Five years ago

Bugs Bunny sat at the table, drinking coffee, basically having a good time. Across him sat Daffy Duck, the person whom he was having the conversation with. Both of them still wore the police uniform, after all, they had just gotten off their shift.

' – the Mutts are going crazy, I tell you!' Daffy was snarling. 'Some day they're rebel.'

'You watched one too many movies, Daffy,' Bugs smirked, swirling his coffee. 'Besides, that's part of our job – to keep the Mutts in line.'

'You're just defending her.'

'Who?'

'Don't act innocent. You've got the hots for her!'

'We have been dating,' Bugs admitted, blushing slightly.

'I knew it!' Daffy crowed. Then he said, 'Wanna hear a joke?'

'Don't want to. Your jokes are lame.'

Daffy shrugged. 'I'm working on a joke about Life, Death, and Apples. Trust me, my next joke's going to be epic.'

They made some more small talk, then the conversation turned to the state of affairs.

'Why is Looney World like the Titanic?' Daffy muttered. 'It was born to sink deep. Very deep. Sometimes I do9n't believe in one I'm fighting for.'

'It can still be saved!' Bugs protested.

'I agree!' A third voice chorused. Both creatures turned towards the speaker. It was none other than Shorty Bunny, Bugs's goodie goodie son.

'Well if it ain't the angel from heaven,' Daffy said. Bugs scowled.

'Night, Dad,' Shorty said. He was also a police officer, and was destined for great things.

'Night son,' Bugs smiled at the young rabbit.

It was the last time he saw him alive.

After Daffy had left, Bugs had returned to making coffee. Swirl, swirl. Suddenly the doorbell rang. Wondering who it could be at this hour, Bugs opened the door. He started in shock.

His old friend Elmer Fudd swept into the room without any invitation. 'Yo,' he grunted.

'Fudd, what are you doing here?' Bugs said. He didn't want this man in the house. Not a man who had caused several fights downtown.

'Just needed a place to crash,' Fudd said bluntly, flopping onto the couch.

'No. Get out.'

'Wanna play JawBreakers?'

Bugs was taken aback. 'What the shit?'

'It's the game we used to play as kids,' Fudd shrugged. 'Just a way to break the ice.'

'Look, I can't just let you march in here like some – '

'I thought we were friends.'

'Look, we – '

Fudd had enough. He reached up to the marshmallow bowl on the table, and popped the soft sweet in his mouth. 'One,' he said.

Bugs's eyes narrowed. 'If I win JawBreakers, you get out.'

'Deal.'

Bugs popped two in his mouth. 'Two.'

And so the game of JawBreakers commenced. Basically hold as many objects as you can in your mouth without swallowing them.

Fudd took three. 'Four.'

Bugs raised an eyebrow and, with difficulty, put three in his mouth at one go. Despite himself, he found himself needing this time of relaxation. Too many things were making him stressed nowadays.

For a while they continued, their jaws slowly opening wider and wider, by thestrain of holding so much marshmallows together. Finally, the endgame drew near. Bugs had eight in his mouth, Fudd had ten. It was now Bugs's turn.

He picked up one. Squeezed it inside his mouth. Picked up another. Tried to make it fit, but suddenly one of the other marshmallows in his mouth fell out. Bugs stared in disappointment at the marshmallow which had cost him the game.

'Looks like I win!' Fudd cheered. 'So, where do I sleep?'

'That was childish,' Bugs sighed.

'But fun.'

'Yeah,' Bugs admitted. For a moment, he saw not a man clad in dirty clothes, but a young man with a toy shotgun whom he used to play hide and seek with. And around him was perfectly intact green grass, not burnt, not crushed, not twisted.

Ah, the old days. But that was just a fantasy.

'I'll just find a room myself then,' Fudd said, and began to climb up the stairs. He turned back. 'By the way, Bugs,' he grinned. 'Thanks for putting up with me.'

'You're welcome,' Bugs sighed. He stared after him thoughtfully. Perhaps he had been too prejudiced. Too prejudiced to see that Fudd was still, deep down, a good guy after all. Sure, he had started a couple of fights and was guilty of manslaughter, but Bugs knew him since he was five years old. Thus -

Suddenly a scream split the air. Bugs's eyes widened.

That scream belonged to his beloved son Shorty.

As though moving in a dream, Bugs ran up the stairs as quickly as he could, knowing what had happened but also knowing it was too late. He reached his son's room, flung open the door.

Short lay on the floor, unmoving. Bugs ran towards him, bent down, frantically called his name over and over. His eyes brimmed with tears. But now matter how loud he called his son's name, he would not come back.

Fudd spoke up. Bugs wasn't even aware he had been in the room.

'Sorry, wabbit. He irritated me,' Fudd said. Bugs heard footsteps leave the room, and descend down the stairs. He heard the door open and close.

He was left with the lifeless body of his son. Shorty would never again speak to him, never again fight alongside him, never again….

At that moment, Bugs lost his mind.


The entire Toontown square was on fire. Bugs gritted his teeth and bore the heat, he walked casually towards the spot where Marvin the Martian had once been. Stepping over charred bodies and carelessly kicking them aside, Bugs reached the podium.

Some dented metal lay around a pile of ashes. Bugs picked up the ashes and studied them closely. Behind him, hungry flames consumed the bodies of those he had killed.

'Kill confirmed,' Bugs said. It was over. The Martian and all his followers were dead. His assignment had been completed.

No – there was still another matter. The Martian had supplied him with a key bit of information – that Mars had no weapons, that they had long ago been destroyed in a bid to salvage peace.

'Fools,' Bugs sniffed as he thought of the ridiculous notion. Now that he knew Mars's missiles were fakes, he would bring this information to the Global Mayor, who would then conquer Mars with ease. Of course the Martians living there would have to be exterminated in the process. They simply wouldn't be trusted not to try and assassinate the global Mayor.

Bugs threw what was left of Marvin the Martian carelessly into the air and started to walk away, away from this uncomfortable heat and all its damning flames. But then he saw a figure in the distance. Elmer Fudd.

'What the hell happened?' Fudd cried. 'I heard an explosion – ' His eyes widened when he saw a golden tint of metal amongst the ashes.

'Don't tell me that's…'

'Marvin the Martian. Burned to a crisp.' Bugs nodded.

Fudd looked positively horrified. He dropped to his knees and stared at the ashes. Bugs had to hold back a smirk. The look on Fudd's face delighted him. That idiot had been diddly daddlying this whole assignment and as a result, he was not going to get any pay. Bugs would be the one to get it.

'How…what…this can't be,' gasped Fudd.

'Yes, I beat you to him,' Bugs said calmly. He watched Fudd carefully. The bald man stood up, removed his cap, exposing his bald head.

'You killed him.'

'Yes I did.' And, wanting to get the most out of Fudd's discomfort, Bugs added, 'I have information that will lead to the conquering of Mars. That will mean a bonus for me, don't you think?'

Fudd stood shaking. That man couldn't control his temper, Bugs thought with disgust. Then, amazingly, Fudd stopped shaking, and began to take deep breaths.

Bugs cocked his head curiously. Something had changed in Fudd.

'I can't let you do that,' Fudd snarled.

'Pardon?'

'Bring about the destruction of Mars,' Fudd began unlatching the straps around his shotgun. 'I won't let you.'

Quick as a flash Fudd jumped backward, out of Bugs's punching range. The latter slowly reached for his Eagles.

'Fudd, I am disappointed in you. Actually fighting me over the reward – how foolish.'

'It's not the reward!' Fudd snapped. 'It's because…because…'

He looked ashamed.

'It's because…I was the traitor. The mole. I was the one under Marvin the Martian.'

The two of them stood facing each other in silence. Then Bugs smirked.

'Inconceivable.'

'It's true.' Fudd said. 'There were two moles, although we weren't aware of each other. I was working for the Martian from the very beginning.'

The two of them now had their guns out. The deadly weapons were slowly being raised. The tension in the air would have withstood the force of a sledgehammer.

'He…convinced me. That what I was doing was wrong. That he was right. So I agreed to help him,'

'But you didn't.'

'I left his employ halfway. When the missile was about to hit Mars. I couldn't make a sacrifice for him, and I was ashamed. I believed I wasn't deserving of his employment, so I left.'

Bugs sighed. This silly soap opera story was getting more ludicrous by the minute. Suddenly he raised his Eagle at Fudd.

Fudd raised his shotgun and fired. The battle had begun.

Bugs fired his Eagles in return, and threw himself to the ground. Twenty shotgun pellets streaked above him. However, as Bugs rolled back up, he found that three had lodged themselves in his side. He ignored the pain, and looked around for Fudd.

The recoil had catapulted him somewhere, for he was nowhere in sight. Bugs warily scanned the buildings around him for any sign of his opponent, but no luck.

'Bugs!' called out Fudd. The person in question immediately rolled behind what was left of a car, and tired to locate the voice. He also realized this was one of the few times Fudd actually referred to him by name.

'Bugs!' Fudd shouted again. 'I know you don't believe me. But it's all true. I left the Martian, but now it seems it's up to me to stop you. Don't make me kill you, Bugs.'

Bugs thought he had a pretty good idea of where the voice was coming from. Apartment, second storey window, second from left.

'Don't you have any conscience, Bugs? Think about what you're doing! You're killing everyone!'

Bugs sighed and started assembling his sniper rifle.

'You know, Fudd,' he called back. 'I'm actually glad you decided to betray me. I finally have an excuse to kill you.'

He stood up and aimed, but then a bullet cracked on the roof of the burning car, and he quickly ducked down again. Looked like Fudd had learnt some sniping skills. Bugs sat with his knees drawn up to his chest, and aimed his rifle and the brick wall in front of him. Behind, Fudd had stopped talking. Bugs tried to make him resume.

'Your story is – without a doubt – false,' he shouted. 'I've known you longer than anybody, Elmer. Since I was five. What is your game, Fudd? Why concoct a story I would not possibly believe!'

Fudd swore loudly, and at that moment, Bugs's ears confirmed the exact position of his voice. He fired at the wall. The high powered ACME bullet travelled, bounced off the wall with a sharp twang and sped off in the other direction. Towards Fudd. A moment later he heard a cry of pain. He had hit his target. But he couldn't tell if he had only grazed him or shot him through the heart. Bugs waited.

Fudd suddenly spoke up, 'Screw you, Bugs. I've had it – let's talk man to man without fighting. Let's each lay down our weapons.'

If he was hurt, he didn't show it. But Bugs was intrigued by Fudd's new line of talk. Lay aside his weapons and talk peacefully? Had he taken one pill too many? Or was he using reverse psychology?

Suddenly there was a CLACK, the sound of a weapon being dropped. Fudd roared, 'Your turn, Bugs!'

Bugs carefully leant to the side to take a very quick look, then retreated behind the car. Fudd had appeared in the second storey window, and he was holding his hands up. Those hands were empty. He had no way of defending himself.

Funny, Fudd must have thought Bugs had enough decency to just talk, propose a deal or something. But Bugs had since learnt such decency didn't get you anywhere.

Lola had let down her guard. So had Marvin the Martian. Bugs had killed them, punished them for their ultimate foolishness.

Now it was Elmer Fudd's turn to die.

Bugs rose up, sniper rifle in hand. There was no way he could miss. Fudd's eyes widened. He saw the barrel pointing at his head.

Bugs pulled the trigger.

The bullet left the barrel and traveled through the air.

NB: One more chapter. And an epilogue. Then we're done here.