4. The madman's emissary alias The baby snatcher alias HubbaBubba!!!
Merry had just discovered that he could read time by the device which was ticking at the wall in the hut and consequently knew that the time was midnight. He knew that this day was his birthday, but also the day when HubbaBubba would come and take him away from Paddy, to that terrible school called Gaywarts… Or was it Frogwarts? Merry was unsure on which name, but he did not actually care. The most essential was his presents which he had not gotten yet.
Just when he was going to sleep on top of his uncle German's stomach in the minty pile they and Paddy made up (Buttercup had usurped the only couch in the paltry hut), then the door burst open with a bang which made everyone jump up, startled. It took some time before they spotted a big man with an axe in the wrack of the hut. The man had big black messy hair, crazy rolling eyes and looked very aggressive. Of course Buttercup immediately fell for him.
Everyone glared a bit more before the glint, I mean the goat, no I mean the GIANT, uttered. (See, I CANN SPELL!)
"Eeeeeee hello", he said in the most villainous way he could, because he was evil, very evil. (At least, everyone who had met him thought so.)
"… hi…?" said German friendly questioningly.
"He he he eeee I 'ssume you've already kneow why 'm here huh? I'm here to collec' Merry Poppis." He turned against Paddy who tried to smile but failed. "Damn howa fat you've become Merry, fatso."
This hurt Paddy into the very depth of his soul. He said huffily: "You're not that fit yourself you fatass. And besides my name is Paddy, we don't know a Mary Poppins."
"Escuse mii that I was born witha huge bone structure!" HubbaBubba resentfully blurted out.
He gripped the real Merry Poppis and screamed in his trousers. "Suu it's ye who'sa Merry?"
Merry nodded discontented, morose over being exposed. Hastily he buttoned his trousers and crossed his arms. Meanwhile, Buttercup sent seductive glances at HubbaBubba, who did not get it at all. He thought maybe that she had something in her eye. He spat helpfully and punctual in both her eyes, which sent Buttercup into a stumble spurt out of the hut with an abyssal shriek.
"Euuw how rank", Paddy commented.
"By da we Merry, I've somethin' fo ye", HubbaBubba said and fumbled with the hand underneath his coat, "Congrats on da birthdai".
He pulled out a box. Merry opened it and found…
"A pizza! Wow, thanks!" Merry eagerly chewed half of the pizza while Paddy also took a big bite. "What's the black stuff?"
"Minced cockroaches ye see", said HubbaBubba contently. The piggy children immediately vomited vehemently. HubbaBubba as usual did not understand anything, but did not bear to care about it. Instead he heavy-handedly grabbed Merry's arm with the words "Now we piss off to Dumbo alley for buyin' a lot of crap to yer school start, lad!"
"No, dammit!" Merry glared, "I don't want to! Uncle German, do something!"
Mr Deutsch picked up the gun he had earlier shot the stranger with. "Let my hatchling alone!"
HubbaBubba gave German the finger, grabbed onto Merry harder and flew out from the hut. Together they flew over the sea and in towards London. Merry screamed like a stung pig the first hour, but then remembered that he was tired and fell asleep.