A/N: So I've just started high school and it promises to be quite the year. To add to that, I'm off to London for two weeks, so cool, but it's gonna make things at school tougher to deal with for a while until I get settled down again. As a warning, it may become more difficult for me to update, but I probably end up updating just as fast as I have always done. But just to be safe, I'm telling you--- if I don't appear in two months or more, it's not that I've abandoned ROE. I don't have it in me to abandon it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. We've gone through this millions of times.

Rules Of Engagement

Chapter 2: My Grandparents' Sex Life

There was an insistent knocking on their door. It was non-stop, with an even quick rhythm, and it had been going for five minutes now, making Tsunade wonder who had so much energy to do that. The first name that came to her mind was Naruto. What could the brat have done now? The only reason he visited them nowadays was because that eternal boyfriend of his made him or because he needed a place to crash.

And where was that perverted husband of hers, damn it? Jiraiya had yelled a long while ago that he would answer the door, but the knocking continued, so she guessed that he hadn't and wasn't planning to. The old blonde woman sighed heavily. The hospital had been really busy lately, and she was trying to catch up with America's Next Top Model. But of course, as usual, she'd have to sacrifice her happiness for the happiness of others.

She stood up from their comfortable couch, turning off the TV because she didn't know how long she would be gone. The annoying knocking, just as nerve-wrecking as her grandson, didn't stop once on her way to the door, only a few feet away, even though she kept saying, "I'm coming, I'm coming…"

Tsunade opened the door, getting knocked on the forehead by Naruto, who hadn't realized the piece of wood was long gone from in front of him. Next to him, Sasuke rolled his eyes and sighed. Naruto grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head, "Sorry, baa-chan."

There was something about that grin. Tsunade attributed it to her grandmother heart--- once she saw that grin, it seemed Naruto could do no wrong in her eyes, and boy, did he fuck up a lot or what?

The blonde woman crossed her arms and frowned, although she was smiling a little, "Brat, what did you do this time?"

"It wasn't me, believe it!" Naruto exclaimed, and then pointed to Sasuke, "It was his entire cousin's fault, 'cause the guy can't keep a secret! I had nothing to do with it!"

"You had nothing to do with it?!" Sasuke repeated, disbelieving and angry, "You were the one that practically told him, moron!"

"I did not!" Naruto defended himself, "I merely told him I got you what was in the box!"

"Oh, and that isn't a big clue at all, right?" Sasuke bit sarcastically. Naruto instinctively stepped back, "I thought Obito wouldn't catch the idea!"

"How couldn't he? He's an Uchiha! It's genetically impossible for us to not notice stuff like that!"

"You don't get most of the implies Kiba makes…"

"Honestly, Naruto, who does?" Sasuke retorted, "When he tells us one of his supposedly hot adventures as a ladies man, he uses so much slang and shit even a rapper would have trouble understanding whatever the fuck he's trying to say."

Tsunade cleared her throat.

"Okay, boys," She said with a tired voice, as if she had done this a million times and was bored of it, "Tell me what happened."

"Your grandson here proposed to me and found nothing better than to tell my big-mouthed cousin when we wanted to keep it secret," Sasuke explained, all the while glaring at a nervous Naruto, "Now my whole family is coming and we need a place to hide."

"Yeah, that sounds like something Naruto would do," Tsunade commented, "Come on in."

They did, muttering insults to each other. Tsunade closed the door and went back to the living room, sitting on the couch, but she didn't turn on the TV. Instead, she motioned Naruto and Sasuke to sit with her.

"I give you my condolences rather than my congratulations, Sasuke," The woman began a bit grimly, "It's tough enough being related to the brat. I can't imagine being married to him. Although you two practically are married already, you just don't need a bunch of paperwork if you wanna split."

"Yeah, well, thanks. But I find it strange that you can't imagine it--- you are married to a brat, after all. You've been married for… Quite the while." The brunette answered. The corner of Tsunade's lips twitched, "I suppose you're right. But at least your brat isn't a pervert."

"He is, he is," Sasuke corrected her, "He just doesn't know it."

Naruto looked back and forth between the two of them, then finally gave up with a sigh. Tsunade and Sasuke always did that--- exchanged a few words in an utter coldness, but it always seemed to Naruto as if what they talked about was some sort of inside joke, and they were cracking up inside. However, it was a very passive-aggressive inside joke, in a way, because they insulted each other so politely, and the other seemed so tranquil about it…

There were loud, fast steps coming from the stairs, and the three saw Naruto's grandfather, Jiraiya, panting and obviously rushing to open the door. He was about to do so, when he casually looked over to the living room to see what Tsunade was doing when he saw two familiar faces.

"Naruto and Sasuke? You guys are really here?" Jiraiya didn't hide his shock and surprise to see them--- they hadn't been there for Christmas, for New Year, but they were over for… What was the closest holiday? Valentines Day?! He was pretty sure it was their anniversary that day, fact he had always found quite romantic, even though Tsunade thought otherwise.

"Hey, old pervert." Sasuke answered with the greatest familiarity in the world. Naruto waved and grinned. Or grinned and waved. Whatever.

Jiraiya just stared at the two of them for a long time. Then he spoke again, "Are you guys here to accept my offer of being in the cover of my yaoi Icha Icha Paradise?"

When it was midnight, Naruto remembered the reason he had stopped visiting his grandparents on his own will.

After clarifying Jiraiya they weren't there to become the cover of a gay erotic book, they were actually there to hide because they were engaged now, the old man had decided they had to celebrate. It wasn't that much of a party, being just the four of them drinking champagne and talking about the future, but Naruto was left exhausted, and by nine the blonde and the brunette decided to go to bed. And Tsunade offered the guest room right under Jiraiya's and her room.

Sasuke fell asleep right away ---"It's so fucking tiring to convince your grandmother I'm not wearing a fucking dress…" He said, and Naruto turned away from him so he wouldn't see the nosebleed---, and Naruto entertained himself by watching him.

It was strange. The more tired Sasuke went to bed, the more stuff he did while he was asleep. The blonde had suggested once it maybe was some sort of sleep disorder, but after surfing through Wikipedia and finding nothing useful, they had given up. But anyway, that was the way Sasuke was, and it was often very amusing for Naruto to watch.

But after three hours of staring, something within Naruto happened that everyone thought it was impossible--- he grew tired of watching Sasuke and tried to sleep.

So he pulled the brunette closer by the waist, smiled pleasantly to himself and closed his eyes, ready to go into dream land. The second he did that, however, odd sounds started coming from above, followed by even odder movements of the house.

His grandparents' house, you see, was old. With paper-thin walls. And his grandparents, you see, still had that sexual spark. With lots of toys and stamina.

So yeah.

Sasuke, of course, was sleeping through it, the bastard. And Naruto was growing uneasy, because it sounded like they were having a really good time. A better time than Sasuke and he would ever have.

It was kinda hurting his ego.(1)

"OH, JIRAIYA!"

His grandmother had really good lungs. Sasuke never screamed that loud, it sounded like people in Oto could've been able to hear it.

Suddenly, he felt the need of proving Tsunade and Jiraiya Sasuke and he had a sex life just as great as theirs. So he started shaking Sasuke, already taking off his shirt to get ahead.

He could be blonde, but he could multi-task just fine, thank you very much. Not like the Uchiha, he couldn't talk on the phone and write something down at the same time. It was really funny.

"What do you want, moron?" Sasuke's groggy voice mumbled, "Wake up. We're gonna have sex." Naruto said and the brunette groaned, as if he wasn't looking forward to it at all.

"Can't we do that t'morrow?"

"We'll be probably gone by tomorrow, S'uke. We need to keep moving so they won't find us and I really wanna teach the old hag and the pervy sage I can do that too!"

"Do what?"

"Blow your mind," Naruto answered simply, "Now come on!"

"Naruto, remember how when we were coming back from Oto you gave me a speech about how our relationship wasn't all about sex and you made me promise to never let you molest me? I think this is molestation."

"Shit," The blonde cursed, "I had forgotten 'bout that…"

Sasuke was already sleeping again. Naruto sighed heavily. He obviously wasn't getting any sleep tonight until the two sex maniacs upstairs gave it a rest, and it could be a long time before that happened.

So what to do, what to do? He decided to play a little on his cell phone, he was building a city in Tower Blocks.

But Naruto took the cell phone and realized there was one new text message from an unknown number. With a huff and convinced it had to be an offer from his service, he opened it.

You're still on the police's records, Naruto. And your friend Kiba is easy to crack.

Was it him, or those were sirens that were coming under Jiraiya's and Tsunade's sex sounds?

(1) I bet you all thought he was gonna be uncomfortable and having terrible mental images xD

A/N: Have you noticed I have ended both chapters with phones? Anyway, I think I made it pretty obvious who's coming. Sorry it is too short, but it felt like a good place to end it :/ Anyway, I don't think I'll update before going to London, but you know me. By saying this, I'll probably end up doing so.

---Not Really Yours