LUCK HAS NOTHING
5: Another Day in Paradise
Time passed, October turned into November, etc. My life pretty much fell into its usual routine. Peter and I didn't talk about what had happened; I mean, what was there to say? I hoped he would be okay, but it wasn't my place to pry.
One day, I was surprised to find Meg Manning sitting with me at lunch. "Meg?" I asked her.
"You always sound so surprised to see me," she said. "What am I, dead?"
"Popular," I replied. She nodded at that.
"Oh well. Everyone knows I'm too damn nice, so they only have raised eyebrows when I try and hang out with you," she said. I furrowed my brow.
"I'm not sure, but I don't think that's a compliment."
"I don't really thing that passes judgment on you at all," she said with a dismissing wave of her hand. There was a pause, and then she leaned forward. "Listen, it's Lilly's birthday in a few days."
"I know. I spent enough time losing my mind over that girl; I remember her birthday," I said.
"You should come. To her party."
I blinked a few times. "You are... kidding, right?"
Meg shook her head. "No. Come on. You shouldn't have to run and duck your head all the time, besides, the people at those parties tend to be really annoying," Meg explained.
"Okay, in case you haven't noticed this? People at those parties, tend not to like me. Lilly really doesn't like me. Think I might get a bad reaction?" I was trying not the think of the last time I gatecrashed one of their parties; it wasn't really working.
Meg rolled her eyes. "Maybe that's why you should come. Just to piss them off; make them uncomfortable," she said with a wry smile. I considered the possibility.
"Well, when you put it like that..." I trailed off. Her smile was growing, and okay, yeah, I was in. "Fine, fine. But just because it'll piss everyone off."
"Thanks," she said. I felt everyone staring at us, but she didn't leave.
It wasn't until I was actually at the party that I remembered what a bad idea it was to actually come. I could feel them all staring at me, and it made me feel like a museum exhibit even more than usual. Of course, the last time I went to one of these parties, I was drugged and raped in the guest room, so you could guess how glad I was to be back. Plus there was the uncomfortable reminder of what happened on Lilly's last birthday; Veronica. Why oh why did I let Meg talk me into this?
I, thankfully, ran into Meg quickly. "Logan, hey!" she said and enveloped me in a big hug. I hugged back, although I saw her boyfriend Cole giving me a dark look.
"Hey," I said. "So, really starting to regret this already. Why did you have to talk me into this?"
"Because I live to torment you," she said. "No, I just want someone here who I'm not going to get really annoyed with by the end of the night."
"Oi," said Cole from behind us, and Meg laughed.
"Sorry sweetie. I meant apart from you," she said, resting her head on his shoulder.
"You better," he said jokingly and pulled her in for a chaste kiss. I smiled. They were sweet.
"Okay, I'll... see you later," I said. I kind of knew wandering off alone at this party couldn't be a good idea, but for some reason, dealing with them and their sweetness seemed too damn hard. So as long as I stayed wary of any mysterious drinks, I was pretty much in the clear.
I didn't mean to run into Lilly, Dick, the whole core 09er group. I'll admit, I wasn't too glad to find them with Lilly on Dick's lap, sucking on his neck. Weird. Madison would be pissed. The sting was so distant now for me; I knew who Lilly was – slut and bitch – and I couldn't be bothered to be hurt by it.
"Dude. Logan," said Dick, and Lilly turned her head in surprise.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, not disguising her contempt in the slightest.
I shrugged. "Meg's idea, not mine, she talked me into it. Really regretting it already."
Lilly gave me a mocking smile. "Then... why don't you fuck off? Think of that, Logan?"
"I was considering it," I said, and Lilly returned to sucking at Dick's neck like it was candy. I was pretty sure Dick wouldn't take like candy. "Where's Madison," I said, stressing his girlfriend's name so they could distinctly see my moral disapproval.
Lilly rolled her eyes, and turned back to me. "Guest room. Passed out."
"Bitch couldn't hold her liquor," Dick dismissed. "Now would you piss off already? 'Cause seriously, your ex is doing things that..."
"Dick," Lilly warned in a low voice. My stomach churned a little, but I tried to ignore it.
"Well, I'm sure she'll be glad to hear how well her friends treat her when her back is, metaphorically, turned," I said. I didn't like Madison Sinclair much, but it was nice to see them squirm.
I wandered away then, as per instructions. I set myself up a few feet from the beer, and sheltered. For some reason, Beaver eventually wandered into view. I shrugged to see him.
"Hey Logan," he said.
"Hey."
There was an awkward silence; I don't think either of us really knew what the point to this conversation was. "Sorry about, you know, them. I think you know well enough by now that it's like, a genetic predisposition to treat everyone else like shit. You're the test monkey; sorry."
"Doesn't matter that much," I said. "Why are you here talking to me anyway?"
"Because, again, they're drunk and assholes and I am beyond fucking sick of it."
"Ah."
There was another uncomfortable pause, and it did seem odd that Beaver was talking to me – or venting at me, whatever. Most of the time, he just went along with whatever Dick said. That was even before my whole mess happened.
"Listen, you want a drink or something?" he asked, and irritatingly, my mind's first reaction was screaming and panic and no no no! I forced it to calm down. Beaver wasn't like that. Well, probably not. I wasn't exactly going to take a chance, though.
"Why, you sir; you done tryin' ta take advan'age of me!" I joked, vaguely To Kill A Mockingbird-esque. It let out some of my issues too. Beaver laughed, but I swore he was blushing at the same time.
"What the hell kind of accent was that meant to be?" he asked, and I shrugged.
"Southern? Ish?"
"Wow; I'd like to see how bad it gets when you're actually drunk."
"Dude, shut up," I said. Things went strangely quiet again, a pensive look settling on Cassidy's face.
"Hey, Logan?"
"Yeah?"
"You won Woody's essay contest thing, right?" he asked. I shuddered. That whole week had proven bad, but completely useless, so I didn't want to think about it again. Especially at another 09er party. Occasionally, I just had moments where I realized the world hated me and this was one of those.
"What of it?" I asked, keeping my voice flat. Beaver shrugged.
"No reason," he replied breezily. "Just wondering. You know, what it was like."
I wasn't going to tell him the truth – how could I? Trying to take one evil son of a bitch down for their evil-son-of-a-bitch-dom hadn't gone down well with the 09ers; I doubted it would work any better with the Beav, even if he was talking to me like an actual human being. "Boring," I said. "The whole thing was bullshit PR anyway. I was pretty much just a second secretary. Plus, nuking stadium – kinda cool."
There was an odd, foreign smirk on the Beav's features and it scared me a little. He wouldn't meet my eyes. "See you later, Logan," he said as he wandered off, and I allowed the details of the conversation to fade from my mind. I realized, with some surprise, that I had an actual talk with an 09er that wasn't Meg or, you know, myself, who didn't treat me like a vast pot of nuclear waste mixed with corrosive acid and carbon monoxide. Wow.
I stood there, unobserved, for a little. I eventually noticed Mercer; thin sheen of sweat over his brow, coming to get a beer.
"Hey," I greeted.
Mercer blinked a few times to see me, but didn't seem offended at the sight. "Hey Logan," he said. "In simple terms – what the fuck are you doing here?"
I smiled a little. "Meg's idea. Not mine. No idea how I let her talk me into it."
"Those damn blondes get you every time, huh?"
"More or less," I replied. Lilly, Veronica, Meg... seemed accurate.
"I've seen your sister," Mercer said. "She seems okay. Bruising's mostly gone; she doesn't talk about it. She's hanging all over my brother again; god, they make me sick."
I was a little grateful to know Trina was okay – vapid, bitchy, shallow; that was her. "Thanks," I said. "She told me Jordan wasn't so great when she wanted to move back to the family house."
"He really wasn't. He still isn't. I swear your dad will be found dead and cut to pieces in a ditch, any day now."
"Won't see me crying."
Mercer laughed. "Yeah. But dammit, you cannot come between that girl and her daddy complex."
I nodded. "That sounds like Trina."
Mercer gave me an odd look. "It must be hard for you," he said soberly. I shrugged.
"I mean," he continued. "All this time. Alone. Abandoned. A laughing stock. Whether what you said was true or not – which it pretty obvious was, but – it kinda seems like a recipe for disaster."
"I guess," I replied. I couldn't say why Mercer Hayes was having this conversation with me; maybe it scared me a little.
"I mean, if something bad happened to you – what could you do? No-one would see it, if you were alone. You'd never get to talk about it; no-one would believe you. No-one would talk to you comfort you or any crap like that... what would you do?"
My face when pale and I thought of that night again – I couldn't stop it; couldn't beat it down. I suddenly found I had collapsed on the floor, dry heaving.
"Whoa," said Mercer, kneeling down beside me. "You okay? You didn't seem that drunk..."
I nodded, but my throat refused to work for a few seconds. I swallowed to make it. "Yeah. I'm fine, I should just... go..."
I walked away quickly, and poured into my car. One of these days, I was going to stop freaking out at every little thing. Not today, obviously, but – I had my issues.
But hey, three 09ers had proven themselves possibly-having-souls, at least in regards to me. That was interesting.
It was a few weeks after the party when I suddenly started hearing about the purity test. It seemed like something I would have been interested in before Duncan died. I wouldn't have done it myself; I just would have stared curiously at everyone else's. Now, I had given up on caring about them. So constantly hearing everyone talk about it was kind of starting to piss me off.
Like that chemistry class, for example. I heard one girl snidely going on to her friend; "Come on? Why won't you tell me? What did you do? Is it that bad? Come on, I just want to know. I told you my score; 82. Come on, why won't you tell me?"
"Maybe it's the creepy lesbian-undertones obsession with her sex life that's freaking her out?" I turned around to say. "Now shut up; you're pissing me off."
The annoying girl looked offended. "Like you can talk," she said with a look to my chemistry partner.
I rolled my eyes. Peter made a vaguely disgusted face, and said "Ew."
The girls returned to their vapid chatter, as I lifted a beaker to pour. "Everyone really does think we're fucking, huh?"
He shrugged. "It's not our fault. I'm gay and everyone hates you; they have to think things like that."
"Ah," I said. "I am so fucking tired of hearing about that stupid test, though."
"Same," he said. "I don't need a stupid web program to tell me... what, exactly that I don't already know?"
I shrugged. "Maybe this school is secretly populated by the brain damaged. It would explain a lot."
Something awkward settled in the air, before Peter spoke again, quietly. "'Sides, then there's all that stuff you wouldn't really be sure whether to count 'cause..."
He trailed off, I didn't need the sentence completed. He shook his head. "I probably shouldn't have said that."
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Yeah. Relatively,"
And we let class go on as normal.
The next day, I managed to find out whoever was running the purity test website, was now selling the results for ten dollars a pop. It seemed kind of like a betrayal of trust to me, but oh well. It was kind of fun to see the chaos when the hoards of shallow, judgmental 09ers were running around screaming at each other for the things they did – lots of sleeping with friends' significant others, I noticed that.
At least, it was until I noticed Meg, on the edge of tears, desperately trying to clean a "48" off her locker while Cole read out "her" purity test.
"Have you ever slept with someone who spoke a language you didn't know? Yes. Have you ever had a fling while on vacation? Yes again," he said. Meg's hand was shaking a little with anger. "Do you lie to protect your reputation?"
"I'm not lying," she said, as if she couldn't quite believe this was happening. "I didn't even take the stupid test."
"So... what? It just popped up out of nowhere?" he asked. She shook her head.
"I – I don't know; I guess someone just... I don't know; posted a fake one?"
Cole gave a bitter, humorless laugh. "Well, that's convenient," he said as he started to walk away. "You made a joke of me," he told Meg, who focused a little harder on scrubbing the shiny metal of her locker. Cole was gone, so I felt free to approach.
"Meg?"
"Hi, Logan," she said, not really looking at me.
"You okay?"
"Not particularly, no," she said, before turning to me and looking a little like she was regretting what she had said. "I'm sorry, just, this mess... I didn't even take the stupid test, you know? I would do those things... You believe me, don't you?"
"Meg. You are one of the last good people at this school. I would believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning," I said, and she smiled. "So. What are we going to do about catching the bastard who posted that fake score for you?"
Before we could really get far with that plan of ours, we noticed Lilly and Madison heading towards us for the obligatory bitching. Great.
Lilly gave the half-gone number on Meg's locker a surprised look. "Okay. Can't say I saw that one coming. Always the sweet ones after all," she said.
I sighed, and gritted my teeth. "Lilly, fuck off. You can wait a few hours before starting with your usual shit."
"As opposed to yours, obviously," she said. "What's the deal Logan? You move fast. Seriously, Meg might be a slut, but she's got some taste."
"As opposed to you, obviously," I said. Then I blinked a few times to focus on Madison's eyes quickly darting around the corridor, head turned down, as she fidgeted with her clothing. She wasn't paying attention. That wasn't like her; since when did Madison Sinclair miss out on opportunities to torment people for no reason?
"Hey – Madison?" I asked.
Her head snapped up in a millisecond. "What, Logan?" she said in one of the most contemptuous voices I had heard in my life – there was the Madison we knew and loathed.
"Nothing. Just checking you were still on planet Earth with us," I said. I blinked a few more times at her. "You changed your hair."
It was a slightly lighter blond, and an inch or so shorter. I saw something flash through her eyes, but whatever it was, she pushed it back down quick.
"Whatever, who cares?!" she said, tone getting a little more passionate than necessary. I shrugged.
"Just pointing it out; chill. Though, I kinda have advice – you might want to take a look at Lilly's test, if you're so worked up over Meg's – at least if it was after her birthday party; y'know?"
Madison's face went pale and she roughly grabbed Lilly by the arm.
"Ow!" went Lilly.
"Let's go," said Madison, snarling at me and practically dragging Lilly off. Lilly, Meg and I shared looks of confusion.
"Okay. What's up with her?" I asked, facing their retreating forms. Meg shrugged.
"I don't know. Never seen Madison like that before..." Meg said, biting her bottom lip. She sighed. "Do they actually think we're going to..." she blushed part-way through the sentence. I laughed, and shook my head.
"I doubt it. If I was actually fucking all the people they said I was, I'd probably wind up contained in quarantine for my sheer number of STDs. Don't worry about it," I said. Her blushed deepened a little, but she smiled.
"So," I said. "About that making a bastard pay thing?"