Part V: Existence

I could have damn well killed him. I didn't know what he forgot, but I'd been laying here sweating and panting for the last forty-five minutes and he wasn't answering his cell. I wasn't sure if I'd peed the bed or my water broke, but I certainly couldn't get up to clean although I had managed to scoot over to the other side of the bed where it was dry so I wasn't laying in the wet.

The contractions were down to two minutes and I knew this meant it wouldn't be long. So much for the first baby taking hours; this one was going to set a land speed record. I was beginning to feel the urge to push, but had been panting through them. I needed Mulder to do an internal exam; I could tell him what to feel for before I started pushing to make sure I was fully dilated. Dear God, I'd never thought I'd be delivering my own child with Mulder's, of all people, assistance. Heaven help us all.

Finally I heard the rattle of a key in the door and all but screamed, "About time, damn you!" But it wasn't Mulder that came though the door; it was a heavyset woman with a deeply lined, jowled face who looked to be in her late sixties or early seventies, carrying an old-fashioned cracked black leather doctor's bag. He was right behind her and when I saw that he had his gun out and pointed at her, it all fell into place. "Mulder, you didn't?!" I yelled, then groaned over another contraction, panting through the ever-strengthening urge to push.

"Dammit, man, you dint tell me she was this close!" the woman said in a soft Southern accent, glaring over her shoulder at Mulder. "Put that damn thing away, I ain't deliverin' this baby with no gun pointed at my head."

"Who—are—you?" I gasped at her, panting through another. They were now no more than a minute apart and I could feel the baby pushing downwards. I knew I must be fully dilated and that the head was probably starting through my cervix.

"Alma Jackson, ma'am, registered nurse-midwife for over fifty years, but you go 'head and just call me Alma. Don't let the fact that your man here kidnapped me outta my house fret you none, we'll deliver your baby just fine," she assured me, walking to the side of the bed and placing her hands on my hard belly as she smiled reassuringly down at me. "Well, well, you ain't gonna take long, is you? This is an impatient 'un! He or she ready to come out and say hi."

I glared over at Mulder, who had set his gun on top of the dresser and was leaning against it. "I don't believe you," I snapped at him. "You kidnapped this poor woman out of her house?!"

"What was I supposed to do?" he said plaintively. His eyes followed Alma Jackson as she went into the small bathroom then we heard water running, and she returned drying off her hands with one of the cheap white motel towels which she tossed back into the smaller room. "I can't deliver our baby alone, Scully, I was terrified that I'd screw it up and hurt either or both of you."

"Ya coulda just come told me you needed a midwife, ya didn't need t'shove that gun in m'face," Alma said succinctly. I found myself liking and trusting her more and more by the minute.

"I didn't pull the gun until you wanted to leave a message with your service telling them where you were—" he began, but a really strong contraction took me over and I let out a long, loud groan as I panted through it. When I came back from it, Mulder was sitting behind me, legs on either side, holding me semi-reclining against his hard chest. "It's all right, Scully, let's breathe--"

"I'm going to breathe your ass into next week!" I snapped at him, but relaxed back into his arms while I could. At the foot of the bed Alma was tugging and rearranging the bedding. As I watched she dragged one of the straight-backed chairs to the end of the bed, sat down, and unpacked a stack of clean towels and baby blankets from the Wal-Mart bags at the foot of the bed, then opened her doctor's bag and laid out her implements beside my left leg.

"When did your water break, honey?" she asked softly, folding a thick yellow towel and placing it against my buttocks.

"Uh, about half an hour ago, I think," I said, unable to help clenching in trepidation of the pain as I felt the next one beginning. "Here we go again!"

"Pant through it, honey, relax as much as you can till I can 'zamine you," Alma told me, her gentle but calloused hands on my knees which were bent, feet flat on the bed. "Thatta girl, you doin' it just right. And you, gun-man," she snapped at Mulder, "You takes her hands and you let her squeeze them just as hard as she needs to. Least you can do."

"Did—did he tell you I'm a doctor?" I gasped out after that one had passed. Mulder wrapped his arms around me, resting his hands gently on top of my belly, and I laced my fingers through his. His calm strong presence, his warm breath in my ear, his silent encouragement, gave me more courage than I'd ever tell him.

"He did, honey, but that don't make no nevermind when it's you havin' the baby," she said, her gentle fingers reaching inside me, her other hand on the lowering slope of my stomach. "I had three and totally forgot all my trainin' during them an' I been a midwife since age sixteen. Well, good news, little momma, taint gonna be long at all. I'd say you go ahead and push much as you want to, now. Head don't feel too big so I'm gonna massage your perineum good and hopefully you ain't gotta have no episiotomy."

I did notice with the back of my mind how unusual her mix of back-country accent and correctly-pronounced medical words was. "Wish I could have drugs," I panted. "I—I—said I wouldn't but..."

"Don't we all," she smiled at me reassuringly. "It's almost over, though, so you just hang on, honey, won't be long now. Too late for anythin' anyway."

"Oooohhhh sssssshit!" I cried as the next contraction swept over me, letting go and pushing the way I wanted to. I was trying to keep my volume down not knowing who could hear us although I was getting louder each time. Part of me was absolutely amazed at how my body took over, but that didn't last long as I felt the baby moving down the vaginal canal.

"Hoo-ie! Honey, you is good at this," Alma encouraged me, smiling up at me over the mound of my belly. "Dang, you moved the little one halfway along. One more like that and we'll have us a baby here."

"I love you, Scully," Mulder whispered in my ear. "You are the most awesome, stunningly beautiful woman I've ever seen. Jesus, you're incredible."

"Okay, here we go," I ground out, bracing myself back against him and basking in his words. If I could finish this up with one more push I was going to give it everything I had. I concentrated on pushing, knowing I was screaming but hearing nothing but the roar of blood in my ears as I strained.

"Whoa, honey, stop, hold up, pant through the next one," I realized Alma was saying as the contraction ended and I relaxed for the moment I could. "Hang on, I'm gonna do an episiotomy. Don't want you to tear and he looks to be a bit bigger than I first thought. You won't feel nothing but a bit of tugging."

"Is it a boy?" Mulder said excitedly from behind me.

"Caint tell from the top of the head," she snapped, and I felt a tugging and pulling from down there. "Okay, honey, now go for it," she encouraged. "He's crowning, you's almost there."

The next one swept over me and I pushed and yelled for all I was worth, working with my body instead of fighting it and in one long, smooth motion I felt the baby's head pop out—the contraction was ending but I determinedly kept pushing—then the shoulders were through and then he was gone from inside me and a new voice cried out into the room. "You was right, daddy, you got a perfect, healthy little boy here," Alma said, but all I could see was the grey bun on top of her head as she worked over the baby. "He's just fine, let me get him cleaned up a little for you. Dad, you come on down here and take him while I gets ready to cut the cord. Momma, you lay back and relax for a bit, you'll have him in a minute."

Mulder untangled our hands and lifted me just enough to slide out from behind me, plumping up and laying me back on the pillows so I was still semi-reclining, then leaned down and kissed me with his teary eyes shining into mine, grinning widely. He went to where Alma was still working over our squalling son who hadn't stopped howling since leaving me and I reveled in the strong, lusty cries. I listened as she clamped off the cord and had Mulder cut it despite his deferrals, then next thing I knew he was standing next to the bed with a bundle wrapped in the yellow and pale green blankets we'd bought yesterday.

"Okay, let's do the afterbirth and then you can relax for a while," Alma encouraged me and I gave one last push as my body gently urged me on. "Oh hey, there you go. Good work, little momma. Looks complete; you are pretty durn good at this."

The baby had stopped crying but I could see a little pink hand waving from beyond the blankets. Mulder had the biggest damn grin I'd ever seen on his face as he gazed down into the nest of blankets. I saw tear tracks on his face, though he wasn't crying any more and I suspected he didn't even realize he had. "He's got your hair and my nose, poor kid," he said, leaning over and gently depositing the bundle into my arms. "He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life next to you."

I brushed the blankets back and looked into my son's face. "Oh my God, Mulder, he looks just like you!" I said, startled. He did indeed have a thick mop of wet dark red hair, but I could clearly see Mulder's stamp on his little features. Despite all his joking about it I hoped that Mulder knew he was the father and even if he'd been serious about not being sure, this little face left no doubt. "Jesus, it looks like I cloned you!"

We looked at each other and then burst out laughing.

"Okay, daddy, I need your help here," Alma said. "Take the rest of these clean towels and put 'em over on top of the dresser there, then I'm gonna weigh the baby and give him his second Apgar."

I hadn't realized she'd done an Apgar. "How was his first?"

"Ten all the way, don't you worry, but I always do a second one after five-ten minutes even iff'n the first is high," she assured me. "Better safe than sorry. Plus I wanna clean out his airways, you know, clean him up a little."

I opened the blankets and checked him over; as she'd said, his pulse, respiration, muscular tone, and skin color were all good. I didn't check him for stimulation as his earlier crying told me all I needed to know though he was now resting quietly, blinking. He also had the correct number of fingers and toes with the tiniest nails I'd ever seen, as well as a perfectly formed penis and testes. Every other newborn I'd seen I'd thought rather ugly, even the one I'd delivered during the hurricane in Florida, but this was the most beautiful child I had ever laid eyes upon even partly covered in blood and effluvia, the dark red hair still mostly matted to his perfect little skull.

"What you going to name him, little momma?" Alma asked as she quickly sewed me up. I could tell by the way she was moving that she certainly knew what she was doing, deft and confident. Thanks to the miracle of the human body I felt nothing more than the occasional prick and tugging although I was starting to shiver from both cold and aftereffects. I'd be hurting later when the natural anesthetic wore off but for now I didn't feel bad at all. Mostly relieved that it was over!

I looked up at Mulder and smiled. "William," I said. "After your father."

The grin on his face rivaled any sun I've ever seen and I was ready when he leaned down and kissed me, returning it as enthusiastically as he gave it.

A short time later Alma came over and took William from me and covered me with the sheet and blanket, working over him at the dresser with Mulder standing by. I saw that she had a small portable scale and when she read off his weight and length I was pleased; seven pounds, eight ounces and twenty-one inches long was a good-sized baby for a small woman like myself, especially when the father was a lanky six-foot lug.