn't had anyone to talk to about this, and although I had just found out a few hours ago, I was ready to burst. I always had someone to talk to about things between my dad and the Cullen's.
"Bells, if it wasn't important and you didn't want to talk to me about it you would have gone to bed by now or gotten a book, but the fact that you're just sitting there with this uptight expression lets me know something is wrong. Now tell me what's up, please?" I looked into his understanding eyes, thinking that he was in no way prepared for this. He would most likely spill beer everywhere, or turns a deep shade of red. He wasn't a big yeller, but he could if you got him riled up enough. But I knew deep down that no matter how he acted, that my dad loved me more than anything in the world.
"Daddy, I umm...well, you see…." I felt my throat close up and hands get sweaty. I couldn't do this. I couldn't.
Buzz Buzz Buzz
I jumped and yelled at the sounds of my phone vibrating on the coffee table. I stared at it as if it was a foreign object. I could not believe I was about to tell my father I was pregnant. He was going to die.
Buzz Buzz Buzz
"God, Bella. Answer it."
"Oh, right." He deep sighed and hung his head at my erratic behavior, before gathering his beer cans and leaving the room. I let out a breath that I hadn't known I was holding. I picked up the phone, already anticipating who it was.
"Hi, Alice."
"Hey Bells, um… I need a favor."
"Yeah yeah yeah where are you?" I said unsurprised. Once Alice entered high school this year, it became and ongoing thing of me leaving the house in the middle of the night to go and get her from strange places. The kids of Forks didn't have many creative places to get wasted, and they also had to keep there parents out of the know, which in a town this small can become pretty hard.
"Um...I'm at the reservation, Embry Call's house. Do you know where that is?" I knew exactly where it was. Charlie was good friends with quite a few of the people who lived there, so I had been there for different gatherings threw the years. I remember how my mother despised it.
"Yeah I know, keep your phone on so I can find you, okay?"
"Okay, I will. Thank you so much bye-," I noticed at the end that her words were incredibly slurred. but that was usually the case. I had been appointed the official Alice fetcher when I found her passed out on the Cullen's front lawn one morning, luckily before anyone else was awake. Apparently, she had gotten drunk at someone's house and they just dropped her off on the lawn, passed out. I was mortified. I told her that no matter where she was at, I'd get her if someone wasn't there to drive her home who hadn't been drinking. She had agreed, and it had become an ongoing occurrence. It was a good thing Edward slept like a log, or I would have never been able to.
I gathered my things, before going to the kitchen to tell Charlie. He was standing at the sink loading what little dishes were in the sink with his back to me.
"Alice, I presume?" he said in a joking tone.
"Yeah, you guessed it; I'll be right back. She's just at the reservation."
"M-kay, be careful."
"Alrighty" I said as I turned toward the door, grabbing my lighter jacket knowing that despite the month, it would be freezing. I was turning the lock in the door when I heard my dad's voice from in the kitchen.
"Oh and Bella ,were not done with what we were about to talk about tonight." My hand slipped on the doorknob, and I cursed myself mentally. There was surely no way to get out of my impending doom now.
I had been to Embry's numerous times so I knew the place. I had been here more than twice to get Alice. The kid's parents were constantly leaving for weeks at a time completely oblivious to the fact there children threw the best parties known around in Forks.
I could tell from my truck that the house was filled to the brim with people. I tried Alice's cell only to be greeted with the answering machine. Fuck. It had taken me five minutes to just find a damn parking spot. I laid my head back on the seat in defeat before I took the key out of the ignition and gave in to the fact I'd have to go in. I hated parties. I hated the loud music. I hated dancing. I hated all the sweaty people just there to get drunk. And most of all I hated that basically my baby sister had become one of them.
The house was what I had expected completely overrun with the young people of Forks. I was bumping into people just trying to look around for her. But it was futile I would never see anything it was like they fed the Quieltes steroids they were huge. Finally I saw a familiar face and almost pushed a girl into a table trying to get to him.
"Jake!" I yelled through the music his head swiveled around till he saw me waving furiously. I was stuck in between two large boys that I had no chance of moving and they were completely ignoring the fact I needed through. Jake's smile shown across the room as he walked over easily and bumped the guys in the shoulders before picking me up like a rag doll and carrying me out of the crowded living room.
"I thought you'd be coming soon. Good to see you how ya been?" Jake asked as he sat me down in the tiny hallway leading to the other rooms. I knew immediately where Alice must be.
"I've been okay ya know glad to be out of high school." I said walking in the direction I knew I needed to be going. Jake fell in easy step with me nodding his head.
"She's been in there for like twenty minutes and it doesn't sound pretty." I gave a hearty chuckle at that and shook my head. The truth is I had always liked Jake I had known him longer than I had known the Cullens but he was just a baby. Jake was Alice's age. But still he had always sometimes hung around with us when we came up to the beach or something.
"Don't worry I think I can handle myself."
I heard an awful noise coming from the bathroom. Jake grimaced before giving his final farewell leaving me to do the dirty work. I opened the door to the small bathroom slowly anticipating what I knew to see.
"Bella!" Alice said in her drunken stupor. She was sprawled out on the bathroom floor with her head in the toilet. Her pink mini-dress was stained with puke and alcohol. I deep sighed before closing the door.
Carlisle would be home in three hours expecting a nice little Alice tucked into bed. Not one that looked like a hooker at a truck-stop. Well a very nicely dressed hooker.
"Hi Alice." I said flat toned. Alice pouted as she looked at my expression.
"Are you mad at me?" she asked in her tiny voice looking at me all blonde hair and blue eyes. I got a towel out of the cupboard and wiped her mouth off. Before closing the lid and flushing the toilet.
"Of course not, now let's go." I draped her arm over my shoulder. As I knew she most likely couldn't walk well. She hung her head on my shoulder and giggled saying I smelt funny. To my surprise Jake had come back and waited outside of the door. With a grin he picked Alice up and commenced to carrying her to the truck. With Jake leading the way the crowd parted like the red sea.
****
I had gotten Alice into the house showered and somewhat sobered by three am. She was still a little drunk but not too bad. And she no longer smelt of tequila nor did she have dried puke in her hair. She was safely tucked in her bed looking so much like a little girl. I was tempted to climb in bed with her like I sometimes did but I knew that I hadn't really gotten enough time away from Edward to do that.
"Well I'm going to go. I'll see you later." I said as I patted her leg.
"Wait, you're not staying?" she looked up at me with hopeful eyes.
"No, I'm going to go home. I'll see you tomorrow sometime."
"What's wrong? You always stay!"
When Alice was sober she could be quite intuitive. Unlike her brother, who, in my opinion, could be quite dense in the things he neglected to notice.
"Alice, I really don't wanna get into it, it's all really complicated." I said with a dramatic huff. I wanted nothing more than to tell Alice what was going on.
"Come on, I can take it, it's just going to bug me like crazy till I know what's wrong."
"Well, Alice, you don't have to know everything." I said with a smirk. She was beyond nosey. But I loved her so much, and Alice was always happy about things. So I knew she wouldn't cry or yell. She'd most likely shriek or jump up and down. Because that was Alice.
"When it comes to my big sister, I do have to know everything! Now come on." She grabbed my hand. I was emotionally exhausted with the day. And all I wanted was someone to be happy about this.
"I'm pregnant." Alice's eyes got impossibly bigger before she leapt into my lap in a giant hug and kissed my cheek.
"I'm going to be an aunt. Eeeeeeeekkkk." I laughed and shrieked a little with her. It was the first time all day I had actually accepted just how happy I was about this.
I told Alice about everything. She had a smile glued to her face the entire time I talked except when I got to the part of how Edward had reacted.
"Well, he'll come around." She said as she patted my arm. I reached up and brushed off the few tears that I hadn't known I had shed. I told Alice goodnight. She gave me one last hug before relenting and letting me leave.
I made my way up the stairs to Edward's room. When I opened the door I found him sound asleep. I stared at him thinking just how much I loved him. I was just about to leave when I saw something on Edward's desk that made me stop cold in my tracks. I tip toed over to his desk to read in horror what he'd been researching.
Port Angela's Family Planning Clinic.
My breath caught and I backed away from the desk as if it were a monster. I almost tripped on his chair. But I didn't care. I ran out of the house like a mad woman. Could he be serious about this?
I couldn't stop the tears from falling as I sped home. Luckily my house was just a few houses over or I would have never made it.
When I opened our squeaky front door tears were still streaming down my face. I closed it quietly to not wake Charlie. The TV was surprisingly still on so I started to walk over to turn it off.
"Bells, what are you doing?"
"Holy shit!" I yelled into the darkness. I heard my dad's soft laugh. I reached over and turned on the lamp, to find my dad in his uniform looking amused.
"Where are you going?" My voice was scratchy and raw from crying so much today. My dad cocked his head to the side and sat down on the recliner.
"Bella honey, what's wrong?" I swallowed back the tears and tried to cover up the emotional break down that was about to start, but I couldn't. I was just so………scared.
"Daddy......I'm pregnant."