It was dark with the promise of a rainstorm outside when Heero pulled up to Hilde's apartment late in the afternoon. He knew he shouldn't be there but Duo wouldn't stop calling until Heero finally gave in and asked a very enthusiastic Hilde is he could come over. Even as he lingered hesitantly by the doorframe he contemplated if he should just turn around, right that instant, and walk away, but Hilde, as if sensing his apprehension, burst through the hard wood frame beaming like a ray of sunshine.
"Hello there Heero. You look handsome today." Heero had to fight the butterflies in his stomach at the mere generic complement from the young woman who seemed to make whatever he'd chosen to wear look completely frumpy in comparison to her.
"You look….stunning as well." Heero realized he'd blurted out and immediately wanted to shoot himself right in the mouth. 'Stupid' he thought as he contemplated kicking himself for good measure. 'Keep things straight to the point and get out!'
"Wow. Stunning. A girl doesn't get that one everyday. I could get used to it. But don't just stand out there. I made us lunch and we can talk about whatever it is you wanted to get off your chest."
"Thank you" Heero said as politely as his gruff voice would allow "but I can't stay."
Hilde, however, didn't seem at all fazed by his decline of her offer. "Nonsense" she said looping his arm in her own. "I went though all the trouble of making homemade macaroni and cheese, a garden salad, grilled portabella mushrooms, fresh squeezed lemonade and a sweet potato pie, all vegetarian seeing as I noticed you always have the vegetable option at those parties. I can't even imagine eating all this food by myself so you're just going to have to deal. "
Heero felt a wave of guilt wash over him as well as a strange and overwhelming sense of gratitude from Hilde's kind offering, even down to the detail of noticing something so small about him that few even bothered to realize. Who would even bother to think the perfect killing machine was an animal loving vegetarian? No one so far except Hilde that is, but he still had to do what he had to do.
"That is very kind of you but you don't understand. I don't feel that my actions were justifiable the other night. You were obviously upset and I shouldn't have let things escalate the way that they did. It's not fair to you or Duo…." He let his friend's name just linger in the air. "For that I apologize and as odd as it might be Duo asked me to…."
"Try and persuade me to overlook his many transgressions all the while using you like he always does Heero. He's pretty predictable. " Hilde had backtrack quickly across her apartment to catch hold of Heero's hand just in case he decided that he still needed to leave.
"And….. I'm the one who should apologize. I put you in an uncomfortable situation but please rest assured that you did not take advantage of me. From the short while I've known you I can see that you are a kind, strong, albeit uptight" she said with a wink "gentleman who happens to be very very stunning and it's a shame that you and I met each other after my ill fated relationship with Duo began. I don't want to make your life complicated but I believe if something good, make that great, comes along, you should go after it and everything else will work itself out. But if you don't have the same belief system all you have to do is walk out that door and I would completely understand and be more than happy to just be your friend."
Hilde presented her argument so well that Heero couldn't possibly argue with the woman who had been so kind to him, and in the very short time that he'd known her, one of the most caring and genuinely interested people he'd met in a long time if not ever. Even her offer of friendship had been extended so easily, offering him an apparent cop out, but her actions were anything other than that of someone looking for a platonic relationship.
Again, he found himself intertwined with the forbidden raven haired beauty. She'd kissed him, innocent at first, as if it was his choice where things were headed, but he knew he should have headed for the door and down to his car to drive until he was a safe distance from the trance she currently had him under, but he couldn't or wouldn't. He was unable to tell anymore. He was getting himself deeper and deeper into a horrible mess as each kiss was quickly becoming much more passionate than the last. He wasn't even remotely innocent anymore. He was an all out man-whore despite not having even enjoyed another woman's company in the better part of a year.
"No..."Heero managed weakly as he forced his face to fall to the crook of Hilde's neck.
"No. I can't. It doesn't matter how I feel. It never matters. Duo wants me to try and get you two back together and here I am being selfish and disgusting."
"What?" Hilde said gathering her thoughts for a moment and realizing, for the first time, that The Mr. Heero Yuy was much more vulnerable yet selfless than she originally thought. She couldn't believe how loyal he was to someone who had absentmindedly yet selfishly screwed him over so many times.
"Heero" she said holding his reluctant calloused hands in her own. "Name one time that you did something for yourself let alone something selfish. A vacation? Buying something expensive? A good meal? Taken a day off? A sports game? Asked a favor? Anything?" Heero actually gave her question a thought for a moment, but nothing came. He couldn't think of a single time he did anything for himself. It was sad really, his life was work and being the proverbial wingman, shift taker, favor giver etc. and what was even sadder is that a near stranger had gotten past so many of the barriers many of his friends hadn't been able to penetrate in years of knowing him. This woman was damn near the Delilah to his Samson and it looked like she could very well be the death of him.
"I thought so" she said nodding in understanding of his silence. "Well Heero, if it helps I'll explain a few things. I was Duo's 'buddy' for years before he even acknowledged me as his girlfriend. In that time I was devoted to, only had eyes for, and would die for him. He betrayed me time and time again and no matter how hard I tried I was like a loyal puppy, up until the day a handsome familiarly-strange-stranger came along and became the first person I even looked at in years. Duo was a terrible boyfriend but a good friend and that's all he can be to me. I love Duo but I'm not in love with him anymore so rest assured you couldn't have broken something that was already shattered. "
This Hilde made everything, even betrayal, sound so logical. In one afternoon Heero found himself moving from guilty cheater, to being carried away to a land of passionate kisses, an unbelievable lunch, comfortable quiet, interesting, albeit a tad one sided, conversation about things he understood, genuine interest in who he was and not just a persona – no perfect soldier, no preventer, no gundam pilot – just the man behind the façade. Although he hadn't divulged much, no confessions of his past or deepest desires or anything along those lines, she had gotten him to let his guard down just a bit- and that was saying something.
By the time Heero realized the time, and how late it in fact was, reality hit home and he stealthily eased himself out of Hilde's arms and down to his car for the long drive. Although his apartment was a mere ten minutes away he had to think- and not like the teenaged naïve lovesick thing he'd turned into just a few hours before. He was Heery Yuy after all. He was a soldier, deadly and militant, and not some happy go lucky idiot who pranced around daydreaming and being girl crazy. …..
"Duo." He whispered without thinking. He had done it again to that happy go lucky girl crazy idiot. Maybe that was it. Hilde turned men into these happy mutant hybrids of their former selves. In some odd way that made sense but then again he didn't care and that was the problem. He liked this power she had over him, the way she made him feel, no matter how torrid and forbidden. She almost ordered him to feel something akin to happiness and if it was one thing he understood was an order. She was something good indeed and he couldn't let that go, could he?