Chapter 3- He wasn't Mal
Summary: No one could be

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She was asleep. He could tell by the way she was breathing. Slow, rhythmic, calm. He decided to watch her for just a little bit, just in case. His eyes scanned the little room. He had never noticed how small the passenger rooms were.

There were two places to sit: the floor and the bed. Since he didn't want to risk waking her, he picked the floor and hoped that he could get back up again.

He leaned against the bed as gently as he could. The girl needed her rest. He felt something rest on his shoulder. He looked over and saw her hand. She tugged on his shirt and then rolled over, clearing a space for him. He smiled to himself. She was still sound asleep, but she knew he was there.

He took the invite and sat upright on her bed. It wasn't a second later before she was using his lap as a pillow and hugging his leg.

Watching her for a little bit turned into several hours and before he knew it, he was asleep too with his arm draped across her.

The medicine kept the nightmares away. That, and the new Mal-shaped pillow that kept her company through the night. It was like a security blanket for the mind. She frowned in her sleep. Correction, he was like a security blanket for the mind. She grinned and snuggled closer to him. I concur with that statement.

Zoe slid the door to River's room open quietly. She smirked at the sight before her. River was curled up across his lap and his arm was around her. She almost hated to wake him, but their job was waiting. Wash popped up behind his wife's shoulder.

"Aw, they're like two cute little kittens," he whispered. She looked at him with a quirked eyebrow. "What? They are!"

"Sh! Let me do the waking!"

"Yes dear."

Zoe stepped into the room and stood beside the bed. She tapped him on the shoulder three times. His eyes slowly opened.

"Zo…hi…" he mumbled sleepily.

"Sir, it's time to go. We've got a job."

"Right. I'll be along soon."

She nodded and left the room. Wash waved at Mal.

"Hey Mal, how'd you-"

Zoe grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him away while shutting the door.

"Let the man wake the 'kitten'."

Mal heard the comment, but didn't really get what she meant.

"River," he said softly. She stirred and then rolled off of him.

"Go," she yawned. Sometimes, he was still taken aback by the girl's gift.

"Okay. We'll be back by after lunch."

She nodded and pulled the covers up. He waited until after she had shut her eyes to leave the room.

"Let me get cleaned up and then we can go," he told Zoe as he went up the steps.

"No problem."

Jayne came down the steps and looked strangely at where Mal had just been.

"What's he doin' goin' back up there? I thought you said you woke him. He should be comin' down, not goin' up…"

"I did wake him up. He was down here," Zoe sighed.

"What? Why?"

"You know, I would say something clever and sarcastic to point out how dumb and gullible you are, but it's not worth it…" Wash shrugged. Zoe laughed.

"He was watchin' River," Zoe explained.

"Ain't that all he's been doin'?"

They nodded.

Mal arrived shortly after that and they left. He wasn't completely comfortable leaving after everything that had been happening with River, but he figured Simon could manage.

****

"How are you feeling?" Simon asked.

"Better," River responded quietly.

"That's good. If it's alright, I think that you should stay in here for the time we're on the planet so I can monitor you."

"That's fine."

"I brought you breakfast."

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat, and I'm not leaving until you do."

She huffed, but started to eat the protein mush he brought her.

He left after she did. Wash poked his head in only a few minutes later.

"Want some company?"

She smiled at him. He grinned and sat on the edge of the mattress.

"We gotta get back to our lessons one of these days."

"You know how to waltz."

"I was thinking that I should learn something else like the foxtrot or better yet, the tango."

She giggled. "The tango?"

"Why not?"

"Only if you keep teaching me how to fly."

"Done. I don't call you fly girl for nothing."

She gave him another small smile. He always made her feel somewhat normal. That's why it was so annoying when she found herself losing it again.

-Swish-

The sound of leaves rustled loudly in the sudden gust of wind that swept through. The girl walked along the ground to the swing, white dress flowing behind her. She sat down with a creak and started to sway. She looked back, gazing into River's eyes.

"They're coming," her younger self stated.

"I know," River whispered.

"Know what?" Wash asked. She didn't hear him.

"Two by two."

"Hands of blue," they finished together.

"They've come a long way. They won't leave without you."

Her eyes drifted upwards at the leaves and then back to River's.

"They will take you. There's nothing you can do to stop them. Autumn is my favorite season."

"No it's not," River argued. Her favorite season was always summer.

"It's irrelevant. We'll never see another season. Shouldn't fight it. You'll just prolong the pain. Don't forget to kiss him goodbye. You both can't live through it."

Her eyes shifted to something to River's right. They were there. She knew what came next.

"I know. You want me to come home. Time to go, River."

"River?" Wash asked worriedly.

She started to scream as the two hands of blue grabbed her younger self and dragged her away.

"S-Simon," she managed.

"SIMON!" Wash shouted. He carefully put his arms around her, attempting to lull her like Mal had done before.

She felt his arms holding her, but at the same time it was like she didn't because he wasn't Mal.

Simon darted in and Wash passed her to him. He shushed her. "It's alright, mei mei."

The same comfort he once provided seemed to drain from the room, from her life, for the same reason the blonde pilot's arms didn't bring her any feeling. He wasn't Mal. No one was Mal. He was out on a job and gone for a few more hours. She knew that she wouldn't calm down until he was home.

"Simon, soothers…" she whispered unevenly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Watch her," he told Wash harshly.

"Yeah."

Wash sat back down beside her and took her hand. She pushed the tears back whispering her words over and over again only loud enough for her to hear, "You both can't live through it."

Simon gave her the drugs. She curled up in a little ball holding her pillow tightly, pretending that he was there. He would be, but it would be awhile. After what seemed like an eternity—in reality it was only ten minutes—she drifted into a light sleep.

****

"I gotta say that I'm surprised that no one got shot…" Mal smiled after he shut the ramp in the cargo bay.

"I was stabbed!" Jayne whined.

"In the shoulder. It ain't deep and that don't count," he snapped.

Mal stepped through the corridor towards the infirmary. Simon had just exited River's room.

"I'm glad you're back."

"Why?" Mal didn't much like the relief he heard in Simon's voice. That implied that something was amiss.

"River isn't doing too well. She requested soothers. She's sleeping now."

Simon wasn't even able to finish the sentence before Mal had ducked into her room. She was sleeping, but woke up the second she felt his presence.

"Captain," she muttered.

"Hey little one. I heard you're not doin' too good."

"No."

"Why's that?"

He sat down beside her and she almost immediately draped across him. She could already feel the tension melting away.

"They're coming."

He hated how small and scared her voice sounded.

"What can I do?"

"Tree by itself in a field. No one hears."

"I ain't goin' no place."

She moved closer to him. She wished that she could say the same. Although he grounded her, she was still terrified. Don't forget to kiss him goodbye. You both can't live through it.