In my dream, I'm sort of floating over Konoha. Just sitting there, really, except that I've got to be a hundred feet in the air, and no one seems to have noticed. Of course, the giant red fox attacking in the distance might explain that. I don't move towards it, like the ninja I can observe from my dizzying perch, nor am I fleeing from it like the civilians.
From the horizon the sounds of battle crescendo to a roar, which the demon that currently resides in my stomach matches with a roar of his own. I can make out jets of fire aiming for the beast's eyes, only to have no effect. Then, in one golden flash, all the noise of the battle stops for an instant. My father has arrived and with him, me.
He too is suspended in midair, though his platform is the back of a toad almost as large as the Kyuubi itself. For the one instant that all noise ceased, the fox eyes my father, wondering how much of a nuisance the new fly will cause.
Then he lunges! It's so fast that none of the ninja who were engaged in battle before can do anything about it, but while the fox is in mid flight, there is another flash of light from the battlefield, and a near simultaneous scream of "Kaa-san!". Then, I wake up.
I shake the accumulated sweat from my limp hair. I clutch at my palpitating heart. I'm not used to this. Ever since the old man showed me those bodies, I've been having this dream...well, that might be a bit rash. It's only been two days since he showed me the bleached and nearly decapitated bodies, but each night I've had the same dream, and I don't dream. Not often, at least, and never two days in a row.
Something about that dream, the girl crying for her mother, perhaps, is bothering me. Not in the way that an answer on the tip of your tongue bothers you, this is pulling on my non-existent heart strings.
Something about that scream is causing me pain.
The waxing moon in the night sky lights up my face and beckons me to get up. There is no going back to sleep at five am for me, and besides, I don't want to have that dream again.
Three hours later, my head is a bit clearer, but not by much. I'm still jarred by that dream...that vision. That sound. What is it about that scream that has shaken me so deeply to my core?
Unconsciously I've made my way to our team's meeting place. As surprised as I am that my mind has somehow chosen this place instead of my father's head, I'm even more shocked to find that both my teammates are here as well. Sakura has deep dark bags beneath her puffy eyes. She hasn't been able to sleep since her abduction, even though she was unaware for the most part, the fact that someone could just sneak up on her, a ninja, was unsettling.
Sasuke was even worse off, staring into the slowly babbling stream, watching his reflection waver and distort. Either Itachi came back last night and stopped in for dinner, or something I wrote hit him.
In all were quite the pathetic bunch. Sakura's re-evaluating her existence based on something she doesn't even remember, Sasuke, his entire life's goal (hopefully) brought into question based on the writings of a deeply devoid murderer, and me. Scared into feeling, actually feeling, for the first time in recent memory. The last time I felt so...human...was before I met the Sandaime. Before my first.
For a while we all just stood there, each keenly aware of the others presence, but not breaking the fragile early morning peace. Slowly the streets became more crowded, and the din of the the work day began to overpower our quiet sanctuary. Still we made no motion to leave our little piece of the world, until the loud, brash woman who had acted as our captain/sensei for our mission dropped by.
"If I didn't know better, I'd say that Ichiraku must've closed for good, and Sasuke just figured out that he's gay." She chided, only then noticing the looks on our faces.
"Oh my god, they did, and he is!" She began to laugh, clutching her sides for effect. When no one bothered to refute her claims she finally became serious.
"Well, if it'll make you feel better, Kakashi and Asuma just got back in. If you hurry, you might be able to catch them."
For whatever reason, each of us must have thought that to be a good idea, because ten minutes later, we'll all standing outside the Hokage's office, waiting for our absent teacher to finish his report.
It isn't long before the door opens and out walks our sensei along with Asuma and team ten. They all seem weary and beat up, and don't even notice our presence. Even when Kakashi-sensei greets us and inquires about our long faces, they don't respond.
"We had a bit of a close call on our mission." I'm left to reply as I subtly nod my head towards Sakura.
Kakashi realizes what that means in the context of an F rank mission, and he quickly becomes appropriately worried.
"Why don't we go somewhere and you can tell me all about it." He quickly ushers us out to a secluded section of the nearest training field and begins our 'therapy'. The only problem is that none of us seem like talking right now. We just sit there, Sakura's memorizing the thread count of her dress and Sasuke is shifting his gave between Kakashi and a stone at our teacher's feet.
Me? Despite my need to act normal around my unsuspecting teammates, I'm little better off. I've been running on automatic since before Kakashi decided we needed to come out here, and I'm just staring off into space, just to the left of Kakashi's graying head.
"Well, if no one's going to volunteer, I'll have to pick one of you to start." He threatens. It'll take more than-
"It was terrible!" Sakura sobs.
Ok, maybe I was wrong.
"There were these brothers, who were killing people and feeding their remains to their farm animals." She blurts, tears welling up in her eyes, but not falling. She goes on to explain every detail of our mission, from my superior profiling, to Sasuke's wasted involvement searching around the city. When she recounted her abduction, Kakashi actually stepped forward and tried to comfort her, even though he was clearly unused to having to do so.
I know what it's like, to feel completely alien when trying to perform such a simple human gesture. Now he does too.
"Sakura." He says, holding her shoulders and forcing her into eye contact. "There isn't anything you can do to change what's already happened."
Pftt, I could've done better.
"So you'll just have to improve yourself, make sure that you're never put in a situation like that again. Make sure that no one you care about has to live through what you've experienced."
It's nothing but an emotional band aid, and if it wasn't exactly what Sakura needed, I would be disappointed in Kakashi, for leaving one of his students high and dry in their most vulnerable hour.
Sakura seems to be rejuvenated at the news that all she needs to do is get stronger. Her tears dry up and her face sets in a new fashion, one that displays her resolve to never be weak again.
"So, Naruto, what's eating you?" He turns his attention to me. Now isn't the time for some soul wrenching story about how my dream are causing me emotional pain, which would be odd, because I don't have emotions. No, it's time for me to leave anyway, I don't want to be here, so I'll just have to lie.
"I've just been worried about Sakura so much that I haven't been getting enough sleep." I smile and rub the back of my head like nothing is wrong. He keeps looking at me. He didn't buy it, shit.
"Okay, okay." I'll have to try again. "It's just that, with how easily I was able to get into those psychopaths heads, I'm a little worried. I mean, what's keeping me from doing something similar? Or worse?"
His stare lessens. Good, he's bought it.
"The fact that you're asking yourself that question, is a good sign, Naruto. If you were truly like them, you wouldn't have any doubts. You'd just do things without thought or question. You'd have no conscious to cast second guesses onto your actions."
I feign relief. What else is there to do? Kakashi turns to Sasuke, and before the question is even out of his mouth, the Uchiha has tossed a scroll, my scroll at Kakashi. Our sensei gives off an air of curiosity, breaking the seal once more and perusing the contents.
"I think it might be best if the two of you left Sasuke and I to talk alone." He ordered after reading only a couple of sentences. "We'll get together tomorrow at our usual time for training."
Finally! Now I can get away from my team and try and clear my head. The sun seems especially warming today, and I feel the sudden urge to go lay atop my father's head. Maybe our combined thoughts can make sense of my current nightmarish dilemma. It isn't a terribly long trek, and I am soon at one of my favorite places in all of the village. There isn't a rain cloud in the sky and the sun is even warmer at this altitude. It's so nice out that I just lay on the warm stone and let my mind empty.
Kakashi had dismissed Sasuke after an hour of discussion about the letter. This...manifesto had done what no psychologist or Yamanaka had been able to do before. It had shaken Uchiha Sasuke. The boy was so frightened of his future, so scared that his current path would lead to his damnation, that he hadn't been able to sleep since he first received it.
And Kakashi couldn't blame him. The writing was nothing but psychotic drivel. But it happened to be the truth. He looked over it again.
Uchiha Sasuke, you don't know me, at least not the real me. The me that takes enjoyment from killing others. You might have seen the me that I show the world, the me that has everyone fooled. For all you know, that me might be a comrade of yours, or even a teacher. I'm sending you this letter as a welcome to our fraternity. The brotherhood of sociopaths and serial killers.
You sit there, reading this, and denying every thing that I've written. You're nothing like me, Itachi was the psychopath, not you. You could never become what that evil brother of yours is. Never take joy from the death of innocent people. Yet you haven't even determined who is innocent and who is truly guilty. Here's a news flash. Itachi had help.
You've dedicated your life to revenge, to killing your brother, since the day he massacred your family. And of course, now you have a second person to kill for assisting in your clan's destruction. This is the first step to joining our ranks. You want to kill your brother so badly, that you've dedicated your life to it. Just like Itachi dedicated himself to the destruction of your clan. You have more in common than you think.
I can see your reaction in my head clearly. You're fuming and possibly cussing. Just because Itachi killed people, and you want to kill Itachi, doesn't make you same. You're screaming at the injustice of being compared to a certified deranged maniac. Yes, I can see you quite clearly. I am inside your twisting and shadowed mind, which is why I can help you see into your future.
I'm sure you have grandiose dreams of standing over the body of your brother, victorious, his corpse laying low under your powerful feet. You've done exactly as he instructed you to. You became strong enough to kill him, you drowned so far in your hatred that you devoted your life, the life he spared you, to killing him.
That's your glorified version. You want to know the reality of the situation? You may very well grow up and defeat your brother. It'll be a long and protracted fight, as he is such a worthy opponent, and you couldn't help but jump at the first opportunity you had to end his life. His body will lie in a pool of his own blood, blood that you spilled, the elixir of his life slowly seeps from his corpse, forced just a bit faster when you plant your foot on his carcass. When you kill him, his bowels and bladder will release themselves, so you'll have to make sure that you don't step in your brothers own waste.
Will his eyes be open or closed? In your mind, I bet their closed. Why do the dead need to see? Especially someone as evil as your brother? Truthfully, they'll probably be open, widened, in fact, by the shock that you actually were able to do the deed he tasked you with.
In your mind, you'll feel a great sense of relief. Relief that the most heinous of Konoha's missing ninja are dead, relief that your family can now rest in piece. Who knows, maybe even relief that someone you care for won't have to fear for their lives.
In actuality, your brother's death won't bring any emotion forth. There won't be any sense of relief, no weight lifted from your shoulders. No loved one to tell you that you did a good and righteous thing. Do you know why?
It's because, by the time you can kill your brother, you'll be like me. You won't feel anything at all when you end your brother's life. You're lack of emotions makes loving anyone impossible, so no loved one to come home to. The most you'll ever feel at the time is a sense of...vitality. You'll feel alive, as his blood, still warm from his arteries, spreads onto the ground. As it slides down your skin, leaving faint lines as it does so.
It's a feeling that I, and by this time, you won't ever be able to get enough of or satisfy. The rush of adrenaline as you bring someone's life to an end is just...pure nirvana. You'll get used to the smell quickly enough, by the time you've killed your third or fourth human, it doesn't bother me any more. To feel your victims pulse beneath their skin, just before you cause it to stop, the look in their eyes. These are all things that I still look forward to every time I allow myself to run freely.
Oh, and you will start to refer to them as human beings. Creatures like us cannot count ourselves amongst their population. They feel things, they are slaves to their emotions. We've cast off such baggage, we've became exactly what every ninja aspires to be. An emotionless killing machine. Except that it won't just be enemy ninjas and rounin. The lady who runs the corner fruit stand. After a while, you'll begin to imagine that her blood would be much prettier outside of her body. The kindly old man who has given you discounts on clothing ever since your family was murdered. He'll be found one day, throat slashed or sword in his back, and no one will come forward to claim responsibility. And then, one day, perhaps one day soon, that child that worshiped you for your 'good deed' will disappear. Just vanish from the face of the earth. Yo u see, the line between genius and insanity is indeed very thin, and you stand far closer than you realize. You make the wrong decision, take a wrong step, and that line is crossed and you can't go back.
This inciting future can, and at present course, will be yours. Unless you step back from the edge and stop your madness now. Unlike me, you can stop the black hole from ever forming in your chest. Stop the madness that threatens your world.
Grow stronger and hate me?
Will you follow your brother's advice, the insane one, the one who was pulled so far from humanity that he murdered his mother and father in cold blood without so much as a tear? Will you avenge your clan by killing your heart, to kill him?
Or will you not follow your murderous siblings advice. Will you spite him, his words, his instructions and live well?
The only thing more chilling than the images painted by this...creature as he had called himself, was the thought that whoever it was, could get close enough to Sasuke to throw this at his door without being spotted. What was to stop this psychopath from murdering Sasuke instead of leaving a chilling but mostly harmless letter?
It was something that a caring and worried party would do. A sociopath with a conscious? Unheard of. But a sociopath with an arbitrary set of rules? Something that would keep him from hurting Sasuke? That sounded like something the Sandaime might do. He needed to talk with the old Hokage.
(A/N: Well, though I'd get this out there, I thought I'd show you guys what Sasuke read. I don't know, it seems kinda sappy and cliched, but maybe it's not as bad as I'm imagining.
Anyway, thanks for all the reviews for the last chapter, though there were fewer than I had hoped for, I know you can't control this type of thing, so I'm just glad that some of you took the time to leave a note about what you thought of the story, and hopefully more people will do the same this chapter.
Till next time.)