i'm upset and annoyed D: figure a chapter would help me take my mind of things D:

enjoy.

Chapter 10: Children shouldn't play with dead things Part 1

I was completely sure of two things and two things only. The first was that there was one bed in the room, covered with pink and white rose petals. They blanketed the bed and felt like satin against my skin. The second was that the room was completely pitch black, which made me wonder how I knew what colors the petals were through the twilight. Maybe that's what my mind thought the colors should have been, and they were really dark purples and bruising blues against the black sheets on the bed. As I leaned up off the petals, many sticking to my back, I felt someone push on top of me and bounce me back against the bed. The petals shuttered, some falling to the floor, others falling onto my breasts and stomach. It was then I realized I was naked.

The hands were big and strong and loved exploring my body. You could tell by the way how the pores of his skin were sponging up every part of me, like he'd never get to do this again. It was then I realized this person wasn't Dean. But he making my skin blaze every time he touched me. Whoever it was, I knew, because I didn't feel scared as his lips touched mine. Hell, I embraced it, all thoughts of Dean far gone.

It was when he slid into me I knew who it was. Sam.

O0o0o0o

I jolted up in bed, breathing heavily. Sweat was streaking my back and I could feel my hair stick to my face. I glanced down at a sleeping Dean at my pillow and across the room to where Sam was shifting in bed. What the fuck? I pulled myself from bed, pulling one of Dean's oversized t-shirts as I headed into the bathroom. What the hell was going on? Had I just had a heat dream about Sam? Sam?

I splashed cold water over my face, letting it wash and clear the sweat and leaned against the sink. I loved Sam but not like that; never like that. I was one hundred and ninety nine percent certain that I loved Dean. So what the hell had that been about? It was utterly amazing how much of a sex drive I had for Sam in that dream and yet when I woke up I felt nothing at all. I felt a little nauseous but other that, nothing close to being horny.

Then a thought occurred to me and I sat on the toilet, running hands over my face. What if this dream had been a vision? A vision of what could happen? I prayed to God that only my nightmares were prophesies set in stone. I knew from the pit in my stomach that had been no where near a nightmare; I had enjoyed it. My stomach churned and tears brimmed my eyes as I thought about how carelessly I had suddenly tossed Dean aside in that heat of passion. Could I actually have done that; would I do it sometime in the future? I was certain that that person wasn't me. It couldn't have been. I tried closing my eyes, searching myself for any possibility but it all came up the same way. Still, one hundred and ninety nine percent, head over tin cups for Dean Winchester. Maybe that dream had been a fluke. Something from the recent stress of finding out Sam liked me and my body figuring it out for me.

Okay, at one point in time, I had loved Sam. With all my heart. And he left. I was standing outside by that Impala, Dean inside watching, for maybe a half an hour, watching the wheel tracks where Sam had pulled away. Dean had been the one to pick up the pieces, even when at first he didn't want to and I made it increasingly unbearable for him to do so. But he kept doing it and never stopped. He sill hadn't stopped.

I was almost ready to head back to bed when another thought stopped me. Still, things change. Always do, even if we're not ready or don't want them to. Minutes turn into months, stars die and galaxies are born.

Someone knocked on the doorframe of the open bathroom door, making me jump and my stomach twist into knots. "Hey, what are you doing up?" Dean asked me, squinting as the sudden change of lighting hurt his sleep filled eyes.

I looked at him for a moment, standing there in his tight boxers and my eyes gazed over his bare toned chest. His tanned muscles almost glistened under the lights when he breathed and it tore my heart from my chest as I looked at his face. I wanted to tell him everything but I couldn't. It would crush him, beyond all hopes of repair. Even if I cushioned the blow by telling him it meant absolutely nothing, I cold hear his anger filled voice spouting in my ears that it must have meant something. Why the hell else would you dream about it? It was a question I couldn't hear. I didn't have the answer anyways.

"I don't feel good." I whispered and rubbed my stomach. That was true; I was nauseous. Little bitty bits of truth would get me through this; if nothing else.

Dean sauntered into the small room, closing the door behind him. He kneeled in front of me and I realized those boxers were incredibly too small for him. He put a gentle hand on my forehead and let it rest there for a moment.

"You're really warm." He said softly and with concern.

He stood and grabbed a washcloth off the tub and turned the sink on, cold water spurting out of the rusty spout and onto the cotton. He ringed it out, maybe once or twice and turned off the water. He kneeled back down and placed the material over my forehead, resting it there for a moment. He then guided it along my cheeks and finally put it on the back of my neck.

He said I was warm, but I felt cold inside and shivered against the chill the cold cloth gave me against my neck. He kissed my forehead. "Maybe you're coming down with the flu."

"From where?" I asked him meekly. "The last case we had was in semi warm climate."

"Been in any McDonald's play areas recently?" Dean asked me, quirking an eyebrow. I scowled at him. "Don't look at me like that. Those places are breading grounds for germs. I told you never to go play in those."

"I was five Dean."

"Yeah, and vomiting all over the place. For three days." He said grimacing. "I had no idea where the hell it was all coming from."

I groaned, placing my head in my hands. "Thanks for the disgusting trip down memory lane Dean."

He smiled, kissing the back of my head. "You're welcome. Do you want me to get you anything?"

I shook my head no and I thought he was getting up to leave. "Wait, don't go." I said, reaching out to grab his hand.

He looked at me, almost concerned. I felt like every time he shifted or got up to go somewhere that he'd never come back. Because somehow, in the short amount of time that he was away, my freakishly weird dream would come true and I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I was scared to be honest. I didn't want it to be true. I loved Dean and didn't want to lose him. It'd take a piece out of me; the ones Dean had tried so hard to glue back together.

"I'm coming right back." He said comfortingly and placed a small kiss on my hand. "I'm getting a shirt, I'm cold sitting in here."

Right, he had no shirt on. And there was some kind of draft in here. But up until that point I thought it all had been in my head. I nodded and let his hand go, feeling like crying as he smiled at me. But I knew I couldn't even let those tears breach the surface. Because what could I tell him other than I was crying over nothing?

He came back in a few moments later with a tight black t-shirt over his chest and he took the washcloth off my neck and felt my forehead again. "You feel a little better, you wanna try and head back to bed?"

I nodded and gingerly stood in front of him. "Yeah, sure."

I looked at him a moment and then kissed him, pushing my tongue and desperateness right into his mouth. He took it in, a bit surprised if nothing else and kissed back. His tongue was bold and strong against the waving currents of fear built up in my chest from my dream. This kiss mellowed it out and I almost felt back to normal as it came to an end.

"Are you okay?" He asked me, pulling me into a small hug, sensing I needed it or something. I placed my cheek against his chest and hugged him tightly. I listened to his heart for a moment and made sure the beats still spelled out that he loved me. I wonder if I asked him to do the same if mine would spell out the same thing for him.

"I must be tired."

Dean pulled back and rubbed my shoulders. He knew that wasn't it but nodded nonetheless. "Well then I'm sure this two A.M rendezvous in the bathroom isn't exactly helping. Come on." He said and pulled me out of the bathroom and back into bed.

He tucked me in, with three kisses goodnight and pulled me close to him, begging me to fall asleep before him. He wanted to make sure I was going to get to sleep alright without heading to the bathroom and him having to follow me again. He was tired, so I closed my eyes so he could fall asleep. But I never actually did.

How could someone like Sam ever haunt you to the point of not sleeping? I glanced over Dean's shoulder and saw the bed sheets rise and fall. That's where I'm guessing Sam's chest must have been. I moved my head back on my pillow and tried to get some rest but the heat from the dream kept jolting my eyes open and I suddenly felt this overwhelming need to touch Dean. Like to make sure I still loved him that way. I brushed my knee against his swelling warmth accidently on purpose in an attempt to change positions. When his breath stifled in his sleep I realized how totally crazy I was for doing this. Who the hell tries to arouse their boyfriend while they're sleeping? But I couldn't stop now. I was basically leaking pheromones at the thought and I did it again, a little more forceful this time. His body responded, apparently not all of him sleeping. His lips shook and I swore a small moan escaped.

My hands, completely having minds of their own, slowly moved towards him. I could feel the heat reverberate off of him and I gently slid my fingers along him. It wasn't skin to skin since I refused to breach his boxers to do so. But apparently, I didn't need to. Because his breathing was heaving and I kept feeling his member shudder. Suddenly, his eyes darted open and I feigned sleep as quickly as I could.

He laid out on his back and I could hear him take breaths to calm himself. I shifted in bed as he got out, gently pushing the covers aside as to not wake me. He went into the bathroom and I knew it was to finish what I had selfishly started for him.

Whether he knew what I did or not, he crawled back into bed a few minutes later and wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me close to him. He kissed my cheek and laid his head down on the pillow, his breathing evening out against the back of my neck. I snuggled closer to him, heading to sleep, any fear about leaving Dean forgotten.

O0o0o0o0

The sound of Hillary Duff, which made me think of someone getting murdered, was the annoying singing from the radio that woke me up. I saw Dean come up next to bed, fully dressed, as he quickly shut the radio off.

I grimaced as he sat on the bed. He made a face too, that looked like a pained wince, and I knew it was from the bad song on the radio.

"Yeah, sorry. I tried to turn the alarm off before that woke you. This station sucks." I nodded and sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. "Didn't mean to make you any more nauseated than you were last night."

I giggled. "She does have that kind of power."

He nodded and smiled, giving me a gentle kiss on the lips. "I made coffee, you want some? Or is your stomach still not feeling too great?" He asked getting up from the bed.

"No, I feel fine. Pour me some."

"I offered you some." He said pouring it in a mug and setting it on the kitchen table. "Never said I was a slave and was going to bring it to you."

I pouted and stuck out my lower lip but he turned and got milk out of the fridge before my look could do any type of damage on him. Oh well, had to get up sometime. I pushed back the covers and pulled myself from bed.

"So that radio sucks? No good stations?" I asked, wanting to listen to some music.

"I could only get three stations. The Hillary Duff, please torture me station." I smiled. "A station that I think was in French and the Jesus channel."

"Well all those other ones have more potential than Hillary." I said sitting at the table and pulling the mug towards me. He sat down in the other chair and handed me the milk and sugar.

"I figured you'd throw a pillow at me, or hell maybe even a punch, if I blared a Jesus seminar in your ear."

I nodded and cocked my head to the side. "Yeah, that could have definitely happened." He smiled and nodded. "Good call. What time is it?"

He checked his watch. "Near eight."

I didn't hear the shower running and looked over my shoulder at the other bed, there was no Sam. Maybe that was good thing given my dream last night but curiosity got the better of me. "Where's he?" I asked, taking a sip of the coffee.

"Bagels and getting a newspaper. We need to find a job."

I groaned and rubbed my forehead. "Let's go on vacation."

He chuckled and leaned up to kiss my forehead. "You know I'd love that babe. Somewhere hot with a beach and you…" He trailed off, looking me up and down as he put his mug in the sink. "In a skimpy bikini. Can't think of anything better. But you know we can't."

"My hope level was only at twenty seven percent anyways."

He looked sad. Like he was upset that he couldn't give me things that normal people could give. I wanted to tell him that to was okay, that I wasn't attached to superficial things and he didn't need a lot for me to love him. I mean hello? We had no money around eighty percent of the time and were running credit card scams. I obviously wasn't that attached to money. But I would have loved to curl up with him on a beach. Every girl thinks of that with at least one guy. That and her wedding. But I was no near planning that with anyone.

"I'm sorry, one day we will. I promise." I nodded, feeling the urge to bring up that pact he'd made about not lying to me.

"Just remember." I said getting up to take my mug near my duffel full of clothes. "There are only so many years that this body will look even remotely good in a bikini."

He chuckled and let his eyes drift over my body. "Until then, I give you full permission to prance around in lace underwear."

I giggled and rolled my eyes at him thinking he was meeting me halfway with that. I pulled some clothes out of the duffel and set them out on the bed. I grabbed a few shirts to choose from and saw Dean scratch the back of his head and approach me.

I turned to look at him. He looked confused. "What is it?" I asked him.

"Do you remember anything from last night?"

"Did we have crazy sex again? Cause I think I'd remember that." I asked him, gaining a smile as his ego shot up ten percentiles.

But his smile quickly faded as his fingers played with each other. What the hell was making him so uncomfortable?

"I'm sure whatever happened was nothing illegal." I said, trying to get him to smile again. He was being so serious. "Well, at least no more illegal than grave desecration and credit card fraud."

He cleared his throat and motioned to the bed. "I think you…" He hesitated and looked at me, waiting for me to catch on. But I was too entertained by that point and I just let him stutter and grab for words on how I possibly could have assaulted him.

"You think I…did what?" I asked.

He sighed and looked to the ceiling before he motioned to his groin area. "I think…maybe in your sleep…you know you maybe um…"

I crossed my arms over my chest as I put the mug down on the nightstand, no longer able to keep a grin from spreading over my face.

Dean stopped short and looked at my face, shaking his head with realization and a small sultry smile tugging his lips. "I think you totally did something on purpose."

I giggled and he shook his head at me again. But suddenly, he was moving towards me and I made an eeping noise and he swooped me up in his arms and I locked my legs around his waist.

"Seriously? While I was sleeping Andy?" He asked me, but I could tell he wasn't angry or anything. He was thoroughly entertained, if not a bit horny. I smiled and shrugged, giving him a kiss. "You could have just woken me up."

"There was no fun in that. You woke up anyways." I added. Was he complaining?

He pushed me up against the bathroom door and kissed my neck. "Did you ever think it'd be more fun for me that way?"

I moaned as his lips and teeth found a sensitive place on my neck. "Did you ever think it wasn't about you?"

He suckled my skin and I knew I was going to end up having a purple bruise there. He suddenly pulled me from the wall and pushed me down on the bed, pushing his hips into me. I knew he felt how hot I was, I was pressing myself against his midsection. And it looked like it was driving him crazy. In one rapid motion, I pushed him over, our movements never stopping as I was the one on top of him. I buckled my hips and slid myself against hardening flesh.

"When is Sam getting back?" I asked him, making sure we had enough time to do what needed to be done at this point. Our bodies were itching for it.

He sat up slightly. "You're thinking about Sam right now?"

It had been a playful statement but it stopped my movements entirely. No, I wasn't. Was I? Was I thinking about Sam while trying to screw Dean? Was this how it started? Like little things with wondering where he was?

I pulled myself off of Dean and he looked at me concerned. "What is it Andy?" He asked me gently, worry taking over the emotion of lust for a moment.

I looked at him and almost chuckled. Now, on top of everything I was being paranoid and scaring Dean. "Nothing, sorry."

He stroked my hair and placed some of it behind my ear. "If you didn't want to do anything, you could have just told me."

"No, its not that. I…I don't feel good all of sudden." That was the only card I had to play. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize." He said gently and kissed my head. "Why don't you crawl back in bed and I'll make you some soup or something."

I nodded and did as I was told. I laid back in bed and drifted to sleep as Dean bustled around trying to make a packet of soup.

O0o0o0o

I started waking up when the door slammed closed.

"Dude, any louder and you would have woken people in Alaska." Dean said in an angry whisper, I'm guessing to Sam. I could see him motioning to the bed in my mind's eyes and I decided I should just pretend I was asleep. At least that way I could see if Dean noticed anything too off about me.

"She's still asleep?" Sam asked.

I was glad that I hadn't had another dream about him and that my previous one he hadn't said anything in. But his voice still brought chills up my spine.

"She's not feeling good. She woke up last night, I think with a fever and then this morning. I think she's got the flu or something."

I heard Sam shuffle and sit down in one of the chairs. "That or she's pregnant." I heard Dean spit out his coffee and I nearly jumped up at the sound and thought. "Dean, I was kidding." Sam said, slightly laughing at Dean's reaction.

"Real funny, asshole." Dean commented dryly. I knew it wasn't because he hadn't wanted kids. We used protection every time; I couldn't have been pregnant. We'd plan to have kids when we were both ready.

I could literally hear Sam's shrug. "I thought it was… until you spit your coffee out on the wall. Although the wall already looks like it has brown drips covering it so… not much of a difference I guess."

I hated freaking motels. Was it horrible to ask for one decent place that didn't have odd markings of paint, or God only knows what else, covering the walls?

Sam sighed. I'm guessing he was trying to think of something else to say that didn't make Dean react by smacking him upside his head. "Do you wanna take her to a doctor?"

"Do get her tested?" Dean asked.

"To check if she has the flu." Sam said tiredly. He sounded sorry he brought up the notion of pregnancy.

You could literally hear Dean shake his head no. "I'm sure she'll be okay. If she doesn't get any better in the next few days we'll take her." He paused and I heard a bag shake. "Do you know how to make packaged soup?"

Sam groaned and snatched the bag from him. "Yeah, it's called microwave or stove directions on the back."

I chose that moment to stretch and make waking up noises. Which consisted of a yawn and a groan when my back cracked.

"Hey you." Dean said smiling, coming over to the bed to sit down next to me. He kissed my forehead, which I knew was a secret ploy in feeling my temperature. "Feel better?"

"Actually a whole lot better." I didn't want them to worry about me when I wasn't actually sick. "I think I just needed more sleep or something."

Dean smiled. "Good. Still want that soup?"

I shrugged one of my shoulders and nodded. "Yeah, sure."

"Good, Sam's gonna make it."

"Volunteer me, why don't you?" Sam asked sarcastically, looking at the back of the soup bag.

"Having trouble reading directions again Dean?" I asked and he shrugged, looking sheepish. I smiled at him and kissed his cheek and leaned against him. He put an arm around me and drew me closer, kissing my head and leaving his lips there for a moment.

"I had an idea about what we could do today." Sam said and Dean and I both turned our heads to look at him.

"Couldn't find a case in the paper?" I asked.

He looked at me and for some reason I shivered as his eyes connected with mine. Dean rubbed my arm up and down and looked at me oddly as I looked away from Sam.

Sam didn't seem to notice. "No, but when I saw today's date it made me think."

"About what?" Dean asked. I wracked my brain for what could be so important about a Wednesday in the middle of May.

"We should go visit mom's grave." Sam said suddenly, looking at Dean.

Dean scoffed and I shoved him for being rude. "It's not even the anniversary of her death. Not to mention she's not even buried."

Sam looked extremely upset by what Dean had said. "That's not the point and you know it, we haven't visited her in a long time and I just figured it was important."

Dean groaned and let go of me as he got up. "Come on, Sam, I'm begging you. This is stupid."

"Why?" I asked him.

Dean shook his head from side to side like he was manually going through files in his head. "Going to visit Mom's grave? I mean, she doesn't even have a grave. There was no body left after the fire."

I got up and got some clothes to put on. "You said that before, it doesn't make it any less important. She has a headstone." I offered, trying to help Sam out a little.

Which made me feel uncomfortable again. I shook off the feeling and tried focusing on what Dean was saying. Which was total bullshit if you asked me. He was rebutting anything we threw at him, which just made me think he was scared to go see the grave. Especially since his father's wasn't too far away.

"It's not about a body or a casket. It's about her memory, okay?" Sam argued, throwing down the soup. Apparently if I wanted any, I'd just have to make it myself. "And after Dad, it just...it just feels like the right thing to do."

It was amazing how I could still see Dean's features twitch with pain and distress every time his father was brought up. "It's irrational, that's what it is." He mumbled. "Why don't we swing by the Roadhouse instead? I mean, we haven't heard anything on the demon lately. We should be hunting that son of a bitch down."

I felt like bringing up an old conversation about how we couldn't possibly do that since we didn't have the Colt. But decided against it and went with this wise ass remark instead. "How bout we don't and say we did?"

"You just don't wanna head over there because you don't like Jo." Sam said and as I looked at Dean it seemed to be new information to him. But I knew deep down he knew why Jo crawled under my skin.

"Yeah, because all she does is stare at Dean's ass!"

Dean chuckled, enjoying the fact that that obviously bothered me. "Well, what can I say Andy? My ass is just too perfect to not stare at." He replied cockily and I grabbed a piece of clothing out of my duffel and threw it at him. He caught it effortlessly and I groaned, closing my eyes for a moment when I noticed it was, of course, laced underwear.

He smiled as he held up the small pink lace and Sam made a disgusted face. "Then just drop me and Andy off, we'll hitch a ride, and we'll meet you there tomorrow."

I looked at Sam incredulously. "You think I'm letting Dean wander into that girl's clutches? Uh, uh, no way." I crossed my arms over my chest as I saw Dean trying discreetly to tuck the underwear into his pocket.

"She's not a creature Andy." Sam said.

"I beg to differ at this point."

Dean just rolled his eyes and directed his sentence to Sam. "Right. Stuck with those people, making awkward small talk 'til you two show up? No, thanks. I'll go."

I made my way into the bathroom and almost shut the door when Dean squeezed himself inside. "Sure you don't need these?" He asked, pulling the underwear out of his pocket.

"No, those are nighttime wear." I said, smiling trying to grab them from him. He reached them above my head and grinned.

"Sure about that? I could help you change into them." He offered suggestively, rubbing his fingers together over the fabric.

I brought my arm down and thought for a moment. I kissed him and he brought his arms around my waist, gently toying with the waistband of my shorts basically begging me to let him.

"Well, since you asked so nicely…" I said smiling as he gently pulled my shorts down.

It was the longest time I ever spent changing underwear.

o0o0o0o0

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