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YAY. and i hear that red-sky-bela's birthday is coming up soon :D so this chapters for you! happy birthday (alot of days early lol) but thanks for always reviewing!

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Chapter 5: Everybody Loves a Clown Part 2

We slept in the van that night. I was in the back while Sam and Dean took the seats up front. It must have been nearing three when I woke up. I stretched and opened the van door, not being able to fall back asleep.

Dean was standing just outside the door, just looking at the night sky and taking deep breaths in and out. I wondered if had been having nightmares.

He turned around to look where the sound had come from and I looked straight at the ground. "Sorry." I mumbled, trying to reclose the door as quickly as I could but of course it chose that moment to get stuck on its rusty gears.

"You uh, feeling any better?" He asked me but he still didn't look at me. He was looking at the sky. I wondered if he was trying to count the stars or figure out what kind of moon was hanging among the navy blue fog.

I wanted him to look me straight in the eyes and ask me that. "Why don't you turn around and look at me and ask again?" I asked him, basically pleading him to do so.

That's all it took. He cleared his throat and rounded the car, getting back in the van. He closed his eyes and about five minutes later he was back asleep. I shook my head as I closed the van door and laid back down, forcing sleep to come and take me.

These baby steps weren't going to help him if he just kept going backwards every time something got rough. He'd break if he kept doing that and the thing was I didn't think he'd let me put him back together.

O0o0o0o0

When day started to peak its head through the clouds Dean started driving towards the Cooper Carnival. When we parked the van and took a look around there weren't a lot of things that we could investigate. There were cops interrogating clowns that worked at the carnival, apparently two other murders happened last night. Unfortunately, we were still on the cursed object theory, which is just as bout as good as looking for a certain needle in a stack of needles. It could have been anything.

"Well, it's bound to give off EMF, so we'll just have to scan everything." Dean said, shifting the EMF in his pocket.

I scoffed, looking around at the tents. "Oh, good. That's nice and inconspicuous."

Dean and Sam seemed to be looking in the same general direction and I rolled my eyes at the Help Wanted sign. "You want to become carnies?" I asked them.

Dean smirked. "We all know Sam could be the Half Man, Half Woman attraction."

I rolled my eyes and pointed towards the main trailer. "Well, go get us jobs. I'm gonna look around."

Dean and Sam went off in search to find Mr. Cooper to get us all get ups for EMF-ing this damn place. I was with Sam. I hated clowns and I hated carnivals. The only thing I had ever liked about them was the food. Corn dogs, funnel cakes, cotton candy, hey, you couldn't go wrong. But then again when clowns started killing people I guess the food of carnivals didn't really matter. I sat down near the van and looked at the various people walking by. Some were short and some were fatter, hell some looked like they could be an animal and live in a pet store. People never ceased to amaze me. But I guess, when it came down to it, these people weren't so different from me. Well I mean, I didn't balance knives or swallow fire but I did do the only job I ever knew. And that's all these people were doing. They found their place in the world and stayed there. Hunting was my pace in the world, I didn't know anything different. So I stayed where I knew I could do a little good. That's all it came down to.

I saw Dean and Sam come back out of the trailer and I stood up from the van, taking my jacket off. The one time I hadn't asked it to be kind of nice out on a job. I was wearing a short sleeved v neck t-shirt on underneath and it felt good not to have the sun beat down on my jean jacket.

"What's up? We have jobs?"

Sam nodded. "Yep, start later today."

"Anything creepy about the owner?"

"Other than having a clown chair in his office? No, nothing." Dean answered looking at Sam oddly.

"What?" Sam asked, irritated.

"That whole, uh, "I don't wanna go back to school" thing –- you just sayin' that to Cooper, or were you…you know, sayin' it?"

"You don't wanna go back to school?" I asked him but he didn't answer. "Sam?"

Sam shrugged. "I don't know."

"You don't know? I thought that once the demon was dead and the fat lady sings that you were gonna take off, head back to Wussy State."

"Demon isn't dead, unless we all don't remember?" That came out of my mouth before I could stop it and I could literally see the backlash over the two Winchesters' face.

"Yeah, I remember." Dean spat at me angrily. I thought he was going to hit me his eyes were filled with so much anger. It was the same anger I'd seen in him the day he backhanded Meg and I swore I thought I was next.

"I'm havin' second thoughts." Sam replied, just as angry but not directing it at me. And I couldn't figure out why. My mouth had made the slip so why wasn't he acting angry at me at all? Maybe because since Dean was the one he'd been fighting with before, it was easier to tune the anger towards him. Although that didn't really make sense to me. "I think…Dad would have wanted me to stick with the job."

"Since when do you give a damn what Dad wanted?" Now Dean was just spouting anger at anyone. He was mad at me and pissed at himself in general. So why not spout out a little at Sam now? I prayed someone didn't walk past us. Dean would yell at them for walking and breathing at the same time. "You spent half your life doin' exactly what he didn't want, Sam."

"Since he died. Okay? You have a problem with that?" Sam asked him, his voice shaking. I put my hand on his forearm and was surprised he let me squeeze him.

Dean's eyes were looking straight at the touch. "No, I don't have a problem at all."

Liar.

O0o0o0o0o

I changed first in the van and then got out to let the guys change. I zipped up the red jumpsuit that said "Cooper Carnival" on the back and adjusted it.

"Mines too small. And I feel like I'm from that band…what's it called?" I asked Sam as he got out of the passenger seat.

"Red Jumpsuit Apparatus?" Sam said with a laugh and I nodded, letting out a short giggle. "And you've got it all turned around that's why, zipper and buttons in the front." He said, motioning me to turn around.

I did so and he slid the jumpsuit off of me. "So do we all have EMF's or are we just sticking in groups?"

"Well, there's two EMF's so you do the math." Sam said helping me step out of the jumpsuit. He then turned it around and I stepped back in.

"Why the hell are there zippers and buttons on this damn thing?"

"To confuse people like you, obviously." Sam said with a smile and I punched him on the arm.

"Stop, you're gonna fall off balance and on your ass."

I heard Dean's car door shut and he went around the back to the trunk to get the EMFs. I slid my arms through the sleeves again and I found Sam slowly pulling the zipper up to my chest and then stopping for some reason. He dropped his hands and let me do the rest, seeming to feel uncomfortable.

"Thanks." I said quietly and he nodded.

"Here." Dean said, shoving the EMF reader into Sam's hands and walking off. I'm guessing that meant Sam and I were in a group.

"Ready?" I asked him and nodded.

"Wanna take the fun house?" He asked me as we walked past it.

I shook my head no and backed up a minute. It made him laugh which made me want to hit him. "What are you afraid?"

"Shut up, I hate clowns and fun houses. They give me the creeps."

Sam laughed again and gently grabbed my arm. "Good thing we're heading in together then huh?"

"Why do you keep laughing at me?" I asked him, holding onto his arm as we went into the clown's creepy ass entrance mouth. "You're scared of clowns too."

"I figure I can just feed you to them and I'll be okay." He said nonchalantly taking out the EMF.

I shoved him making him smirk in amusement. "I'm glad you think it's funny. As soon as I see a clown I'm running."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Sam said as we turned a corner and went down a dark corridor. The only thing that was lit up was a small strobe light and mist.

"Oh, yeah and why not?"

We turned another corner and looked around there for a moment. There were glass cases holding various items. Hairy monster hands and bottles full of liquids that were supposed to be filled with organs. I rolled my eyes. I hated this place.

"How you going to get your cotton candy fix if I don't buy it for you?"

I squeezed his arm happily. "You would?"

"If we don't get eaten by clowns, sure."

I smiled and squeezed him again; happy for the sugar induced coma I was going to have after we were done here.

I looked around the glass cases and one of them had a monster's head in it. Like it was supposed to represent a creepy Frankenstein feeling. I doubted that was real and would give off EMF. I turned around to see where Sam was but he wasn't there.

"Sam?" I called out; looking in the two directions he could have gone. I was staying put, I hope he knew he was going to have to come to me. "Come on Sam, not funny."

There were crazy cackling noises and I rolled my eyes on how that somehow created chills up my spine. Stupid fun house noises; how the hell where they any fun? Creepy music and screams and laughs started coming out of the speakers and I cleared my throat, like that would somehow erase the goose bumps I was getting from the mist looming around the glass cases.

I rolled my eyes, this was stupid. "Sam?"

I leaned towards one of the doorways and was about to find the exit when a trap door opened above my head and a skeleton fell down in front of me. I shrieked and turned in the other direction and bumped right into Sam. He was laughing hysterically and I shoved him; embarrassed that I had let a fake skeleton scare me and then on top of that letting him get the jump on me.

"God Sam, you scared the living crap outta me."

He was still laughing. "Are you sure your little friend didn't do that to you?"

I hated the smile spreading over my face. "Shut up."

He stepped foreword and ran the EMF around it but the machine didn't spike; the skeleton was definitely fake.

"Can we get out of here now? Please?" I asked him and he smiled and nodded, grabbing my arm.

"Yeah, come on."

We exited the fun house and decided we better call Dean about the skeleton. Sam pulled out his phone and dialed Dean.

"Shouldn't the bones give off EMF though if they're cursed?" I asked Sam and he shrugged as Dean answered.

"Hey, man." Sam said and put the phone on speaker. I unbuttoned the stupid jumpsuit and rolled the sleeves up.

"What's the matter? You sound like you just saw a clown." Dean said chuckling. I rolled my eyes. How come he had to make a joke to laugh? Why couldn't he just slowly put stuff behind him and return back to normal. It'd be hard but it'd be worth it. I missed smiling at each other and the soft kisses and touches. I missed him; more than he would ever know.

"Very funny." Sam paused looking at my expression. "Skeleton, actually. In the funhouse. Listen, I was thinking what if the spirit isn't attached to a cursed object? What if it's attached to its own remains?"

"But it didn't give off EMF." I said quietly into the phone and Dean cleared his throat.

"We should check it out anyway. I'm headin' to you." He hung up the phone and I sighed sitting on the fun house steps.

"You okay?" He asked me, leaning against the railing of the steps.

I shrugged. "Is he ever gonna return back to normal?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"You miss him?" He asked me. His voice was softer and more pained than I had expected.

I nodded seriously. "Every day."

Sam ran a thoughtful hand through my hair, trying to be comforting. "Just give him time."

He didn't really say anything helpful. It'd been a week. That was time and he was still the same. How long would I have to wait? A month? A year maybe? Maybe I'd just have to wait forever. But I was pretty sure I couldn't. Every minute of every hour or every day hurt. Dean just couldn't see it.

"You want that cotton candy?" he asked, making me smile. I'm guessing that's what he'd been hoping for and I nodded.

"Yeah."

He smiled back and held his hand out for me to take it. "Come on, then. Dean's taking forever anyways."

I nodded and took his hand and he led me over to where they were selling cotton candy, which wasn't far from the fun house so we could see where Dean was when he finally made his way over.

"One please." Sam said to the man and he smiled handing it to me while Sam handed him the money.

I glanced again at the fun house and Dean had shown up looking for us. "Dean's over there." I said tearing open the bag.

He nodded, putting his wallet back into his pants which were underneath the jumpsuit.

"Hey Sam." I said as he walked in front of me.

He turned around and looked at me. "Yeah?"

I leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks."

For some reason I wanted Dean to see that. I wanted him to hurt as much as he'd hurt me when he'd been flirting with Jo. But as soon as I looked at Dean he'd been looking at his shoes and not me and Sam. My heart plummeted in my chest and I wondered why the hell I would ever wish that on him. I still loved him and deep down in his tormented heart he still loved me too. He didn't deserve that so I'm glad he never saw it.

Sam however knew what I was doing. I wasn't doing it on purpose however. I really did want that kiss to thank him for how he had been there for me when Dean hadn't and that he meant the world to me because of it. He knew that, I could see it in his eyes. But he also knew the two point three percent of revenge that kiss had been used for and I apologized softly for it.

He nodded and we headed over to Dean, who finally saw us coming.

"Where the hell were you two?" He asked. You could tell what he was green with. He then saw the cotton candy in my hands and rolled his eyes. Guess that was enough of an answer for him.

"Yeah well what took you so long?" Sam asked.

Dean just waved him off. "Long story."

I turned my head and looked across the way to see a girl pointing to something a few feet away from her.

"Mommy, look at the clown." The girl said excitedly, but there was nothing there.

"Guys." I said looking at them but they had already been looking at the same thing.

"What clown?" The mother asked, seeing nothing as well. She smiled at her daughter and took her hand. "Come on, sweetie. Come on." She lead her daughter away and Dean exchanged a look with Sam. Looks like we were at a stake out tonight.

O0o0o0o

We sat in that stupid van for over three hours, just looking at that house across the street. I was surprised we had never got popped for stalking as many times we did this.

"Dean, I cannot believe you told Papazian about the homicidal phantom clown." Sam said amused as we loaded our weapons in the car.

Dean had finally told us why he had taken so long getting over to the fun house. He had been stopped by a blind man that had worked there and apparently had called us out for suddenly wanting to work there. I admit, it sounded crazy to the eavesdropping ear but what wasn't crazy with this freaking job?

Dean shook his head. "No, I told him an urban legend about a homicidal phantom clown. I never said it was real. Oh, and get this. Before Mr. Cooper owned Cooper Carnival, he worked for Bunker Brothers. He was their lot manager."

"So you think whatever the spirit is attached to, Cooper just brought it with him?" I asked.

"Somethin' like that." Dean mumbled so quietly I nearly didn't hear him. It was odd. As soon as he turned and talked to Sam the volume went back up. But as soon as he answered me the volume went so low I almost couldn't hear him. He was like a very out of tune television. I rolled my eyes; he needed to fix his freakin signal.

A few hours later Dean was asleep in the driver's seat and I was getting cramped in this mini van. It was amusing to me that this never happened in the Impala and it was smaller than the van. I guess it was just from the change of scenery.

Suddenly Sam started shaking Dean awake and told me to look out the window. Dean woke up and did the same. The creepy ass clown was standing right in the front door and the little girl opened the door. Smiling, she took his hand and pulled him inside.

The door slammed shut and the porch light went off. Looks like that was our cue.

O0o0o0o0o

We lock picked the door as quickly as we could and Dean cocked his shotgun. When we got inside Sam grabbed the girl and shielded her as Dean rounded the rock salt at the clown. But it didn't disappear like a spirit. It fell on the ground and got right back up.

Before Dean could shoot it again the girl's parents ran down the stairs and started shouting.

"We gotta go!" I said yelling and running out the door, Sam and Dean not far behind.

As I got to the van and hauled myself in I heard the girl cry to her parents, "Mommy! Daddy! They shot my clown!"

I rolled my eyes. Damn good thing too. You're parents would have been eaten if we hadn't.

O0o0o0o0o

The next morning we had to pull over on the side of the road because Dean was being really paranoid about the parents seeing our license plates as we bolted away from the house last night. And honestly you couldn't really argue with that even though we had to walk now with heavy bags on our backs. It was better safe than sorry.

Dean pulled the plates off and stuck them in his bag and hauled it over his back. Out of habit he took mine too and placed it over his shoulder. I looked at him a moment trying to decide whether I should ask for it back or just let him carry it. He caught my look and hesitated, taking the bag off his shoulder and put it on the ground.

Sam sighed and picked it up for me and placed it on his shoulder. He gave me a tight smile and I nodded to him in thanks. That seemed to irritate Dean because he slammed the trunk close. What the hell did he want? He couldn't have it both ways.

"Well, one thing's for sure. We're not dealin' with a spirit. That rock salt hit somethin' solid." I said breaking the silence as we started walking.

"Yeah, a person? Or maybe a creature that can make itself invisible?" Sam asked thoughtfully.

"Yeah, and dresses up like a clown for kicks?" Dean asked sarcastically. "Did it say anything in Dad's journal?"

"Nope." I said quietly, thinking back to the pages I went over the night before. Sam took out his cell phone and started dialing a number. "Who you callin'?"

"Maybe Ellen or that guy Ash will know somethin'."

I chuckled remembering that moron freaking out on the pool table. "I like Ash."

"Hey, you think, uh…you think Dad and Ellen ever had a thing?" Sam asked suddenly and I looked at Dean to see much of a nerve that was going to hit.

Not above a two it seemed. "No way."

"Then why didn't he tell us about her?"

"Maybe they had some sort of fallin' out." I shrugged. "He seemed to have a fallin out with just about everybody."

Sam nodded but was looking at Dean who didn't look like he was about to say anything anytime soon. "Don't get all maudlin on me, man."

"What do you mean?" Dean asked. Three point five of the scale now.

"I mean this strong, silent thing of yours. It's crap. This isn't just anyone we're talkin' about. This is Dad. I know how you felt about the man." Sam pressed. I knew how frustrated he was. Dean didn't look like he felt anything for the man he loved so much. It was exasperating and it was complete and utter bullshit.

Dean sighed angrily and I rolled my eyes. "He's just making sure you're okay Dean, it's not a crime."

"Andy, I'm okay. I'm okay!" Five point seven. "I swear, the next person who asks me if I'm okay, I'm gonna start throwin' punches."

"Really?" I asked, stopping right in front of him. "You okay?"

He didn't look at me, obviously. But he did clench his fists at his sides as he reached an eight on the scale. He wanted to hit me, I could tell but he just looked to Sam and continued his rant.

"These are your issues. Quit dumpin' 'em on me." He yelled.

"What are you talkin' about?" Sam asked, pulling me away from Dean in case he did decide to throw a punch.

"I just think it's really interesting, this sudden obedience you have to Dad. It's like, "Oh, what would Dad want me to do?" Sam, you spent your entire life sluggin' it out with that man. And now that he's dead, now you want to make it right? Well, I'm sorry, Sam, but you can't. It's too little, too late."

I looked at him wide eyed as Sam looked like he was about to break into tears. I was hitting a ten and I pushed Dean right against his chest. He looked surprised at the contact but didn't look at me as he reached a nine at least.

"Why would you ever say that to him? He's your brother and he's worried about you."

"Because I want him to be honest with himself about this! I'm dealin' with Dad's death!" He bellowed, reaching past the scale and hitting a twelve. "Are you?"

Sam looked at him for a long moment, voice streaked with tears. "I'm gonna call Ellen."

He turned around and walked away and I shook my head at Dean and ran after him.

"Sam, wait up."

He cleared his throat and shook his head. He obviously didn't want me to see that tears were falling down his face. I put my hand on his shoulder and turned him around.

"You alright?" I asked him.

He nodded yes even though he obviously wasn't. He was clutching the phone in his hand and I took it away from him, pulling him into a small hug. I felt some of his tears hit my shoulder but they stopped as quickly as they had started.

"Do you want me to call Ellen?" I asked gently as he pulled away.

"No it's okay, I'll do it." He smiled. "Thanks Andy."

I nodded and he dialed Ellen to ask about the creepy ass clown. We walked over to Dean together and Sam hung up a few minutes later.

"Rakshasa."

"What's that?" Dean asked. His voice was heavy, like he felt bad about a few minutes ago.

"Ellen's best guess. It's a race of ancient Hindu creatures. They appear in human form, they feed on human flesh, they can make themselves invisible, and they cannot enter a home without first being invited to."

"They dress up like clowns, and children invite 'em in." I said thoughtfully. It was actually kind of smart once you got past the whole creepy clown thing.

"Yeah, and they have to feed a few times every twenty to thirty years –- slow metabolism, I guess."

Dean nodded. "That makes sense –- the carnival today, the Bunker Brothers in '81."

"So, who do we know that worked both shows?" I asked both of them but I was looking straight at Sam. Two could play this whole 'I won't look at you game'.

But Dean answered me. "Cooper. Ellen say how to kill him?"

"Legend goes a dagger made of pure brass." Sam answered shifting the bag on his back. I offered to take mine back but he shook his head.

Dean looked like he was thinking about it. "I think I know where to get one of those."

"Well, before we go stabbin' things into Cooper, we're gonna wanna make damn sure it's him."

"Oh, you're such a stickler for details, Sammy." Dean said cocking his head to the side and Sam smiled. It was amazing how they were magically fixed and apologies weren't needed. "All right, I'll round up the blade. You guys go check if Cooper's got bedbugs."

I'm glad they were fixed but I hope he knew when the time came; it was going to take a hell of a lot more than a cock of his head and a comment to make me smile to fix us.

o0oi0o0o0

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