IX.
Pam and I walked slowly, window-shopping at the Via Bellagio shops. I was more put together than I'd been in days, feeling clean, well dressed, and she'd done my makeup, hair and nails in an attempt to make me feel better. As we walked, she skillfully tried to sound me out on the subject of the night I woke. She seemed to understand that I had been on a kind of continuous sensory overload since I'd turned. She was really sympathetic about it. What she seemed to dispute was my take on Eric's reaction, although she certainly could hurl a load of abuse on his overall manner that night. Words such as insensitive, pushy and idiot were prominent in her take on that night.
She laughed when I described getting out of my office by teleporting away to my house in Bon Temps only to find I couldn't cross the portal. She likened it to the irony of finding water in the desert that turned out to be a saltwater pool. But she gasped when I told her what Bill had done in Bon Temps, grabbing me and in the process scratching me hard enough to break my skin and really make me bleed. She had always thought Bill pretty uncouth. She told me that really, if I had any residual regard for him, that I had better leave that part out or Eric would likely do something to him because of his hurting me, even if it was by accident. He'd even been making threats to Roberto, which was rather amazing since it was not really Eric's style to start throwing out threats. What on earth was he threatening Roberto for, I wondered? Roberto certainly had shown no inclinations toward wishing me any harm. Eric just wanted me back home, safe and happy according to Pam. I was skeptical. If he'd wanted me so happy, hurting me right after he turned me was not a very solid plan.
"Sookie, you were very confused that night. Has it occurred to you that you could have misinterpreted what Eric was thinking, his reactions, his actions with you?"
"You mean, did I misinterpret the fact that I told him not once but twice that he was hurting me and he went on doing it? No, Pam, that thought didn't occur to me. Because he was hurting me. He was hateful. He was angry. And I want no part of it. That part of the self-preservation thing is working just fine, even if the feeding part is way off kilter. I have no intention of putting myself in a position where anyone is going to hurt me in order to control me. I won't trust someone who knowingly hurts me, Pam. That's not going to happen. Stuff like that's already happened to me enough in my life. I'm not taking more of it. And I'm certainly not taking it from Eric."
Pam paused in front of the Hermes storefront and looked at our reflection. Tilting her head to the side, she asked quietly,
"Did it ever occur to you that the hatred you felt might be self-hatred? Because I can tell you, what I sense from him is his immense regret that he pressed you into being turned and that it was going so bloody badly. I've known Eric for a hundred and fifty years, Sookie. He was afraid that night. And I've never really seen Eric afraid of anything." She turned to me and looked me in the eye. "Ever. But he was afraid that he had really harmed you. If you believe you saw hatred in him, it was self-hatred because he's been selfish enough to want to keep you with him no matter what the cost. He wanted it for years. At any cost. In the hours after you rose, he began to see that it really was possible to have the cost be too high. A vampire with no drive to feed is a weak vampire that dies easily. It's quite simple. He killed you, made you, and then realized you might still die anyway? And he had told you it would all be fine, that this was a great thing to do? It was probably little more irony than Eric could absorb. Then, to top it all off, you go teleporting all over the place and there's no way he can catch you or figure out where you are. Imagine it. As bad as it was for you, imagine how it was for Eric. Mister 'I know exactly how it's going to be'. He was wrong, Sookie. He was so wrong. Eric hates being wrong and he was spectacularly wrong about having it all under control. You don't answer his call, you can get away if you don't like what he's doing, and you don't wake hungry and needy, not even when you're brand new. You're the thing he loves most, and what he is least able to deal with: not being in control. But still, he loves you, Sookie. And I can tell you Eric would never knowingly harm you. He's really beaten himself up over this. I truly believe he did not understand that he was hurting you. He was so focused on figuring it all out that he missed that part. He brushed aside your statements and was just trying to figure out how you got into the office and why you left the kitchen after only that third glass of blood. He did not intend to harm you."
I walked on, not commenting. Could it be true that some of the anger and all of the hatred I felt were really self-directed? Why hadn't he listened to me? I had tried to tell them several times that I didn't start out like they did- all human- and thus I couldn't be expected to be the same kind of vampire. It seemed like such a simple thing to grasp. But I still thought Pam was wrong. Eric had been mad at me. No matter how confused I was that night, I was certain of that.
"Pam, while I know you may genuinely believe what you're saying, I really don't know that I trust that Eric's feelings were really directed only toward himself. I felt his anger directed at me. He was in my head, shouting at me."
She paused in front of Chanel and shook her head. She gently picked up my hand,
"Sookie. Promise me that you'll at least consider coming home? Or that you'll listen to him if he comes to talk to you. Please?"
Her touch wasn't as painful anymore. I wondered idly if maybe my body just had to get used to being like this, or if it had to get used to the energy of each individual person. That would certainly be laborious if it was the latter.
"So Eric basically sent you here, then, right? You're… keeping an eye on me? Keeping Roberto away from me? What the hell?" What was his deal with Roberto? Threats and Pam keeping me away from him? Did he think Roberto was trying to abduct me or something? Geez.
She bit her lip. "I was glad to come. I was so worried about you, Sookie. You really can't imagine. But yes, he sent me here to keep you safe. Forget the last part. You know how Eric is… Just think of it as my being here to keep you safe. To cajole you into a better state of mind."
"He sent you here to sweet talk me into talking to him, you mean." I pulled my hand away from her. I was cynical enough to know that Pam was there partly because of her own feelings and partly because Eric told her to "secure" things. Of course, she didn't really have a choice in the last part.
"Sookie, if you see Eric, then you can tell yourself what his intentions were, right? You can just read him and you can see whether he's angry at you. So if he came here, and you talked to him, you might find that everything is really fine. That perhaps you just weren't yourself that night and that he could have handled things more skillfully and is sorry that he didn't. You can explain to him about how it feels to you and he will listen now. Really he will."
I paused for a second and then realized that when I'd read her thoughts moments before that I started in the middle and had skipped the prologue. Eric was already here. She just didn't know how to tell me because she was afraid I'd flip out and run.
"Oh great, Pam. Just great. He's already here, isn't he? We're just walking around killing time so that he can make his plans. What is he doing? Talking to Roberto?" I looked at her and shook my head. "I know that you thought it was the right thing to do, but it was dishonest of you not to tell me flat out, Pam."
"Sookie, please just talk to Eric. I'm telling you as your friend, not as Eric's child, that you have totally misinterpreted his intentions. And he knows he hurt you and regrets it terribly. Honestly, if I were your sire, I doubt I'd have been any better. You came out odd, and we weren't prepared for that. We didn't realize what was going on. We fucked up."
"You realized. You listened to me. You tried to get him to stop and he pushed you into a wall. I may have been out of it, Pam, but I'm not stupid. He was angry because I didn't do what he wanted or behave as I was expected to behave. You know the last time when I felt like that, Pam? With Dieter Jaeger. Remember him? Oh, don't look at me like that. Trust me. Anger. I'm a telepath, right? That's what I felt and what I saw. So yes, I ran. You bet I did. If I tell someone who loves me that he's hurting me and he's more interested in finding out why I won't do what he wants than in not hurting me, I have a serious problem with that. Back to the self-preservation thing again."
She was silent on that point, which to my mind meant that she really couldn't argue with what I was saying.
"Look it's almost 10 pm and I'm going to head to the casino. I sit up on the ledges on the side walls. I promise I won't leave without you, okay? I need to catch the end of the evening shift and three hours of the night shift. I really need to get this stuff out of the way. I'll see you later, keep the keycard for the room, okay? We can connect later." I paused for a moment and then finally said what was foremost in my mind. "And Pam, just tell him to leave me alone. Please. I really need to work. Working makes me feel better. It's helping me tune in and focus. Working makes me feel like me again and right now I need to feel positive about something."
With that, I popped over to the casino onto ledge of the west wall and sank into my shadows. I'd work my four hours and then have to decide what to do about Eric and whether I needed to leave again right away. But where could I go? Maybe Pam was right and I should just talk to him. Part of me had softened in the past few days and thought that maybe I'd been completely irrational in my reactions to that night, just like my grandfather was trying to convince me I was. Another part of me remembered what it felt like to have him trying to control my mind and wanted to run for the hills. But I'd have to think of all that later. Now I had to focus my attention on observing, focus on my job.
I sat down on the ledge in the corner and leaned against the southwest wall and let the voices below just filter through my mind. I was finally starting to get used to the cacophony of noises that plowed through my ears now, not unlike standing near the tracks while a freight train roared by. I tried to filter away all the mechanical sounds and just listen to 'voices'. The amount of garbage in your average gambler's mind was really something. Endless justifications and bargaining about how the next time they'd get it all back or they hadn't really lost that much or that the odds were in their favor. I tried to filter through all that as well. I was trying to listen for other voices that were thinking thoughts that differed from the general trend. Usually, I tried to focus on staff, because they had proven the most common source of real problems in the casino. Eventually though, after about half an hour, I caught the thoughts of a man thinking about 'scouting around' and he started thinking about the actual structure of the building and the columns that helped support the high ceiling. But he wasn't an employee or even some consultant. It was an odd thing for someone to be thinking while out at a casino, I said to myself. This was a voice I chose to follow. I locked onto his voice, closed my eyes, rested my chin on my knee and listened as he mentally analyzed stress points that could be created by damaging the weight bearing columns. I listened to him for a good ten minutes with growing alarm until I was sure the guy was seriously bad news. Suddenly however, I was jarred by a rush of familiar energy. My eyes flew open and I found Eric, also dressed all in black, standing on the ledge nearby, looking down at me intently. Without saying a word he sat down cross-legged about a meter away from me. Great. Just great. Impeccable timing. I held up my hand.
"Not now," I hissed. I tried to shut him out and away from my mind. I could see Hubert standing guard below us, in his favorite guise of a six foot tall, paunchy middle aged man wearing glasses. Hubert was actually even bigger than Rico and really, to my mind, much scarier. Interesting that he'd brought Hubert rather than Rico, I thought to myself. Hubert was the big gun… But back to the business at hand…
I rested my chin back on my knee and I closed me eyes again as I tried to lock back onto the man's voice but I now couldn't find him. I opened my eyes and turned to look out at the floor and searched, trying to match the thought signature I'd heard with a person. It was a jumble of voices in a sea of noise. It took every ounce of concentration to find him again. Eric's presence made it harder for me to concentrate. It felt like trying to hear your cell phone ring during a rock concert. I finally caught up with the man's thoughts again, then with his actual voice and then I zeroed in visually on the man. A medium height, stocky built man with light brown hair. He was now talking to someone else down on the casino floor. About a plan? Wow. I was not liking this one bit. I popped down near them and shadowed them, literally veiling myself in shadows as I kept up with their slow pace while they moved around the large room. The second man was a Fellowship member and he kept asking the Lord to keep him safe while he was in this vampire-made den of iniquity.
There was only one reason I could envision analyzing those columns that supported the ceiling of the vast casino. That would be to eliminate them, as in bombing the casino and collapsing the hotel above the casino. The first man was an engineer. I tried to quickly think of what options were available. All of the people that I had caught over the years had been referred to law enforcement. But they had all committed crimes. These two, in contrast, were planning one. It wasn't the type of crime where we could just let it evolve and catch them red-handed. This wasn't money, it was lives. The Fellowship was still going after supernaturals and had kept up a steady campaign of terror attacks, now even going after the Fae. A vampire-owned and run casino would be a major target. It would incite immense fear about going to any vampire-owned establishment here, or maybe even nationwide. It would be a disaster. And if they were using an engineer it seemed to me to indicate that they could possibly pull it off.
I tried to buck myself up in order to seem chipper and vivacious to them. I even unbuttoned my shirt another button and then I came out of the shadows and started talking to them. I smiled a lot and tried being flirtatious and asked the engineer to buy me a drink. He was delighted. They were so focused on my 'assets' that I think they really didn't pay attention to the fact that I was a vampire. We started walking toward the bar in the center of the casino. Adriana was working this bar tonight and as we sat down I beamed the thought Call security as strongly into her head as I could. She turned and stared at me, puzzled. Call security Adriana. NOW. She took our orders and smiled and nodded when I ordered a gin and tonic, which she knew I could not drink. She got it that something was very wrong.
Their names were Chris and John. Chris was the engineer. I stealthily slid into the mind of John, the Fellowship guy, and easily glamoured him into silence while he looked at me. Then I started working on the engineer, who was made of slightly tougher stuff. I didn't want him zoned out, because I needed him to spill the beans about what they were really up to and most importantly when they were planning to do it. The only thing that I could think of doing was to glamour both men into feeling compelled to tell the truth about what they were planning. To whomever asked them. And further, to compel them not to tell their cohorts yet that they had been discovered. I didn't like the idea of glamouring people into doing things against their will, but could justify it because clearly they were the ones planning something heinous.
After smiling at Chris and capturing his full attention, I slowly asked the engineer all about his day job at a big local construction company while I pretended to nurse my drink. His best friend Troy was a demolitions expert. My, my, they disliked vampires, though I still wasn't sure why, especially considering what he'd like to be doing with me. Did he even know what a vampire really looked like I wondered? Maybe he just wasn't all that attentive? I thought the fact they hadn't noticed that I was a vampire was quite funny. Really, I understood some of Pam's penchant for playing with humans in that moment. But I had to try to stretch out his interest until the troops arrived. I continued to banter flirtatiously with him for about another five minutes.
Joey, Frank and Pedro showed up dressed plainclothes.
"Sookie, I got a call that you needed some assistance," Joey said in a low voice, leaning in next to me reassuringly.
"Joey, this is Chris and that's his friend John. Chris, could you please tell Joey about what you and John and Troy are planning to do here in the casino?" I smiled at Chris vivaciously.
Chris smiled at Joey and said, "We're going to bomb this casino." The smile suddenly left his face and he looked slightly confused and then panicked.
I prompted him to continue. "And what did you say Troy does?"
He looked at me and said quietly, "He's a demolitions expert. He blows up buildings like the old Stardust or the Dunes." He shifted uneasily. I could see he was wondering why he was telling us this stuff. I just smiled at him.
Joey looked at me rather incredulously. He took out his radio and called for backup in some code I didn't even recognize and I'd worked there for eight years.
"And Chris," I continued, "Whenabouts are you planning to do this whole bombing thing?" I tried to sound happy and chipper about it.
"Halloween. There's a big party here on Halloween. It'll be really crowded with sinners." He looked over at me like he was finally starting to catch onto the fact that I was not quite what I seemed.
"And now where do you guys meet up to plan all this?" I asked with a smile.
"We talk sometimes at the Chevy's off of Summerlin. But most of the planning has been at University Baptist in one of their meeting rooms. I think their minister is kind of getting suspicious of us, though."
"And why would that be?" I asked, still almost flirtatiously.
"He doesn't like the Fellowship. I think he's got the idea we're a Fellowship cell. We're looking for another place to meet already." He swallowed hard and looked at me almost coldly now.
I touched Chris' arm and projected the thought deep in his mind… You just keep on talking no matter what they ask you about your plan. Tell the truth. Just remember, the truth will set you free, right? Book of John? But don't tell your friends we know yet. Remember that.
I noticed in passing that touching him was so much less intense than, say, touching Pam. Humans were definitely easier. Maybe it was magic that I felt when I got these sensations from vampires? Was it different with the Fae, like Claudine or Rico, and with Weres like Emily and Edwin? I'd have to find out about that. Chris was so pleasantly warm. I felt just the edge of hunger. I bet if I was a normal vampire, I'd be ready to feast on him, I thought to myself. Instead, I just got up from my seat and took John's hand and planted pretty much the same idea in his mind. Then I turned to Joey and his colleagues and said,
"Just keep asking them about what you want to know about their plans. They just seem compelled to tell the truth about their plan, don't you Chris? John?"
The security guys looked at me incredulously and Joey burst out laughing. "Sookie, can you come over and have a go at my teenage daughter?"
"Sorry, Joey. I think I'm kind of drawing the line for anything less than terrorism." I chuckled to them and started to walk away.
Chris reached out and stopped me from leaving and said, "What are you? Really? How did you know what I was thinking about? Are you a… vampire?"
Joey almost lost it. I chuckled at the look on his face as he strained not to burst out laughing.
"Well, Chris, I'm sorry to tell you that there are even worse things in this world than vampires." I'd just let him stew on that thought. And then, standing right there, I disappeared, popping back onto the ledge about a meter away from Eric. That probably would scare the hell out of Chris. He'd not be likely to see another vampire just disappearing that way. In fact, it might make any story he'd tell about vampires tricking him into talking all but laughable. Vampires were fast but they didn't just poof like fairies usually. I doubted the police would think he was serious. They might think he'd seen a fairy, but here, in a vampire-run casino with vampires working the casino floor? Not likely. And I knew Roberto's security people weren't going to help him on that account. I saw a group of six men escorting the Chris and John away as I settled down where I had been sitting before.
"What was that all about?" Eric asked quietly. He did not sound too thrilled. I knew seeing me sit down at a bar and flirt with two men was probably not quite Eric's thing no matter how upset we were with each other.
"Seems like they're part of a Fellowship plot to bomb the casino and hotel. I glamoured them into feeling compelled to tell the truth about anything anyone asked them about it. Seems to be working."
Eric stared out at the casino floor while I explained but then he turned to me and smiled a bit.
"Clever. Very clever," he said softly. "Not surprisingly, you make a very clever vampire."
"Except for the part about not coming when I'm called, not wanting to be controlled and not being hungry enough to bite a 13 year old or my great-grandfather. Clever, other than my multiple defects, in other words." Pam had told me that Eric and Niall had been surprised that I hadn't gone after Hunter, or especially after Niall himself, the second night I rose.
"Niall says not feeding on children and family just makes you an evolutionary advance," he said with another smile. "After looking at you in action, I might be inclined to agree with him. Except for the part where you leave your husband and family in the dust without any explanation. That seems rather unevolved."
"You needed an explanation? Really? Well that's amazing. I was sure you'd be clever enough to figure out why I left. It seemed abundantly obvious to me. And to Pam. I really would have thought she'd fill you in on it if you still lacked clarity on the issue."
Eric didn't flinch outwardly, but even though I was making every effort to stay out of his head, I got crashing waves of frustration from him. Yes, I was still upset. I felt a dull ache ring through my head. Eric was not happy with my cutting manner. It set him on edge. But, nevertheless, he seemed determined to move forward.
"Sookie, I was not angry at you. I was not…"
"Liar."
He turned to me and stared at me wide-eyed. I had never called Eric a liar, or really ever thought him one, other than about trivial things like sucking out bullets or such, in the ten years I'd known him. Until now.
"That's a big fat lie, Eric. You were very angry at me. You were angry I wasn't doing what you wanted. That I wasn't like a 'regular' new vampire. And you completely disregarded the fact that I said you were hurting me not once, but twice. Hurting my mind. The last individual who treated me that way was Dieter. You hurt me physically and mentally because you just wouldn't listen. You always expect me to listen to you but you weren't listening to me and you didn't give a damn about what I was telling you. It was all about your little fact-finding mission and wanting control over me. You wanted to control me and make me be the way you thought a new vampire should be. And after that you expect me to trust you? As I said to Pam, that's one aspect of the self-preservation instinct that I've got down pat. Don't trust people that hurt you."
An older lady on the floor near the slot machines had things drop out of her bag when she rose from her chair. I popped down deftly in the crowd to pick up the items and caught up with her and handed them to her. I was getting a little bit better at not leaving that trail. I smiled without showing my teeth. After she turned away I faded into shadow and then popped back up to my perch.
Eric said quietly, "I have to say that's very cool."
"It's actually the one thing that makes me hungry. Very hungry, if I do it enough."
"Still only on bottled blood?"
"Yes," I said, looking away. "It's disgusting. I told Niall it's a wonder anybody mainstreams if that's their only option."
"So have real blood from a donor."
"I don't want to."
"Still punishing yourself?"
I turned to look at him. "What could I possibly have to punish myself for Eric?"
"Agreeing to be turned?" he said looking directly at me.
Well, to his credit he wasn't beating around the bush with how upset I was, now was he? And he wasn't neglecting my being angry at myself in addition to him. I turned away from him and kept my eyes on the floor below with all the milling people. My insides, such as they were, just felt twisted at his words. I was angry at myself. It was true. How many times in the past few days had I felt that I had made the wrong choice and ruined my life or more aptly, my existence, and now I was pretty much stuck. But I'd never planned on having real blood, really. I only planned to stay with Eric. So far that part wasn't going very well.
"I wanted to stay with you. I just didn't know the cost would be so high," I said finally, almost wincing at the words.
"It's only as high as you make it, Lover. You know, you really look ashen. You need to feed. Let's get something for you to drink. Okay?" he offered me his hand. I looked away.
"I'll go to the bar and bring something back. I'm already a day behind because of Pam showing up. I ended up being a total mess and didn't work yesterday at all."
Having Pam show up had potentially kept me from hurting myself or even thinking about it. She had buoyed me and kept me safe. Sending Pam had been a good move. In fact, for the moment, I was feeling considerably better about things. I felt useful. Being a vampire had helped resolve a serious problem for the people living and working here. I really doubted I'd have been able to catch that engineer so readily had I not been so acute with my 'hearing'. But I also wondered if I'd have been as confident in handling them if I couldn't glamour them as I had. So having Pam here had definitely helped. But, if I was honest with myself, I had to admit that I also felt better being around Eric. This made me more than a little confused. I hadn't wanted to see him but now that I was with him, I felt even better than being with Pam. I felt a rush of energy just admitting that point to myself.
I popped down to the bar, startling Adriana who, of course, hadn't seen me coming. I ordered two True Bloods and told her to run a tab. She told me that Roberto had told everyone that I still drank for free and asked me with a smile if I wanted Royalty Blended instead. I declined, rather to her amazement. I took the warmed bottles and popped back onto the ledge and put one near Eric's hand. His long legs now dangled over the ledge at the knee. Then I realized he'd stealthily moved closer to where I'd been sitting. I popped out to his other side, so that I had more room and wasn't crowded into the corner. I downed my bottle in no time. He simply handed me the bottle I'd gotten for him, which was still warm.
"Not hungry?" I asked.
"Real blood around 9 pm."
"Was she attractive?" I asked, not even understanding why I'd have any right to be asking, considering I'd basically walked out on him. I was mad at myself the moment the words left my mouth.
"He was not my type at all," he said with a smile. Possessiveness always pleased Eric to no end.
"I guess it pays to be choosier, then." I drank down a good fraction of the second bottle with wrinkled nose.
"As previously agreed, I chose him quite carefully," he said, chuckling. "He was short, plump and hairy. Plus, of course, he was a man. Just so appealing," he said quietly. Eric had told me that in the distant past, after he was turned, that his sire had abused him sexually for quite some time and men were definitely not an interest, if at all possible to avoid such situations. (It put a serious spin on what he was willing to put up with in Jackson long ago to help protect me and rescue Bill.) The complete lack of interest in men formed the basis of his offer to me that if I was turned that he was only going to take blood from male donors unless we decided otherwise. So he was making sure I knew he was keeping his word, even if I had taken off.
"MmmHmmmm. Trying to work while talking is really not going well," I said, ignoring his remark. The floor sounded like a background buzz with Eric talking to me. He was all I could hear, all I could feel. And whenever I looked at him, whatever was where my heart used to beat felt a huge tug. It would be impossible to really focus on whatever was going on below me with him there. Eric looked away at my words. He didn't like it that I didn't want to talk to him.
"Well, we need to talk Lover, and this is the only place I've been able to catch up with you. You've been rather hard to locate, so I'm not keen on leaving. Where did you stay in Banff? During the day, I mean. Where did you stay?"
"Madeleine Hauff, 1896 to 1935. Died of tuberculosis, I think." I finished the second bottle. Disgusting, but I felt more energetic. Four bottles down for the night.
He turned and looked at me aghast. "You slept in a coffin? Why? Why would you do that, Sookie?" I felt him absolutely cringe at the thought of me sleeping in a coffin. That was rather ironic, considering he'd probably spent many centuries doing just such a thing.
"What's so special about me? It was an aboveground stone coffin and much better than being buried. If Pam's done it, why not me? I couldn't stay in a hotel, you'd have found me right away. Her bones were damaged, her ribs, one femur. I read about tuberculosis in the bones a long time ago in a historical novel about St. Bernadette. I think Madeleine must have had TB and I guess it killed her, most likely. No one had visited her grave in many years. It was very weedy and ill-kempt. It was in a family plot. Lots of Hauffs."
"There was certainly no need for you to do that. What if I had found you? So what? I was looking for you because I was worried about you, Sookie. I may have been upset when you left but I was upset because I was worried. And I didn't want you to be on your own, definitely not in such a fashion."
"Well, I guess you should have thought of that before you went grabbing me in the electric vise-grip and bludgeoning my mind with yours," I replied caustically. "It kind of inclines one to getting as far away as possible and being rather hard to find."
He was silent for a while, made a grimace and then finally he said, "You're right. I screwed up. I didn't listen. I was alarmed because you didn't want to feed, because you were so calm and contained. I've never seen anything like it. I've turned enough people and seen enough newly turned to know there was something… different. I thought I finally had what I had wanted for years and it was all going wrong. Then you disappeared while Pam was watching you and you didn't respond when I summoned you. You brushed the call away like it was dust on your desk. I've just never seen anything like it. I didn't like it. I was angry at everything. At the entire situation but not at you, specifically. I'm sure you remember that I turned you because I love you, right? I did not intend to hurt you. I was very upset and handled things badly. If I was rough with you, I'm very sorry. I was trying to figure out what was going on and by the time it occurred to me how you got to your office through a locked door, you were already gone again and I had no idea where you went. Then I got that call from Bill. What did he do to you? He apologized to me but wouldn't say what happened. He lost you twice. What did he do to make you leave the first time?"
"He grabbed my arm. It was painful. Being touched is still sometimes very painful. It seems like I have to get used to the person's touch. At least for vampires. It's like an electric buzz or shock. Sometimes it really hurts."
Eric turned to me with narrowed eyes and said, "Now who's lying? What did Bill really do? I don't need any bond to read your expression or your voice and see when you're leaving out something, Lover."
He paused waiting for me to reply. But I said nothing. I really had to get better at being vampire inscrutable, I thought to myself.
"Did Bill do something that hurt you? Sookie?"
Terrific. The last thing I'd need would be Eric going after Bill. I was sure I could convince him that Bill hadn't intentionally hurt me. And that I'd be totally pissed with him if he did anything to Bill. I'd already convinced myself it was unintentional after talking to Pam about it. But that line of thought led me down a path I didn't want to face. That sometimes people hurt you without intending to do so and you just have to let it go even if it really upset you. Because I had to say, looking at Eric, I could plainly see that Pam was right. Eric had not intended me to hurt me anymore than Bill had. My head just reeled with confusion. What the hell had I been thinking these past few days? I was throwing away ten years of evidence that he had never intended me harm because of one admittedly really bad moment? In listening to his saying that he was angry at everything and not me specifically, I could see that he was telling me the truth. But in my hypersensitive state I'd taken it all very personally. Of course, what flooded through me that night in my office had been too painful to analyze, and I had been very confused and afraid. And quite possibly very irrational, just as my grandfather had implied when he caught up with me in Banff.
"Sookie, did Bill hurt you? Yes or no?" he pressed.
Just then we saw Roberto walk into the casino from the North door. He glanced at the east then west wall, quickly sighting us. He made his way through the crowded floor toward the west wall, trailed now by three bodyguards, one at his side and two behind. He walked to just below where Eric and I were sitting and smiled broadly up directly at me and bowed with a flourish. I couldn't help but smile. But I felt Eric go stiff and fill with anger. He'd moved right to my side as soon as Roberto had entered the casino and he'd carefully put his arm just around my back, without truly touching me. Clearly staking his claim, no matter what our problems were, I thought to myself. Clearly listening to the fact that sometimes being touched hurt. With his sitting so close to me, I felt his anger at Roberto really potently. What could have Roberto said or done to earn that anger, I wondered? Even with that stuff that night in the elevator, Roberto had never really said or done anything inappropriate. It seemed like such an overreaction but that wasn't like Eric. Eric clearly thought that Roberto posed a threat somehow.
Without looking at Eric, I said as quietly as I could, "Would you just cut it out already? I'm going down there and if you do, you had better not be rude to him. Because he's supposed to be our friend, your ally and I like working for him."
"As if I'd be rude. Like I'd want him to think I felt he was a threat to my interests?" he said in the lowest possible voice. He had turned to me and had his lips right next to my ear.
"I already heard about it from Pam, Mr. Spewing Threats," I said in a very low voice.
"No need for threats now that I'm with you," he said softly in my ear. "He wouldn't dare." His voice so close to me gave me shivers and I was sure he knew I shivered.
I gave him a look and said in a whisper, "With all due respect Eric, he wouldn't dare, period. If I quit, he has to use Barry and it seems like that prospect doesn't exactly thrill him."
"Just remember you're mine. Even when we both act badly. Totally and completely mine."
I intensified the look and shook my head while uttering a low "Ohhhh." I had acted badly? Since when had I acted badly in this situation? Major pissing me off points. I blew some loose strands of hair away from Eric's face. He laughed. It was an old game.
Roberto looked up at us somewhat puzzled during this exchange, which I wondered if he could hear. It was pretty noisy down there, though. Finally, I popped down, with my two empty bottles. Eric floated down and stood right behind me, very close, but not touching me. Hubert stood near by us. I handed the bottles to a cocktail waitress passing by us with a tray of empty glasses. She looked at all the vampires and scooted away. I bowed my head to Roberto.
"Sookie, enough with that. I simply can't thank you enough. How on earth did you catch them?" said Roberto looking at me with eyes that sparkled and further emphasized his wide smile. I could feel Eric glaring at him from behind me.
"It was luck. Pure luck. He was thinking about creating stress points in the ceiling by taking out some of the columns."
"And you glamoured them? What did you tell them? Everything the police ask them about they spew out answers and look horrified that they're saying it."
"I just compelled them to answer truthfully any questions asked of them about what the plot was, and not to tell their cohorts that the plot had been discovered."
Roberto chuckled. "Simple but clever. The police have called in the FBI. Our official story is that security overheard something by chance. Joey's got it covered. He'll say he heard them talking to someone at the bar, which is quite the truth."
Liesel joined us with another guard and made as if to hug me. I pulled back from her and almost knocked into Eric's chest. "Don't take it personally. I'm having this problem with being extremely hypersensitive to touch." I smiled at her and said, "And I'm sorry I didn't write back or call you."
She smiled down at me and shook her head as if it didn't matter. Then she glanced up at Eric and said "Eric," with a cool, curt nod. Then she looked back at me with a warm smile. "Let's dump the foolish men and go have some real conversation. Walk with me. Such a vicious girl not even calling me. Come." She glanced around, taking in Hubert, Roberto's men and then me. "Why don't you have a bodyguard? Rob, she has no bodyguard? Why? That isn't safe."
Well, now there was an oversight… Roberto offered me his third bodyguard but really I wasn't interested.
"I don't really need a bodyguard Liesel. I don't want one. It would slow me down, too much. I'm fast enough to get away from just about any trouble. I can only take a short break. I want to finish at a reasonable hour," I said as we started to turn away. I glanced up at Roberto and bowed my head politely, then glanced back and just met Eric's eyes. His eyes shone as mine met his. He smiled at me and I felt such warmth from him. Whatever was where my heart used to beat still swelled large just looking at him. Was this the man I had thought was like Dieter almost a week ago? I smiled back almost shyly.
Liesel walked me out to the elevators and suggested going to the bar in the penthouse. She was looking really well these days. At about five foot ten inches tall, blonde haired and blue-eyed she was dressed in midnight blue. She was very thin because she had been very ill when she was turned. She was unusual because she'd been turned over age forty, a rarity among vampires for the most part. But she was still very beautiful.
"You know, I'm still working for another couple of hours, Liesel. Maybe just briefly in the lobby?" I said, thinking that I really didn't want to end up working very late.
"Oh please, you can take a real break. You've saved the hotel from being blown up for goodness sakes. Let's at the very least enjoy a good view while we talk."
"Oh, a lot of things could have stopped their plan between now and the end of the month, Liesel."
"Right. Bad detonators, perhaps? You stopped their plan, Wunderkind," she said with a smile. "Accept the praise. Try to be gracious. I know it's a struggle for you, but try to make the effort."
When the elevator door closed, in spite of the fact that the bodyguard was still with us, she turned to me and asked, "So are you okay? Really, Sookie, are you? Rob and I are worried about you. I came to get you away in case Eric is a problem. Rob and I want to assure you that you don't have to go with him if you don't want to. Times have changed. Even for vampires. If he's not treating you well, you're staying put and Roberto and Stan will take care of things."
"I'm fine. It's kind of a private matter, Liesel. No need for Roberto and Stan to get involved."
She studied me. "You're always so self-contained, Sookie. Did he do something to hurt you? Henry Lin got Rob really worried about you, and you keep taking off and not calling me. We were very worried about you."
"I'm fine. I'm really sorry I didn't call. I actually don't have my cell phone with me. How's your brother. Your nieces? I heard you were visiting them the day before yesterday?" I asked as we entered the bar at the top of the Aztec Nights. Her brother's family was living in Los Angeles for a year. They were from Salzburg and she'd been very excited that they were staying in the States for an extended period.
As I glanced out the windows at the bright light emanating from the Luxor across the Strip, I had trouble blocking out her thoughts. She was so very angry at Eric. She thought he was arrogant and had been callous with me in some way. I redoubled my effort to block her thoughts out of my mind so that I could just enjoy her company. Even as a vampire, Liesel was a warm and very engaging person. I enjoyed her friendship immensely and we'd become good friends over the years. As a turned Were, I also knew she mourned the loss of her wolf and I felt somehow an even greater kinship with her because of that. We had both lost something, even if I couldn't quite put into words what it was that I had lost being turned. Currently, my thoughts were that I'd lost my ability to think rationally… After forty-five minutes I told her I really thought I should go back. I'd have to stay until around 3 am now, and I thought it was better to get a move on. I chanced the sizzle of touching her hand in parting.
When I went back inside the casino, of course, Eric was gone. I realized that I was sorry he was. I missed him. I felt totally conflicted and confused about that realization. I was having to work to remind myself that I was angry with him. Maybe that was kind of a sign?
Pam came to keep an eye on me some time later and we walked back to the Bellagio together around 4 am. We didn't talk much. I took her arm and found that I could hold onto her with little problem at this point. Maybe it was just an issue of adjusting to the individual? I still didn't fully understand all the changes in me and it had been almost a week. It was so annoying. At least I had Pam. I took comfort in that thought.
We crawled into the bed and watched TV for a while. She told me bad lawyer jokes trying to get me to laugh. I didn't really, but I felt so comforted with her there with me. I didn't ask about Eric. I felt like I just wanted to rest my mind. I went into down time well before dawn.