Irony

By Serena

Setting: AU Clone Wars

Summary: An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

A/N: For the purposes of this story, I've changed Ahsoka's age to 18. Rex will be 23.

Disclaimer: Me no own. You no sue.

CHAPTER ELEVEN: "Corellia, My Foot!"

Anakin pulled back away from Obi-Wan and panted, "Hey, we finished?"

Obi-Wan nodded wearily, then paused, eyes narrowing. "Is this some sort of trick where at the last minute you'll Force-whip my feet out from under me?"

"Pshaw, Obster," Anakin said, adopting a hurt look on his face. "I'd never do that to my bestest buddy in the whole wide wowld." He grinned cheekily.

Obi-Wan made a face and put away his lightsaber. "Ugh, fine. Just… don't do that."

"Hah-HA!" Anakin made a hand motion and Force-yanked Obi-Wan's feet out from under him, causing the females rooting for Anakin to scream in delight. "I GOTCHA, OLD MAN!"

Obi-Wan scowled up at him. "Blast it."

"Ha ha HA! You fell for my little trap," Anakin giggled, rubbing his hands together gleefully. When Obi-Wan shot him a withering look, he laughed. "Oh, hey, c'mon Obi ol' buddy ol' pal." He pulled Obi-Wan up to his feet and ruffled his hair and patted him on the back.

Obi-Wan stepped away carefully. "You need help, Anakin."

"YES, YOU WILL, AFTER I'M FINISHED WITH HIM!" screamed a new voice.

Both men turned to see Padme storming towards them with a murderous look on her face.

Anakin gulped nervously, and a drop of sweat fell down his cheek. "Oh snap."

"I'd run," said Obi-Wan.

"I know."

"You're not?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Too late."

"You're dead."

"Gee thanks." Anakin rubbed the back of his neck as Padme marched up to him and glared daggers. "Er, hey, honey er, I mean sweet-pea – er, I mean senator."

"ANAKIN VADER SITH STRANGLE LUKE I AM YOUR FATHER HOO-PAH SKYWALKER," Padme didn't even stop to catch her breath – Anakin suspected it was because she'd spent such a long time in the Senate overtalking babbling idiots who never shut up, which, of course, was never HIM, but he digressed – "WHAT IN CHIM-CHIMMINEY'S GRIMY NAME ARE YOU DOING!?"

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka exchanged puzzled glances and shrugged.

"Er, uh, you know… he he…" Anakin giggled nervously. "I was just… sparring?"

"Why does that sound like a question?" Padme demanded with narrowed eyes.

"Um, because it was?"

"Was it?" she snarled.

Anakin shrugged. "I dunno. Was it?"

"That's what I'm asking YOU! Was it or not?"

"Was what it?"

"YOUR QUESTION!"

"What question?" he asked blankly.

"THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING YOU!"

"What are you talking about?" Anakin demanded.

"What are YOU talking about?" Padme shouted.

Anakin shrugged. "I dunno. I get distracted easi- hey, Rex!" He waved at the Clone Captain who had just returned from… well, wherever he'd gone.

Rex strode up to the Jedi and saluted. "General Skywalker, General Kenobi. I'd like a promotion, sirs."

"Sure thing!" Anakin said cheerfully.

Obi-Wan shot him a look. "No, not sure thing. Rex, we'll have to review your request for further consideration and debate about whether or not your request will be taken into account for further consideration." He frowned and rubbed his beard. "Oh, dear, that sounded a bit roundabout, didn't it?"

"Jest a widdle bit," Anakin said with a grin. "Well, I don't know. He's a good guy, Obster. I say we make him Supreme Grandure of the Coconut Cherries."

Everyone stared at him.

"The Supreme what?" Obi-Wan demanded.

"Supreme Grandure of the Coconut Cherries," Anakin said as if it were obvious. "You know, the man who's in control of all Dibble-Dabbledom, the fairy land right behind Lollipop Mountain and right after Cotton Candy Valley, and…there's a good chance that this was a dream."

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "I'd say so." He looked past Anakin, rubbing his beard, but suddenly, he froze as a graceful familiar figure came floating up to them. Obi-Wan's jaw dropped. "Asajj?" he squeaked.

Everyone turned to follow his vision.

Asajj looked completely different. She wore a deep red dress that accented all of her toned curves perfectly. Her tattoos had been completely removed, leaving only silky white skin. Her makeup complemented her icy blue eyes. And what was more…

She had hair. Lots of it. Long, glossy ebony hair that shimmered in the light and fell to her upper back.

Obi-Wan swallowed.

Any chance of following the "Jedi Robot" Rule went right out the window.

"Obi-Wan!" Asajj exclaimed happily. "What do you think?" She did a little twirl, beaming brightly.

Obi-Wan didn't move. Just stared.

"And I finally have hair! What do you think?" She tossed her glossy locks and shook them like in a hair commercial.

Obi-Wan still didn't move. Just stared.

"Well," said Aayla blandly, "I guess we won't have to murder Fabio after all."

Padme nodded thoughtfully. "Pity."

Fifteen minutes later, the group was meandering towards the cafeteria to get something to eat. Well, obviously they were getting something to eat. Why else would one go to a cafeteria unless it was to partake of the delicious yummies of the foodical world?

Obi-Wan, who didn't remember offering Asajj his arm, but somehow realized he had, continued to stare at her as she chattered away. Come to think of it, he didn't remember how he got here, either.

Come to think of it, he didn't remember his own name. Wait, what was a name?

"And so the girls and I were thinking of taking a day trip to Corellia to see a few art museums," Asajj was saying.

When all the guys heard "Corellia", warning bells went off.

"Corellia, my foot!" Anakin shouted angrily. "The only things you're going to be looking at are the Corellian men!"

Padme shrugged. "So sue me."

And that was the day Anakin Skywalker turned into Darth Vader.

Which, coincidentally, also meant horrible and terrifying punishment for all stuck-up, scruffy-looking nerfherders.

Obi-Wan frowned at Asajj. "I rather you wouldn't, my dear. Corellia is not exactly the nicest place in the galaxy."

"Well, maybe you could come with me!" she smiled up at him.

Obi-Wan now forgot how to speak.

That was, until someone else decided to show up out of the blue and completely unexpectedly and quite suddenly, too.

"Obi-Shmobi! Oh, Obi Daarling!" cooed a new feminine voice.

Obi-Wan whirled around and gulped, staring at the new arrival. No. This could not be happening. Wasn't she supposed to be dead? No, bad Obi-Wan! Bad Obi-Wan! Be nice!

"S-S-S-Siri!" he stammered, turning beet red.

Blast it! This was NOT the time!

Anakin raised an eyebrow and exchanged glances with Kit Fisto. "Oh boy," they said together. Poor Rex, who had no idea of Obi-Wan's history, just looked confused. The clone looked down at Ahsoka.

"What's going on?"

Ahsoka grinned wickedly. "Obi-Wan's former flame. I bet she and Sajje will be pulling out their lightsabers within a minute. How much you wanna bet?"

Rex frowned. "What is it with you and betting money?"

"Hey, girl's gotta make a living somehow. Master Fisto?"

"Money's on Asajj," Kit whispered.

"Double that," Aayla hissed.

"Triple that," Padme put in.

"Fourple that," Anakin added.

Everyone stared at him, and he just looked at them blankly. "What?"

Siri smiled and ran a hand over her short blonde hair. "Oh, Obi-Wan-Shman! SOOO good to see you!" She draped her arms around Obi-Wan and hugged him tightly. "Have you missed me, Obi-Dobie?"

Anakin and Ahsoka snickered. "Obi-Dobie?" Ahsoka whispered, grinning up at her master.

"Oh, Obi-Shmobi!" Anakin echoed in a high-pitched voice. Obi-Wan glared at them, but they just looked at each other and burst into uproarious laughter.

Aayla and Padme were the only ones who saw Asajj's face crumple. And that was the day they formed their own kick-butt chicks club.

TBC...

No Mace or Yoda again ;D in this chapter - and no Fabio, poor guy :D!! Well, at least the surprise guest finally showed up. :) 'Bout kriffing time.

- Serena