Irony

By Serena

Setting: AU clone Wars

Summary: An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have some memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

A/N: If you've seen the Clone Wars movie and new TV show, you'll see where I'm coming from with this pairing. ;D

Disclaimer: Me no own. You no sue.

CHAPTER TWO: The (Re)Bourne Identity

Obi-Wan cleared his throat uncomfortably and pulled back slightly. "What's the last thing you remember?" he asked hesitantly.

Asajj slowly sat up and rubbed her temples. "I'm not sure. Everything's blurry to me," she admitted, her voice still soft and uncertain.

"Do you remember your name?"

"No… can't say that I do," she said, brow furrowing. But the next moment, her eyes lit up as she looked at him. "What's your name, good sir?"

Obi-Wan didn't know what to make of her uncharacteristic and strange behavior. Was it a ruse? Another trap? Maybe she was trying to seduce him?

Would he mind if she were trying to seduce him?

Wait, WAIT! HOLD THE COMLINK! He did NOT just think that! Obi-Wan Kenobi, Great Jedi Master General and Negotiator, not to mention Master of the Most Titles of the Blasted Universe, did NOT just think that disturbing thought!

Obi-Wan decided to answer her. "It's Jedi Mas…" Blast. Not this again. He shook his head. "Just Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Just Obi-Wan," she said with a short, light laugh. A laugh, that Obi-Wan was disturbed to find himself thinking, was actually very attractive. It didn't carry any menace, no sarcastic hint to it or evil intentions.

He almost wished it did so he'd stop second-guessing himself like this.

"I'm…" Asajj held out a white hand and drew it back, giving him a hesitant smile. "I actually don't know who I am. Or where I am. Or why I'm here." Her face fell.

Obi-Wan tried to sense any mal-intent in her but couldn't. She had really forgotten who she was. He rubbed his bearded chin and studied her closely. He couldn't deny that he'd been more than a little anxious to find Ventress and perhaps turn her to the right side of the war. Maybe even a little obsessed. But he honestly believed Ventress was just misguided – not definitely evil like Dooku and Sidious.

And now with this unexpected turn of events… maybe she had some real hope after all.

"You are on the planet of Metellos," Obi-Wan told her with a smile. "And your name is Asajj."

She gasped. "You know who I am?"

"I know who you were, yes. Who you used to be." Now his gaze was searching and pensive.

"Well, who am I?" she demanded eagerly, now bolting upright. Immediately after doing so, she winced and grabbed her head. "Ow."

Obi-Wan frowned and put a hand on her shoulder. "Take it easy there, my dear," he said, concerned. "I believe you had quite a fall."

"A fall from what?" she grimaced.

He glanced up at the ledge. "I'm not entirely sure. But we can't stay here, Asajj." It felt strange calling her by her first name. "Come. My men are just outside with medical supplies."

She smiled up at him. "Thank you, Obi-Wan."

Completely sincere. Blast.

Obi-Wan cleared his throat, blushed just a bit, and helped her to her feet. Becoming dizzy once she stood up, Asajj let out a breath of air and pitched forward. "Whoa, easy there," Obi-Wan said, moving forward swiftly. Somehow, he didn't know how, she ended up encased in his arms with her hands on his chest (very nice, small hands with long, slender fingers – wait, what? STOP IT, KENOBI!). She stared up at him with large blue eyes.

"Thank you," she breathed, smiling up prettily at him.

Completely taken aback by her uncharacteristic behavior, Obi-Wan struggled to keep his composure. "Uh… you're welcome, milady."

He had to get control of the situation. Fast.

Pulling away, he cleared his throat again and completely disentangled himself from her. "Well, uh, we should be leaving, my dar…" Here he paused. Was it now appropriate to call her "my darling"? She might take it the wrong way instead of being goaded and teased like before. Now she might just be flattered.

He'd have to start treating her a whole different way.

"Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan blinked and threw her a hopefully not as charming as usual smile. "Shall we?" He held out an arm, which she took, beaming up at him, and led her out of the ballroom.

"What was I doing here?" Asajj wondered as they left the ballroom and started down the hall.

"I'm not entirely sure," Obi-Wan said truthfully.

"But what were you doing here, Obi-Wan?" she questioned, looking up at him. "Did you come here to save me?" Blast. Those eyes looked so hopeful.

In a way, he had – hopefully save her from the dark side. "Yes, Asajj. I sensed that you were in trouble."

"Sensed?"

"Yes. Using the Force." He shot her a sideways glance to see if that rang any bells.

"The Force…" Her face became thoughtful. "Isn't that what the Jedi have?"

"Yes."

She gasped prettily. Of course, he didn't notice. Because he was a Jedi. And he didn't notice things like pretty gasps.

And since when had anything from Asajj Ventress been pretty?

"You're a Jedi!" Asajj exclaimed.

"Uh, yes." Blast. Was he blushing again?

"Wow. I wish I could do that," she sighed dreamily, leaning her head on his shoulder.

Obi-Wan resisted the urge to sigh. Already this new Asajj Ventress was wearing on him. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing – he just knew that he had to get back to the Temple right away and bring her before the Council to decide what in Hoth to do with her.

What if she regained her memory miraculously and without warning sliced his head off? What if Dooku found her and turned her back to the dark side?

"General Kenobi," barked Rex's voice.

Obi-Wan jumped and held his wrist up to his mouth. "Report, Captain."

"We've eliminated the enemy out here, and General Skywalker has just returned. What's your status, sir?"

"I…" Obi-Wan threw an awkward look to Asajj, who was smiling dreamily – oh, Force – at him. "I'm f -"

A crackle on the other end of the com caused him to stop talking. Rex shouted something, followed by more crackling. It sounded like he was struggling for the com, or he was in trouble.

"Rex?" Obi-Wan said, alarmed.

"Obi-Wan!" Anakin yelled over the com. "Are you all right?"

Obi-Wan sighed. "Anakin, did you break your comlink aga- "

"What?" Anakin shouted, interrupting him. "No, you can't have it back, Rex!" he said stubbornly. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and heard Rex snapping furiously at Anakin, probably wanting his comlink back. "Would you be quiet?" Anakin demanded. "I'm trying to see if Obi-Wan's all right! No, I can't hear him because you're still talking! What? That's because I'm talking to you!"

Obi-Wan shook his head and sighed. "Anakin…"

"Hang on!" roared Anakin. "Obi-Wan's trying to say something! He could be dead, so be quiet! Well, I don't know! Maybe he's almost dead. Okay, fine, so dead people can't talk – he could be dying and lying in a ditch. Or just lying in a ditch. Fine! He could be dying and lying on the palace floor. Or he could be hanging from his toes at the mercy of Ventress – so shut up! Obi-Wan!" Anakin hollered. "Are you all right?"

"Anakin, I'm perfectly fine," Obi-Wan said, rubbing his temples. "What happened to your comlink?"

"I… uh… it was Ahsoka's fault!" his old Padawan hastily said.

"What?" Obi-Wan heard Ahsoka screech indignantly in the background.

"Anakin, you lost it, didn't you?" Obi-Wan said.

"Er… yes?"

Obi-Wan groaned. "Anakin, how many times have I told you - "

"Not as many times as you've told me not to lose my lightsaber," Anakin interrupted. "But I still have that, so hah!"

His old Padawan did grate on his nerves sometimes. "A responsible leader should have both," Obi-Wan said wearily. "I assume you're with the ship?"

"Yeah, we're waiting for you at the designated rendezvous point. Did you kill Ventress?"

Asajj, forgotten for the moment, leaned forward and whispered, "Who's Ventress?"

"What? Who is that?" Anakin demanded loudly.

Obi-Wan scowled and turned his head away from Asajj. To her he whispered: "No one."

"What? Did you say something?" Anakin asked.

"No!" Obi-Wan snapped.

"Well, gee, don't be so cranky about it," Anakin said sulkily.

"I'm not being – never mind. But I'm fine. I'll meet you at the rendezvous point in about twenty minutes."

"But what about Ventress?"

"It's… been handled." Obi-Wan didn't look at Asajj. "I'll be right there. Tell the men to start the ship. I want to be ready to leave as soon as I arrive."

"You got it," Anakin said, now in a cheerful mood. "Ahsoka, tell the men to start the ship," he added, turning his head away from the comlink.

"What?" Ahsoka piped up even more indignantly than before.

"I heard that, Anakin," Obi-Wan said sharply. "What about setting a good example for your Padawan and being responsible. Can you handle that?"

Anakin sighed. "We'll see. Skywalker out."

After the link disconnected, Obi-Wan looked at Asajj. "I'm sorry about that, my dear," he told her apologetically. "My old student can be a little… lacking in maturity sometimes."

"Well, if he was trained by you, he must have picked up some good sense," she said with a smile.

Oh, dear. This wasn't going as he'd planned.

"Er, yes. Shall we continue forward, then?" He held out a hand to the empty hall before them that would lead outside.

"Of course, Obi-Wan," Asajj said, once again slipping her arm through his.

Obi-Wan tried not to sigh and started forward down the hall, hoping to avoid any more conversation that might lead to her complimenting him again. They entered immediately after that a smaller corridor with mirrored walls.

Asajj suddenly halted and gasped in horror. Confused, Obi-Wan looked at her and saw that she was staring into one of the mirrors.

"What is it?" he asked, confused.

"By seven dark moons!" Asajj screamed. "I'm BALD!"

TBC...

Poor Asajj! :( ;D I actually feel sorry for her. Actually, I feel kinda bad for her in the regular story, too. Actually, you don't know what ever happened to her. She just disappeared.

- Serena