Ch.3: worst airplane ride ever!
Rick and ardeth took their seats in the middle of the row, so they did not even have a window to peer out of. They sat silently as there was bustle and noise surronding the area. A baby cried in the distance, making much noise.
"ugh, get a hold of your brats lady!" rick groaned. Then he felt someone kicking at his seat, so rick turned around to see who was kicking him. It was a little blond haired girl, appeared to be about seven years old.
"little girl, can you please stop kicking my seat? Its very annoying." Rick asked the little girl. She said nothing back, so rick turned around and tried to watch the cheesy kung-fu movie being shown on a television monitor far away from him. No sooner than five seconds did the kicking of his chair resume its action. Rick got angry, so he turned in his chair again and this time scolded the little girl.
"look little girl, I dunno who you think you are kicking at my ass, but you better fucking stop it or im gonna ring your little neck and.." rick could not finish threatning the little girl that was previously bothering him, because her mother walked into the aisle and overheared some of what he said.
"excuse me, who are you?" said the blond lady. She seemed angry. Her blond hair tied back, her brown eyebrows slanted downward. "what are you saying to my little girl!? I should report you for attempted assault!"
"bu--she kicked my chair!" yelled rick.
"that's not an excuse for threatning someone, she's just a damn little girl, she doesn't know better!" the woman testified.
"she doesn't know better because her hoe of a mother is too lazy to teach her the difference between right and wrong!" the woman was abhorred by the comment rick just made.
"oh, you did it now.." the woman then socked rick in the face. By this time, airport security got hold of them.
"he cannot get away with this!" the woman yelled. Rick, the lady, and her child, and airport security were in the middle of two columns of seats. "I saw this man cuss out my daughter because she was 'kicking his seat' oh no, you will not get away with this."
"wait, hold on a second! Aren't I allowed to testify!?" yelled rick. And so the argument and questioning went on like this for a while, but ardeth stopped paying attention, for he had problems of his own. Apparently, the guy sitting next to him fell asleep, and won't stop leaning on him. He tried a couple times to push him away, but he only fell back on his shoulder. This time, ardeth shoved him away, making the man wake up.
"Huh? Oh.." grumbled the gray-haired man. He then fell back to sleep, once again landing back to where he started. Ardeth grew impatient, so he simply moved into rick's seat. Everywhere, people laughed amongst themselves or talked of random subjects. Some of the passengers were either coming back to america, or going to visit. To pass the time, he counted his teeth using his tounge. turns out, he has all thirty-two teeth. A red-haired stewardess came by wheeling a cart.
"would anyone like some peanuts?" she asked. she spoke with a southern drawl. A couple people responded. Ardeth didn't want any peanuts, and did not respond to the offer.
"would you like some peanuts, sir?" she asked him. her nametag said Marilou Perkins.
"No thank you." Said Ardeth.
"Oh my, you must be from one of them Arabian countries." she said. "Have you met Alaadin?"
"Excuse me?"
"Have you ever made a wish on a lamp, or worship an elephant? Do the women wear lil' red dots on their heads?" she asked several ignorant questions until Ardeth grew tired of it, and interrupted one of her questions.
"Please! Stop talking!" there was a pause, then she responded.
"Well, y'all are a rude bunch arn'cha?" Ardeth gave the woman a look, then she left to attend other people. Rick was released and came back to sit next to Ardeth. he took out a cigarette and lit it. Ardeth would have told him there was no smoking on the plane, but rick could read, he was a grown man, so he didn't bother.
"can you believe this shit?" said rick to ardeth, but he may as well have been talking to himself because ardeth did not answer. a large woman sat next to rick devouring a bucket of kentucky fried chicken, and her companion was a little man with a rat's face (not literally), and spoke a british dialect. rick continued to puff smoke, that is until security arrived.
"sir, there's no smoking prohibited on the plane." one of the security men said.
"excuse me but where does it say that?" rick spoke defiantly.
"right there, sir" he pointed to the brick-red sign above their heads, and inscribed in white letters were the words: 'no smoking'. "you're gonna have to come with us."
"what!? but i didn't do anything!" he put the cigarette out on the arm of the seat. the fact that rick was taken away--again--did not concern ardeth, nor did he find any reason to find it funny, so he sat there. He forgot why he came on this trip and what for, but he figured it would get better once they arrived to their destination. He thought about the time he was strapped to the wing of that airplane, how the wind whipped his face, his new perspective of the desert like Horus in flight. He even thought of the sudden sand storm that crashed their plane, throwing rogh sand into their faces. Now he would rather be tied to the wing of the airplane than sit in here in this crowded, noisy, even smelly row of seats in the sky, even if it mean the pressure of the high altitude just might rip his own face off, it was better than where he was now. Ardeth was bored out of his mind when Rick came back after his second offense.
Now they were eating airline food, or at least Rick was the only one of the duo to even attempt to stomach it. Ardeth ate a couple packs of peanuts and water.
"This airline food is crap." Rick complained, giving his tray a look of disgust, then he turned to Ardeth's direction, " You know, I wouldn't have to put up with this garbage if only Evy would let me board first class, but nooo, now I gotta eat this shit." Rick threw his fork down on the tray to express his dissatisfaction with the form of transportation they were forced to take. Ardeth was only half-listening because he generally did not like taking complaints. "It's tastes like a badly prepared TV dinner." Rick added under his breath. Suddenly the plane shook, knocking rick's tray of salsbury steak, potatoes, and peas straight into his lap. Rick looked down at the mess on his crotch with a deep frown, as if he wasn't dissatisfied enough he trembled with rage, and began to curse uncontrollably. In the midst of Rick's anger, Ardeth sat nonchalantly chewing more peanuts.
"hey, keep it down man, would ya!?" shouted a man in another row behind them. Rick felt like hurling the plastic tray through the guy's face. At any other time , the thought would have made him laugh, but he was angry, so the the thought occurred to him out of anger, and he was not in the mood to laugh. thankfully, he refrained from making this action. Instead, he shouted back at the man:
"shut the fuck up!" He sat down with almost a thud, then he realized his pants were still stained with the "crappy" air food. he went to occupy the restroom, taking with him a pair of spare pants.
The restroom was probably the most confined--and cramped-- space he had ever entered. He thanked himself for not being claustrophobic, but cursed at the size of the room. He attempted to change himself, and even clean the food off his pants, but it was a gargantuan feat in the very limited space. Unintentionally, he banged about every now and then, making alot of noise.
"aaugh!" he grunted. It took time, but he managed to at least change his pants. He sat back down next to Ardeth once again, with a disgruntled expression. This was probably the worst airplane ride ever, he thought.