Previously...

"Bells?" I found that I couldn't look up at him. "Bella." He said pulling my chin up for me to look at him. "Bella look at me." I finally looked in his eyes. He was so worried. "Bells, what happened that night." he demanded gently. I burst out into tears and he pulled me into a hug. "Shh Bella, it's okay. Shh, tell me what happened."

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Chapter Nine: Confessions

Disclaimer: ...still waiting... oh the hell with it, I don't own Twilight! Well, not the rights but the book is in my backpack...

*WARNING: CONTENT OF FOLLOWIN CHAPTER NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN. THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS TALK OF RAPE AND SLIGHT ABUSE. IF EITHER OF THESE IS DISTURBING TO ANYONE IN ANY WAY I RECOMMEND THAT EITHER YOU SKIP THIS CHAPTER OR YOU DISCONTINUE THE READING OF THIS STORY*

A/N: K, sorry about that, but I know that some people get really upset about that kind of content and thought that it would be a good idea to warn said people.

It was another couple of minutes before I regained my composure.

"Sorry about that, I didn't mean to lose control like that." I hated to let people see me cry.

"Don't apologize, just tell us what happened."

I looked up at them, drying the tears from my eyes.

"Have you ever done something you regreted? Something people would look down on you for if they knew about it?" I asked them. Edward's eyes filled with pain and Jake's filled with sadness. They both nodded. "What? What did you do?"

"I let someone hurt you." Jake responded, unshed tears filling his eyes.

"You didn't have any control over that Jake. No, I mean something terrible. Something unforgivable." I said, turning to look at Edward.

"Yes." Edward said, barely above a whisper.

"You have?" I asked in disbelief. A sad smile spread across his lips.

"Yes." I waited for him to elaborate but after a few minutes of silence I knew there was nothing more he would say right now.

I sighed. I was scared to share my story. I had never told anyone else and was afraid of their reactions. I took a deep breath and began.

"Well, it was two years ago just after winter break. I had been training with Jasper for the past few years, but he was moving to Texas in two months. He said he knew this guy from college that was a really good fighter. He was very demanding but all of his students excelled in fighting. I wasn't very excited about having a new instructer but Jasper encouraged me and told me that it would be fine. That this guy was good and that he would check up on me every so often.

"Training with James was a lot more intense than with Jasper. Jasper and I had always been able to joke around and talk during or after training. James was strict and to the point, he made it very clear that first day that he had no intentions of being my friend like Jasper was. He was very controlling and dominating. He would get angry if I didn't do a move right or if I just didn't listen to him. Even if my way was better.

"After a few months he started pushing me really hard in training. He would be fighting rough or dirty in training. One night after a competition he had gotten angry because I wasn't 'rough enough' with my opponent. I told him that if I was any rougher the girl would have been carried out on a stretcher, not to mention that it would have violated the rules and gotten me banned from the fights.

"He started yelling at me, telling me how I was a useless, disobedient bitch. I snapped and started screaming back at him. He hit me and knocked me to the ground. He told me 'Don't you ever talk back to me like that'. I spit at his shoes and he snapped. He pinned me down and said 'I guess I'll have to teach you to behave then'. He kissed me roughly and when I struggled he tightened his grip on me and held me down by the throat. He growled at me and grabbed his towel from where it was tucked into the waistband of his jeans and gagged me with it. He

"He started yelling at me, telling me how I was a useless, disobedient bitch. I snapped and started screaming back at him." I gulped as I remembered what happened next. I could only hear the low hum of my voice as I went back to that night in the alley behind the club.

He hit me and knocked me to the ground. He was powerful and I wasn't expecting him to hit me.

"Don't you ever talk to me that way!" he roared. I spit at his shoes. He didn't deserve any more respect than what I gave him, in fact he deserved less. He snapped. The next thing I knew he was on top of me, pinning me down.

"I guess I'll have to teach you to behave yourself then." he snarled at me. A moment later his lips were on me in a rough, controlling kiss. I tried to push him off, but all that did was make him angrier. He gripped me by the throat and held me down with one hand while he reached behind him for the towel tucked into his back pocket. He tore off a long peice with his teeth and tied it around my mouth as a gag. He tore off one more peice and tied my wrists together.

"That's better." he said, smiling sadistically. He held up my arms and lifted my shirt until it was piled around my wrists. He quckly undid my pants and they were thrown across the alley. My bra and panties had the same fate. I started tearing up at this point, I knew what was going to happen and I just felt so powerless sitting there naked in this alleyway with him. He undid his pants and threw his shirt across the alley with my clothes.

He took me, trembling, by the hips and slammed me down on him. I cried out in pain and tears streamed down my face. It was the most painful way to lose your innocence. He didn't wait for me to adjust, he lifted my again and slammed me down onto his length. I cried out again and he got angry, slamming into me even harder than before. My cries of pain finally quieted to whimpers as I waited for it to be over.

I cried the whole time. It made me sick. I thought about all of the things I wished had never happened. Things that led to this moment.

I wish I had chosen to move in with Charlie. I wish Renee had come to my fight. I wish Jasper hadn't moved. I wish James had never been born. I wish I was strong enough to hurt or even kill him. I wish that I had stayed with playng piano instead of fighting. I wish Jake was here. I wish I could tell someone. I wish that I didn't hate myself so much right now. And the list went on.

I tried to distract myself from what was going on. I thought of Renee's ex-boyfriend, George. He had that really creepy uncle kind of thing going on. You know the one that looks like he's trying to hit on you or your mom even though she's married to his brother and you're his fucking neice. Yeah, gross I know.

It was the most random thing and it almost made me laugh despite where I was and what was happening. That is until he rammed into me one last time and came insie me. The fucking bastard. He pulled up his pants and found his shirt, pulling it on before turning back to me. He untied me and took the gag out of my mouth. I vomited, wishing that it could at least been on his $300 shoes. He grabbed my clothes and threw them at me.

"Don't you EVER talk back to a man. Especially me. Cause if you fuck with me, baby, I'll fuck with you." A shiver went down my spine and I vomited again. Fucking perverted bastard doesn't get to call ME baby. He laughed, still staying there to watch me suffer.

I slowly crawled to my jeans and pulled out my knife. I kept it hidden from his view. I tried to get up and stumbled towards him, quickly slicing a B into his arm before he could react. He growled and spun me around holding the knife to my neck. I didn't care if he killed me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself after this.

"Aw, baby. Don't you want something to remember me by?" I said in an acidic voice. He growled and pushed the knife closer to my throat. Just a little more pressure and then... but it never came. He leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"I'll make you pay for that one, baby." He flung me across the alley and the knife clattered to the ground next to me, and he was gone.

I quickly got dressed and ran to this old hangout where I used to go as a kid. I sat there and cried for hours. When I finally got home Renee was already asleep and I just left her a note saying that I was out late at a friend's house and was really tired or some crap like that.

The next day I called Sam, who was James' brother and sometimes helped out at my training sessions, and told him that I wouldn't be coming in anymore. I told him fighting wasn't for me and that I was probably going to be moving soon anyways. I told my mom that I wanted to go stay with Charlie for a while to 'give her some time to be with Phil' or something.

"I moved in with Charlie about a week later and I haven't seen James since." I said coming back to the present. I finally looked up to see their responses. What I saw was enough to tear my heart to shreds.

A/N: Did you like it? This chapter was hard to write because I never really went through anything like this and I didn't really know what to do. Also the little bit about the creepy uncle, ugh, that was real. Except my creepy uncle is named Bob. Gave me the creeps whenever I'd see him. Anyways, tell me what you think. The reactions of the boys will be in the next chapter and then we can start to move on. I need help with how we're going to get Edward to tell his story... so please review and let me know what you want to/think should happen. Oh and for the Jasper fans out there, I just had to throw him into this story, because he's just that amazing. No matter how small a part he plays in the plot.

REVIEW

toodles!

-Jenny C.

Oh, P.s. (I know super long author's note but just hang on) If you didn't like this chapter let me know because I have like two other 'alternate' chapters that I can finish and replace this one with so let me know