Some things never change no matter how hard you try to make them. I never understood why anyone hid behind lies when the truth always comes out. I never could grasp death when it's close to me. I didn't understand how someone could be pushed so far that taking a human life was ok. But now, I question all of it. During these last few days he's been distant from everyone, but mom. Even so they have been on non- speaking terms. He'd cut his hand apparently and I knew why. I didn't want to talk or even think about him killing someone because it hurt. It all felt to out of body. How someone could be here one day and the next.... Gone poof. Like that stranger I was so fascinated with. He was dead.

Dad had told mom what happened. Claiming Wallis told him at the office after he turned down psychological help, even if the company did offer to pay for it. I knew different. Dad had killed him and even though I felt a mix of emotions for this stranger, in some way I was sad for his family too. Because what Dad was to mind deranged, blind sided to see or the fact that he most likely knew and it made it all the more better, I saw how deeply the family cared. And when Rowan had told me a little about his family, he spoke with pride. He hasn't spoken or tried to call. I don't even know if he knows what to say at this point. Things are getting even more dangerous. Luke went missing last night. I thank god Dad found him. At the place where Brendan died of course.

I didn't know how Dad felt about all of this, but I knew he wasn't a ruthless killer. You think you know someone, but then.... I just can't think it hurts too much.

Luke and Dad haven't spoken since Luke came home last night. Dad went straight to work this morning and I decided to just skip my classes for the day. I don't have a good feeling about anything. It's taking its physical toll on me as well. It's written on everyone's faces. Mom looks tired. Dad is a mess, pale, nervous and sweaty. Luke looks blank and empty and me? Well, I'm to scared to even look in the mirror.

In record time I've made over 10 cuts on my arms. Breaks are invisible to me now. I go to set, eat or lie down. I set, fidget so I do the only thing I feel like I can to keep hold of reality. I get up; I go to the bathroom. I set now on the cold floor and cut deep. I don't even care if I hit a vein anymore. But I know somewhere that is a lie because if I wanted to die I'd already done it. As fucked up as everything is I just can't do it. These Darley people have made a mess of our lives and all they think about is their pain. Same as us. Grieving families are all the same. Lies are all the same. Fears are always brought out. People are always driven so far before they snap and lash out.

The air feels too strong now. If the house would crumble around me I'd be grateful.

There is a steady rain outside and even I can't enjoy it. I just enjoy the feeling of not seeming satisfied with the pain I am causing myself. So I cause more. The burn is hard to get past at first because pain comes in al forms. I wonder what a real deathly pain would feel like. Brendan knows that. My head slipped to me. I had to fight back the choke in my mouth. Of course he knew it. He got the worst death in my opinion. Not being able to stop the chokehold, the bleeding. It was what he made me feel like with no knife in hand at all.

The papers had printed Dad and Brendan's story. We weren't even mentioned. When I say we I mean Luke and I. It's like we didn't exist, their only baby gone. Brendan suffered the worst pain ever because it resulted in death, yet in my mind, tearing and fighting with my heart and guilty conscience it's not enough. He got off too easily. I hate feeling when I don't want to feel. I didn't know how much I'd set. I just looked at the cut and stared at the painting Luke had made for me on the wall. A blue sky in a simple iron fence. So odd, yet so beautiful. I could see it and it was beautiful.

You cross that bridge into the westAnd all my memories follow you thereWhere love took shape and love woke shameNow I'm left to take the blameFor rushing in, for closing upFor selling off what we built upYou were never wrong But all the sameMy way was so hard to changeSo hard to changeSo hard to change

Time disappeared as I let my thoughts wonder. The phone had started ringing about the time of 4:23 PM and I let it go. Let it ring. Nothing anyone in this family had to say now could be important...

This woollen blanketThis seaside viewAnd the war we waged on ocean chillAs we slipped awayThe grey stood stillHeld captive upon this hillAnd the lies he told,The result of fame

The sound of doors closing didn't even phase me as I set. "Kassia, Kassia. Oh god Nick she's not answering." I heard another slam. "Thank god you're here." How could I possibly hear down the stairs? I almost laughed at my body's out of it experience.

"Calm down Helen. Just stay with Wallis."

"Don't tell me what to do!"

I heard her frantic movements and commands for Luke to stay with Wallis. "Honey, Kass." My Dad called. I looked up slowly snapping out of my trance and slammed the lock shut. I wasn't ready to be found with blood seeping down my arm. At that moment the door to my room slammed open and I heard the bathroom door clicking frantically. "Kass. Kassia. Are you all right can you answer me?" Nick called.

"I-, " I choked. "I'm fine Dad." I heard his sigh and his strained voice spoke out.

"Ok. Just- please try and be a little low key tonight. Luke and you are staying in and were going to get pizza, just please don't call anyone. You understand?" My brows rose in confusion.

Where all your actions belie your nameWhen the rising sun won't break my fallYou'll still be the one I callThe one I callThe one I call

There was one thing that made his behavior a lot more familiar to me. His voice was not only strained, but also now extreme amounts of fear and worry glazed over everything. I almost wanted to- no I do! Before anything else I pulled my sleeve down and pulled the door open. I needed my Dad's arms now more than anything. I opened the door just as he was starting out of mine. "Dad?" I sniffed. My eyes filled with moisture and I stared at him with my hands shaking at my sides. His eyes were lost, his face strained. His lip was cut and his hand was still wrapped. He looked pale and tired.

I turned my head to the side. "Kass?" And in that moment, his voice the way he was speaking. I was his daughter again. Everything was happening to fast. Before I knew it the tears were rolling from my eyes. "Aw, Kass. Don't cry honey please don't. I can't- you." His lips quivered before his hands dropped and walked over to me. He pushed his arms around me and brought me into his chest.

I cried as hard as I could. "Daddy what the fuck is happening?"

"I don't know Kass. I don't know." His voice was steady and harsh. He couldn't mirror that sadness.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I stood by Luke who looked as confused and frightened as I was. The difference and with my Mom's confusion. I knew everything that was going on and yet I couldn't speak a word. I was fucking rendered. I pulled Luke close to me as we watched Wallis scan Brendan's hockey trophies.

"Your son was a hockey player?" She spoke as more statement than a question. She made my eyes burn with rage. It wasn't anything to personal yet. But what made my rage o strong. She was just like any other cop. On the case of these men for years and gets her big break. Doesn't matter who dies as long as she gets the good story and some publicity in the end. I could be wrong... I glared at her as my Dad spit out a saddened "yes"

I pulled Luke close to me. And rubbed his shoulder reassuringly. We could each word spoken. "The car will stay here tonight. Now Mr. Hume, I think it's time you told me... and she paused and came back with a fierce statement. "exactly who did what to whom?"

He looked to my mother as she looked to him. I knew exactly what Wallis meant. I choked back a lump in my throat. "Make war on the wrong dog? Hmm?" There came that fucking pause again. "That whatch' you did? Thought you could just go kill some little ass whole because you live all the way out here?" Her voice was higher now. I pushed Luke a little to the left. "I'll be back Lukers. Stay, stay here." I drifted a little to the hallway and it didn't phase my mom that I was here.

"What are you saying?" Mom spoke disbelief through her. Wallis looked from Dad to her and then to me. I bowed my head on her eyes landing on me. She cocked her head. "What is she saying Nick?" My hand raised out of reflex to rub Mom's shoulder, but I let it falter. Her rushed in the guilt.

"I've done nothing wrong." His head shook. I could see the false lies and the scary era he now produced. It made me put my arms around myself and a few new tears fell loose as I shifted weight. "Well, then why don't you tell me how you made Billy Darley this pissed off at you!" So Billy Darley? That was the leader's name. Nick looked to me and mom finally took notice. His head bowed as I turned away, quickly brushing some loose tears. The red stain was visible through my sleeve.

Her face twitched back into that firm bitchy look. "You asked for my help," her voice lower now. Mom had let some tears slip and Dad was silent. The room felt a hell of a lot cooler now. I looked back up again. "All right, all right. Just um try to get through the night Mr. Hume. And be grateful you're still alive." My heart jumped. I knew it. Something is coming. And Rowan can't save me now even if he might ever try. I didn't want to think of whose side he had. I didn't know anything. I only felt anger now, wishing I hadn't hugged him.

Luke is in danger now. He doesn't deserve this and really Mom doesn't either. If I had said something....

"If you started a war.... God help you." The trail of this time had me bury my head into the crook of my arm. He turned to look at my mother and she shook her head in shock. He wasn't even eyeing me anymore. Only Wallis was. It made my face falter. I turned away. She exited the room.

"What have you done?" She choked. Her voice was high with emotion.

I stood still, frozen and she grabbed me and placed her arm around my shoulder. Dad flew right past us. The front door slammed. I didn't know or want to know what he said to Wallis. Mom just leaned her head into me. "Kass. Luke?" She called. He came his hands twitching and we both pulled him to us. "My babies. I love you both more than anything. I always have. " I held onto the warmth. All she could do now was hug us and ask us if we wanted to eat something?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dinner was silent as Mom kept Luke and me together away from dad. The cops had stayed in their car, only checking in once and like cop's do agreeing to a slice of pizza.

Darkness came quickly.

We ate and she put Luke and I to bed. For once I was glad to have her back again. I didn't stay asleep. My eyes focused on the ceiling and my urge came back. I let the trimmers rest on the pillow next to my head. I lay without the warmth or safety of my fleece, the sheet or the comforter. The rain had stopped and I lay there listening to the crickets. My heart was already soft at pumping with adrenaline. Mom hadn't seen these men and I knew. When Wallis had sent out her prayer like message. Basically saying we were fucked. The clock was big red in its letters already saying 12:38 AM

Mom hadn't slept yet and Dad hadn't either. I got up and slithered my way. I couldn't leave yet and the cops were making sure all of us kept in the house. I edged to the top of the stairs when I heard Mom speak. "I can't believe I didn't see what was going on with you." No, but I did. I slipped onto the floor silently and listened. Everything was still and house dark. "How could you do what you did?" Her tone came off harsh and I knew she was shocked to, but she meant it.

"You thought you could balance they equation. Put order in the universe?"

"I lost our boy." My chest stung. There came my mixed emotions back. I missed my brother now more than ever and even if he hurt me. God I wanted my crappy life to come back. I hated feeling lost more than feeling hurt...

"Your boy." I couldn't see their faces, but I pretty much knew what they were masked with. Not masked, what they were. For once truth was in this house. No one knew what to do, but comfort. Where was it?

I heard her voice closer now. "You are a good father. And nothing that has happened changes that," her voice whimpered off. My face faltered and I covered my mouth as tears came. He was somewhere in all these years I knew he still was. And I hate it. I hate all of this. I let my cries silently wash into my hand. "And I love you." She finished tears clearly in her voice. I couldn't hear the next bit that she mumbled, but I could hear silence and I knew she was using the comfort. I sighed and put my other hand to my chest. I still love my family. I still want them. I peaked from around the railing and watched as he hugged tightly onto her waist.

My family... I stifled the choked sob deep in my throat letting it roll right off my tongue.

If we could get through this than we'd maybe be ok. Maybe.... I wanted to try.

Mom left his side and I quickly rose up and scurried to my room. I hit the bed so fast. I saw her come in just as I pulled myself under the layers of blankets and curled to my fleece. "I Love you baby." She whispered into the dark. I let my tears slip and I whispered back." I love you to Mom." just as she closed the door. The pain came on like waves and as the clock struck a new hour I pulled the trimmers to my arm and cut deeply, letting it roll harshly, like nothing but a breeze.

I laid the bloody trimmers on the pillow and let my eyes stay awake. The clock was rested on 2:34 AM. The clock ticked on and I let my eyes rest, but just as they had closed and that dream weary of knowing I was falling asleep swept over I heard a new sound.

A horn. It blasted loud and it shook me awake. My eyes scrunched together as it wouldn't stop. I heard a shuffle from the next room and a thud. I laid half tired and a little frozen. I heard movement below and laid there listening. The gasp was loud and I flew up from my bed so fast as I heard another sound below. But someone caught me and threw the fleece to the floor. I screamed out. The face was clear as day and he looked exactly like Rowan. He went for me and my whole body went rigid. He pulled me so fast and slammed me to the floor as I kicked. "Look at your skin." He spoke cruelly. His tone was dark and my heart was beating so fast, my arm rubbing against his leather as he pulled me up screaming.

"NO GET OFF ME. DAD HELP ME. LUKE! MOM!" I screamed. I heard my mother as well and the man secured his grip around my waist. What was happening? This was it.... My mother was loud now and I heard Luke's wavy voice yelp out. "Get the fuck off me you fucking bastard!" I kicked. I heard noise coming up the stairs. "Dad!" I screamed. "No GET OFF ME. HELP ME!" My eyes were filling with tears. Everything was spinning so fast and I heard a gunshot as everything began.

The action starts next chapter. Rate and review if you want. :) I DO NOT OWN THE LYRICS THERE ARE BY THE BAND PILOT SPEED. THE SONG INTO THE WEST. AND SHIT THE TEXT MESSED UP AGAIN LOL.