Wedge looked up from his meal as Nir'deen dropped her tray down on the table and sat, looking drained and exhausted.
"Hey, Deen. How's Aurora doing?"
"How would I know?" The Twi'lek looked disgusted. "I don't even know where she is."
"What?" Tycho asked from Wedge's other side. "I thought she was catching up on her sleep?"
Nir'deen nodded. "She was supposed to be. She was in her bunk when I got there, sleeping, but after about an hour, she left."
Wedge shook his head, clearly irritated. "A whole hour. What a miracle."
Nir'deen hesitated for a minute then spoke, "She looked really freaked out when she left. I don't think she was sleeping very well. Lots of tossing and turning. Then she sat up and got dressed. Just said she couldn't sleep and was going to get some work done."
Wedge shoved his tray away and stood up. "Come on, Tych. I've had about enough of this. Aurora might think she's some kind of superhuman who doesn't need food or rest, but she's going to end up collapsing if she doesn't knock it off. Luke's already in the med center. The last thing we need is Aurora there too."
"Yeah," Tycho nodded as he followed Wedge out of the eatery. "Then you'd be in charge of Rogue Flight."
Wedge shuddered. "Stop. You're starting to scare me."
In the corridor they ran into Wes and Hobbie.
"What's up, Wedge?" Hobbie asked, concerned at the harsh look on the Corellian's face. "Is Luke-?"
"No, he's fine. It's our other Commander this time."
"Aurora?" Wes' normally cheerful face went abruptly grim. "What happened?"
Wedge motioned for them to join them and the four continued down the corridor. "What happened is that she's an idiot. Instead of resting and taking care of herself, which any intelligent being would do after being rescued from near death by freezing, our illustrious Commander Kenobi is ignoring all medical advice and working herself to exhaustion."
"Do you think maybe she's trying to avoid thinking about what happened?" Hobbie asked quietly. "After all, we did almost lose Luke and you know how she feels about him."
Wedge closed his eyes briefly as a shudder passed through him. They had almost lost Luke. And Aurora. He could still feel the ice, cold spike of fear that had shot through him when word came down that Luke was lost in the storm and Aurora and Solo had gone after him. When he spoke, his voice was calmer. "I'm pretty sure that is what she's doing, Hobs. But trying to ignore it instead of dealing with it isn't going to help."
"So what are we going to do?" Tycho asked.
"Help her deal with it."
"She'll be in Luke's office." Wes said. He'd been uncharacteristically quiet. Wedge knew he had a soft spot when it came to Aurora. They all did. Most of them were alone, with few if any family members left. The squadron had become family, and Aurora, despite outranking them, was the little sister they all felt bound to protect. It was just too bad that that particular attitude tended to tick her off.
Aurora curled tighter into Luke's chair, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't make herself stop shaking. This was stupid! It was over. They'd found Luke and he was going to be fine, so there was absolutely no reason for her to be falling apart like this. But she was.
She'd gone back to her quarters after Han and Chewie forced her to eat, intending on getting some much needed sleep. But she'd only managed a few hours before she'd started dreaming. The beginning was bad enough: a replay of the events leading up to their discovery of Luke. She'd experienced the same terrifying knowledge that something had happened to him, the same hopeless despair knowing she was too late, and the same desperate clawing need to find him. But then it got worse. Because this time as she struggled through the deep snow to reach his body and roll him over, his lashes didn't flutter and he didn't groan out the name of the planet that Ben wanted them to visit. He just lay there, frozen, his skin blue and his eyes staring sightlessly at the frozen Hoth sky, already filmed over with ice. They were too late. She was too late. And suddenly her father was standing before her, a terrible look of disappointment on his face.
"If you would have paid better attention to the Force, this wouldn't have happened."
"I tried, Ben! I tried!"
"A real Jedi would have saved him. A real Jedi wouldn't have been too late."
She'd sat up in her bunk with a jerk, her father's words echoing in her mind. She'd tried to shrug it off, it was only a dream after all, but every time she'd lain back down and closed her eyes, all she could see was Luke's frozen dead face and hear her father's words repeating over and over again. Too late. Too late.
Finally, unable to take it any longer and knowing she was on the edge of breaking down, she'd gotten dressed and headed for the one place on base she knew she'd have privacy: Luke's office.
So here she was, a Starfighter Commander in the Rebel Alliance, a potential Jedi, and one of the heroes of Yavin, huddled in a broken down ejector chair in an empty office, shaking like a lost child. All because of a stupid dream.
Her throat was tight and aching with the tears that she refused to shed, and she kept trying to swallow past the obstruction, but she couldn't, and all the time the shaking was getting worse. Finally, cursing her own weakness, she wrapped her arms around her raised knees, buried her face against them and just gave in.
It all came pouring out: the fears and the tension, the anxiety and stress, the constant exhaustion that seemed to seep into your very bones, the worry that never left you for a single minute, but always seemed to linger in the back of your mind. All the ugliness that she had been carrying around with her since the death of her mother, it all came spewing out in wild sobs that shook her entire frame.
After what seemed like hours, Aurora was spent. Her throat felt seared and her eyes burned, there was a dull ache in her head, and she was simply empty. There was nothing left. She felt slightly ashamed for not being strong enough to hold it together, but mostly she just felt tired, and wanted nothing more than to crawl back into her bunk and hide in sleep for several days. Unfortunately, she knew the odds of that happening were low. There was always something she would be needed for. As if on cue, someone started pounding on the door, and she cursed, wiping haphazardly at her face to remove any signs of her emotional breakdown. Realizing it was probably futile; she gave up and just opened the door.
They reached the door to Luke's office and Wedge started to open it, only to find it surprisingly locked. This only confirmed their suspicions, as Luke never remembered to lock his door.
Wedge pounded his fist against the cold metal. "Open the damn door, Aurora. We know you're in there."
"We're not leaving until we talk to you." Tycho added calmly.
"Auror-shavit!" Wes had pushed past Wedge and lifted his hand to pound against the door only to have it suddenly open. He stopped his fist just in time to prevent it from slamming into Aurora's face. "Oh, you are here." He managed to say, lamely.
One eyebrow rose. "If you didn't think I was, why were you trying to break down the door?"
Wes had the grace to look abashed, but managed to recover quickly and avoid the exasperated looks the other gave him. "We were worried about you."
Aurora's face instantly shut down. "I'm fine."
Despite her words, it was pretty obvious that she wasn't. Her eyes were red and swollen, and there were still tear marks down her pale cheeks.
"Yeah, right." Wedge said, nudging her out of the way so the others could enter the office.
"I'm fine." She insisted. Wedge said nothing, just lifted his hand and ran one finger over her cheek, then held it up so that she could see the tip, glistening with wetness.
A dull flush crept over Aurora's face, and she shoved his hand away. "That's nothing. I'm just – tired, okay? I haven't slept in – Force, I don't even remember how many days now! I'm freezing my ass off, I just got put in charge of all you idiots, and – I'm just having a bad day, alright? It happens."
"Of course it does." Wes soothed, patting her shoulder ineffectively. "Being put in charge of all of us would be enough to drive anyone to tears."
Aurora snorted out a somewhat shaky laugh.
"In fact, there's been many a night while walking past this very door that I'd hear the sounds of crying and find Luke sobbing face down in his datafiles."
"Probably because of something you did." Hobbie commented dourly.
Wedge sighed. It was apparent that Aurora wasn't willingly going to discuss what was bothering her. Not without a fight. But there were other methods than direct confrontation. He leaned back against Luke's desk and crossed his arms over his chest. "So, is that what happened? You were perusing Wes' personnel file and it drove you to tears?"
"Not that it wouldn't do that to anyone." Tycho added.
Aurora looked a little less tense than she had when they'd walked in. She laughed. "No, amazingly enough. That wasn't it. It was just -." She rubbed her face tiredly. "A whole lot of things."
"Like Luke?" Tycho asked delicately.
"That certainly didn't help." She shuddered. "It was so close. We came so close to losing him. He wouldn't have lasted much longer, out there in the weather."
"But we didn't lose him. Thanks to you and Han, he's safe here at base and recovering in the medcenter."
"I know, I know!" Aurora ran her hands through her hair impatiently and she paced up and down the small office. "And everything should be okay, but – it's not. I'm not and it's pissing me off! I'm driving myself nuts acting like this."
"Give yourself a break, Aurora." Wedge said, watching her with concern. "You've been through a pretty traumatic experience. Anybody would have some problems dealing with it."
"But that's just it!" She said, turning on him. "I'm not just anybody. I'm supposed to be a fracking Jedi Knight, remember? Guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy. Somehow I just don't see one of the Defenders of the Force breaking down because of a stupid dream."
Ah hah! Wedge thought. Here it is. "A dream?"
Realizing what she'd said, Aurora abruptly stopped pacing and turned away. "Nevermind. It's nothing."
"I take it this was a bad dream?" Tycho asked. "A vision?"
She shook her impatiently. "No. Just a dream – just a stupid, pointless dream."
That obviously upset you. Wedge reflected. "A dream about what?"
"Nothing. It was just -. We didn't make it time, to find Luke, and it was my fault because I couldn't – didn't listen to the Force." She shuddered as if she was experiencing the dream again.
"But you did…didn't you?" Hobbie asked in some confusion. "I mean, isn't that how you found Luke, by using the Force?" They'd all heard the story from the other women who had been in the room when Aurora had shot up out a dream, calling for Luke, somehow knowing he was in danger long before anyone else at the base could have.
"Yes, but- ." She began now, and then stopped seeming to gather her thoughts. "I almost didn't. I wanted to ignore it as just a dream, but I couldn't. It was too strong. And then later, when Han and I went out after him, I told him I could use the Force to find Luke and I didn't even know if I could. I'm relying on it when half the time I don't even expect it to work, and that's dangerous. For me and anyone else around me."
Wedge exchanged a worried glance with the others and there was a long moment of silence.
"Are you doubting the Force or doubting yourself?" He finally asked.
"I don't know." Aurora whispered. "And what kind of answer is that, for a Jedi?"
The conversation had been interrupted by a call from the medical center reporting that Luke was conscious and Aurora had rushed off to see him leaving the others in a disturbed silence.
"It's almost as if she doesn't want to be a Jedi." Hobbie finally ventured.
"No," Wes replied firmly, her eyes fixed on the toes of his boots. "It's that she doesn't trust herself to be the kind of Jedi she thinks she should be."
Tycho nodded. "So she's doubting herself, but at the same time expecting too much of herself. Which is dangerous."
"So what do we do?" Hobbie asked, his face looking more dour than usual.
"We watch her." Wedge replied firmly. "And we tell Luke."
Luke awoke slowly. At first, everything was dark and blurry. He felt movement next to him and a hand touching his. A soft voice murmured his name. A female voice.
He turned his head towards her, squinting against the light.
"Aurora?"
There was a slight hesitation, and then the voice answered. "No, Luke. It's Leia."
"Where am I?" His eyes were slowly adjusting to the lights and he could see her sitting in a chair next to him. He was in some kind of bed.
"You're in a recovery room in the med center." She leaned towards him, concern on her face. "Do you remember what happened?"
"Yeah." He reached up and felt the claw marks on his face. "Some kind of snow creature jumped me and tried to make me a frozen dinner. Then Han and Aurora rescued me." He glanced around the room, trying to repress the feeling of disappointment that Aurora hadn't been waiting for him to awaken. "Where are they?"
Leia grimaced slightly, then immediately turned it into a smile. "Han and Chewie left to try to fix the Falcon. They said they'd check in once you were awake. Aurora's with Rogue Flight. She's been filling in for you as Rogue Leader. I'm sure she'll be along shortly." However hurt she was that Luke had asked for Aurora first, Leia didn't want to make him feel bad and he was obviously looking forward to seeing the other woman.
Before either of them could say anything else, the door to the room opened and Artoo and Threepio entered.
"Master Luke, sir," Threepio exclaimed, relief evident in his voice. "It's so good to see you fully functional again."
Artoo, next to him, beeped cheerfully.
"Artoo expresses his relief, also." Threepio translated.
Luke smiled at both of them, then looked up hopefully as the door opened again. He tried to control the disappointment that ran through him when he saw Han and Chewie come in.
Chewie growled his hello.
Han deliberately avoided looking at the Princess, instead heading straight to Luke.
"How are you feeling, kid? You don't look so bad to me. In fact, you look strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark."
"Thanks to you and Aurora." Luke replied.
"That's two you owe me, junior." He smiled wickedly. "You'll have to settle your own account with Aurora."
Luke blushed and Han's grin widened, before he turned to Leia.
"Well, Your Worship. Looks like you managed to keep me around for a little while longer."
Leia lifted her chin, every inch the princess. "I had nothing to do with it. General Rieekan thinks it's dangerous for any ships to leave the system until we've activated the energy shield."
Han smirked. "That's a good story. I think you just can't bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your sight."
"I don't know where you get your delusions, laser brain." She said wearily.
Chewie urrfed in laughter.
Han turned to glare at him. "Laugh it up, fuzzball. But you didn't see us alone in the south passage."
Luke, who had been doing his best to pretend he wasn't there, couldn't help but glance up at this, uncertain what to feel. Leia looked flushed and embarrassed.
"She expressed her true feelings for me." Han continued, watching Luke glance between the two of them, a slight frown on his face.
"My…! Why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy looking nerfherder!" The princess exclaimed furiously.
Chewie laughed again, but Han managed to look mildly offended. "Who's scruffy looking?" Enjoying himself immensely, he turned to Luke. "I must have hit pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?"
Luke opened his mouth to reply, but before he had chance, Leia stepped forward, her chin set dangerously. "Well, I guess you don't know everything about women yet." With this, she turned to Luke.
Chewie was the only one to see Aurora standing in the doorway to the recovery room just as Leia bent over and pressed her lips against Luke's. The redhead froze in the doorway. For a moment her emotions were plain to see before she deliberately pasted a cool, amused smile on her face. As Leia pulled away from him, Luke looked startled then smug, stacking his hands behind his head in an act of supremely male satisfaction. Leia cast a somewhat triumphant glance at Han, then as she turned to leave, she saw Aurora in the doorway. As their eyes met, there was a slight hesitation to Leia's step, a moment when she looked as if she wanted to apologize, but the moment passed and instead, she lifted her chin slightly and walked past the other woman out of the room. The others in the room were quiet. Han was scowling and Chewie highly amused. Aurora leaned casually against the doorway and broke the silence.
"Well, I was going to ask how you were doing, but I guess I can see for myself."
Luke turned towards her, startled. He'd been unaware that she was there until she'd spoken. How much had she seen? Judging by the amused look on her face, everything. He started to blush guiltily.
"The Princess has quite the bedside manner. Guess that could make getting injured pretty popular, huh, Commander?" She walked casually into the room, that cool amusement still visible on her face and in her voice.
Luke flushed deeper. Why did he always end up feeling like a fool around her?
Chewie guffawed at her words, but Han just scowled more. Before anyone else could say anything, an alarm was heard from the corridor and the loudspeaker requested all headquarters personnel to report to the command center.
Han moved towards the door immediately. "Take it easy, kid." There was an edge of hostility to his voice as he said it.
Chewie followed him, calling a goodbye to both Luke and Aurora. He really wanted to stay and see what would happen, but duty called. Besides, the cubs looked like they needed a little privacy. Humans. They made everything so difficult. He nudged Threepio. The droid twitched as if startled. "Yes?"
Chewie gestured at the doorway.
"Oh, yes, of course. Excuse us, please." The droid turned towards Luke and Aurora. Before he could continue talking, Chewie pulled him out the door, followed closely by Artoo who tweeted a goodbye. The door closed behind them with a swish that sounded too loud in the suddenly quiet room.
"I should go too." Aurora said, but she didn't move towards the door.
"You just got here." Luke protested.
"After all, I don't want to tire you out." An edge of something slipped into her voice. "Not that you appear to be all that tired, from what I could see."
Luke flushed again at the mention of the kiss. Not that it had even been that much of a kiss. Barely a press of lips. Nothing to even be annoyed about. And anyway, what right did she have to sound ticked off about it? They had no claim on each other. If he wanted to kiss someone or someone wanted to kiss him, Aurora had no right to – wait a minute, was she jealous? She sounded jealous. A sudden thrill went through him at the thought and he had to fight to keep his face from showing it.
"Why, does it bother you that Leia kissed me?
She snorted in disdain. "Oh, please."
"Jealous?" He asked, folding his arms across his chest and keeping his eyes on her.
"Of you? Don't flatter yourself. I couldn't care less who kisses you. I just think it was rather petty of Leia to use you to make Han jealous." Aurora lifted one eyebrow, "You do realize that's why she did it, don't you? Or did that kiss rattle what little intelligence you have?"
Normally a remark like that would have had him furious, but he was beginning to pick up on something: when the conversation got too personal, she'd insult him and start a fight. Whatever she said to the contrary, she was jealous. He could feel it. Now, whether it was jealousy over her best friend or something more personal, that was a different story, and he was anxious to find out which. Maybe almost dying had made him willing to risk more or maybe he was just reckless, but they had come to this edge before and one of them had always backed down. This time, Luke was going to push it.
"It's entirely possible, but I'm still smart enough to recognize when you're lying."
Aurora sighed dramatically. "You poor deluded male. I hate to be the one to break the Princess' motives to you, but – ."
He interrupted her. "I'm not talking about Leia. I'm fully aware of why she kissed me. I'm talking about why it seems to bother you so much."
For a moment, green eyes locked with blue. "Check your ego, Skywalker. I told you, I'm not jealous."
"Prove it." He said softly.
"And how do you expect me to do that?"
"Kiss me."
Her eyes widened and her breath caught. She simply stared at him for a moment then managed a shaky laugh. "Kiss you? And what exactly do you expect that to prove?"
He managed to shrug casually, though his heart was pounding. "If you don't care about me that way, then it shouldn't bother you at all to kiss me."
"I think the cold rattled your brain, Skywalker." Aurora stated, taking an instinctive step back..
"Maybe so, but I still say prove you're not jealous."
"I don't have to prove anything to you."
Luke smiled slightly. "No, you don't. But the fact that you're so reluctant to kiss me sure makes me wonder why."
She tried to make light of the situation, hoping to divert his attention. "You know, if you're so desperate to be kissed, I can go find the Princess again. She might be willing to oblige you." She made a move as if to walk away, but Luke leaned forward and caught her arm.
"Possibly. But I don't want a kiss from Leia. I want one from you."
The tension in the room was thick. She'd felt it before, but previously, they'd always done their best to ignore it, pretending it wasn't there until it went away. Now, Luke was bound and determined to confront it head on and in a way that might have disastrous consequences. This was a line in their relationship that they had done their best to never cross. If that changed, what might happen to their friendship? Could they just go back to the way it was, or would the knowledge of things more intimate always be there, interfering? It was that knowledge that held her in place, even though the thought of kissing him made her almost dizzy.
Luke, holding her wrist, could feel the pounding of her pulse. It echoed to the counterpoint of his. Even as she stared at him, he saw her eyes drop to his mouth and then back up. His stomach tightened at that look.
"You're just out of the bacta tank, Luke. This isn't a good idea."
"I'm fine. You're not going to hurt me."
"But I could." She almost whispered. They both knew she was no longer talking about s physical harm.
He used his hold on her wrist to tug her closer. "One kiss, Aurora. Just one."
"Just one." She repeated her eyes locked on his, almost drowning in the blue. They had darkened, she realized, even as, almost without conscious thought, she was leaning down, closer to him.
Luke waited with almost inhuman patience. It had to be her choice; she had to make the move, not him. He watched her moisten her lips; her teeth digging into her bottom lip in a movement he knew meant she was nervous. It was a habitual gesture; one that he didn't even think she was aware of, but one that drove him crazy with desire. Watching her do it now, from this close almost broke his control. All he could think of was having that mouth on his, scraping his own teeth over that full bottom lip. Hanging on to the ragged shreds of his control, Luke waited breathlessly for her to lean in just those last few inches.
Seeming to suddenly make up her mind, she whispered, "Remember this was your idea," and bent her head. Their lips had just brushed when Aurora's comlink suddenly squawked loudly. Both of them jumped apart as if they had been blasted.
Hands shaking, Aurora fumbled at her waist to grab her comlink. "Kenobi," She answered breathlessly.
"Commander Kenobi, General Rieekan requests that you come to the command center immediately."
"Tell him I'm on my way." She was flushed and her heart was still pounding from the near kiss. Avoiding Luke's eyes, she rehooked her comlink to her waist. "I've got to go."
"I heard." Luke wanted to scream with frustration, but he managed to keep his voice almost level.
She started to say something and then shook her head, turning away and heading for the door. Just as she reached it Luke called her name.
She turned to see him watching her. There was a look on his face she'd never seen before, but it made her stomach muscles tighten and sent a flash of heat through her.
"This isn't finished." He warned a challenge evident in his voice.
"I know." She shivered and stepped through the door without looking back.
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