"I met Carly," Lulu said the next day. "Well, I knew her from what you told me, but I didn't remember her, so it felt like I was meeting her for the first time. My dad, brothers and grandmother have been here a few times, too, as well as my aunt, the nurse, um-"

"Bobbie."

"Yeah, Carly's mother, right?"

He nodded and she sighed, frustrated.

"I feel like I need some sort of cheat sheet so I know who my own family members are."

"Would that help you? I can make one."

She smiled, but hesitated.

"It's no trouble; I can do it now."

"Thank you."

He picked up a pad and pencil that were on the table by her bed side, not wanting to use his laptop. He would have to leave the room to go to a designated area for that. He made her a table with names, their relationship to her and a description of the person. He included friends, as well as family, and had another category for people like Scott Baldwin. As much as he hated including Johnny Zacchara, he had to in case he came to see her. To be safe, he also included Trevor Lancing with a note that she should try to avoid him if at all possible. In her current condition, he might manipulate her into doing something dangerous. Spinelli wasn't entirely sure The Senior Sith Lord hadn't assisted the illusive Mr. Moreau in Fair Lulu's kidnapping.

"According to what you wrote here," she said, reading the table, "Johnny Zacchara's my friend and possibly someone I have feelings for?"

He nodded.

"You got angry with me once for trying to get you to admit it, but I know it from your attitude. You kept talking about how he chose the life he led and it was his choice. You pretended you didn't care when you obviously did. You can't seem to make up your mind between Johnny and Logan."

He had reservations about telling her this much, but he didn't want her to be surprised, scared or confused if and when Johnny showed up to visit.

"Wait a minute. A guy named Milo came to visit me last night and said he was my friend."

"He is."

"He told me we met when Jason and I went to track you down in Tennessee and that you and he, and a guy named Dillon, got into a competition for me."

"Yes, but you chose Logan instead of one of us."

First I was trying to choose between you and two other guys. Then I don't choose any of you and I end up choosing Logan, but now I can't choose between him and Johnny?"

"You have a lot of thinking to do when you get your memory back."

"If I get my memory back."

"You will."

"I'm not so sure."

She put the paper on her table, then looked at him.

"I still don't understand my reasoning. I mean, from what you and everyone else I've seen have told me, Logan is a creep. Lucky, Carly, Nikolas, my dad, they all hate him and so do you, and you don't seem like someone who hates many people."

"I'm not."

"I don't remember Milo, Dillon or Johnny and I haven't seen them yet, but you're so different from everyone's description of Logan. I mean, what was it? Did I just not know what I wanted?"

"I think you're the only one who can answer that question."

"If I get my memory back," she sighed. "It must not have been easy for you to watch me with Logan or Johnny."

He shook his head.

"Why did you put up with me?"

"I love you. I've accepted that I can't have your love romantically, but we are friends."

"Was I a good friend before I lost my memory?"

He suddenly realized he could be honest with her now in a way that he couldn't before. He could tell her the truth without her getting angry with him. He didn't know if she would retain these memories if the rest of her memory came back; he knew that sometimes patients who regained their memories lost the memories they had made before they had regained the originals.

"You were, but sometimes it was like you were two different people. There was you, similar to the way you are now. You were gentle, kind, sympathetic, caring. You thought about other people's feelings and told me what a good friend I was. Then there were times when my friendship inconvenienced you, like when I tried to warn you about Logan possibly being the killer, or when I called you on your feelings for Johnny, or when I and everyone else tried to warn you against Logan when you first decided to become romantically involved with him."

"What did I do then?"

"You became angry with me and pushed me away. You did it in different ways; when I tried to get you to admit how you felt about The Septic Son you used The Crabby Commando to make me go away."

"Did I make him hurt you?" she asked, obviously afraid of his answer.

"No," he said quickly, "nothing like that; you would never do that. You just invited him to join us. I didn't wanna spend time with him, so I left."

"I knew you would, didn't I?"

He nodded.

"I'm sorry."

"It's OK; I forgave you immediately. I should have let you-"

"No, you shouldn't have. You have a right to express your feelings and no one gets to tell you to shut up or make you go away."

Then his nickname for Johnny registered and she became curious.

"Why is Johnny the Septic Son?"

"He's the son of a mobster, a Demented Denison of Darkness named Anthony Zacchara, who tried to kill you because he didn't want his son to have a girlfriend. The day we met Johnny he pointed a gun at me and Stone Cold because we surprised him. We were looking for you. We were worried because you'd been upset and had gone missing and we found you with him. His first impulse was to pull out his gun and wave it in your direction. He's not as bad as I originally thought, but then my thoughts were clouded by my desire to have you fall in love with me. But he's still dangerous because of his impulsive nature and his unbalanced father."

After a brief silence, she looked thoughtful.

"It sounds like I made our friendship pretty rocky."

"Well, I haven't always been supportive either."

"What was the worst thing I ever did to you?"

"Why would you wanna know something like that?"

"I wanna gage my former self; I don't know how else to describe it. I- I wanna get a sense of what I would do and how far I would go to get what I wanted."

"It doesn't matter what you did before; the past is-"

"Non-existent to me. I need to know what I did and what I was capable of doing."

"OK," he said reluctantly. "You and Stone Cold were having an argument once and I took his side; it was a very important subject and we all felt strongly about it. You told me to shut up and said I was a melodramatic geek who knew nothing about life outside Cyberspace."

"Ouch!"

She looked shocked and horrified.

"But it was very true at the time; I lived in a fantasy world a lot of the time and sometimes I still do, but I've had many life changing experiences since then and you didn't mean what you said even when it was true. You apologized; you regretted it even before I left you and Stone cold to talk alone."

"That doesn't make it OK. I'm so sorry!"

"You don't kneed to apologize again; it was a long time ago."

She was silent again, then she asked, "what was the worst thing you ever did to me?"

"I'm not sure how you would gage that. I guess all I can do is tell you some of the things I've done and let you decide for yourself. I think the worst thing I ever did to you was knock you unconscious."

She stared at him.

"OK, I know already that you would never hurt me without a reason. What did I do?"

"It was during the Black and White Ball your brother and his girlfriend, Emily, threw on Halloween."

"I know about the ball and what happened to Emily."

"Anthony Zacchara wanted to kill you because you were seeing his son. You wanted to draw him out so he could be killed; you wanted to use yourself as bate. He's insane; he would have killed you. I tried to reason with you, but you wouldn't listen. I said I wouldn't let you leave and you said, 'watch me,' and strode to the door of the stable we were holed up in without a second look back. I panicked and I delivered a strategic blow to your beautiful Blonde head."

He looked at her nervously, afraid this would be the thing that made her angry with him all over again.

"Well, maybe if I'd lost my memory when you hit me instead of when I got into a car accident I wouldn't have been stupid enough to put myself in a position where I had to get away from someone I thought was trying to hurt me by hitting him over the head with a wrench."

"Please don't say that; I already feel responsible for you losing your memory. I gave you information that I selfishly needed you to have even though I had no hard proof. If I hadn't done that, you wouldn't have done what you did and you might not have gotten into the car accident that put you in this situation."

"That was when I hit Logan with the wrench, right?"

He nodded.

"I also told you a lie to try to keep you from getting involved with him. I told you he was your half brother."

She laughed.

"I'm sorry, but did you honestly think that would work? That's like something out of a soap opera!"

'You remember soap operas?"

"Not really, but I've been watching them; there's not much else to watch when you're laid up in a hospital bed, unless you wanna watch talk shows, which are even worse."

"True," he laughed. "Then I once told Stone cold that The Crabby Commando had punch The Jackal and forced a kiss on your unwilling lips."

"Was it true?"

"Yes, but you were already with him at the time and I must admit my motives were mixed. I didn't want Stone Cold to hurt The Knuckle Scraper, only to scare him to keep him from hurting you, and maybe into leaving Port Charles so- so I could prove my worthiness to you without him interfering. But my very wise friend told me you can't make someone love you by eliminating the competition. I had already known that, but in my eagerness to make you love me I forgot it. But my main reason for telling my mentor was that I needed to vent. Logan had already hurt you once and I couldn't understand why you couldn't see that he would hurt you again."

"Did he?"

"Yes, and you broke up with him, but took him back again."

"Not a smart thing to do."

"You have a mind of your own."

"Apparently I don't think with my mind."

He blushed.

"Do you know if I slept with Logan?"

"You did."

"And what about the others?"

"Dillon, yes, but I don't think you slept with Milo or Johnny."

"And you?"

"No."

"So I'm fickle, but not promiscuous."

"I don't know about fickle; confused, maybe, but you're definitely not promiscuous."

"That's a relief. Maybe I can figure out what I want before I get my memory back. Dr. Winters and Dr. Drake said I should keep a diary and write down my thoughts and feelings. Dr. Winters said it can help me sort things out and might even help me get my memory back if I write down things I remember. I started it yesterday."

"The Jackal is amazed at how well The Blonde One is handling this. I don't think I could be so calm if I'd lost my memory."

"You're the one who made it easy for me to be calm; you were so gentle and soothing the night I woke up here. I felt like everyone else was expecting something from me that I couldn't deliver and you made me feel safe."

"Part of my duties as your most trusted and loyal friend," he said, smiling.

"You did your duty well then."

She hugged him, wondering why she would ever reject someone who made her feel so safe and loved just by being in the same room with her.