this took forever TOO long because a storm hit where i lived and knocked my power out. i thought my laptop got fried and nearly had a spaz attack when i thought my chapters were gone D: it took nearly four hours recovering my doucments. then i had to proof read D: little slack pleaseeeee

:DDD enjoy!

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Chapter 36: Houses of the Holy Part 3

We headed down the street and back to the car first to get changed out of our religious outfits. Which was a good thing in my book because first of all I stole this outfit from a church back in Kansas, it was so damn long ago that I wasn't even really sure if it was Kansas, and every time I put it on I felt like a lightening bolt was suddenly going to strike me. And secondly this neighbored, as the Father had suggested, wasn't necessarily a good one. I got whistles and calls when I was waking down the street and it made me want to grip onto Sam and Dean all at once. Luckily, I was walking right next to Sam and at one point he grabbed my hand and tugged me to walk faster and closer to Dean. How the hell far away did we need to park the damn car?

"Geez, I don't remember it being this far away." I whispered to Sam, finally seeing the car up ahead and Dean opening the trunk.

"Yeah and in this type of neighborhood we should have parked it closer to the church."

Sam let go of my hand as we all rounded the trunk to grab clothes. Dean had already pulled out a pair of jeans and a little grey sweatshirt for me to put on and I smiled, taking the clothes from him. He gave me a small smile, but I could tell he was annoyed and maybe a little upset. But I couldn't figure out about what. So what if Sam prayed and never told Dean? It wasn't exactly something that you needed to brag to someone.

"You two can change first." Sam offered and Dean nodded, heading to the back seat.

He held the door open for me and I slid inside, him after and he slammed the car door closed making me wince.

"What?" He asked, seeing my face and started unfolding his jeans.

I shrugged and unbuttoned the nun shirt and carefully slid it off, shivering slightly at the cold air in the car. I was glad I was getting out of this skirt and putting jeans on.

"Nothing, I was just wondering why you were mad that's all."

"I'm not mad." He answered somewhat defiantly and anyone within a ten mile radius could see steam slowly leak from his ears.

"Uh huh." I replied unconvinced and slipped on a navy blue tank. "I don't understand why you're so bent over this."

"I'm not bent, Andy." He said angrily and I scrunched my face at him and waited until he put the shirt over his head before I said anything.

"Apparently you are, Dean." I said in the same tone, mocking him ever so slightly. "What's wrong, what's the big deal if Sam believes in God and angels? What aren't you telling me babe?"

He hurriedly slipped his jeans on and adjusted his leather jacket over his polo. It was the fastest I've ever seen him get dressed. He refused to answer me, hell to look at me and got out of the car, slamming the door again. I sighed, leaning my head up against the leather for a moment. He wasn't telling me something, I could tell by the way it weighed his movements and made his eyes seem a little bit darker.

I put my jeans on and folded the damn nun skirt and went to put my shoes on. There was nothing wrong with a little faith; I wish I could believe as much as Sam did. It probably made the world a little brighter, a little easier to believe in. Although, I didn't believe in people let alone angels so maybe I was looking at this all backwards. I mean, how can you believe in heaven when hell's right in your backyard?

O0o00o000o0o

We headed back to the church, another walk that seemed to be taking forever in the sudden bitter cold. Since when had it gotten cold out? I mean it had been slightly cold when we had been at Carl's house but it was freezing out now. Maybe it was about to snow again or something. Or maybe I was just missing Dean's warmth and everything seemed a little bit more like ice.

We made sure to slip inside the front doors and look around for Father Reynolds or any other clergy that was around. Surprisingly, the church was deathly empty and yet I felt a presence that wasn't just our own. Overactive imagination? It was either that or some type of spirit. But I wasn't cold anymore, like I usually was when a spirit made its appearance. I was warm; sickly warm like I was sitting by a thousand candles.

I glanced at the Virgin Mary statue, surrounded my red candles, as we snuck into the back of the church and headed down a flight of stairs. I hoped we knew where we were going because I was getting some major bad vibes doing this. It just felt wrong to be sneaking around for an evil spirit in a church, which I thought was somewhat funny since I convinced myself I didn't believe in such things.

We walked into a big room, filled with angel statues and what looked like some type of ivy growing on the walls, but no graves. No stone slabs on the walls for dead priests or nuns. I saw Dean sneak into another room to look around and I followed him, wanting to continue or at least finish our conversation.

"Hey." I said quietly and he turned around, seeming to be surprised I followed him.

"We can split up, ya know." He said somewhat gruffly and turned back around. "We'll cover more ground that way." He was hiding behind that hardass wall of his, like it wasn't obvious at all. There was something upsetting him and I refused to just let it go.

I went to grab his arm to keep him from moving. "Hey," I said somewhat more urgently. "Why are you taking this out on me? I didn't do anything. What's wrong?"

Dean sighed and seemed to look at everywhere but me, rubbing a hand over his face. "Look, I'm sorry okay?" He said gently, leaning in to kiss me on my head. "This whole angel crap has got me spun in all directions."

I nodded, my hand coming down to hold his and stroke his knuckles. "Yeah, I understand that. But why? Why is it so wrong to have a little faith?"

Dean looked at me intently; his eyes glassing over with what I thought were tears. I could swear I was right because every time that happened his eye color intensified. Like somehow the wetness of the tears made his hazel eyes become a more prominent green. But before I could say anything about it he shook his head and closed his eyes. When he opened them again all traces were gone like I had imagined it.

He shook his head, giving me a smile that I knew was fake. "Nothing. But if Sam starts wearing that priest outfit and talking about convents we're taking him to a shrink."

Dean needed to know that he couldn't hide behind cocky grins and wise ass comments forever but I didn't want to fight with him or force him to tell me what was wrong, even though he wouldn't hesitate forcing things out of me to make everything better. So why couldn't I do that? I was so afraid that if I pushed too hard he'd hide behind that wall forever and just never tell me, like it was some form of punishment. With Dean I just had to wait until he felt comfortable enough to tell me. And he would, when he felt the time was right.

I smiled and bumped my hip against his. "Convents are for nuns, you dork." I said affectionately, letting it go like he wanted me to. He smiled and leaned down to place another kiss on my cheek.

He looked behind me as he squeezed my hand. "Where is Sister Sam anyway?"

I turned around and scrunched my eyebrows. "I don't know, I thought he was right behind me."

Dean pulled me into the other room and I gasped slightly seeing Sam on the ground. Dean ran to Sam and kneeled, pushing up Sam's shoulders to lean against his chest.

"Sammy?" Dean asked.

I kneeled down next to Dean, brushing hair away from Sam's forehead. His eyes fluttered at my touch and he groaned, clearing his throat. "Sam, hey you okay?" I asked.

"What happened?"

"Yeah…yeah." Sam shook his head as Dean pulled him up to a stand. "I'm okay."

He didn't sound okay. "Come on; let's get out of here before Father Reynolds finds us."

Dean nodded, hoisting Sam up the stairs and back into the main part of the church. Luckily no people were there and we could carry on a conversation with just about anything without having to take it outside. I felt wind whip in from all directions of the creaky old church. It was too damn cold outside anyway. Maybe it was because it was getting later and the sun was going down. I watched Dean sit Sam on the first pew and I shook my head. Maybe I shouldn't have been thinking about that right now.

"What happened?" I asked Sam, watching Dean adjust his jacket.

"You saw it, didn't you?" Dean asked, pertaining to the spirit.

"It didn't hurt you did it?" Seeing as how we found Sam conked out on the ground, it was likely. Sam looked up at us and shook his head. I sat next to him on the pew and put my hand on his. "What is it, Sam?"

"I saw an angel." He said quietly and Dean groaned, rolling his eyes ever so dramatically.

He took out a flask out of his leather jacket pocket. "Carrying around booze on hand now?" I asked and he took a deep swig. He offered it to both of us and while Sam looked at the flask somewhat disgusted I rolled my eyes and declined.

Dean shrugged; the movement making him seem like a rude bastard and took another swig, screwing the lid back on. "So…what makes you think you saw an angel?" It didn't seem like a normal question when he asked it. It seemed like he was mocking Sam somehow. Like he'd rather assume Sam was crazy then admit that he might have saw something unexplainable. We saw unexplainable things every single day, why couldn't this be one of them that we just accepted?

Sam didn't seem to notice Dean was being rude and answered. "It just…it appeared before me and I just…this feeling washed over me, you know? Like peace…like grace."

I wanted so badly to believe him. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Dean scoffed and I gave him a hard glare he chose to ignore

"Okay, Ecstasy Boy. Maybe we'll get you some glowsticks and a nice Dr. Seuss hat, huh?"

"Dean, knock it off. Stop being a jackass, alright?" I bit out, making it echo in the peaceful church. I felt like I had ruined it somehow.

"It's just a spirit, Andy." Dean spat right on back, cutting off my believing notions before they started. "And it's not the first one to be able to read people's minds." Why was he giving us a lecture on things we already knew? Was it some form of punishment because Sam refused to see what Dean was saying? "Let me guess, you were personally chosen to smite some sinner. You've just gotta wait for some divine Bat Signal, is that it?"

Dean then went past us and took a seat in the pew behind us. Sam nodded, apparently unmoved by Dean's brashness which I gave him points for. I, on the other hand, wanted to head over to where Dean was sitting and hit him over the head with one of those psalm books in each of the pews. Was that a sin if I did it in church?

"Yeah, it did actually."

I glanced at Dean behind us as he rolled his eyes. "Oh, this is just –- I don't believe this."

"Dean, the angel hasn't been wrong yet! Someone's gonna do something awful, and I can stop it!" Sam screamed, the echoes making me think something in the church would shatter; like the beautiful stain glass windows. I winced as what he said reverberated back into my ears, hitting my eardrums with an awful pitter pattering noise. Maybe Dean was right. The more Sam said 'angel', the more it made my stomach leap in doubt. Although I kept my mouth shut. Switching sides now would just make me look like I didn't want to fight with my boyfriend.

Dean smirked, which seemed like a poor attempt to not make it sound like he wanted to scoff again. "You know, you're supposed to be bad, too, Sam. Maybe I should just stop you right now."

I looked at him somewhat hurt by the jagged way he had said that. Like he had intentionally said it to hurt me and Sam. Because when you talked about Sam like that, when it had everything to do with yellow eyes and visions, it had to do with me too. Dean looked guilty now, seeing how wounded my expression was and ran a hand over his face. Apparently he forgot I was included in that little equation.

"You know what, Dean, I don't understand!" Sam bellowed and I felt like cutting off my ears just so I wouldn't have to hear this conversation, hear Father Reynolds come in and discover we weren't who said we were, hear the glass shatter over our heads, everything. "Why can't you even consider the possibility?"

"What, that this is an angel?" Dean asked, his voice slightly calmer and softer than before. I knew that was because of me and I heard the pew creak as he leaned forward and played with the strands of my hair dipping past the back of the pew.

"Yes!" Sam screamed. "Maybe we're hunting an angel here, and we should stop! Maybe this is God's will!"

I stood and turned around to look at the both of them. "Okay, I get that being in a church may mean different things to all of us but can we please stop screaming!" I asked in a harsh whisper, looking at the both of them. I was waiting for some kind of wise ass comment to spurt from Dean about comparing this place to a library but he didn't. He just sat back in the pew again and looked dejected.

"I get it. You've got faith." Dean said sourly, looking at Sam. "I'll tell you who else had faith like that –- Mom." His voice shook and my face swelled with sympathy. That's what this was all about. That's why Dean was prickly ever since Sam had even mentioned angels. I just couldn't understand why he hadn't told me. "She used to tell me when she'd tuck me in that angels were watching over us." I swallowed as I looked at him watching that familiar wetness making his eyes glow with color appear again. "In fact, that was the last thing she ever said to me."

"You never told us that." I said quietly, guiltily.

"What's to tell?" He asked, looking at me brokenly. "She was wrong." He said with a shrug of his shoulders. I slowly came towards him, sliding in the pew to sit next to him. I placed a gentle hand on his back and when he didn't flinch or move away I rubbed gently.

"There was nothing protecting her. There's no higher power, there's no God." He sounded so damn broken and I just wanted him to tell me how to make it better. "There's just chaos and violence and random, unpredictable evil that comes out of nowhere and rips you to shreds."

I think that, out of everything he had said, had hit me a little bit too close to home. He was right and I hated myself for not having any faith that this life could be better. Although, I think I hated myself more for tricking my brain into thinking that somehow having a baby would change all that.

"So, you want me to believe in this stuff? I'm gonna need to see some hard proof. You got any?" He challenged Sam and Sam shook his head, not answering. Dean nodded. "Well, I do –- proof that we're dealing with a spirit."

O0o0oo0o0o0o

So we headed back down the stairs and Sam took the lead, apparently a little moved by Dean's speech. I honestly didn't know what to say to him after that. That I was sorry? That his talk had somehow derailed my faith in angels and God even farther? That I was reconsidering having a baby with all the 'evil ripping to shreds thoughts' that was lodged in my brain now? That I didn't know what to say?

I felt his hand reach back and grab mine, squeezing me tightly as he pulled me ahead to walk with him.

"I was starting to think you weren't even back there." He said with a small smile as I looked up at him.

"Sorry I was thinking, I guess."

"About what?" He asked softly, like he didn't know.

"Why didn't you ever tell me that?" I asked, trying not to sound like I was accusing him or anything.

Dean shrugged and I could see that wall begin to rise. "I don't know; it's not something you exactly tell people."

"But it's something you should tell your girlfriend when you're upset." I said and he nodded, pulling me into a tight side hug, giving me a small kiss as well.

"So you can make it better?" He asked with a head tilt, cocky grin firmly set in place.

I found my arm going under his jacket and across his back and I snuggled my face into the closeness of his chest as his arm went over my shoulder.

"Of course." I said it like it was obvious, my voice muffled by his t-shirt and he smiled.

He ran a hand through my hair and kissed my head again, letting his hot breath push through the strands. "Good to know."

"Here." Sam said as we came to a stop at the end of the crypt. "Father Gregory's grave marker."

I saw three slabs across the wall, all graves of nuns or priests. There was a plant growing along the wall too, which seemed weird since we were underground in a crypt. And the fact that it was only surrounding Father Gregory's grave made me think it wasn't ivy, which was what it looked like when I initially saw it. "That's wormwood." I said quietly and Dean nodded, letting go of my hand and going to examine the plant a little closer.

"Its plant associated with the dead, specifically the ones that are not at rest." He wasn't cocky as he said it, like he didn't sound like he had been right about this the whole time. Which I was thankful for. It just sounded like a statement which meant no one was put on a specific edge by it.

I nodded, glancing at Sam and then Dean. "It's him, Sam."

Sam sighed, obviously unhappy I came to this conclusion. "Maybe."

"You want some more proof?" Dean asked, giving Sam a raised eyebrow. "I'll give you more proof."

I looked at Dean for a moment and shook my head as he looked over Father Gregory's grave, pondering something that would definitely send us to hell in the long run. "No, Dean you can't…in a church?"

"What in a church?" Sam asked, not following. "You two aren't going to…?"

I glared at Sam and Dean let out a short laugh and shook his head. I swore I heard him mutter 'I wish it were that easy' and rolled my eyes. "Dean wants to do a séance."

Sam scoffed. "In a church?" Didn't I just point out the immorality of this?

"We just need a few odds and ends, and that séance ritual in Dad's journal." Dean replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

I shook my head, letting out a giggle that wasn't intended on being funny. "We are so going to hell for this."

Another shrug of his shoulder made me want to dislocate it. "I'll save you a seat, sweetheart." He gave me a cocky grin that made my insides feel like a volcano at the point of erupting and I smiled shyly, not being able to resist his damn charm. "But seriously, if Father Gregory's spirit is around, the séance will bring him right to us. If it's him, then we'll put him to rest."

"But if it's an angel, it won't show." Sam said, catching on. "Nothing will happen."

Dean nodded and pulled on my hand as we headed out. "Exactly. That's one of the perks of the job, Sam. We don't have to operate on faith."

It was too bad really. I wish there was more things to depend on than a shotgun full of rock salt and the occasional devil's trap. But didn't we have faith in those things to keep us alive? I felt the need to bring that up to Dean, but felt that I'd just further confuse myself; I didn't know what to believe in anymore.

I smiled at Sam and Dean as I got in the Impala. Other then believing in them of course.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o

We split up in getting everything we needed at the mini mart for the séance. We needed four candles, two red and two black. Then we needed matches, because for some reason when things are put in the trunk and is not in a duffel it instantly gets lost. We also needed some herbs, a mixing bowl and an alter cloth.

"I'll get the alter cloth." I said, going around a certain aisle and breaking off from the two. Unfortunately we weren't at the mall or even a nice home and garden store and a mini mart was the last place to carry cloths. So there I was, looking at placemats. My big dilemma, while Sam and Dean were worried about whether the other was right? Whether I'd pick the Barbie placemat or Spongebob Squarepants.

"Spongebob Squarepants is a whiny little bitch."

I smiled, turning around to see Dean leaning against the freezer section. "So you have a preference?"

"I'm just saying that Barbie is looking pretty fine in her bikini compared to a sponge wearing pants."

I giggled, turning back around to look at them again. I felt him come up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist, black candles in his hands. He placed his chin on my shoulder and took a deep breath, which smelled of mint and cinnamon as he exhaled.

"So…are we going to do that thing tonight?"

"What thing?" I asked, knowing what the hell he meant.

"Come on," Dean answered almost tiredly. "Don't make me say it."

I nodded, grabbing the Spongebob Squarepants placemat. "Yeah," I turned and gave him a small smile. "Yeah, we'll do it tonight."

Dean tightened his arms around my waist and leaned his face in close to mine. He bumped his nose against my own and I scrunched mine at the action. He let out a smirk and kissed it, then trailed his lips over my bottom lip.

"I figure it this way, if you're negative…we can spend the whole night in the bathroom working to change that." He said sultrily, leaving my answer to myself as he pushed his lips against my own. Although, I'm pretty sure with the way I kissed him back he knew what the answer was without words to back it up.

I let his tongue thoroughly assault my mouth as my hands rubbed over his shoulders, nearly dropping the placemat. When Dean kissed me like that, I wasn't afraid of anything. I wasn't worrying about whether God was real or if the Devil was real or if one day the world would end and I'd have to decide what I believed in. I didn't have to. I was with Dean and I was safe. Nothing else mattered.

A harsh clear of the throat broke me out of that reality and we looked down the aisle to see a slightly pissed off Sam standing with his one hand on his hip. "Seriously?" He asked. "We're not the only ones here."

Dean and I winced and looked in the other direction, seeing maybe two or three other customers watching us. When one kind of grinned at me Dean had had enough and decided it was time to go before something drastic happened. Like Dean shoving that guys head through the small opening of a milk carton.

Sam laughed, seeing the placemat we had bought as we headed out to the car. "Dude, all right. I'll admit, we've gone pretty ghetto with spellwork before, but this takes the cake. I mean, a Spongebob placemat instead of an altar cloth?"

Dean shrugged and kissed my hand. "Well, I wanted the Barbie one."

I rolled my eyes and smiled slightly. "Well you can't always get what you want princess." He glared at me and I kissed his hand as well, turning my head to address Sam. "We'll just put it Spongebob-side down."

Sam laughed again as we got to the car and Dean put the bags in the backseat.

"Why do I always have to be in the back with the bags?" I asked, letting my lower lip pout ever so slightly.

I could tell by the way Dean was shifting his upper teeth over his bottom lip that he wanted to grab at or suckle it. Plus, he couldn't take his eyes off my mouth for a moment. "Maybe its cause I like pressing your buttons, baby." Dean said affectingly, but really trying to annoy the hell out of me just to see what would happen.

I took the bags out of the back and shoved them into his hands. "How would you like your buttons to be pressed?" I asked, serious and maybe a little bit angry.

But when Dean threw me this grin, I knew he didn't mind at all that his buttons were being considered. He licked his lips and cocked his head. "Hard." He said simply. "You can push the buttons hard."

I couldn't help but smile and I was about to respond with something suggestive of my own, but Sam interrupted, nearly babbling at something across the street.

"Guys, that's it."

Dean and I tore our glances from each other and tried looking to what Sam was talking about. "Sam, what are you talking about?"

"That's the sign." He replied, looking as if he saw an —alright, not even going to say it. "Right there, right behind that guy."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, looking at that guy but seeing nothing extraordinary behind him. And I couldn't help but feel a pang of something as I didn't see what Sam saw. Jealousy? Disappointment? Some type of knowing, like what Dean had felt, that we were dealing with a spirit?

"That's him. We have to stop him." Sam got this white fire in his eyes and I saw him clench his fists before he took off in some sort of stampede towards the guy. I jumped in front of him, holding him from moving.

"Wait a minute…" I tried calmly.

"What are you doing? Let me go!" Sam struggled, pushing me harshly aside and into the side of the Impala. I didn't hit hard and I wasn't sure whether the fact I hit the Impala or the fact that I might have been pregnant lit a match in Dean. Whatever the reason, as soon as my shoulder hit the car, Dean took Sam by his collar and held him back against the trunk.

"You're not gonna go kill somebody because a ghost told you to. Are you insane?" He spat, angry for shoving me than anything else. But he didn't show it and I couldn't help but wonder why.

Sam was surprised by the violence and I could tell he was confused on why he was getting it but didn't ask. "Dean, I'm not insane. I'm not gonna kill him, I'm gonna stop him."

"Define "stop", huh?" Dean asked, looking towards the guy and letting go of Sam's shirt. "What are you gonna do?"

As the man got in his car and started the engine Sam got incredibly skittish. "Dean, please." He begged, looking like fear and not being able to go after him take him over completely. "He's gonna hurt someone, you know it."

Dean looked at the car one more time as he pulled from the spot and then at me, looking me over. I nodded at him, insisting I was alright. "All right, come on."

Dean got in the door but when Sam and I tried both our doors were locked. "Dean, unlock my door." Sam seethed, seeing what he was planning on doing.

"You're not killing anyone, Sam. I've got this guy," Dean pointed to the bags on the curb. For some reason I hadn't remembered him dropping them when he grabbed Sam. "You go do the séance."

I nodded and gave him a small smile. "Be careful."

He grinned, even though Sam was seething beside me. "Always am, sweetheart."

And with that he drive off, the Impala engine growling madly reminding me of a noise Sam would make if he was going to throw a tantrum. And as I looked at him, he looked ready to do just that.

"Come on," I said pulling on his hand. "Let's see what candles and SpongeBob can do."

O0o000o0o0o0

"So set up the candles around Spongebob right?" I asked, looking again at the door and again at my cell to see if Dean had called.

"Are you alright?" Sam asked, looking up from his kneeled position with concerned eyes.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm just feeling really jumpy. We shouldn't be doing this in a church." I said, getting bad vibes from just standing here with John's journal in my hands.

Sam smirked, which somehow reminded me of Dean as he did it. "So you get skittish doing a séance in a church but you're okay with digging up remains and salting and burning them to dust?"

I laughed slightly, seeing his point. "Yeah, I guess we all have our twisted ways of seeing things, ya know?"

Sam nodded, adjusting one of the candles and lighting them all. "Yeah, don't I know it?" He stood and I passed him the journal. "You wanna sprinkle the herbs for me?"

I nodded and kneeled down to take a palm full of powder in my hands and waited for Sam to say his few sentences in Latin. After he did so and nodded at me, I took the herbs and sprinkled it over the middle candle causing it to spark ever so slightly.

I stood and brushed off my hands on my jeans. "Think Dean's doing alright?" I asked, kind of worried he went after an alleged bad guy. Who knew how bad he actually was.

I looked to Sam and saw his mouth open with an answer when the door pounded open and Father Reynolds stood there, looking shocked. "What are you doing? What is this?"

"Well," Sam said quietly, closing his father's journal. "I think it's safe to say he's doing better than us."

I looked at the Father and gave him a small, hopefully kind smile, seeing as how he could tell what we were doing. His eyes were wide and it was safe to assume he was angry. Wasn't anger one of the seven deadly sins?

"It's based on early Christian rites, if that helps any." I said with a slight shrug and his eyes glared at me ever so slightly. I guess being a man of God meant you weren't allowed to get one hundred percent angry. But I don't know. He seemed damned close to ninety seven at least.

He shook his head, going to grab my arm and Sam's as well. "Enough! You're coming with me."

As we got to door, Sam and my pleas to listen falling on deaf ears, a mystifying bright white light filled the room and stopped us all from moving. I looked at Sam, but he wasn't transfixed and filled with awe like the Father. I hated admitting Dean was right, especially when Sam had had such faith. And what did he have to show for it? Nothing.

"Oh, my God." Father Reynolds stuttered. "Is that…is that an angel?" He asked.

Sam shook his head no, disappointed. "No, it's not. It's just Father Gregory."

The beautiful light faded, revealing the cold and harsh reality of things. My heart ached for Father Gregory. It was horrible to believe in something so much, I glanced at Sam, to want to have faith it something so bad it hurts and for it to just be all washed away in a single second? A single throbbing moment? I shook my head. If that didn't damn Sam, I didn't know what would.

"I was a man. But now, I'm an angel." Gregory explained to Sam and Father Reynolds and I shook my head missing some of the conversation as my mind wandered. It was heartbreaking for him to be so lost, to be so thrown off his path. "I was on the steps of the church, and I felt that bullet pierce right through me. But there was no pain." And that's what everyone ever hoped for; was that when they left this world it wouldn't be filled with pain. Unlike life, death somehow would be easy. That the place you would go to, didn't hold that much pain like earth did. I still believed that. I didn't think anything could destroy my hopes for that. "And suddenly, I could see…everything. Father Reynolds, I saw you, praying and crying here. I came to help you."

"Help me how?"

I wanted to say something about the murders but I figured it wasn't my place and just leaned against Sam comfortably. But as I looked at Father Reynolds' expression changing, it seemed like much didn't need to be said. He already knew.

"Those murders –- that was because of you?" He asked, broken if anything. Like this lifestyle had all been a lie. Like he hadn't taught Father Gregory well; like he failed.

"You can't understand it now." Father Gregory shook his head, the light still encasing him as if he was some really big light bulb. "But the rules of man and the rules of God are two very different things."

"Those people –- they're locked up." I said quietly.

"No, they're happy." He said, looking at me with a smile. For some reason it didn't chill me, it filled me with peace. Something that I found to be ironic and over stimulated. "They've found peace, beaten their demons. And I've given them the keys to heaven."

"No, no! This is vengeance. It's wrong. Thomas, this goes against everything you believed. You're lost, misguided."

"Father…no, I'm not misguided."

I shook my head sadly. "You are not an angel, Thomas. Men cannot be angels." If I knew anything, it was that. And even then I wondered when I had learned that. Had it been in a lesson my father had taught me? Was it the last thing I had heard in church one of the last times I had been there? Was it one of those things that stayed engraved in the brain forever until it a certain thought triggers the memory?

The look on Gregory's face was heartbreaking and I almost felt tears breach my eyelids at how lost and scared he was. "But…but I don't understand. You prayed for me to come." He seemed like a little child that had lost his mother in the supermarket.

"I prayed for God's help, not this. What you're doing is not God's will. Thou shalt not kill. That's the word of God."

I looked down at my shoes, my hands twisting nervously as Father Gregory refused to understand. I couldn't help but wonder if that commandment had guidelines you were supposed to follow. If certain things were acceptances, or if we were just all destined to go to hell. I figured since the things I usually killed were asking for it, maybe I was given a little leeway. I highly doubted I could have this conversation with Father Reynolds after the fact.

"Let us help you." Sam said carefully.

The Father shook his head relentlessly, looking like he'd rather die in vain all over again then to be put to rest. I wasn't sure what happened when you put spirits to rest. Where they went or who they saw next. Did they go to heaven and hell like a lot of people thought? Or was there some swirling black abyss deep in space that no scholar or religious figure had ever heard of? Was that where spirits went when it was time to be at rest? When we salted and burned their bones? I never really thought about it and I realized, as I got this horrible aching pit in my stomach, that there was a good reason for it. I was better off not wondering.

"It's time to rest, Thomas, to be at peace. Please…let me give you Last Rites." After a long pause and a frightful glance at me and Sam he nodded and Father Reynolds raised his hands. I kept wondering if Sam and I should bow our heads our something. "O, holy hosts above, I call upon thee as a servant of Christ to sanctify our actions this day, in fulfillment of the will of God." Everything sounded the same with this religion, as I remembered. Funerals sounded like weddings and weddings sounded like baptisms. Communions reminded me of confirmations and confirmations reminded me of the last rites that Father Reynolds had just performed. Nothing should have sounded the same; everything should have been different. But I missed having this kind of faith, the kind I had when we were kids. Blind faith as I liked to see it. But I was happier that way.

"Father Reynolds?" Gregory terrified and flicking in and out of existence.

"Rest." Father Reynolds instructed Gregory and it sounded so final when he said it. Father Gregory kneeled on the floor and closed his eyes tightly and I found myself leaning more against Sam for assurance, like I wasn't sure we were doing the right thing. He squeezed my shoulder in affirmation and I felt bad I was looking to him to assure me of things. He thought this was an angel all this time. Although as Father Reynolds said the last words of the rites and Father Gregory shimmered again and disappeared into another bright light, I wish he would have been right.

O0o0o0o0o0o

We didn't have to explain anything to Father Reynolds thank God. He just kind of nodded at us a few times and then I'm not quite sure where he went. He probably went back to his home, or wherever the priests lived together and prayed for Father Gregory or for us if we were lucky.

I stood outside with Sam, shivering to death in the cold night. "I think it might snow." I said bitterly, my voice matching the temperature outside.

Sam let out a laugh, which puffed against his face. "Cold, Andy?"

I nodded. I'd give anything for Dean's jacket or Dean himself up against me. I was also craving a really hot, hot chocolate. But I figured I'd keep those things to myself.

Sam smiled and looked back at the church and then back at the road. I was hoping Dean was okay. Was he still following that guy? I wanted to call him but seeing as how he might have been busy I knew he probably wouldn't answer. Or he'd answer angrily and I'd rather not talk to him like that.

"You know Sam," I said wrapping my arms further around myself. "If you ever want to sit sometime or just, ya know, think in a church or whatever…I'll come do it with you. Since I know Dean will never do it." He gave me this confused brow and I laughed slightly. "I kind of miss it…the whole church thing. At least when I believed in that kind of stuff I knew what the hell I was doing. These days," I shook my head. "I swear to God I'm lost."

"You're not lost." Sam said confidently. "You're right where you're supposed to be. With me and Dean." Didn't that just mean we were all lost together? But I nodded nonetheless. "You wanna sit inside and wait for Dean?"

I grinned at him and went to go sit in the church. "I thought I'd have to spell it out for you."

Sam chuckled and followed me inside. I slid into one of the last pews, making it creak and moan as both of us sat. I took in the deep smell of incense candles and the dim light comforted my tired eyes.

"What's the matter?" Sam asked and I looked at him confused.

"What do you mean?" I asked, and yet, there was so much more I could say instead of that.

"I mean, there's something wrong that you're not telling me." I was about to ask how he knew and he gave me this small side smile that made one dimple appear on his right cheek. "I can tell by the way you're talking to me."

I nodded and took a deep breath of the candles again, hoping this place would give me some sort of strength that I thought I was missing. "I'm late." I said with one shrug, not daring myself to look at him. I heard him sniff and I cleared my throat quietly. "I might be pregnant." I told him, like he didn't understand the term late.

"And…" He sounded ever so calm, so un-Sam like in this situation. I wondered if he was angry or jealous but I hoped for once he would just be a grown up and be my best friend. I needed him on this one. "How do you feel about that?"

So like therapist Sam. I smiled at him, but it seemed sad because he put a hand on my own. But as soon as he did it he pulled away like he was making me feel uncomfortable. I barely felt him touch me my nerves were everywhere. I felt like I was blushing so hard that the blood vessels would erupt in my cheeks.

"Of course I do. I think everyone and their mother knows how much I want to be." Sam let out a slight laugh at that but even that felt like a sin in here. "But…I mean…"

"This job." He said, finishing my thought.

I nodded, biting my lip. I felt like he was going to lecture me on how wrong it was like John or my father would do. "I know, I know. This job has taken so much from us; we know that better than anyone."

"But it shouldn't restrict your life." Sam said and I knew Jess was the only thing he was thinking of.

"How can it not?" I asked him quietly, the slight glow of red and gold candles dancing over his features. His skin looked softer that way, almost like pastels, and I felt like running my thumb right under his eye to see if the colors would blend and smudge. "We've seen what this job has done to good people."

He shifted his thighs against the wood and leaned back into the pew, making it creak throughout the church again. His legs were long and his knees were basically bumping up against the back of the pew in front of us when he sat back ever so slightly.

"Maybe you're just late." Sam said but I couldn't tell if his tone was confident or hopeful. He didn't look at me when he said it either, like he didn't want to be responsible for any emotions that came over my face when I heard it.

I gave a slight laugh that I wasn't feeling but I felt like I wanted it to benefit Sam more than myself. "I don't whether if I'll be more upset if I'm late or actually pregnant."

I looked towards the alter, a little bit of familiar wetness filling the bottom lids of my eyes. The light was blurring over the huge wooden cross against the stain glass windows and it seemed as if the colors were melting on the wood and onto the floor. I sniffed and looked down at my lap, seeing one or two droplets fall from my eyes and onto my hands. But that's all I had. Two drops and then I was dry.

"You can always try again." Sam said gently and I could tell he was looking at me as he said it because his voice was now three times softer, like the light upon his face.

I shrugged, giving Sam a small smile that was more sarcastic than anything. "It'll always be the wrong time."

He returned the smile, but it was more comforting and loving than my own. He dipped his arm over my shoulder and pulled me against him. I leaned my head on his shoulder and rubbed my nose against his shirt, which was tinted with strong vanilla.

We stayed like that until Dean called my cell and let me know he was waiting outside.

O0o0o0o0o0

"We should have got more than one." I said nervously, looking at the pink box that I had refused to open yet.

"I told you, you could have." Dean said with a sigh and ran his hand through his hair. "I told you it didn't matter how many you wanted to grab."

"Well it's not like I was going to stay up by myself all night with a million pee cups in the bathroom." I said sarcastically, holding my knees up to my chest against the tub.

Dean grabbed the box off the sink and came to sit down next to me, adjusting his back a few times before he was still. He snaked one arm around my waist and pulled me to lean against him. I shifted my head upon his chest and his chin came down to rest on my head for a moment. I folded my legs under myself, my knees hitting against Dean's warm thighs. It was such a difference against the cold tile of the bathroom.

"I still would have been here." Dean said finally, like those words had caused the huge lapse of silence. "Million cups or not."

I smiled and picked up his hand, waiting till the box dropped to lace my fingers with his. "We would have had to sit in the tub and set the cups all around the room."

Dean nodded and then shrugged. "Well, it's not like we've never been in a tub together before."

"Not with clothes on." I said thoughtfully and Dean chuckled, it vibrating like loud speakers against my back. After a few moments, I shook my head, looking at that pink box again. "This doesn't feel real."

He kissed my head, moving his arm out from around my waist to use both of his hands to open the box. I remained on his chest, watching his strong hands tear the box open. He fiddled with the directions and I smiled as I felt his eyebrows scrunch at them.

"It's two step directions, you dork. You really have to stare at it like you have x-ray vision?"

"Watch it." Dean said playfully, arm crushing around me again to pull me onto his lap. I put my arms around his neck, squeezing comfortably. He made sure he avoided the tip of the appliance and handed it to me. I stared at it for a moment and Dean gave me a reassuring kiss on the cheek. "It's not a piranha, Andy. It's a pregnancy test." He gave me one of those grins that made me want to squeal like I saw my favorite movie star. "It's not going to bite you, I promise." I smiled meekly and took it from him, twirling it around my fingers for a moment. "It's just a test, you can do it." He responded off my look with a confident tone. I'm glad he had that much strength in me because I swore my legs were shaking.

I crawled off him and he pushed himself up off the ground, grabbing my hand to pull me to a stand. "Yeah, grammar and spelling I can do. Algebra and pregnancy tests are another story."

He smiled, pushing my hair off my shoulders. "You want me to stay in here the whole time?"

I nodded. "Just kind of stand in the corner." Dean grinned and I rolled my eyes, pushing him to the other side of the bathroom. "What are you smiling about?"

"I feel like I've been a bad, you sending me to a corner and everything." He cocked his head around which for some reason, looked incredibly sexy. "Not going to punish me are you?"

I pushed him into the tight space and he grunted, turning his head back to the wall and rested his forehead against the cool blue paint the walls were covered in. "Come on," I said seriously. "I'm really nervous. Please be a grown up for like 2.5 seconds?"

He cleared his throat and shook his head. "Okay, sorry." And like that he was quiet and I moved to the toilet, unzipping my jeans.

I made one more look to see if Dean was actually in his corner and rolled my eyes, pulling my underwear down. Like he'd never seen every single inch of me before. I guess it was weird when going the bathroom was involved. Still, it was a little embarrassing him being in the room like that and I could feel my cheeks redden as I semi-straddled the toilet with the pregnancy stick under me. They must have thought of the most uncomfortable situations for women to do these things. I mean it was either in the cup or right on the damn stick. Finally, I took a deep breath and just emptied my bladder. It took me forever to just pretend Dean wasn't there. He said nothing after I claimed I was done and flushed the toilet.

I set the test on the sink and washed my hands. I splashed water on my face a few times and took a deep breath and felt Dean's hand on my back, rubbing gently in small comforting circles.

"So, how long does it take?" I asked Dean and before he could answer I heard a single, throbbing beeping noise.

Dean swallowed. "I think it's done." I pulled on his sleeve, feeling faint even though I didn't know what the answer was. "You want me to look?"

I nodded and he smiled, kissing my head briefly before he went over and slowly lifted the test; careful to avoid the end I had peed on.

"Well?" I asked, anxiously; his silence and staring killing me slowly.

"You think a little girl can love the Impala as much as you do?" He asked, putting down the test.

"I'm—?"

He nodded, grinning. "You're positive, baby."

I covered my mouth with both of my hands, giggling madly as Dean came forward and swooped me up in his arms. He lifted me from the floor and twirled me once before bringing me close to his chest with a huge kiss on his chuckling mouth. I kissed him deeply, like the world was suddenly overcome with water and he was my only source of air.

I smiled as he pulled back; leaving gentle kisses along my cheekbone and then one on my nose. "So you're happy then?"

"Of course I'm happy. But I mean, this is what you wanted right? You'd tell me if you were unhappy?" I asked him seriously and he set me back down on the floor. It was like coming down from a dream except when I landed I realized that it hadn't been a dream at all.

"Nothing with you," He said softly, giving me another peck on the cheek. "is going to make me unhappy." He trailed his index finger along my cheek and brushed his knuckles around my ear, gathering hair as his fingers trailed back.

"We should go tell Sam." I said excitedly, pulling on Dean's hand and to the bathroom door.

"Are you sure you want to?" Dean asked hesitantly, pulling on my hand for a moment.

"What do you mean?" I asked. Was he already ashamed? Was this how he was going to be with everyone? Just don't tell them until we had to; until they noticed I gained the weight. "Don't you want him to know?"

He could tell my voice was hurt and he scrunched his eyebrows. "No, of course I want him to know. But you know how Sam is with us…with you." He said calmly and swallowed. "And I don't want this moment to be ruined because Sam says something that gets his teeth knocked in."

"He won't." I said, almost sure. We had talked about it in the church, so he knew there was a chance. I could tell by the way he was talking to me that he was more certain I was late than pregnant. So he'd be surprised, but I don't think he'd be angry or anything. "Please, Dean."

I took both of his hands and held them for a moment and he sighed, shifting his hands against my own. I felt his cold silver ring rub against my ring finger as he looked between the bathroom door and me. He gave me a smile and a nod.

"Just hope he knows; one wrong word and he'll be sleeping in another room."

"Way I see it Dean, if he says one wrong word you're gonna make sure he sleeps out on the street with a black eye." Even though I was kidding Dean wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed the back of my head as I opened the bathroom door.

I smiled as I felt the small kiss planted and his nose bury itself in my hair. "Damn straight." He whispered and we left the bathroom.

"He went to get beer right?" I asked as Dean shut the bathroom door and leaned against it. I'm guessing he left because he knew what I had to do when I got back.

He nodded. "Which you're not allowed to have any of." He stated pointing at me, already starting his protective mode.

I rolled my eyes and waved him off. "Yeah, yeah."

Dean's next sentence was cut off by Sam unlocking the door and smiling at the both of us, turning to re-close and lock the door.

"Hey," he said, putting the beer on the bed. Dean had a fucking grin on his face; I knew it without even looking. "What's up?"

I gave him a hesitant smile. "Sam…I'm pregnant."

His mouth formed into an 'O'. He looked at Dean and gulped. Then out of nowhere, surprising Dean and causing me to gasp, Sam fainted. His eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed near the side of the one bed.

I couldn't help but let out a laugh as Dean came up beside me.

"Huh," He said thoughtfully, hooking an arm around my waist. "Well, he took it a lot better than the time we told him we were dating."

o0o0o0o0

okay, i'm sorry if you're unhappy with my decision. i thought long and hard and have faith in me :D i can work with andy being pregnant :p i have faith i know what the hell i'm doing. plus, i can't think of another time for her. she'll be well pregant, i thinkkk, at the beginning of season 3 and will most likely have the baby before dean dies and goes to hell. i'm working it all out :D feel free to send me a msg but don't open flame if you really don't like the decision. i will cry :p