Irony

By Serena

Setting: AU Clone Wars

Summary: An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have some memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

A/N: For the purposes of this story, Mace will be OOC. :D

Disclaimer: Me no own. You no sue.

CHAPTER FIVE:"Dilly-Dallying on the Temple Steps"

When they finally landed on one of the Jedi Temple's landing pads, Anakin dashed out first, followed quickly by Ahsoka, who was eager to get away from Rex's ever-present stare. The former simply wanted to get away from all the craziness surrounding him and sprinted down the ramp to where Jedi Masters Mace Windu and Luminara Unduli waited to greet them.

Anakin nearly crashed into them, but he halted just in time. However, Ahsoka didn't look where she was going, as her normally excellent vision was impaired by Anakin's giant cloak, and she crashed right into Anakin, causing him to lurch forward into Luminara. Luminara gave an un-Jedi-ish squeak and stumbled back.

"I KNEW you were breaking the Code!" Mace Windu roared, and grabbed the back of Anakin's cloak, yanking him sharply back away from Luminara. "I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE, Skykiller!"

Anakin, dangling an inch in the air by the scruff of his neck, gaped. "It's Skywalker, Master."

"Shut up!" Mace snarled. "I'm reporting you to the Council for heresy!"

"What?" squawked Anakin indignantly.

Ahskoa decided to butt in. "Master Windu, it's really not his fault. It's mine. You see, I'm being stalked by a crazy clone, so I wasn't watching where I was going while I was hurrying to get off the blasted transport. I ran into Master Skywalker, which made him fall into Master Luminara."

Mace glared at Anakin darkly. "I don't trust him."

"Mace!" Luminara put a hand on Mace's arm and smiled up at him. "It's fine. Really. Ahsoka's telling the truth."

Mace's eyes softened as he gazed down at the beautiful Jedi Master. "Well… all right." But his eyes narrowed at Anakin. "I'm still watching you! You're not a TRUE follower of the Code, and THAT'S all that matters, Smallpillar!"

"It's Skywalker," Anakin retorted.

"WHAT?" Mace shrieked, shaking him furiously.

"Nothing," Anakin muttered. When Mace dropped him on the ground, he mumbled, "Kriffing windbag."

"WHAT?" Mace roared in his face.

"Nothing!"

Ahsoka and Luminara exchanged helpless looks and shrugged simultaneously. Ahsoka mumbled, "Good thing I didn't mention Padme."

"WHAT?" Mace screamed.

Anakin glared at Ahsoka. "Thanks."

"That's why I'm here, Master," Ahsoka responded cheerfully. She glanced to her other side nonchalantly and abruptly jumped with a scream as she saw Rex standing right by her side, staring down at her. "Where did you COME from?" Ahsoka screeched.

"I've been here the whole time," Rex told her.

"NOOOOOO!" Ahsoka barreled past the befuddled Jedi Masters into the Temple.

Anakin glanced at Rex in confusion. "What's with her?"

Rex shrugged. "Don't know, sir. Probably just tired out from the battle."

Anakin eyed him carefully before returning his gaze to where Ahsoka had disappeared. "Hmm…."

"She's probably just going crazy from having a Master who doesn't follow the Mighty Code," Mace snapped, folding his arms over his chest. "I can't believe Yoda gave you a Padawan, Spystalker."

"It's Sky - "

Luminara gasped, and her eyes widened as she stared past Anakin's shoulder. "By the Force!"

Mace instantly took her shoulders, demanding, "What is it, Luminara? Are you all right? Are you feeling well? Are you ill? Do you sense something's wrong?"

"Good gundarks, let the woman talk," Anakin said dryly.

Mace rounded on him, snarling, "YOU shut it, Smithcarter!"

Anakin sighed tiredly and rubbed his forehead. "It's Skywalk - "

"It's Asajj Ventress!" Luminara breathed, staring as Obi-Wan gallantly led Asajj down the ramp. As they came up to the small crowd, Mace gaped at her. However, Asajj smiled brilliantly at the two Jedi Masters.

"Hello!" Asajj greeted cheerfully. "It's nice to meet you!"

Luminara and Mace were too stunned to speak.

Asajj glanced at Obi-Wan and mumbled, "Is something wrong with them?"

Obi-Wan shook his head wearily. "No, my dear. Masters, this is Asajj. She needs to see the Council, in particular, Master Yoda. I'll explain everything once we get inside. She's with us," he added pointedly.

Mace and Luminara remained speechless.

"Right," Obi-Wan said after an awkward pause. "Let's go, then." He led an oblivious Asajj past the two flabbergasted Masters into the Temple. Anakin, grinning, followed him; and finally Mace and Luminara recovered from their shock and joined them.

No one noticed that Rex had slipped into the Temple much earlier.

"Why is everyone staring at me, Obi-Wan?" Asajj whispered as they made their way to the Council Chambers.

"Er… they're just… surprised to see you," Obi-Wan stammered.

"Why? Is it because I'm bald?" she whimpered.

"No, no! It's just…" Obi-Wan sighed. "They're not used to seeing… newcomers. Yes, that's it," he added eagerly. "It's not every day someone who's… not a Jedi enter these halls. Don't worry about it, my dear." He patted her hand reassuringly.

She beamed up at him. "Thank you, Obi-Wan. You are such a gentleman," she gushed.

Behind them, Mace, Anakin, and Luminara watched the couple with interest, amusement, and annoyance.

"I don't like this," Mace growled. "I think she's lying. I don't trust her."

"You don't trust anyone," Anakin muttered.

"What's that, SkiSloper?" Mace demanded, enraged.

"It's Skywalker."

Luminara, however, felt differently. "I sense true happiness from her, Mace," she argued gently. "I don't sense any bad intent whatsoever. I think she really does have amnesia."

"Oh, well, if you think so," Mace conceded.

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Of course you agree with her," he mumbled.

"You say something, Starsearcher?" Mace snapped, rounding on him.

"It's Skywalk – never mind," Anakin sighed, shaking his head. "It's hopeless." Before Mace could pummel him, he jogged to catch up with Obi-Wan and Asajj. "Master, you should probably go in first to, you know, tell the Council about our dear Asajj here." He shot a smile to Ventress, who smiled back at him. "You know, so you can introduce her to them."

"Good idea," Obi-Wan said with a nod. "If you wouldn't mind… staying with her outside for a bit." Watching her was more like it.

Anakin, catching Obi-Wan's hidden meaning, nodded. "Absolutely."

"Oh, Anakin, you're such a dear," Asajj said with a grin.

Anakin reddened. "Um… right. Well, I, uh, I'll… meet you right outside the Council chamber. I have to go… meet my wife."

"All right," Obi-Wan said, nodding. Doing a double take, he exclaimed, "Hold it – what?"

"Uh, I, uh, gotta go… flee for my life!" Anakin quickly corrected, and took off down the hall.

"NO RUNNING IN THE HALLS, SIDESWIPER!" Mace commanded in a threatening tone. "KRIFFING CODEBREAKER!"

"Mace!" Luminara gasped, appalled. "He hasn't done anything wrong!"

Mace glowered at Anakin's back. "I don't trust the boy."

"Anakin is fine, Mace," Luminara insisted gently, putting a hand on Mace's arm. "He hasn't broken the Code."

Mace's gaze softened. "Well, if you think so."

"I know so," Luminara said with a smile. "Now come, let's get to the Council chamber."

When the finally reached the Council Chamber, Mace and Luminara entered and took their seats, while Anakin hurried up to stay with Asajj while Obi-Wan broke the news to the Council. Mace glared at Anakin before entering the chamber.

"About blasted time, Sprywasher," Mace growled.

Anakin stared up at the ceiling with a groan. "Oh, come ON!"

Obi-Wan followed Mace into the chamber and said, "I'll call you both in soon. Just stay here. And please, Anakin, try not to do anything… stupid." The doors slid shut behind him.

Asajj sighed happily. "He's amazing, isn't he?"

"Yeah," Anakin grumbled dryly. "Just amazing."

"Went well your mission did, I hope?" Yoda said to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan sank into his seat and shook his head. "Well… not exactly how I expected, Master Yoda. I ran into a little… situation."

"Situation? What kind of situation?" Plo Koon asked.

Obi-Wan glanced at Mace, who glared at him, and ran a hand over his beard uncomfortably. "Well, we picked up… an addition to our squad, you could say," he explained.

"Don't dilly-dally, Obi-Wan!" Mace snapped.

Yoda shot him a warning look. "Patience, you must have, Master Windu. Explain, Obi-Wan, you will."

"Of course, Master. Well… as it happens, I found myself in an abandoned palace on Metellos… and although I went there, expecting to find Ventress… something … happened."

Every Master leaned forward eagerly. "Was she dead?" Adi Gallia questioned.

"Was it Dooku instead?" Depa Billaba demanded.

"No," Obi-Wan said. "I found Ventress. But… something happened to her. I don't know exactly what, but sufficed to say… she has amnesia."

"WHAT?" all the Masters demanded.

"Er, yes," Obi-Wan continued, reddening. "I believe she fell or something of that sort, and now she can't remember anything about herself. I had to tell her her own name."

"WHAT?"

"Yes, well," Obi-Wan went on, flustered, "There's more. She's waiting just outside."

"WHAT?"

Obi-Wan buried his face into his hands. "Oh, dear."

TBC...

This could be kind of a torture-Obi-Wan story, lol. The poor guy just can't catch a break. I think he, Anakin, and Ahsoka will need a long, long vacation in a galaxy FAR, FAR away from Asajj, Mace, and Rex. :D

- Serena