Lulu bolted upright.
"Relax," Nikolas said gently. "Everything is fine, Lulu."
"Where's Spinelli? I need Spinelli, the real Spinelli, not that horrible figment in my dream!"
"Figment?" Spinelli asked from the doorway.
"Thank God!" Lulu breathed.
Spinelli nodded.
"Thank all the Gods and Goddesses the Blonde One is once again conscious!"
Nikolas smiled. Lulu thought there was a trace of sadness in the smile.
"I'll leave you two alone to talk."
"Thank you," Lulu said as Nikolas left, smiling at her.
"I've got my memory back," she said quietly.
"Does that mean you remember everything that happened before the accident?"
Spinelli hoped his tone was casual, conversational, but he could hear the note of apprehension. He was sure she was going to start yelling at him again for telling her Logan might be The Text Message Killer.
She sat up and held her arms out.
"Come here."
He did, surprised and a little confused. If she remembered everything, why did she want to hug him? She rubbed his back as he put his arms around her. Her tone was oddly gentle.
"I remember everything, before and after the accident. I remember the past few months. I remember everything you've done for me."
"But what about-"
"It doesn't matter. If I'd listened to you in the first place none of that would have happened, including the accident. I know I've hurt you and I'm so sorry. I had no right to do stupid things and then take my bad judgment out on you."
"Blonde One, you've said all this before, but-"
"I kept doing it; I know. But you were the only person I knew without a doubt that I could trust when I lost my memory. You never once lied to me; you never even exaggerated. I know that for sure now because I remember everything that happened before."
"You were already confused; I wasn't gonna let my personal feelings interfere with your recovery."
"You and Jason were the only ones who could keep that from happening. I know now that everyone else tried, but they just couldn't handle it. They wanted their Lulu back; you and Jason and Maxie accepted me for who I was."
"Stone Cold did the same for me."
She nodded.
"I didn't, did I?" she asked sadly. "I kept telling you that you were my best friend, which is true, but then I kept expecting you to be my loyal little lap dog."
She grimaced.
"I had no right to order you around and tell you what to think and feel just because I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it."
Spinelli couldn't think of anything to say.
"I meant what I said before Logan showed up and decided to attack us. I love you, and not just as a friend. Getting my memory back hasn't changed that."
She noted the reluctant skepticism on his face.
"You still don't believe me?"
"I- I want to, but I just- I- I don't wanna be hurt again. What about Johnny? What about Milo? Dillon's moved away and Logan's dead, but they-"
"Johnny gave me the space I needed and I'm grateful for that, and Milo and I- my memory loss just made things uncomfortable for us. You were the one who stuck by me. Milo tried to be friendly, but it was obviously forced. He was just too weirded out by the whole thing. I don't blame him; he really did try. He just couldn't do it. You never left me once and you were the one who had a right to just write me off and forget about me after the horrible way I've treated you, and that goes back to before Logan; that goes back to the paternity secret. I had no right to-"
"Don't, Blonde One; you've apologized for that, once before and once after you lost your memory. It's over; I forgave you."
"You've never abandoned me. I abandoned you. I ignored you. I got mad at you for being a good friend. I tried to manipulate you. I wasn't even there for you after Georgie died because I was too busy avoiding you so I wouldn't have to be honest with you about my attraction to Johnny. Even after I ignored you when you needed a friend the most you were still trying to protect me. You've jumped through every hoop I wanted you to jump through, no matter how unfair it was, and I just kept making you do it all over again. I treated you like an animal. Spinelli, come. Spinelli, sit. Spinelli, go away so I don't have to be honest with you. I was horrible and you never once broke off our friendship. If you had, I would have been the one to ruin it, not you. I'm grateful that I had that accident and lost my memory because it made me really see what you mean to me."
"You remember all that occurred before and you don't resent me again for telling you that The Crabby Commando-"
"It's not your fault that I took the information you were trying to use to protect me and decided I was gonna trash your protection just so I could have my own way for the millionth time! Have you ever heard someone say that when you eavesdrop you might hear something that you don't wanna hear?"
He nodded.
"That's what happened when I went rushing over to Logan's apartment. I found stuff I didn't wanna find. If I'd listened to you in the first place that never would have happened. I had to be right and God help you for daring to prove me wrong. I was such a witch to you!"
He opened his mouth.
"Don't defend me; it's true. I couldn't have made it through the past few months without my memory if it hadn't been for you. I've never been a good friend to you and you've never once called me on it. All you've ever tried to do is protect me and I've spat in your face every time."
"Why are you putting yourself down like this?"
"Because I had a dream while I was unconscious that showed me everything I've done to you and everything you've done for me."
He looked confused.
"What did you mean about a horrible figment of me?"
She told him about the talking dog and everything he said about the real Spinelli, and everything she'd seen and heard in the dream. She told him how the dog agreed with her blindly and trashed her best friend and everything the real Spinelli stood for.
"A most disturbing dream, indeed."
She nodded.
"I don't wanna be that person anymore, Spinelli. I don't want you to obey me blindly just because it's me, just because I want something. If it's gonna hurt me, I want you to force me to listen."
"But every time I do that-"
"I treat you like dirt. No more! I'm never gonna do that again!"
She tightened her arms around him.
"I love you. I'm not asking you to take my words at face value, not after everything I've done to you. All I ask is that you give me a chance to prove it. Let me have the chance to prove I'm worthy of you."
"Worthy of me?"
"You've proven your worthiness over and over and over again. I've never done that and you still considered me your friend. Please, let me have the chance to be more."
"I don't know. What about your attraction to Johnny? I mean, is that not still present?"
"What happened with Logan tonight has turned me off bad boys forever. Maybe Johnny is a bad boy with a good heart, but someone else is gonna have to bring that out in him, or better yet, he's gonna have to show it himself without someone else trying to change him. I need to change myself; so does he. No one else can do it for us."
He wished he could accept her proclamation of love. She could see that he was still afraid to trust what she was saying. She couldn't blame him.
He wasn't trying to be difficult, but she'd picked Logan over him when he was clearly bad for her. What if another Logan came along? He didn't want to risk his heart with her again only to have her crush it with another Logan Hayes or Johnny Zacchara.
"Will you think about it? Please?"
"That I can do."
They smiled at each other. She kissed his cheek.
"Can you please send Lucky in? I need to talk to him."
"Of course."
While she talked to Lucky, Spinelli went to talk to Maxie. He needed different perspectives on this. Should he take a risk with Lulu again? Maxie remembered everything from before and after. What would she think?
"She should be resting," Mack said, glaring at Spinelli.
"I'm fine, Dad," Maxie said as Spinelli looked at her with concern.
"Maxie, you're on bed rest for a reason."
"I'm in bed and I'm resting. Spinelli wants to talk to me. I don't have to get out of bed to talk."
"Don't stay too long," Mack ordered before leaving the room.
"No, Sir."
"What's up?"
Spinelli told her the entire story, beginning with dinner at Kelly's with Lulu.
"Before she lost her memory I would have told you to avoid her at all costs, but this experience really does seem to have changed her. We've all changed over the past few months. We all have a chance for a fresh start. Maybe you two have a chance for a romantic start."
He ran his fingers through his hair. He wished he could Jackal the answer, but this was a life problem and he knew he would not find a solution in Cyberspace.
"I understand why you're being careful," she said gently. "Lulu did a number on you."
"And in turn, I did a number on Georgie."
"It wasn't your fault. How were you supposed to know she was in love with you? Most girls don't even look at you because they don't have the brains to see the real you. Lulu does now, and so do I. But you're like a brother to me. You're my best friend, but I don't have any romantic feelings for you."
He decided to make a confession.
"I did for you, for a brief moment."
"You did?" she asked, surprised and flattered.
"Remember that day in Kelly's when I tried to get away from you and you thought it was because I hated you?"
She nodded.
"I was trying to get away from you because your close proximity was causing me to have- fantasies. They were not sex fantasies by any means," he said quickly, afraid she would get angry or disgusted. "I would never allow them to get that far."
She was slightly disappointed.
"Then what kind of fantasies were they?"
"They were like a black and white PI movie. I was Humphrey Bogart and you were the girl who comes to me for help."
She grinned.
"I'm flattered. That's really cool! So what stopped the fantasies."
"Lulu's accident, your pregnancy, reality just got in the way."
"That makes sense. Listen, I can't tell you what to do about Lulu. You're the only one who has a right to make that decision. But I'll support you, whatever you decide."
"What would you do?"
"I would run screaming in the opposite direction, not because it's Lulu; I honestly don't hate her anymore. But because this is someone who'd hurt me before. If it was Kyle, for example, there's no way I'd ever give him a second chance. But you've given her countless chances as her friend; she said that herself tonight, didn't she?"
He nodded.
"So maybe you should give her a chance romantically. Do what she asked. Think about it. Go with your feelings."
"Thank you, Maximista."
He kissed her cheek and left, first giving her baby bump a gentle rub.
"Lucky left an envelope on the table for you," Jason said when Spinelli got home.
"Thanks."
He opened it curiously. Why would Lucky be leaving him anything?
It was a book and a note from Lulu.
"Spinelli, this is my journal from the time between the accident and tonight. Please read it while you're thinking about my request to prove my worthiness. Maybe it will help you decide. I love you."
The next day, he read the journal cover to cover. She really did love him now. Maybe they did have a chance. He went to the hospital to return the journal and to speak to her.
"Have you decided?" she asked hesitantly.
"I do love you. Everything you've written in here says you feel the same way. Can we take things slowly? Can we not rush into anything? I- I wanna make sure you have the chance to- to change your mind before I fall too deeply, and I know I can do that. I just want us to be careful."
"We have a chance then?"
He nodded.
She sat up and pulled him to her, hugging him tightly and kissing him.
Later that year, on the anniversary of Georgie's death, Lulu waited at the boat house, knowing Spinelli might need her later. For now, he was at Georgie's grave with Maxie.
While they were visiting Georgie's grave, Robin was sitting with both her new-born daughter, Emma Grace, and Maxie's son, Cooper Jesse Barrett, nicknamed CJ. Spinelli called him the Honored One because he was named after two deceased heroes.
Lulu smiled sadly. She knew today was painful for Maxie and Spinelli and wished she could do something to help them.
"I wish Georgie could see CJ," Maxie said tearfully.
"She can," Spinelli said, fighting back his own tears.
"I miss her so much!" she sobbed.
"Me, too."
She hugged him, burying her face in his shoulder. On the way back, he decided to ask something that had been bothering him as this date approached.
"Do you think she'd be upset about me being with Lulu?"
"No," Maxie said honestly. "Georgie loved you, Spinelli, and she'd want you to be happy, even if it wasn't with her."
He nodded. Georgie had gone to Lulu once and tried to make her understand that if Lulu got hurt, Spinelli would be devastated. She had told him later that that was the last thing in the world she wanted for him, which was why she'd gone to see Lulu.
He dropped Maxie off at home and went to the boat house, knowing Lulu was waiting for him there. She had fallen asleep and he didn't want to wake her. He sat down, intending to do some work for Jason, when he found a folder in his messenger bag on top of his laptop. Then he remembered that he'd put it in there this morning, intending to honor Georgie by rereading her last words to him. He took out the folder and began to read.
Lulu woke about half an hour later and looked over at him. He was deep in thought and she knew instinctively what he was reading. Not for the first time, she cursed Lucky for letting Spinelli know about that file. Lucky had wanted to hurt him. He'd brought the folder to him with the soul intention of trying to force Spinelli into confessing to a crime he would never have committed against anyone. Now the file was both a source of comfort and a source of deepest pain for Spinelli.
"Hey," she said gently, standing up and going to him.
He looked up and she saw the tears he'd been fighting since visiting Georgie's grave. He'd been strong for Maxie, but he missed his friend and deeply regretted the pain expressed in these letters, the pain he'd caused her.
Lulu held him silently as the tears began to spill out of his eyes. This was the first time she'd ever seen him cry.
"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when she died. I was so wrapped up in myself at the time and you needed me."
"I hurt her," he said softly.
"You couldn't have known."
"She couldn't tell me."
"She understood," she said, stroking his hair.
He was suddenly overcome with a sense of peace. The source was not him, or Lulu. He suddenly knew with absolute certainty that Maxie was right. Georgie wanted him to be happy, and he was happy with Lulu. She would look down on them as their love continued to grow and Spinelli knew for the first time that he could love his Blonde One without guilt or regret.