Chapter 2- Teddy bear
Summary: An ongoing joke stirs things up between Mal and River.

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"River, what happened?" Simon asked after he got her settled in her room.

"You weren't there."

He felt a pang of guilt rush through him. She needed him and he was off with Kaylee engaged in certain…activities… "I'm sorry mei mei."

She patted him on the back of the hand. "It's okay. I'm alright."

"I know. How…?"

"Mal…bad in the Latin…"

Simon looked at her curiously. "The captain?"

"Yes. I'm tired." She grabbed a blanket and laid down signaling the end of their conversation.

He sighed and decided to let her get some rest.

****

Mal climbed back out of Kaylee's bunk and returned to the kitchen to get a snack.

"How the hell did you pull that off?" Wash asked.

"Pull what off?" Mal asked.

"You calmed her down! That's like taming a vicious three headed lion after it's been given caffeine!" Wash cried.

"So my sister is a vicious three headed lion?" Simon asked as he also entered the room.

"A cute…three headed lion," Wash said quietly.

Zoe put her arm around Wash. "It's okay dear. You didn't know that the three headed lion's protective older brother was in earshot. An amateur mistake," she sighed.

"I'd like to know how you did that, Captain…" Simon said sternly.

"Did what?"

"Didn't we just go over this…?" Wash asked. Zoe snickered.

"I ain't a fan of twenty questions okay? I am very much likin' the idea of me in my bunk right 'bout now," Mal snapped.

"I don't know how, but whatever you said got to her. She trusts you," Simon explained.

"I'll be in my bunk," Mal mumbled as he walked away.

"She trusts…Mal," Wash said slowly, as if he had to digest this piece of information.

"Better than trusting Jayne," Zoe pointed out.

"Why is it so hard to believe?" Kaylee asked.

"He's not exactly the warm and fuzzy type," Simon commented.

"Are we talking about the same person? This is Mal. He's a…teddy bear," Wash said sarcastically. Everyone laughed.

Jayne entered. "What's so gorram funny?" he asked gruffly.

"Mal's a teddy bear," Zoe explained in between laughs.

"Mal…a teddy bear?" Jayne asked. They all started laughing again. Inara reentered.

"What are you all laughing at?"

"Mal's a teddy bear," they all said in unison. She started laughing.

"That's a good one."

****

"How are you?" Shepherd asked when River emerged from her room. He was sitting on the couch with his bible.

"Better."

"That's wonderful."

They heard laughter floating down from the kitchen. River looked up and tilted her head to the side.

"Teddy bear."

"Pardon?"

River looked at him. "They're talking about teddy bears."

"Why would they be talking about teddy bears?"

"The captain."

Shepherd looked at her awaiting further explanation. She skipped off towards the cargo bay to relax on her favorite spot on the catwalk. He watched her go and shook his head. He never could get that girl…

Mal sat down with everyone at the dinner table. He noticed that eight pairs of eyes were on him.

"What?" he asked, shifting his gaze between everyone sitting around him.

"Nothing," everyone agreed.

"Say, could you pass me the bread…teddy bear?" Wash asked as he tapped Mal on the arm. The table erupted into laughter.

"Teddy bear? Did he just call me teddy bear?"

"I did Mal…" Wash nodded.

"What's goin' on?"

"Nothing, Sir…nothing at all," Zoe assured him stoically. It didn't last long. The table started howling with laughter yet again.

"Could someone please explain this to me?" Mal asked.

"You're a teddy bear," Inara informed him.

"What? I ain't a teddy bear!"

"Don't get testy, Sir. Teddy bears are loved by all," Zoe smirked. She looked at Kaylee and Inara for backup.

"Right. They's all sorts of cuddly 'n cute! They're real shiny!" Kaylee smiled.

"And they're huggable," Inara added.

"Exactly how did you reach this conclusion," Mal inquired, slightly amused and slightly annoyed at the same time.

"Ah you know. It's obvious," Wash shrugged. More laughter.

At first the joke wasn't too bad, but as dinner continued he got steadily more annoyed. Every time someone addressed him, they'd add "teddy bear" somewhere into the sentence.

"Knock it off!" he finally growled.

"It's all in good fun!" they all argued.

"But I ain't a teddy bear!"

"We know that, Sir…" Zoe nodded with her best poker face.

"You're just a stuffed animal in general," Wash offered. The laughter continued.

"I'm goin' to bed now…" Mal decided.

They called after him to come back to the table, but he ignored them.

"He didn't like that at all," Inara giggled.

"I feel sorry for 'im. Ya know?" Kaylee asked.

"He did get rather bent out of shape," Shepherd sighed.

"I think it's funny as hell if you ask me," Jayne grinned.

"But we didn't ask you," Wash pointed out. Zoe laughed and Jayne snarled.

"Maybe we should apologize to the cap'in. I don't like it when he's all crabby," Kaylee frowned.

"You're so sweet," Simon smiled. Wash looked between them with a wicked smile.

"Where did you find them?" Wash asked Zoe while pointing at them. They both turned blood red.

"I found them in the cargo bay," Zoe replied.

"But I looked there earlier!" Wash exclaimed.

"They just appeared outta thin air and from behind our cargo…" she grinned.

River laughed at the look on Simon's face. He turned to her with a playful shove. "Brat."

****

The next morning, Mal was greeted with a chorus of teddy bear comments and jokes.

"This is gettin' real old real quick," he snapped as he took his morning coffee elsewhere.

He ran right into River in the corridor. She must have been on her way to the breakfast table. Mal expected Simon to be behind her, but he wasn't. Usually the doc made sure she was at meals.

"He's with Kaylee," River said softly.

"What did I say 'bout playin' around in my head?" Mal asked lightheartedly.

"Sorry. You were loud."

"It's okay, little one."

He moved around her, but her tiny little voice stopped him.

"For the record, I don't think you're a teddy bear, Captain."

"Thanks," he grinned.

"I don't have enough data to come to an accurate conclusion."

"Wh-"

She quickly hugged him. His hand hung awkwardly over her back while the other held the coffee high above her so she wouldn't get burned. Honestly he was caught off guard from the sudden invasion of his personal space, and yet he didn't say anything about getting off or leaving. She pulled back and looked up at him seriously.

"You're semi-cuddly. This topic might require more research. I'll keep you apprised," with that, she walked away.

He didn't want to think on the "more research" part of that comment.

"Semi-cuddly," he said to himself. "Why ain't I completely cuddly?"

He frowned and walked away. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. He felt like she had called Serenity a yipian de dongwu fenbian instead of calling him "semi-cuddly."

As luck would have it, he ran into her again later that day. He almost didn't ask, but it slipped out.

"Semi-cuddly?" he asked her.

River stared at him blankly. "Semi."

She walked away quickly like she wanted away from him as fast as humanly possible. A grimace crept across his face. The girl don't like me, he thought. The grimace grew into a scowl and he stalked off to do his daily chores.

****

River sat down in her room after a run in with Mal. She caught wind of one of his thoughts on the way down the corridor. The girl don't like me.

She shook her head with a sigh. Your data couldn't be more inaccurate, Captain.

(yipian de dongwu fenbian- piece of animal excrement/feces)