I am honestly loving all of the feedback that I'm getting from this story! Keep the reviews coming to keep the story moving along. I have a lot of ideas in store for Sam and Carly, but I'm not going to give them away!
Inspirations: I'll Be Here - Just Surrender; Motion Sickness - Call the Cops; Say My Name - Sick Puppies.
Chapter Five: iNeed A Distraction
The next week or so, Carly had helped me out a lot with Spanish. I even got a good grade on that test. I didn't get a higher grade than Carly, who got a 98 on the test, but I got the best grade in our individual class. I got a 95. The only thing I got wrong, ironically, was the conjugation of besar, to kiss. My mind was on overload when we got the tests back the following Tuesday. I had spent the weekend partially with Carly and Freddie, and partially at home, with my mom. Yeah, I actually spent time with my mother, willingly. Well actually.. Carly had forced me to spend some time with her after my mother called my cell phone, confessing how much she missed me. In reality? She just wanted money for alcohol. I left that part out for Carls. I didn't want her burden her anymore.
Her dad's funeral wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was simple, really. Some of his service buddies attended. Freddie and his mom were there. I was there. Spencer and Carly, of course, were there. Spencer looked more down than ever. Carly looked as if she was on the brink of tears several times, but I couldn't let her breakdown completely. That's what best friends are for. Sometimes it seems like I'm more than that, but I let those thoughts slip away from me today. I needed to be a friend today, not a friend with a crush and a hidden agenda.
Spencer's eulogy got to her, though. I was sitting next to her, my hands resting shyly on my thighs. I didn't fold them over my chest. I had to admit, he was a pretty damn good writer, even when he was choking back his own tears. I felt her hand slip into mine, our fingers lacing, and she squeezed my hand tightly. It didn't even matter that Freddie was sitting on the other side of her, eagerly wanting to hold her hand, desperate to be her shoulder to cry on. But, no. I got that short end of the stick. I mean, yeah, I like being the one to make her smile, but I've never liked dealing with sad people. It sucks. A lot.
The moment she squeezed my hand, though, I noticed the corners of her lips turn into a small smile when I squeezed her hand back. She needed the comfort. And that's exactly what I was giving her, the comfort she needed. Or, I was trying to do that.
The funeral came to an end after about an hour or so. Apparently in her father's will, he had asked to be cremated, so a portion of his life insurance policy was going towards that. The rest, was being split in half: one half for Carly was being put into a high interest bank account that she couldn't touch until she was eighteen, and Spencer's half was being turned into a savings account, that he could use to pay bills and whatnot. They also got his military benefits, too. And Carly would end up getting scholarships out the ass when our senior year kicked in, being an orphan and whatnot. Well, I'm practically there. At least she has Spencer. I have her.
After the small luncheon gathering at a local delicatessen, which had spectacular ham and cheese sandwiches, Carly asked me to walk home with her. Spencer offered to drive us, but she insisted on walking with me. Hell, she even snapped at Freddie when he asked if he could tag along.
"Come on, can I come, too? I'll just... be there," He insisted, folding his arms over his chest. His mother was helping Spencer figure out the cost for the little lunch thing and told him she wanted to help split the cost.
"No," She snapped back at him, shaking her head to him. "I need to talk to Sam. Girl talk." At that suggestion, I watched Freddie's eye fall in enthusiasm. I gave him an unwavering smile and he snorted in my direction. That's when Carly saw my triumphant smile and she swatted at my shoulder. "Hey, be nice to him. Just because he's not coming on our walk doesn't mean you can be terrible to him..."
"But he..."
"No buts, Sam." She told me. "You know what we have to talk about anyway." At this point, Freddie had sulked away to his mother.
"Yeah, I know what we have to talk about." I had only been asking you to talk about it for the past day or two, subtly, of course. Though I dimmed down yesterday because I knew you were hurting from your dad's death. I knew, Carly Shay, I'm not completely selfish and dense. Okay, I'm selfish. But when it comes to you? I can tone it down and look at things from your shoes every once in awhile.
We left the delicatessen around one in the afternoon. My arms were folded over my chest. I was wearing a black button down blouse, ironed black pants, and a pair of black flats. Carly was wearing a black dress that went just past her knees. It was just a simple black dress, one of those ones that you wear a belt with or something around your waist. She had a silvery belt on, with a United States Army pin attached to the belt buckle itself. And she was wearing a pair of black flats as well, though hers were a little fancier than mine.
"So what exactly did you want to talk about on this... uh, walk?" My voice sounded so much more nervous than I wanted it to be. I had to gulp, fighting back the urge to duck into an alleyway and expel the contents of my stomach. I felt knots tug tightly in my gut when she sighed heavily, my blue eyes somewhat glossy as I looked over to her. She was looking at her feet as we walked down the sidewalk.
"I don't think we feel the same way about each other, Sam." Her words were felt more than heard, in my opinion. My arms folded just a little tighter over my chest. "I know that I love you with all of my heart. But I'm not sure that I am in love with you," I didn't know what it felt like for a heart to break, but whatever I was feeling now? I'm sure that's what action the emotions were tied to. My stomach was in knots, severely tight ones. My chest had tightened a measurable amount. My hands were starting to shake. My knees were growing just a little weaker. I felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. But on the surface? I remained calm, my arms still folded over my chest.
"I never said I was in love with you, Carls. Don't flatter yourself." I think that was one of the first and only times I was mean to Carly and she took it. And of all days for me to be terrible to her, I chose today.
"Well, ouch. That hurt," She replied, rubbing her shoulder to make it seem as though I had hit her or something. I gave her a dry smirk and she raised her brow to me. "I'm not blind, Sam. I know you have feelings for me."
"Do not," I countered softly, but she had seen right through me. She could read me like a book. Sometimes I hate her so much. She curled her fingers over one of my shoulders and I visibly flinched at her touch. Do you really expect me to open up to you about my feelings after you tell me that you don't feel the same way about me? Really, Carly? Ugh.
We experienced one hell of an awkward silence for about two blocks. At this point, we were still a good mile or so from her apartment, which was our desired ending destination. That's when I cleared my throat and looked at her. She had folded her arms over her chest, too, almost mocking me as we walked. I didn't really mind, though. I was still a little angry with her, though.
"If you don't feel the same way about me, then why did you kiss me? You still haven't given me a straight answer about that." She chuckled at my statement and I rolled my eyes to her, unable to help the smile that pulled across my face. "Okay, maybe straight answer wasn't the way to go with this one."
"You got that right," She couldn't seem to escape her fit of giggles, until I poked her side and her face screwed up into a sheepish grin.
"Why did you kiss me, Carls?"
"I needed a distraction." Her voice sounded rather confident. She unfolded her arms and moved to stand in front of me. She was still taller than me. I had stopped growing, height wise, awhile ago, and I wasn't getting any taller, to my knowledge. She ran her fingertips along my folded arms, trying to get me unfold them. I couldn't even look her in the eye. "Sam, can you please look at me?"
"No." I muttered back at her. "If you needed a distraction, then why would you fuck with my head like that?" I was getting close to the edge of blowing up at her, but I didn't want to do that. "Why didn't you go kiss Freddie?"
"Because he's not my best friend, you are," She countered softly.
"And that gives you a reason to mess with my head?" I asked. My voice was angry. I saw her nod slightly but she also sighed a little heavily. I had to soften as the way she was acting, I couldn't help it. "Carly, I'm being serious."
"I know." I heard her voice reply.
"I'm scared." I admitted to her, finally meeting her gaze. "Of course I love you, Carls. It's hard not to. But I don't really want to..." I had to take a breath and shake my head at what I was about to say, until she cut me off.
"Don't want a relationship because you don't want to mess up what we have?" She asked in response.
"Something like that," I shrugged. "You're still grieving and I don't want to just add to the stresses you already have."
She had her fingers threading through my hair slowly as I spoke, and my breath caught in the back of my throat. She was really confusing me. "Are you this confusing all the time when it comes to your feelings, or is this just because it's me and you?"
"The latter, I'm thinking.." She confessed. I had folded my arms back over my chest. "Let's go back to the apartment."
She slipped back next to me, walking in step with me. I think my arms unfolded and she reached for one of my hands. By the time we had bypassed Lewbert and hiked up the staircases to reach her apartment door, she had her key in the door and her other hand in mine. The door was still locked so Spencer and the Benson duo weren't back yet. She closed the door behind us and I reluctantly let go of her hand, sinking into the couch.
"Are you spending the night?" She asked, walking past me and into the couch, but I tugged at her hand, pulling her back towards me. She smiled wide when I tugged her down and she landed in my lap.
"If you want me to stay and promise not to kiss me again without leaving confusion behind." I answered. She smirked.
"Oh, you mean kiss you like this?" I had her in my lap. And she cupped my face, leaning close, and capturing my lips chastely. Even though the kiss was short, I felt my heart racing and my throat was on fire. I couldn't quite breathe, but I think I nodded to her.
"I'll stay," I reassured her. She got up and bounced into the kitchen, leaving me breathless on the couch. Threading my fingers through my curls, I closed my eyes quickly, opening them again. She had opened the fridge and grabbed us two cans of Peppy Cola.
"I hope you're okay with Peppy Cola. It's all we have for now. Spence hasn't been grocery shopping since we found out about Dad. We might have to go on an adventure later..."
My brow raised. "What kind of adventure?" I smirked to her and she swatted at my shoulder; I immediately frowned.
"Not like that, Sam. You know I'm still a virgin," That was one thought that had crossed my mind several times and I could never let it go. I knew Carly had been in several relationships before, but she never got past second base. I knew that. She was shy. She didn't trust easily either. But she trusted me. She had stripped down to next to nothing with me in the room. It had taken every fiber of my being to turn the other way and give her privacy, even when she asked me how this new set of bra and panties looked on her a couple months ago? Oh. My. God. It looked great and I almost started to salivate in front of her. But I couldn't do that. Nope.
"Yea, I know you are." I'm far from it. Rubbing the back of my neck, I sipped at my Peppy Cola shyly and she took it out of my hand just as I was going to set it down.
"I still need a distraction..." She offered quietly, setting her own drink down next to mine. She leaned in and caught me by surprise, our lips locking. She was almost in my lap at this point and my eyes had slipped shut. I had leaned back against the couch, enjoying this new side of my best friend. Carefully I threaded my fingers through her hair. But just as I was getting comfortable, she hopped off of me, just in time for the door to open. I breathed unevenly and opened my eyes. Spencer, Mrs. Benson, and Freddie all piled into the apartment. Freddie offered us a smile, while Spencer and Mrs. Benson were in the midst of a conversation. But I didn't quite care. I just wanted to feel Carly's lips on mine again.
"Still need that distraction, Carls?" I asked her, getting up.
"I can be a distraction!" Freddie suggested and I shook my head to him.
"Not the kind of distraction you're thinking about, kid." I told him. Carly grabbed out Peppy Colas and led the way up to the iCarly studio. She knew I wouldn't do anything where we could be found out. I heard her set the drinks down on a table or something and I closed the door behind me. Before I could even lock it properly and pull the shade down, so no one could see inside of the room, I was turned around and pinned. She had my hands held above my head and she was getting me in the neck. "Mmn, how did you know this was what I was thinking?"
"Because you're Sam and you always have sex and food on the brain," Touche.
"You really do know me well. I like being your distraction." I want to be something more than just.. her distraction, though. I want to be so much more than that. For now, I can work with this. I felt knocking against the door behind me and I heard Freddie's voice.
"If you don't unlock the door, then I'll come up in the elevator!" He shouted. Obviously his mother hadn't dragged him away yet. Once he had left and she stopped latching onto my neck, bent on leaving a mark of sorts and being stubborn about it, we pulled the shade up and unlocked the door. When Carly and I had settled into the bean bags on the floor and were watching television, I turned my head, hearing the elevator ding. In that instant, I let go of her hand, my fingers grazing along her palm as I did so, just to tease.
"Why wouldn't you let me in?"
"Girl talk," Carly and I replied in unison, looking to each other and grinning. I had shifted my shirt and lifted the collar a little to hide the love bite she left on my neck. Then again, he wouldn't even notice it. It's not like he cared.
"Oh," He wrinkled his nose and nodded dryly. "Well, I'm going back downstairs." I think he was waiting for one of us to protest; neither of us did.
As soon as the elevator closed, Carly reached for my hand again and I felt her kiss along my knuckles. "Am I still just your distraction?"
"For now," She replied. Hey, at least I have some kind of hope, right? I'll keep pressing. I won't give up. The one person I won't give up on is Carly. She knows that, too.
I decided to kind of.... speed along their relationship. I gotta live up to my M rating after all. Expect a smutty sex scene within the next couple of chapters. I love reviews!