Irony

By Serena

Setting: AU clone Wars

Summary: An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have some memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

A/N: For the purposes of this story, Ahsoka will be seventeen.

Disclaimer: Me no own. You no sue.

CHAPTER FOUR: "Hasta La Vista, Rexy!"

The trip home to Coruscant was interesting to say the least. Ahsoka was daydreaming about having her own boyfriend, Anakin was dreaming about seeing Padme again, Asajj was dreaming of her handsome knight in shining armor, and said knight in shining armor was wondering how he was going to explain this blasted mess to the Council.

And of course, he wasn't dreaming about Asajj at all.

Once they landed, Obi-Wan went over to Asajj and gently shook her. Her sleepy eyes fluttered open, and she graced him with a wide smile. "Obi-Wan… what is it?" she asked quietly.

Trying to maintain his overall sanity, Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "It's time to go."

"Go? Where?" She sat up.

"To see the Jedi Council," Obi-Wan replied as he started to nudge Anakin awake. "Anakin, wake up."

Anakin, who snored loudly, just grumbled, "Five more minutes, Padme."

Obi-Wan's eyes widened. "What?!"

Anakin sighed. "Five more minutes, master."

Oh. That was what he said. Obi-Wan frowned and said loudly, "Anakin, wake up!" And he shook his old Padawan on the shoulder. Still, Anakin slept on. Obi-Wan scowled and moved over to Ahsoka. "Young one, wake up."

Ahsoka mumbled something that sounded like "Sure I'd love to be your girlfriend, sexy-Rexy," and blinked into awareness. A second later, she bolted upright, making a positively disgusted face. "EEEEWWWWW!!! I did NOT just dream that Rex asked me to be his girlfriend! UGH! GROSS! ICK! ACK!"

Rex scowled. "Thanks a lot."

"Dude, I'm only seventeen! And you're… like… forty!" Ahskoa cried, waving her arms around. "You're… OLD!"

"I'm twenty-seven."

"What?"

"I'm twenty-seven, I'm not old," Rex snapped.

"THAT'S OLD!" Ahsoka shrieked. "I NEED A BOYFRIEND MY AGE! NOT TEN YEARS OLDER!"

No one noticed that Rex looked a little sad at that declaration.

"You know," piped up Asajj thoughtfully, "Han was ten years older than Leia. He was twenty-nine, and she was nineteen when they met."

Ahsoka looked at her, confused. "Who're Han and Leia?"

Asajj shrugged and glanced down at her booted feet. "How should I know?"

"Who says you need a boyfriend?" Obi-Wan demanded sternly, folding his arms over his chest and staring down at Ahsoka. "You know the rules of attachment, young one."

Ahsoka frowned. "Yeah, I know."

"Attachment, ashmachment," Asajj drawled, waving a dismissive hand in the air. "Just a bunch of Bantha poodoo."

Obi-Wan turned to her, surprised; and Ahsoka grinned at the former Dark Jedi. Glancing up questioningly at Obi-Wan, Ahsoka said, "Is it disturbing that I'm starting to like her?" Grinning, she added, "Or do you know what I'm talking about?"

Obi-Wan just reddened. "Well, uh…"

He was saved from having to answer that question as Ahsoka turned abruptly to Anakin and whapped him over the forehead. "MASTER, WAKE THE KRETH UP!"

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "What a lovely vocabulary you've discovered."

"Learned it from Rex," Ahsoka said. When Rex grinned, Ahsoka glared at him. "DON'T EVEN! I'm NOT your girlfriend, got it?"

Rex just shrugged. "You were in your dream."

"THAT WAS A STUPID KRIFFING DREAM!"

"Language!" Anakin shouted in his sleep. Ahsoka and Obi-Wan looked at him, but he went right back to snoring as if nothing had happened.

"Oh, dear," Obi-Wan sighed. "We'll never wake him up. He can sleep through anything, I'm afraid."

"Should I try?" Asajj offered with a pretty smile at Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan blushed again. BLAST IT. "Uh, well, I think I've got in under control this time, my dear," he stammered.

"Okay!" Asajj replied cheerfully as she stood up and brushed her skirt off.

Ahsoka, fed up with Anakin's sleepiness, leaned forward and whispered, "Here comes Padme!"

Anakin's eyes flew open, and he jumped to his feet. "Padme? Where?" When he saw everyone staring at him, he cleared his throat, embarrassed, and glared down at his smug Padawan. "I'm going to strangle you, Snips."

"Don't touch her!" Rex snapped, pointing his gun at Anakin.

Anakin stared at him in confusion. "What?"

Ahsoka glared at him. "Would you CUT IT OUT?" she shrieked.

Rex scowled and slipped his gun back into its holster, jamming his helmet onto his head. Obi-Wan, frustrated with the entire scenario, said loudly, "That's enough!" and took Asajj's hand, leading her off the ship. Everyone was slightly disturbed to see the former Dark Jedi actually skipping while being ushered down the ramp by Obi-Wan.

Anakin and Ahsoka followed Obi-Wan and Asajj down to the landing pad, where an air-taxi waited to take them to the Jedi Temple. Rex jogged up to Anakin and said, "Sir, shall I stay with the ship?" His helmet tilted down to Ahsoka. "Or shall I give the report of the battle?"

Ahsoka caught him looking at her and glared angrily, folding her arms over her chest and turning her gaze to the opposite direction. Anakin, in between both of them, glanced at Ahsoka and Rex in bewilderment. "Uh, I guess you can come with us."

"What? NO!" Ahsoka wailed.

"Why not, Snips?" Anakin questioned. "Rex usually gives better reports than I do, anyway."

Ahsoka whimpered and dashed off to the taxi, crying: "I hate my life!" and flung herself into the taxi.

Anakin shot a sideways look to Rex. "Am I missing something?"

Rex's helmet stayed facing right ahead to the air taxi. "Not at all, sir."

Much to Obi-Wan's relief, the ride to the temple was short and quiet. Anakin was still waking up; Ahsoka sat in the back, as far away from Rex as possible, and glowered out the window; Rex sat in the front, his helmeted gaze on Ahsoka; and Asajj happily stared out the window, admiring the view below.

"It's so amazing!" she said in awe.

Obi-Wan couldn't help but smile. "Yes, it is."

"What's that building?" She pointed out the window.

Obi-Wan followed her gaze. "That's our stop. The Jedi Temple."

"It's gorgeous!"

Obi-Wan's smile widened as he glanced back at her. "Indeed."

Asajj smiled up at him brightly.

Rex, in the meantime, had been moving subtly towards the back of the cruiser while Ahsoka stared out the window, seemingly lost in thought. But when he attempted to move closer, Ahsoka said without looking at him, "Come one foot closer and I take out the lightsaber."

Rex sighed and took a seat.

Anakin watched the two scenarios before him with bewilderment. "And I thought I was the unstable one."

TBC...

Now I feel bad for Anakin. :D Sorry for the long wait!

- Serena