Authors note: Plot by ME, but written and comedy-ized by Skylaar Wolf.
Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, or Skylaar. Skylaar owns Skylaar.
That's gay.
I shifted my body, leaning to one side, standing and blankly staring up at a sign. I found myself right outside a drugstore-one that, if you looked by the dumpsters, actually sold drugs! I invisibly wrote a note to myself to tell my friends about it later. It wasn't that we took drugs or anything, no, my simple mind wouldn't allow it. I was simply thinking for the sake of Jrd-which is what I was currently doing, though not in a good way. (He still doesn't deserve vowels or any kind of punctuation after his name.) (Pronounced like Jerd, like jerd, but with a D not a K.) (In case you didn't notice, I don't know how to spell pirenthasyises.) (I looked it up-it's parenthesis.) (Yes, I put multiple peranthesiseses in a row.) (That's six in a row now... back to the story.)
I was planning on buying some new super glue after my latest prank I had unfortunately run out. Of course, everyone knows that glue is the key to good pranking, so here I was now. I inwardly sighed, wondering if this was really the only place that sold glue that actually worked. My mom was sitting in her car-probably listening to the radio-waiting for me to come back. Not wanting to make her wait, I walked in. The air was pretty cool inside and at first glance it looked clean, but then again, no drug store was. I wouldn't put it beyond them. I quickly paced toward the main aisles-all the while glancing at the hanging signs to see which one it was in. Once finding it, I turned toward the shelves and glanced at the brands.
I didn't say this before, but now we're too the present. Yeah, er, pretend that was all like a memory. I mean it was, but I never said it... yeah. So, you're wondering what I thought was gay. Let me enlighten your clueless brain! It was what I saw as I read the brands. Some of the titles are very... well, let me just read some to you: - Sticky Hands (No explanation necessary) - Glue Tight (The logo... is actually... wearing tights. It had GAY written all over it.) - EZ Stick (This was named by gay people.) - The Hard Stuff (I used this for my last prank... it fits the prank! If you get the gist...)
I would name a few others, as they just made me lungs burst and tears fall out of my eyes, but this fan fiction is only rated T and I don't want to be responsible for corrupting your youthful innocence. So, yes. I know what you're thinking-yes! I do! I made a sacred pact a long time ago with Satin, I can read minds. (Let me tell you though, it comes in handy a lot.) (No not like that phony baloney Edward.) (Ew.) (I shudder at his name.) (Actually I don't, I set fires at his name. :D) (6 and counting.) Anyway, you're wondering, "If this is true, how is it a fan fiction?" That's for me to know and for you to wonder about.
(I'm going to start using txt lnge. U notice anythng? :D) (U knw wut I noticed? I liek peerynthasisesses!) (Oops, parenthesis) (On a side note, Y R pyranthases shaped liek ears, or bettr yet b00bs?) ( )( ) ( )( ) (Kims.) (I know, I know.) (I even made the grl sittin across fr0m me laugh.) (Fuck yes.) (That's 14.) (Ok, I'll get bak 2 the story.) (16) (Srry, had 2 do dat.) (Okay, Final count: 18) So I'm standing here, feeling very proud of my straightness because I'm standing in a never ending field of gayness. (Hey, you'd be proud too.) Then suddenly this GOLD guy starts walking down the aisle!
His skin is pasty and whiter (is that a word?) than yellow snow. (I don't know about you, but I was in laughing hysterics in my mind.) His eyes were deep amber as if they could see every bad deed you've ever done. (I think my eye twitched here.) His hair was brown and lightly curled, dang. Even the way he walked was alluring! It was even and his muscles looked like he could lift a car with one hand. You're probably thinking, "Ah, true love." What? No! Where did that come from? No! I'm laughing! Hysterically! Actually in my mind, in reality, I blinked with boredom, but I was actually kind of curious. Ugh. He looked like one of those "runaway models" in guy form. Next thing you know, a runaway model will probably be chasing after him.
In his hand, he was holding some kind of container. I couldn't tell what it was, sadly, but from what I could guess it seemed like those long Pringle containers. I couldn't be sure though. Ignoring the gold man (he was probably rich too) I turned back to the glue, and quickly snatched a bottle of The Hard Stuff. It was definitely gay, but I used it for my last prank, and it went well, might as well give them a 2nd try to see if it's worthwhile. I grunted for really no reason at all, just for the sake of grunting, and turned back to the front counter. I wasn't looking where I was going, and slammed into something hard. Fuck. I think my nose might've been broken. Well it wasn't, but it felt like that. I almost tripped backward, but caught my feet just in time.
I snapped my eyes up and locked them with-wouldn't fate have it-the gold guy. I felt special now. My mouth frowned to the side, which I was told kind of looked like a mad smirk, I wouldn't know though. It didn't bother to look in a mirror either, that would feel weird and it would make brain cells die. Before I could say anything though, he scratched his neck in embarrassment and apologized, "Sorry there, I wasn't exactly looking where I was going." Well, as long as he apologized first, then I would let it slide. Next time I would ka-ra-te chop his sorry gold butt. "That's okay, I wasn't looking where I was going either."
I began making my way around him, the big fellow, but he turned with me and quickly said, "Wait." My head twisted around curiously, eyebrows raised I asked, "Huh?" I'm 100% sure I sounded smart. I mean really, everyone says "What" so I went with "Huh". I could totally see it in his eyes. "Well..." He trailed off twirling the can he was holding. "I was just trying to find someone to open this can. As ashamed as I am, I can't really open it..." I'm sure I looked totally confused, but I swear I wasn't! I knew what he was saying, but really. He was like 5" 7' or something and his muscles looked like you could pop them with a needle like a balloon! Yeah, they were that big.
I inwardly smirked, my eye glinted. He looked new here, I hadn't seen him around before. He seemed pretty nice too. I could probably get him to help me prank against Jrd. Yes. I grabbed the can without permission and shrugged as if it were no big deal, "Sure, I mean, I'll try." I tilted my head down and tried to glance in, but it was too dark. There was no telling what was in there. Slowly I began twisting it. Liar. It wasn't that hard to open. Just this one fact left me thinking, what was in there? I'm sure now that it was a trick. The top easily twisted and besides, couldn't he just seriously snap the container in half?
Suddenly, my hand jerked, just the slightest though. Something just crashed against it, but I didn't let go. Something was there. I held the top shut so tight it didn't even look like I had opened it. That son of a mother's fucking pearl. Liar. It was probably one of those retarded party things that popped up when you open them. Nobody could out prank the prankster. I held the top down with two fingers and held it with the rest. I slightly leaned it, just so it would face him, but stuck my arm out. It would look so obvious if I just leaned it without moving it. "Sorry, that's pretty tough."
He must've known it was easy because a frown formed on his face. He kind of looked confused too, hm, he should. The guy reached out with his hand and grabbed the can. I let go. I was totally right. Numerous colors flew out and smacked him in the face. They kind of looked like my cat-going 100mph into something without stopping. Except, they were colorful. Yay, I pranked a helpless victim. When they all flew out and fell to the ground, he simply stood there staring at the can. Did he even blink? Without a care, I shrugged and smirked, "Nobody can prank me. I'm the mast of pranking." Let him think of what he wanted to.
My exclamation must've brought him to his senses though because his head snapped toward me and he jumped a bit. I knew it. He opened his mouth, but soon closed it, speechless. Oh! Now he looked like my fish! I loved charades. He must've been in his left mind on vacation because he suddenly became unretarted, "Oh umm... I didn't even know." That was so sad. "Whatever, you can't even think of a straight lie." I finally pulled his britches. Poor little yellow snow colored fellow. He flung the plastic can on the ground and pouted at me, "Anyone else would've been surprised." Ha! I hate to tell you, but your prank wasn't that good. I didn't want to seem mean though, "Ah, yeah, but it was me."
He grunted, obviously not accepting the fact that he couldn't prank a 14 year old girl. "Listen, you're new around here are you not?" I didn't feel like waiting for an answer, and most people-hopefully him too-would be able to tell it was just a fact. "Well, if you plan on sticking around awhile, I could teach you the art of pranking." I coyly smiled at him, maybe he would take up my offer. I don't know about him, but he must've been okay with it because he soon agreed. He stuck out his hand in agreement, "Sure. By the way, I'm Emmett." I rolled my eyes, did anyone shake anymore? Did anyone spit shake? Just for spite, I quickly spit on my hand and shook his. His smile fell, his eyes darkened, and he looked horrified. That's what he got. I laughed at his expression, "Cool. The name's Skylaar, don't forget it."
Out of the corner of his body, I saw some kind of figure coming down the aisle. I moved my head to the side to try and peek around him. Noticing my movement, Emmett let go, wiped his hand on his shirt-ha-and turned toward my gaze. An older girl came strutting down the aisle. Her hair was a highlighted blond and waved down her back. Her body was slim and had curves everywhere. I mean, sure guys probably liked curves, but it was almost too gross. Her lips were smothered in red lipstick and her eyeliner clashed with her skin. Oddly enough, it was also pearly white. Instead though, she looked like silver. I knew it. I so fucking knew it.
Her piercing gold eyes locked with mine, but as soon as they did she looked back to Emmett. "Honey, what are you doing with this... girl?" Her voice laced with anger. Ha! She was jealous. I tried to resist rolling my eyes, but then again, this is me we're talking about. I did it anyway. Her head flashed faster than I though a human could, and glared at me. "What was that for?" Oh, no. I wasn't afraid, life always got better in bad moments. I innocently smiled, "Oh nothing. Just a joke I was thinking about." My eyes furiously glanced between the two. So they were a couple. Gold... silver.... silver... gold. I knew it. My student was a stereotypical prankster. Just what I need.
The woman though obviously wouldn't take this lightly and was just even more angered, "Oh? What joke?" By now, my mom was probably mad. I didn't want to run, or leave, but if I didn't I would be grounded from the house again. That meant to pranks on Jrd. Now it was pride or pranking Jrd. I didn't even have to think about it. "Oh nothing, just an inside joke I had with Em." Ha! Pretty good nickname right? She would be so jealous and poor ol' Emmett would get a beating. Maybe even break up! You don't mess with me. Without another thought, and pivoted around and walked out the store. I mean, of course I paid and everything, but that would be boring to read about right? Anyway, my mom was waiting for me.
"What took you so long?" She scolded. Ugh, moms. I clipped my seatbelt on and waited until she started up the car. "Nothing Mom, I just made some new friends. They're pretty cool." Yes they are, and they'll be even better friends when they've known me longer. Luckily I said the right thing-really, I know moms-as her mood immediately lightened. "Oh that's wonderful! Maybe you'll see them at school?" I blankly looked out the window, "Probably." They did seem like high schoolers, and there was only one high school in Forks. I sighed and chuckled at the pranks to come.
Author's Note: Parenthesis is spelled wrong on purpose.