Story: Control
Chapter: Eleven- Breaking Routine
Pairing: Caroline/Damon, with some Caroline/Matt, Damon/others......
Summary: "If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough" -Mario Andretti. A study in control; one who considers her life in control and one who does everything he can to control those around him.
The day he drops her off is the darkest day of her life. But she steels herself the next morning, she won't let any of her days get darker than that day, that day spent muddy and tired, sobbing into her pillow and pretending that she is fine, that she is unharmed. Her mother had been exceptionally attentive; Band-Aids and salves for her cuts and bruises, murmurings of "my little girl" and "I'm so glad you're safe Caroline". She doesn't have to try very hard to feign exhaustion, and when she goes to bed she pulls the sheet over her head, just in case her mom comes in, to hide those pitiful tear tracks.
She doesn't let herself grieve. She throws herself back into school and cheerleading harder than necessary. It's more work than she remembers, but if a little extra effort is all it takes to cast off the worried stares, the concerned sentiments and those bitchy little queries about Damon, well, then it's worth it to her. Of course Elena worries, Bonnie too, but a little girl talk over martini's and chocolate mousse can do wonders. Matt worries too, he greets her with a giant hug each day at school, and maybe she is imagining it, but she finds she doesn't have to pretend as much around him. There was a morning a few weeks ago, when he gave her a hug in the hallway, and the light was hitting his face just so...and she just noticed him, like really, really noticed him. She grabbed his hand that day, and as she led him to class, she wondered if this was something like healing.
Then there are those days where she is too exhausted to move, and all she wants is for him to appear in her room and make her forget like he used to. She wants to say those days happen less and less, but if she's being honest it's still 50/50, and if she's being really honest, she doesn't really want to stop thinking about him, his memory drives her harder the morning after.
The effort pays off one day; at the football match in the rain, she's cheering and smiling like she is supposed to and then Matt scores touchdown and she's cheering and smiling for real. He kisses her after the game, his hands on her arms, the rain dripping down his face and onto hers, and for a moment, she is as free and happy as she could ever imagine being.
The feeling is fleeting; Damon haunts her dreams and the next day, she has to drag herself out of bed, certain that things will be different in a bad way, certain that Matt will have realised she is damaged goods and is fleeing down the highway, getting as far away as he can. He's waiting for her at the front gate though, and when he kisses her good morning, and grabs her hand, she holds on tightly, swinging their arms down the street. It becomes routine, and she thinks she likes it; it's nice, the way he sort of cocoons all her broken pieces- he's not putting her back together yet, but he's keeping her from falling further apart.
Matt keeps coming over. They look good together; blonde and pretty and smiling. He's kind to her and safe; comforting. By the end of the year they will be prom king and queen, she knows it. She knows that last year she would have be ecstatic to be in this position, ten pounds lighter, a loving, hot boyfriend and a chance at complete high school dominance. Still, Damon permeates her thoughts more than she cares to admit. Her mother had her on safety lockdown for a month and in the hours that Matt was actually studying at home and not "studying" in her bedroom, she was left with much too much time to herself. Too much time alone makes her overly introspective, and Damon has left a lasting impression on her thoughts.
She's happy she thinks. But then he say's "I love you" one night and the whole world crumbles.
She wants to love this so badly. She wants to love him so badly because this would all be so, so perfect. Not the fake, cold kind of perfect either. But the real honest to goodness perfection based on compatibility and real feelings. He's a good guy, down to earth. She thinks he might be the most caring individual she knows, considering the hardship he's been through with his mother and his sister. He's caring to a fault she thinks, and she can't help but wonder if she is just one more lost cause that he is trying to repair. She's told him that too, because this is one of those honest, open relationships. Maybe he was being nice when he told her he loved her, but she's trying to believe this will work and her smile was honest when she said "I love you too".
Elena disappears from her social circle. At first she worries that this is because of Matt, after all, dating someone's ex is always a big deal. But then she realises that it's nothing to do with her, Elena is always with the Salvatore's, she mentions something about helping them with their family history but Caroline doesn't really pay attention; she doesn't want to know. She tries not to get jealous when Elena mentions his name in passing; she tries not to feel anything. But the very whisper of his name leaves her reeling.
She likes that she can joke around with Matt, she likes that she feels comfortable pigging out on chips and chocolate in front of him. He doesn't make her scream like Damon used to, but he's gentle and fun; tickling her sides while he kisses her hard on the mouth. Still she can't help but wonder if he makes things too safe for her, if this thing between them is all too easy - it sounds crazy even to her, but it keeps her up late into the night, her bones itching for something, as he snores softly beside her.
She starts to tune the world out; the bright pink of the prom dress store become a little more faded the longer she remains here. And though she hates to admit it, the routine feels more like a cage with every passing day.
It's the quiet of the town that gets to him, and the memories. There used to be so much happening in Mystic Falls, and the memory of the excitement drives him wild with pent up frustration. With no one to take it out on, he begins to act out.
He drives drunk one night, and crashes Stefan's car into a tree. His brother threatens to throw him out more than once that night. He doesn't really remember what it is he said, or just how he convinced Stefan to let him stay but as he spends the next week fixing the car he knows he needs to get the fuck out of this town, and soon.
He came here with a purpose. Katherine is in the tomb and she needs to get out, he needs her to be out. All the time that is wasting away is getting to him in the worst possible way, Elena's face reminds him every day of the face that haunts him at night. This small town atmosphere is killing him, and his brother is smothering all his means of entertainment. He's used to getting his way, he's used to fast cars, money, easy women and most of all, he is used to his actions working out exactly according to plan. Which is why the complications in opening the tomb have caused him much frustration and grief, he simply doesn't do this waiting and complaining.
He visits the grave increasingly, her picture in his hand, his eyes transfixed on the stone wall that he wants to get open so badly. For all his callousness and impulsivity, for all his manipulative schemes he plots just for the hell of it, for all the time he spends doing things only for himself, only to as a means to meet his own ends – this is different: He is obsessed. He is obsessed and growing impatient, he can't keep acting out, and he can't keep fucking waiting.
And then she shows up and changes everything.
Ana. The little girl from way back when. Pearle's daughter, too young to be of interest, too old not to be feared.
Her appearance excites him, although he refuses to let on. She wants in too, and although he despises working in teams he knows she wants in just as badly as he does. It is difficult not to get excited, and reckless. The time and precautions he that is always so diligent about fall to the wayside- he is tired of waiting-he is desperate. Kidnapping isn't his style, but when Ana suggests taking the young witch Bonnie he feels a surge of adrenaline and consents to her hap-hazard plan. He feels more alive than he has felt for long, long time.
Everyone is at the tomb, there's a party in the background with lots of eager victims and he doesn't give a fuck. His whole body is buzzing with anticipation, the boredom and the restlessness of the past decades erased at the promise of the chaos and excitement Katherine is bound to bring. There is a sense of pre-satisfaction dripping from his pores, like he's in the middle of writing a test that he knows he's already aced.
His eagerness clouds his vision; he enters the tomb and doesn't look back.
Hello,
so this is a little short. it was part of a much larger chapter, but that would have made this the last chapter and I wasn't ready for that, so I extended this a little to really plant the roots for the next, and final installement.
Please review, pretty pretty please.
-merci