The rain poured out of the sky, seemingly crying the tears I could never again shed. I hadn't moved for hours. It began raining shortly after Emmett went inside but I still refused to go into their house. I didn't deserve it; I was getting what I deserved. It actually would have been more deserving if I could die from the cold.
The door to the house opened and shut but I still looked up at the dark sky wishing it would swallow me up.
"Can I sit here?" a soft voice asked.
"Why are you asking me? It's your house…" I whispered back, looking into her soft eyes.
"It's yours too, you know…" Alice grumbled, sitting down beside me and leaning against the tree.
Even though I truly didn't mind I couldn't handle the pain of her being so close, so I shifted a couple centimeters away from her barely leaning against the tree anymore.
A hurt look clouded her features but she quickly wiped it off her face and replaced it with a timid smile.
"Emmett told me you took your own deer." Alice smiled at me but I could only stare back. If only she knew what she was doing to me. "He seemed a little… different… when you guys got back."
I sighed and prepared myself for the question to come.
"What happened?" Alice inquired offhandedly. I knew she was just trying to keep me at bay so I wouldn't get angry again. She must have been getting sick of me always yelling at her. Even if it was the last thing I wanted to do to her, my anger would get in the way and I would say something hurtful. I hated myself.
"I don't know…" I murmured. And it was true; I didn't know anything these days.
I placed my head in my hands, covering my face from the world. Why did my life have to be like this? Why couldn't I have a normal life, with a mom and dad who weren't killed by a sadistic werewolf, and a best friend who wasn't a vampire that left me for dead? A choked sob wracked my body as those thoughts swirled around my head.
"Why?" I croaked, only half expecting an answer.
"Why what?" Alice questioned, slowly moving herself closer towards me.
Her arm brushed against mine and I shivered at the contact. My heart clenched painfully as her arm wrapped around my waist and she laid her head against my shoulder. I sobbed again from the fight raging within me; to give in and tell her or to continue protecting my heart the best I could. Alice's arm only tightened around me, causing both a wave a comfort and pain to roll through my quaking body.
"Why won't you forgive me?" Alice cried quietly. It took me a couple seconds to realize she was crying.
It hurt. All I could ever feel was hurt. All I could produce was hurt. No matter what I did, I always hurt. And this was no exception.
I moved out of Alice's warm embrace and stood up. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but I knew I had to do it.
"I'll leave."
Alice's eyes widened at my announcement as she quickly stood up and walked towards me. I could tell she was looking deep within my eyes, trying to find the catch, but there was none to be found. I knew what I now had to do to help Alice and the rest of the Cullens, and that was to remove myself from the equation. I had made my decision.
Alice's eyes clouded over as she fell to her knees at the impact of her vision. She began shaking and whispered "No" over and over again. I could do nothing but stand there and watch as the one person I ever loved broke down at my feet.
My heart sighed. Love. Yes I loved Alice, I always had. I just wasn't sure to what extent. It was very clear now as I stood there watching her fall apart. I realized that my love was a lot more than as a friend. It destroyed me inside that I could never do anything about it.
"It's just… better this way, Alice. I'll leave and then you and your family won't have to worry about me anymore."
For a moment I thought she didn't hear me, but her back began heaving and choked sobs ripped from her chest. Slowly she moved towards me and gripped one of my legs.
"You can't leave me. Please don't leave me!" Alice cried, tightening her grip on my ankle.
"Alice, I'm not leaving you; I'm ridding you of me! God what do you want from me?!" I screamed now falling to my knees.
I was now face to face with Alice, her golden eyes begging me for something I couldn't give.
"I want you to live! And not hand yourself over to the werewolves! I want you to be happy, and forgive our family! I want you to forgive me!" Alice exclaimed, shaking my shoulders softly. "I want you to stay here with me forever, and not leave me. Learn from my mistake, Anna!"
She finally stopped shaking my shoulders and moved one of her hands to brush the hair out of my eyes. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, memorizing Alice's scent and touch.
"Why did you leave?" I sobbed, opening my eyes, letting Alice see every emotion I was feeling. I was falling apart at the seams; I had no more strength to fight.
Alice caressed my cheek for a couple seconds before she let out a shaky breath and looked back into my eyes. I could see the fierce determination and pain pooling in her own.
"Because I loved you; I still love you. Ever since I met you, I've loved you. And it scared me. Edward found Bella, and now after Jasper left, I found you. But you were human… I couldn't do it, Anna. I couldn't handle hurting you the way Edward hurt Bella…. So I left. It was only supposed to be breaking a friendship. I never wanted to hurt you, never. If I had known that any of those things would happen to you, I wouldn't have done it. I'm so sorry. Please, I know I don't deserve it, but I need your forgiveness. I need to know I have a chance."
I closed my eyes tight and stopped breathing. Ever since I met Alice I had wanted her to say those words to me. 'She loves me? How is that possible? How do you love someone who doesn't deserve it?'
"Alice…" I whimpered. I didn't deserve this; I didn't deserve her love, her kindness, her family; I didn't deserve anything… And yet, here I was, receiving it all.
I began shaking forcefully as I launched myself at her, holding her tightly as I broke down. She wrapped her hands around my back holding me securely against her as my cries and sobs increased in volume.
"It hurts! Oh god it hurts!" I moaned in agonized pain as my heart completely shattered within my chest. I tightened my grip as Alice shifted beneath me. She slowly sat us up and gently rocked me against her body and hummed a soft tune into my ear.
Time stopped it seemed, as we both became enveloped in a vacuum of agony; me letting everything out since she left, and Alice sitting there through it all, holding me together so I couldn't lose myself completely to the pain.
After a long while, her calming techniques began to take effect and I stopped sobbing and writhing in pain. I just sat on her, clutching tightly to her should she disappear again.
"Anna." Alice sighed hugging me closer to her body. "I am so sorry."
I looked up into her pained eyes and smiled gently. "You have nothing to be sorry for, I forgive you."
Alice's face lit up as she lowered her head and kissed my forehead. I tensed up slightly before melting into her arms. Even if I had forgiven her, I still couldn't quite trust her. But I would concentrate on that at a time when I wasn't laying in her arms.