WITHOUT RESERVATION
PROMPT: What Happens in Vegas, Dies in Boston (Crossing Jordan)
Chapter 3
--
JJ stepped into the BAU bullpen, subdued and quiet. Emily had been gone for a week, and things felt down, dark and miserable. She knew part of it was a side-effect of working with profilers, people who noticed behaviour and felt deeply and passionately, but it was starting to bring her down. Worse than that, it was starting to break them apart. They were all a little bit angry that Emily felt the need to leave. She knew part of it was each of them being angry at themselves for not noticing how much she was struggling. Emily did so much trying to support all of them, and yet none of them had been there for her.
At the same time, there were little things JJ had noticed changing over the last months. Uneven footing between the team had become stable as Hotch had paired himself with Emily more and more often. Hotch wasn't as cranky, wasn't as stoic and strong. But then they'd been assigned their little slew of cases that had affected each of them in turn. They were feeling bone-weary, JJ could tell, and wondered if that was why the higher echelons of the Bureau had forced them into stand-down. Sometime JJ wondered if the Bureau forgot that even superheroes were human. Even the BAU needed a break.
JJ shook her head as Derek's head came up, answering both of his questions in one go. No, she hadn't heard from Emily and no, there was most definitely nothing urgent enough to pull them away from the consults they were doing into the field. He deflated as she came to slide into Emily's seat, something she'd been doing almost daily since they'd returned from Boston. "Nothing."
"Something has to change," Derek said in exasperation. "I can't deal with this."
None of them could. There was a dark cloud hanging over the BAU, a classic case of not knowing what they had until it disappeared. And Emily Prentiss was one of those things. JJ had noticed. She missed having the brunette around to chat with, to partake in girltalk with. JJ knew Dave missed a woman that gave as good as she got and had managed to bring him down a peg in the most gentle way JJ had ever seen. And Reid… Reid missed the one person in the world who was probably his best friend. JJ knew even he hadn't realized how much he relied on Emily until she had left.
But JJ had noticed that it hadn't hit any of them as hard as it seemed to hit Hotch. Between her and Dave, JJ knew that he holed himself in his office. Dave, with a quick unobtrusive call to Haley, had discovered the unit chief hadn't spent time with his son in over a month. The calls had petered out to nothing. He was going down one of the most unhealthy paths she'd ever seen him on and unfortunately, the only person JJ thought could get through to him, was somewhere else. Emily had been very specific in not telling them anything about where she went, and Garcia flat out refused to look up the information. JJ was close to begging. Still, she agreed with Derek's assessment. Something had to change. And JJ would bet that the best place to start was with the man who seemed to have taken it the worst.
For once in her life, JJ broke all of her self-imposed rules about manners and politeness. Without saying a word to Derek or Reid about where she was going, she was out of her seat and climbing the stairs. She and Hotch had a different relationship than, one, he and Emily seemed to and two, the rest of the team. He was her older – and equally as exasperating – brother. He watched out for her with brotherly affection and she appreciated it more than she'd ever be able to say. Which was why she was pushing open his door without knocking and closing it behind her.
"What is it, JJ? A case?"
"You damned well know there's no case," she replied sharply. "We're on stand-down Hotch."
He seemed taken aback by her irritation and for once, was slow enough not to react. "Well yes-"
"Why, may I ask, are we on stand-down to begin with?" JJ asked with an arched eyebrow. All of her pent up hurt, her frustration, her irritation with the lack of information was all bubbling to the surface.
"JJ, I can't do anything against orders that come from above me," Hotch said carefully, "You know that."
She smiled inwardly. The entire team knew that JJ was a mild-mannered person. She was the team sweetheart, without question, so when she got angry, everyone got out of her way, at least until she'd cooled down a little bit. Unfortunately for Hotch, they were in his office. There was no where to go. "You seriously think this is because orders came from above?"
He rubbed his forehead. "I have no idea what you're trying to get at."
"Emily."
The one word, her name, sent his shoulders tensing even more than they had been, had his brows knitting together before he could stop it. Immediate reaction. The way his poker face immediately washed over his features was another dead give away. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he said coolly.
"Oh?" JJ replied, on a roll now and unwilling to give up. "So it's the fact that we're on stand-down that's had you sulking around the office for the last week? When was the last time you went home? When was the last time you saw your son? When was the last time you talked to your son?"
"You are out of line, Agent Jareau."
And for the first time in her life, JJ felt the anger drain out of her. She backed down immediately, unused to this kind of wrath. His face was a mask of anger, but still, she absently patted herself on the back for withdrawing some sort of emotion other than blank, cold eyes. She sighed heavily. "Well, someone's got to be. Hotch… you can't keep sulking around here. Whatever… happened between you and Emily… either someone needs to fix something or something needs to change because this is brutal."
"You have no idea."
JJ watched his eyes fall closed the minute the clipped words had left his mouth. It was all the confirmation she needed, but the last thing she wanted to do was seriously poke the bear. "So you were together."
"Seven months," he said finally.
Puzzle pieces started falling into place in front of JJ's eyes. The way the team had worked seamlessly, Emily's uncanny ability to remind Hotch that they had a job to do when things got too brutal, the effortless way they seemed to be in tune with what the other needed… She should have known. Or at least, should have noticed. "She broke up with you."
The pain washed through Hotch's eyes before he could hide it, but she knew it was the truth. And she knew it had ended in Boston. So she asked him what he was going to do.
"Nothing," he replied.
JJ blinked. "Seriously?"
"There's nothing I can do," he replied.
She knew she wasn't going to get anything else out of him. So she took a deep breath. "Hotch… You need her. It's obvious. You need her to be here, to support you and to be the rock for the team. And we're all beating ourselves up for not noticing how bad she'd gotten, but I'm guessing none of us are taking it as hard as you are."
She paused for a moment, thinking of the right words. "Whatever you did, whatever she did… It doesn't matter. What does matter is acknowledging that you need her in your life. Letting her go would be flat stupid Hotch. Ask anyone down in that bullpen and they'll tell you exactly the same thing." She looked down at her hands. "She's in pain. She's hurting. She didn't take this vacation because she really wanted it. She took it to get away. It was obvious. And I think we both know now that part of it was to get away from you. But she hasn't called. Hasn't e-mailed. Hasn't gotten in touch with anyone here while she's been gone."
Then, deliberately making sure she met his eyes, she delivered the zinger. "And I think you're the only one who can bring her back."
This one requires a little bit of explanation...
Usually, it would be Dave to come in and virtually kick Hotch's sorry butt, but I looked at this as JJ is Emily's best friend (for the purposes of this story and in my happy little CM universe) and yet, at the same time, the show has shown her and Hotch with a different kind of connection. He's always softer with her. Like when she brings Henry into the BAU and she comments on him smiling.
And I'm sick of writing Dave as the one to kick Hotch into gear. Someone else needs a chance!