Chapter 3
I gulped as I tried to calm my frizzled nerves. Everything was loud and resounding, echoes bounced confusingly off the walls. A dizzy sick feeling entered my stomach and it heaved convulsively. I just couldn't swallow - there was a lump and I couldn't breathe, I choked painfully on the air, my eyes wide with fright.
"Bella? Are you ok?" the sound of Alice's concerned by distracted voice calmed me down and relaxed my throat, the air swelling inside my aching lungs. I closed my eyes and concentrated on controlling my breathing for a few minutes, just sitting there trying to comfort and reassure myself I was just being stupid. The sick, damp feeling in my stomach died down. With a final calm breath, I opened my eyes. The entire class was staring at me, different expressions of worry, confusion, annoyance and fright. I faked a smile.
"I'm ok." I whispered, and crept meekly back to my seat, massaging my throat. I had Alice's full awareness now. She squeezed my hand and I squeezed it back gratefully. We both needed it. A knock at the door caught my attention and I turned round to see who it was – Angela! But… Were those tears? I jumped up and ran to her.
"Angela! What's wrong, are you ok?" I gave her a hug, wondering what could be wrong. Again the class stared at me in silence, even the teacher. The tears poured off Angela' cheeks as she shook her head. She tried to get the words out but they seemed to get stuck in her throat.
"Angela?" My voice quavered with worry and I realized tears were pouring down my own cheeks now, though I couldn't say why. After an indefinite period of time, she was able to get the words out.
"Oh Bella," she croaked, "I'm so sorry." Fear swept through me.
"Wh-what happened?" I stuttered. She just shook her head, the tears cascading again, and gestured outside with a limp hand. But suddenly I was filled with determination.
"No. Tell me now. Just say it." I stood rigidly straight my hands balled up into tiny red fists. I stared at the ground determinedly, not blinking, my jaw tight. "Just tell me Angela." I looked up. "Please."
"Bella – it's your family." Her voice was muted and strained. "There was a car crash. I'm so sorry. No-one was there to save them…" I closed my eyes at the words, hearing the class gasp behind me. I forced out one word.
"Who?" It was barely a murmur – I could hardly hear it myself. I knew everyone was listening but right then, I really couldn't give a shit. Angela looked at me with terribly pained eyes.
"It was Renee and Charlie. They were – " I cut her off not wanting - not being able - to hear anymore. I couldn't hold it in. I let out a long, high pitched wail and in the pain of it all I collapsed. As I sunk into unconsciousness, I curled myself up in a ball on the ground, not wanting to bear the pain of it anymore.
I woke up in hospital. My first thought was, Why am I here again? Then I saw Alice and Angela both sitting on either sides of me. Memories flooded into my mind and I sat up gasping at a sudden pain in my chest.
"No!" I cried out in agony, "No, it can't be true. It's not real!" Suddenly furious I yelled angrily at them.
"YOU LIARS!! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?? LEAVE ME ALONE!!" I chucked whatever my hands came across at them with an anger so powerful that I couldn't really breathe. All of a sudden, the anger rushed out of me and I stared blankly at the pillow in my hand. I looked up at my friends who were crying. Tears of pity. I slumped dejectedly back onto the bed.
"Sorry," I whispered traumatized by my own actions. "I'm so - " But then Alice leapt on me.
"Oh Bella!! Don't be sorry! Do whatever you want, honey. Just let all the pain out. Then we can fill it up with friendship." At any other time I would have laughed at her soppy words but right now, they were the perfect lifeline for my to cling to. And so I cried. I cried and cried and cried until my eyes were squinty and red. Angela, sensing we needed to be alone, had left a while ago with one last sympathetic squeeze of my hand. Alice crawled into the hospital bed with me and I lay on her shoulder, just letting everything go. It felt unimaginably good to be have someone there for me. Immeasurable time passed with us just lying there. Eventually I snuffled and half sat up.
"Where will I go?" I murmured, somewhat to myself, "I don't want to be alone – I'm still seventeen!!" This worry brought on new hysteria and it was hard to breather again. Alice soothed me, stroking my hair.
"You'll probably go to an orphanage or live with a foster family.
"I don't want to move! I want to stay here with you and Angela!"
"Maybe you could." she mused. "But hey. Don't worry about it. I can sort it out if you like." I nodded weakly and sunk back into the cushions.
"Sleep now Bella. You'll be fine – I promise you." With one last kiss on my forehead she left and I waited for sleep to come to me. It didn't take long.