Irony

By Serena

Setting: AU clone Wars

Summary: An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have some memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

A/N: If you've seen the Clone Wars movie and new TV show, you'll see where I'm coming from with this pairing. ;D

Disclaimer: Me no own. You no sue.

CHAPTER THREE: "Denial Ain't Just a River in Ijept"

"It'll grow back," was all Obi-Wan could say, comforting a sobbing Asajj awkwardly. Her hands dug into his cloak, which was soaked by now from her tears.

"You think?" Asajj sniffed, her big icy blue eyes staring up at him forlornly.

He patted her shoulder. "Of course. They have special regrowth technology on Coruscant."

She instantly beamed. "You're a genius, Obi-Wan!" she breathed, eyelashes fluttering dangerously over her pale skin.

Obi-Wan reddened. Again.

Blast.

"That's… why I'm here," he joked weakly.

Asajj sniffled and glanced at the mirror again. Then, again, she let out a horrified scream. "TATOOS? I have TATOOS? ON MY FACE!?" Once again, she burst into tears.

Obi-Wan stared up at the ceiling, wondering how he'd managed to get into this situation.


Ten minutes later, Obi-Wan finally managed to convince the stricken Asajj that the tattoos were completely removable, getting her to calm down. They finally made their way out of the palace and to the ship waiting for them.

Asajj and Anakin, along with Rex and a couple troopers, stood at the bottom of the ship's ramp, waiting for Obi-Wan.

Ahsoka, chewing gum, popped a huge bubble. Anakin looked at her.

"Where'd you get that, Padawan?"

Ahsoka showed him a packet of gum in a compartment in her belt. Using the Force, Anakin swiped a piece and popped it in his mouth.

"Hey!" Ahsoka protested. "That was mine!"

"Mine now," Anakin grinned. "Of if you'd prefer ABC gum…"

Ahsoka glared up at him and popped another bubble. Anakin did the same and said, "Hah! Mine was bigger than yours. I win."

Her eyes narrowed. She blew a bigger bubble and popped it. "HAH! Beat that, Skyguy."

"You're on, Snips. But I warn you not to underestimate my powers," Anakin said ominously as he readied himself to blow another bubble.

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. "Puh-lease. Powers schmowers. All talk and no action. Just do it."

Anakin slowly blew another bubble only slightly bigger than Ahsoka. "I WIN! Again," he crowed.

"No you didn't! They were the same size!" Ahsoka protested.

"Nuh-uh."

"Uh-huh."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh! Rex!" Anakin said, turning to the annoyed trooper. "Whose was bigger?"

"Wasn't looking, sir," Rex said irritably.

Anakin turned back to Ahsoka. "Fine. Redo. Rex, watch. We'll measure the blasted things if we have to."

Rex glared at both of them.

Together, Anakin and Ahsoka blew bubbles. Slowly, the bubbles grew bigger… and bigger… and bigger…

BLAM! Both bubbles popped simultaneously as a blaster bolt ripped through both of them.

Anakin and Ahsoka stared at Rex, who blew off a smoking pistol. "What the heck was that?" Anakin demanded angrily. "I was winning!"

"Nuh-uh!" Ahsoka interjected. "Mine was clearly larger!"

"Well we could've measured them if someone hadn't blown them up!" Anakin growled, glaring darkly at Rex.

The clone shrugged. "Thought I saw a droid."

"Yeah, right," Ahsoka said, glowering. "Now my gum's all charred and icky." She spat out the gum onto the ground, and Anakin did the same.

Rex ignored them both and turned to see Obi-Wan coming towards them. "Heads up, sir. Here's General Kenobi."

"Come along, my dear," Obi-Wan said, leading Asajj to Anakin and Ahsoka. When they saw her with Obi-Wan, their mouths fell open in shock.

"What is she doing here?" Anakin demanded, glaring at Asajj.

"Now, Anakin," Obi-Wan started.

Asajj only grinned at Anakin and stuck out a hand. "Hello there! I'm Asajj. Or so he tells me." She glanced at Obi-Wan, beaming.

Obi-Wan looked away awkwardly.

Everyone stared at Asajj.

"Obi-Wan, what's going on?" Anakin asked, staring at Asajj in utter bewilderment.

"What, did the Hairless Harpie finally surrender?" Ahsoka snapped, her eyes narrowed at Asajj.

Asajj's eyes widened in horror, and she drew back her hand. To shock everyone further, her eyes welled up with tears, and she touched her bald head. "I'm going to grow it back, okay?" she whimpered.

Ahsoka was speechless.

"I knew I needed a hat," Asajj ranted on. Glancing to the nearest trooper, which happened to be Rex, she lunged forward, swiped Rex's helmet out of his hand, and dashed back over to Obi-Wan, jamming the helmet over her own head. "There."

"Hey!" Rex protested.

"Rex, if you'd be so kind as to lend Asajj your helmet for the time being," Obi-Wan said in a dry tone.

"Snowball's chance in Hoth!" the clone snapped, glaring at the former dark Jedi.

Anakin gasped and covered Ahsoka's ears. "Language, Rex!"

Obi-Wan sighed and turned to Asajj. "Here, you can use this," he said, pulling off his cloak and handing it to her. "It has a hood."

Asajj looked down at it. "Thank you!" she chirped, and threw off the helmet, chucking it at Rex. The force of the unexpected blow to the stomach caused the clone to fall over on his back. Asajj then pulled on the cloak and yanked the hood over her eyes. Smiling up at Obi-Wan, she said, "Shall we go?" And she took his arm.

Anakin and Ahsoka exchanged glances. Rex picked himself up and muttered something about crazy women. Abashed, Obi-Wan led Asajj up the ramp, with the rest of the confused group trailing behind. Once inside, Anakin and Ahsoka pulled Obi-Wan aside to have a little chat.

"So what's with Ventress?" Anakin demanded in furious whisper.

"Yeah, she's acting really weird. It's freaking me out!" Ahsoka added.

Obi-Wan sighed and rubbed his temples. "She has amnesia," he explained. "I think she had an accident and was knocked unconscious. Now she can't remember anything. I'm going to take her to the Temple so the Council can decide what's to be done with her."

Anakin looked from Obi-Wan to Asajj, who glanced back and smiled at Obi-Wan. Then, he shot his former master a sly smirk. "I think she likes you, Obi-Wan."

"Ridiculous," Obi-Wan scoffed, but his ears were bright red. "She's just grateful."

Ahsoka snorted. "Please. I'm a girl. I know when a girl likes a guy. And she… definitely has the hots for you, Master Kenobi."

"Has the 'hots' for me?" Obi-Wan echoed with wide eyes.

"Lingo for she digs ya," Anakin explained.

"She 'digs' me?"

"Yeah, she's got it bad," Ahsoka said.

"Got what bad?" Obi-Wan asked blankly.

Anakin and Ahsoka stared at him. Together they hissed, "SHE LIKES YOU!"

Obi-Wan cleared his throat and looked away. "You're both delusional."

"Yeah, and there's this river in Ijept," Anakin snorted, folding his arms over his chest.

Ahsoka sighed and shook her head. "So clueless."

"You got that right," Anakin agreed, holding out a fist to his padawan. She grinned and fisted him back.

"You know it," she said with a smirk.

Obi-Wan sighed. "The blind leading the blind… or in this case, the immature leading the immature. Force help us all."

TBC...

Poor Obi! :( ;D He needs a chill pill. Or just a long vaca.

- Serena