A/N: GAAAHH!! I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN LIKE, FOREVER!! FORGIVE ME!! These letters were written by my crazy friend at school. And so, Kari, this one's for you.
Chapter (gah! I don't know how to count that high!): Mmhmm...And How Does That Make You Feel?
I sighed as I stretched out in the chair next to Increda-Chimp. That's right. Increda-Chimp.
"Increda-Chimp! I'm bored! Where're my letters?!" I whined, leaning over so that I was draped over both of our chairs and his lap.
"My name isn't Increda-Chimp!" He insisted.
"Your superhero name is. INCREDA-CHIMP, AWAY!" I giggled.
"But why me?" He whined.
"Oh, it's not just you. There's also Monocle-Man, Pissy-Priest, and… … ... Hopeless-Waste-of-Air-Man!" Now Goku joined me in laughing. "See? It's amusing and you know it."
"What about you? What's your superhero name?" Goku asked.
"I don't have one." I told him.
"Why noooooooooooot?!" He whined.
"Because I'm a Super Villain." I replied.
"I wanna be a villain too!"
"Ok then…your new name is…" I stopped as a thought struck me a broke into a fit of giggles. "Mojo Jojo!"
"Huh?"
"Oh, there's this show called the Powerpuff Girls and their nemesis is a monkey named Mojo Jojo." I told him.
"Not funny." He mock glared.
"Nope. It's hilarious." I grinned. "Ok. How about…The Dark Chimp?"
"Why does it have to be monkey related?"
"Ok. Fine. Um…you are now...KITTEN-LAD!"
He pouted. "You enjoy being mean, don't you?"
"Sure. We'll go with that." I grinned cheekily up at him. After a few minutes, he couldn't help but grin back.
She wants to touch me
Woo ooh!
She wants to love me
Woo ooh!
She'll never leave me
Woo ooh!
Woo ooh ooh hoo!
Don't trust a hoe
Never trust a hoe
Won't trust a hoe
Cuz the hoe won't trust me!
I felt a blush tint my cheeks as suddenly this song was pounding over the intercom. Dammit! Where was Gojyo hiding?!
OH, THAT'S IT, HOPELESS-WASTE-OF-AIR-MAN WAS SOO GOING TO DIE!!
"What is that darn kappa up to?" Goku was surprisingly calm. Maybe he didn't get what Gojyo was eluding to?
And what really sucked was that he was using a good song to do so!
The song stopped and there was silence for a little bit. Then the door to the library opened and in came Gojyo, grinning like the Anti-Christ on Paris Hilton's birthday (You know, I think I like that one a lot). I sat up and lifted an eyebrow.
"How long of a head start do you want? Maximum's a minute."
His smirk fell as he realized that I'm basically psychopathic and probably meant it. With that, he dashed out the door.
"Wait! Goj-! Greeeeat." I sighed. "Where are Sanzo and Hakkai?" I asked Goku.
He avoided my eyes. "They said they were skipping again today. Sanzo said something about a leave of absence for his mental health."
"Wah!" I pouted. "That's so mean!"
"I'm still here." Goku reminded me.
I smiled. "I know. Thanks for that, KITTEN-LAD!"
He rolled his eyes and fought hard not to laugh or smile. "Can you not call me that?"
"Well, c'mon! You're not letting me have any fun with these nicknames. At least give me a little to work with." I crossed my arms over my chest.
"Why can't it be something nice?" Was it just me or was there more color to his cheeks all of a sudden?
"Ok. How about ADORA-CHIMP!?"
His shoulders slouched. "I give up."
I smiled softly. "It's probably better that way. Now, let's get down to a few letters." I pulled out my laptop and booted it up while Goku grabbed the stack of letters.
After a few moments he spoke, almost nervously, in a quiet voice. "Um...Kai?"
"Yeah?"
"You seem to have a...number one fan..." He held up a huge stack of letters, all of them addressed from the same person, their envelopes decorated with fun designs.
"Well, she's dedicated. Let's answer at least a few of them." I opened the first letter.
"Dear Kairii,
I have a problem...well, actually...I have lots of problems,
but my psychiatrist says I can only ask one. So, I think this is it.
Question: I drank gasoline (it was a dare) so if I swallow a match...
will I blow up? *Gasps* I just realized that our names are almost
the same. See? Kairii. Kairii Kari! Are you my long lost wife?!
Oh my Buddha! I can't ask any more questions! I'm so sorry!
Buddha forgive me!
Love...I think...
Kari"
"Holy- that girl is more buckets of crazy than you!" Goku exclaimed, genuinely shocked.
"Gee thanks bud. I love you too." I said, sarcasm dripping from my voice. I put my fingers to the keyboard. "Let's have some fun, Goku."
"But when I asked Sanzo if I could steal your Burger King Crown he said it's not good to have fun at the expense of the mentally unstable." He said, trying to seem innocent.
"This is revenge for the nicknames, isn't it?" I asked.
"1,2,3, KING!" He cried, laughing.
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT MIRANDA PUSHED ME OVER AND STOLE MY CROWN!!" I wailed.
Long story short, I was traumatized by Miranda once when she stole my Burger King Crown. I've never been the same.
"Dear Kari,
Well, I'm not really sure if the gasoline would make you
explode or not. BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO BLOW UP AND
DIE IF WE'RE LONG LOST NEWLYWEDS! Was I drunk that
night? I can't remember the color of my wedding dress...Or the
sex...Was it good? I'll have to take your word for it. Oh, and I
hate psychiatrists, so feel free to ask as many questions as you
like.
Definitely love
Kairii"
"Wow...I'm not touching that one with a ten foot pole." Goku shook his head.
"Whatever. Let's read her next letter."
"Dear Kairii,
I'm technically not supposed to be writing this letter
but we're lovers right? So it's ok isn't it? Anyways, I just
wondered if there's some sort of monkey sitting next to
you when you write all these advice letters? Because my
incredible amphibian chimp sensing powers bestowed upon
me by Buddha made me think that maybe there was. By the
way, don't eat the tacos on Tuesday. They'll give you
indigestion.
Your loving wife(?)
Kari"
I grinned. "Wanna touch this one before I do, Goku?"
"Don't you dare!" He threatened.
"Ahem!
Dear Kari,
Actually, there is indeed a monkey sitting beside me
as I reply to all these letters. His name is INCREDA-CHIMP/
THE DARK CHIMP/KITTEN-LAD!/ADORA-CHIMP! Also
known as my best friend Goku. He's pretty fun (better than
Pissy-Priest or Hopeless-Waste-of-Air-Man. They don't help
answer these at all!) So yes, there is a monkey. And it's totally
great for you to write me letters. I like letters. Like the letter
circle. That's my favorite letter. Oh, by the way, how did you
know that Tuesday is going to be taco day?
Your soul mate
Kairii"
"You're awful!" Goku cried, shaking his head.
"Aww, c'mon Goku. I said you were my best friend, didn't I?"
"It doesn't matter!" He crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.
"Fine!" I growled, then went to the next letter.
"Dear Kairii,
Will you put your favorite school picture in the next article?
This one was a quickie. ;)
Your obedient slave
Kari"
"C'mon. Let's go grab one of the yearbooks." I stood up and made my way towards the yearbook records room and he followed suit, closing the door behind us. Suddenly there was a click. I turned to look at him. "Was that what I thought it was?"
He jiggled the handle frantically. It didn't budge. "Yep." He nodded, his eyes wide and terrified.
HOLY KANZEON BOSATSU! I WAS LOCKED IN A SMALL ROOM WITH GOKU!
Shakily, I sat at the table in the middle of the room. "They'll find us in a few minutes." I nodded to him. "Just watch."
He sat down as well, seeming panicked. We watched the little digital clock above the door, knowing the truth all to well. No one was coming.
"Great. Just great." He finally muttered.
"Well gee, I'm so glad to be stuck here with you too, Goku." I said sarcastically, feeling a bit hurt for no apparent reason. It's not like he was even being mean or anything.
What's been going on with me lately?!
"That's not what I meant!" He tried to tell me, shaking his head. "I just meant that we're trapped!"
I said nothing. I had realized, much to my horror, what the problem very well may have been. 'Am I falling for Goku?'
"Kai..." He said after a while.
"What?" I looked up, but not into his eyes. I didn't think I could meet them right now.
"I...I really...I..." He blushed. I know he did!
"Spit it out, KITTEN-LAD!" I told him.
"IREALLYLIKEYOUALOT!" He blurted. I blinked.
Seeing as I'm A.D.H.D. I easily understood his fast talk.
He said, "I really like you a lot."
OH MY KANZEON BOSATSU! HE SAID HE REALLY LIKES ME A LOT!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH MY BUDDHA SANZO!
HE SAID HE REALLY LIKES ME A LOT!!
My mouth dropped open and I tried feebly to mutter something out. I finally managed to choke out a "I...you...me...like...really..." I tried hard to regain use of my brain.
"I really do. I know that you think I'm just the silly monkey kid and all but you mean a lot to me. And I-"
"Goku." YAY! I CAN TALK AGAIN! He looked at me nervously. "Just shut up and kiss me already."
And that's how we came to be against the wall of the yearbook record room with our tongues shoved into each other's mouths. It was pretty freaking awesome. Freaking EPIC! That boy tastes GOOD! Then again, he does eat a lot...he's bound to taste like food...
Anyways, by the time we were done sucking face and tried the door again, it worked. Come to find out, it was a lockdown drill. However, after her knowing about Tuesday being taco day, I couldn't help but credit it to Kari. And so, my last letter of the day read,
"Dear Kari,
Thanks.
Forever in your debt
Kairii"
"You know what, who needs the others!" I closed down my laptop, turned in the article, and took my new boyfriend's hand as we began to walk home.