Big thanks to Bewildered Butterfly and Doctor-who-fangirl for reminding me why I am doing this.
Err this chapter gained a life of it's own and I have no idea how it got here.....
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Ianto and Jack sat at opposite ends of Iantos battered leather sofa, a big two seater it was large enough that they didn't have to touch, though Ianto had noted the fact that Jack always threw his long legs across the front of the sofa and that annoyed him slightly. There was something banal on the television, some detective story where the protagonist wasn't even revealed as a member of the cast till about two minutes before the dashing plod uttered the immortal words "And the murderer is…." before launching into a five-minute dash through all the obvious evidence in flash back. His mother loved it too, he called it car crash TV turned your brain into mush quicker than cocaine, he much preferred a good book, or a conversation or well didn't everyone prefer something else.
Ianto took a deep, loud breath through his nose and stretched like a cat - gaining the opportunity to kick Jacks leg quite viciously, accidentally on purpose and stood up.
"Coffee?" he asked standing in front of the goggle box and Jack flapped his arm to move him out of his line of sight.
"Haven't you been watching this? He's about to reveal the killer." Said Jack with the intensity of a true believer.
"Whatever, you stay there I'll bring it through" he said shuffling off to the kitchen.
He took the opportunity to open cupboard doors and bang them before whacking down mugs and coffee filters in a manner that could be interpreted however the receiver wanted. He wanted it to convey a slightly displeased but easy to solve note, Jack probably would take it as wind or worse not even notice. He fussed around cleaning an already clinically clean worktop and then stood looking at the kettle waiting for it to get to that sweet point just before it boiled, hot enough to really squeeze the flavour from the course grind in the cafetiere but not quite boiling so as to scald it. Normally he could clear his mind but tonight images of Jack just kept flashing through and he winced at the replay of what happened this afternoon and it just kept making him wince.
Ianto had bundled the Jenny woman into the taxi and stood by waving in a professional manner as it shuttled off into the twilight of evening, just as he had handed her into the back seat she had whispered to him
"Leave some time free tomorrow when you pick me up, you and I need a chat about Jack."
He was happy to admit normally he wouldn't take a blind bit of notice but he was already on edge about how much she might know and what it might reveal and if he was very honest with himself he was probably just teensy bit jealous, Jack had never held him like that when he had been crying. The kettle came close to the boil and he took it off the gas ring. Irrational thoughts zinged through his head as he lined the filter up over the glass jug, of course Jack had never held him like that, the one and only time he had actually let himself express the sadness that overwhelmed in the post Lisa days had manifested itself as a screaming rage with flying objects in the comfort of his own home, you could still see the marks in the plasterwork over the fridge if you looked carefully. Even if Jack hadn't still been mad at him for nearly ending the world, again, he didn't think a quiet sob and a quick rub of the back would have fixed anything. Instead when Ianto had finally managed to drag himself out of his flat to go down the corner shop for milk and a packet of crisps Jack had been sat in the SUV round the corner, whether he had been sat there everyday he didn't ask, Jack laid down the law, asked if he was alright and that was the end of that.
But this afternoon Ianto had walked back into the office, locked the door and pulled the blind even though there was an hour to closing. Without pausing he walked over to Jack and ground his lips against the older mans running his tongue round his closed mouth in what he could only imagine when he thought back was an attempt to see if he tasted of her. After a seconds pause Jack responded as fervently as him and started on Iantos tie, which was the trigger that snapped him out of it, god alone knew why he started it in the first place.
"What have I done wrong this time?" asked Jack pouting and proving that humankind would never be able to conquer insecurity.
"Nothing, it's me, sorry" he said backing off and making for the stairs
"Whoa." Said Jack and reaching out for his wrist and dragging him back "Getting all hot and bothered and then running off, that's my trick not yours."
"Like I said sorry Jack, mind on other things."
Jack stroked his fingers up and down the inside of Iantos wrist and looked directly at him, that intensity used to make him start to babble and give away every secret but he was now hardened to it.
"So tell me." He said patting his knee like a patrician Uncle, sitting down in the scratchy cloth office chair, that to Jack was a thrill in itself - he loved what he called proper office furniture, not the sleek leather and chrome that inhabited the hub.
"You first" said Ianto unmoving.
Jack tutted and stood up, "Back to that again are we, really Yan you're have to work a little harder to get the information."
"No Jack I shouldn't have to try at all, if I meant anything to you I wouldn't have to go through the twenty questions routine, I know more about that woman, thing, than I do about you."
Jack let go of him and they both pouted at each other for a second or two before Ianto resumed his journey downstairs, Jack decided to give him a little space and on the spur of the moment picked up the phone to reserve a table in a little place near by. Neutral ground and besides he was looking tired, Jack always offered to cook but his flair for using every pan in the kitchen infuriated the guy more than anything else he knew and besides life was too short for washing up. Her words were whizzing round in his head "Take what you can when you can", it could have been his motto years ago, the swing sixties were made for Jack Harkness but somewhere along the line it had turned from happy go lucky to careful and withdrawn. Outwardly and in the image he carefully crafted for the outside world nothing much had changed but he had definitely hidden something deep within his soul. For so long he had clung to the hope that the trip in the TARDIS would be the key to everything but it had only brought him more grief in the end. He picked up an "I Love Wales" pen and absent mindly started clicking it, couldn't do that with a fountain pen he thought irrationally, good job Tosh would shoot him twice a day. Perhaps talking wouldn't be so bad, I mean what was the worst that could happen, Ianto get all psyched out and leave him, bit of Retcon and he would have forgotten in the morning. He chastised himself for even having the thought, the answer was clear the only way to solve the problem was to give Ianto what he wanted, then Jack could have what he wanted.
Quietly he slipped back into the Hub and carried on down the emergency stairwell and into the archives to find the file he had been looking at just before it all happened. Perhaps if he didn't say it out loud it wouldn't seem so bad, perhaps Ianto would be able to work it out for himself and then stop asking. He walked along one of the lowest levels and stopped at an old fashioned fire extinguisher, in the rush of new technology that overtook the Institute in the bad times the original fixtures were forgotten. Like the door with a real lock on it, he fished the key out from behind the red cylinder and unlocked it. There were so many locked doors, passageways with dead ends and the odd sheer drop that there was only really Ianto that bothered going any further than the main storage. Gwen had tried following the remaining train tracks once, ended up getting soggy shoes and cobwebs in her hair so hadn't bothered again but even Ianto admitted defeat at locked doors. Had he known the reason Suzie's marvellous alien lock picking device was useless because the lock was so ludicrously simple or that a breath of wind could have knocked it down he would have been in there but like the good pupil he had been in the early days, meek, mild mannered, dependable, monster hiding Ianto, had believed the great God Harkness when he said it was impenetrable. Jack spent a few minutes finding one or two choice files from the six four drawer cabinets marked with his name and went quietly back to his office.
Ianto stood staring at the counter trying to work out what had happened earlier in the evening, with the orange Bison Frise installed in one of the cells to keep it safe from Myfanwy, they had all gone gratefully home. Ianto had gathered his things and made for the door, hoping that Jack would stop him but not really bothered if he didn't, should that tell him something he had thought. But right on cue Jack had shouted his name and seductively called the name of their favourite little eatery and he felt about three stone lighter again. They had left arm in arm across the Plass Jack carrying a bag he didn't normally have and carried on like every time but the earlier tiff sat like the elephant in the room. They talked mainly about the rest of the team, about the rugby scores, which Ianto knew Jack could only do because Gwen had given him some pointers earlier in the day, they even talked about what grade of room the alien formally known as Jenny would have taken in the hotel but there wasn't much to argue about with a card like that you could hire the whole hotel and still have change for a meal in their rather smart Bay view restaurant. So then they had gone onto the "If I had a million pounds" game and had ended up buying virtual yachts and Lear jets galore. Even so they had walked home in silence and had been strangely silent all the way through the brain numbing crime "drama".
The elephant padded up quietly behind Ianto in the kitchen and wrapped his arms around his waist.
"Hey, you've been stood staring at that pot for five minutes, you ok?" he asked resting his chin on Iantos shoulder.
Suddenly cold Ianto pressed the plunger down and turned round to face Jack.
"So who did it then?"
"The butler, always the butler." He said smiling at him
"Oh I thought for once it might have been the psychopath ex-lover that was carrying the axe every time you saw him."
He put the coffee on the tray with the mugs and tried to pass the tray to Jack so he could get some biscuits but Jack didn't take it.
"I have something for you, let me go get it."
Ianto took the tray through to the lounge and placed it on the glass-topped table, he placed the coasters in their places and waited. Jack didn't do presents very well, it was either something vastly elaborate that took weeks of preparation and involved everyone but the recipient which made them feel left out till it all came out, or was an item that could best be described as being as pleasurable to the giver as the receiver.
Jack came back in the room with the rucksack and sat a little closer, fiddling self-consciously with the straps before handing Ianto the manila folders. Ianto breathed an inward sigh of relief, no 24 hour garage flowers to arrange artfully till they died a day later, and turned over the dog eared folders trying to work out why something Torchwood related could be pleasurable.
"I hope this might answer a few of the questions you have." He slid his fingers over Iantos, caressing them gently as he opened the file to show the front page, personnel details and an old photo. "Quite a looker wasn't I?"
Ianto looked from the page to Jacks face and momentarily felt scared at what could be unleashed, the thought flashed through his head that perhaps the status quo was fine and that he didn't want to know anymore. He looked at Jack who nodded back at him as he turned the page.
"You don't have to Jack, really" he faltered "I shouldn't pry into things that don't concern me."
"I want you to, I need you to. I can't explain this." He waved an expansive hand across the top of the folders "So I picked out a few of the interesting years to start you off." He reached in his shirt and took a long chain out from under the crisp white t-shirt and pooled the tiny chain of linked balls over the top of the key in Iantos hand. "If it doesn't bore you to death there are about 150 more of those in the basement. Just do me a favour and keep it you yourself, a man my age needs some sort of mystery around me."
Ianto looked at the old-fashioned brass key and then placed the chain around his own neck before reaching over and gently and bringing their lips together. No bruising clash this time, just a kiss full of love that made Jacks heart soar to the heavens and let him know he had done the right thing. Jack pulled away and looked deeply into his lovers eyes, savour the moment indeed, try to fix this one blip in time so it could return whenever he wanted to remember what it was to be wanted. He kept his inside hand over Iantos and reached forward for his coffee, he could feel Ianto was itching to open the files and see what titbits he had brought tonight. He took a long draft of the dark brown liquid and nearly as quickly spat it out again,
"Is this decaff?" He asked in the same tone he used for mass murdering cannibals
"I didn't think you would be able to tell." Mumbled Ianto "I didn't really want the rush at this time of night, I'm really tired tonight."
Jack took a much more reasonable sip and saw Ianto was already engrossed in, he turned his head upside down to read the date, 1962. Jack could remember most of that year, man had just made it into space, the Beatles were a little know foursome from the north and somehow Jack found himself on a Caribbean island looking for the source of what were originally thought to be rift particles. The monitoring equipment was later modified to distinguish hidden Soviet ICBMs from rift radiation, and Torchwood communication protocols revised to ensure that the US couldn't get the wrong end of the stick and cause hysteria and world destruction anytime soon. He still couldn't look a Mojito in the face without getting cold shivers.
He gulped down the rest of the mug and put it back down on the low table before springing upright.
"I'm going to leave you to it." He said a little self-consciously.
Ianto put the folders down and looked at him
"Oh I didn't mean to ignore you, I'll leave them for now"
"No I want you to look, or I wouldn't have brought them." He paused "look the truth is I don't want to remember the past, I don't want to read about it and I don't want to be reminded in case…"
"The same thing happens again." Ianto motioned for Jack to sit down again, this time a little closer, "And if it does we'll deal with it together, it's time to stop hiding Jack."
It was a tempting offer, but it was going to take some time to think about.
Ianto could sense the indecision and put the files to one side, the truth was he wouldn't be able to take the dry clipped Torchwood style for any more than about ten minutes before he fell asleep.
"Perhaps now isn't the best time, but don't think you're getting out of it Harkness, tomorrow we finish at some sort of normal time and then we work on these together, here where it's safe. Is that an acceptable compromise?"
Jack thought about it for a second or two, then nodded like a chastised school boy gripped the other mans hand a little tighter, it was a long time since he had felt gut wrenching fear like this but with the right person by his side he also felt he would be able to get through it.
"Still going back to the cold and lonely Hub then?" asked Ianto with a smirk.
Would serve him right if he did get up and walk out now, but there was no point in cutting your nose off now was there?