Promethean Heat, Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Still not mine. The not-so-big finish. Thanks for suffering through the angst with me, especially to all who reviewed!

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Kahlan sat in front of the fire, feeling the awful combination of nervous energy and exhaustion she'd felt after Richard's mother died at Denna's hands. As then, she wanted to do something, anything, to make things right. But even though there was nothing to be done, she couldn't stop thinking about it, her mind running in circles.

Zedd had collapsed soon after they got back to camp, and was sleeping now. She was worried about him, but the healer said he'd recover given time. I hope the same is true for us, Kahlan thought.

Devlin came back into the camp, looking almost as tired as she felt, but when she looked at him, he shook his head. Wherever Richard had gone, Devlin couldn't find him. Spirits, guide him, please, she prayed silently.

Devlin watched her for a moment, wishing he could do something to help, but knowing there was only one person who could hope to do that. And only the spirits know where he is, he thought sadly. He slipped away, leaving her alone by the fire.

A long time later, the fire was beginning to die down, but Kahlan couldn't seem to muster the energy to get wood to feed it. I wish I could sleep, she thought for the thousandth time that night, but there was no hope of that.

Richard hovered at the edge of the camp, watching Kahlan by the fire. Thank the spirits she's alone, he thought, knowing he couldn't stand to face the accusing faces of the rest of their friends. But somehow he still couldn't bring himself to approach her. She looked so sad, her head bowed as she sat quietly in front of the dying fire.

Go to her, he told himself. But it had been hard just to make it this far. He'd run through the forest for who knew how long, running away from the horrible shame he felt at what he'd done to her. It was only the thought of her never knowing how sorry he was that gave him the strength to come back. But now that he was so close, he felt frozen in fear. You have to face this. It's that or live without her. Which wouldn't be living.

He took a step forward, then another, each one an enormous effort. Stop thinking about it. Just go. "Kahlan," he said as he came up behind her.

Kahlan turned at the sound of his voice, saw him reaching out to her, and she flinched at the sight of his hand coming toward her, pulling back instinctively.

Richard yanked his hand back as if he'd been burned, and Kahlan knew she couldn't have hurt him more if she'd beaten him the way she'd beaten Denna at his command. She closed her eyes, wishing with every part of her that she could take that involuntary movement back.

"I…" He stopped, stepping back, trying to speak past the thickness in his throat. "I'm so sorry, Kahlan." For a moment, Kahlan was afraid he'd run away again, but he stood his ground. He's so brave, she thought. That's one of the things I love about him. "The things I said…what I did…I didn't mean…" He stopped, searching for words. "I couldn't think, all I could feel was--"

"Don't," Kahlan stopped him, knowing what he'd felt. She'd seen it. "It wasn't your fault," she said, looking deep into his eyes, trying to show him she didn't blame him, despite her instinctive reaction a moment earlier.

How can she forgive me? Richard thought, marveling at her kindness. After what I did, knowing what her father did to her… And then he noticed the bruise that was darkening the side of her jaw. "I hurt you," he whispered, and he hated himself for it.

"Richard, please," she said quietly. "Don't do this to yourself. This was magic--one of Rahl's pet wizards, Zedd says. It's not your fault."

"I should have known. I should have been strong enough to stop it."

"No one could have stopped it. Zedd thinks the spell was augmented by the Sword of Truth and your connection to it. Each time you used it in battle, the spell grew stronger." Kahlan looked up at him, willing him to understand. "Richard, I don't blame you. I couldn't."

Richard looked steadily at her, a ghost of a smile on his face, but it was bitter. "Rahl really knows how to get to us, doesn't he?" he said.

She nodded sadly.

Richard took a deep breath. "Which means we have to find a way to get past this. Because I can't do this without you."

She looked up at him, and there was a hint of hope in her eyes. "Neither can I," she said.

Richard came closer and sat down near the fire, but he seemed very careful to keep a respectful distance from her. "So what do we do now?" he said, staring into the fire, and there was a roughness to his voice that made her look closely at him. The fading firelight reflected off unshed tears in his eyes.

"I…" Kahlan started, and the words seemed stuck in her throat. She swallowed, trying to master her emotions. "I don't know."

"Well," Richard said after staring into the fire a long time, "I know this for certain. I wouldn't feel this much pain if I didn't love you. Really love you," he repeated emphatically. He looked over at her, meeting her eyes, and there was a plea in his look. "Maybe that's the best place to start."

She smiled at him softly. "I can live with that," she said, and reached out to take his hand.

Fin