A/N: I'm back from London! It was great :) The only downside to it is that the very day I return to school I have a test ---gah--- and I have to study… So I decided to update before I go to school on Tuesday!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. But I went to London.
Rules Of Engagement
Chapter 3: Make Some Noise
"Deidara, Itachi, gather your stuff!" Fugaku barked as he passed the corner they had been hanging out at, "We're off to Konoha immediately!"
"We are, yeah?" The blonde asked, surprised, "What for?"
"We need to save Sasuke before it's too late and they get to him," Fugaku explained vaguely as he went up the stairs of the station to his office, "I´ve already ordered the chopper so if we're lucky, we'll be able to save them both."
"Father? What are you talking about? Is Sasuke is danger?" The eldest Uchiha brother questioned, already frowning with worry.
"I'm afraid he is, son," Fugaku opened his office's door and instantly bolted in for his desk. He opened one of the drawers and took out his gun, "Grave danger."
Deidara's eyes widened. How could it be? An arrest order had already been filed against Orochimaru! The guy wouldn't be so dumb to go to meet his victim again, would he? Or maybe it was another of his goons?
"Those motherfuckers you encountered at the fucking bridge, Sakon and Ukon, sang like fucking birds and revealed the fucking names of the rest of the motherfuckers in their shit gang, Sound Five," Hidan had told him earlier that day, "We arrested all those fuckers! But, shit, between you and me, Dei, I think Orochimaru has to have more motherfuckers under his fucking command."
"You think, yeah?" Deidara had answered, "If I was a criminal boss, I wouldn't like to have that many subordinates, yeah. Maximum ten, yeah!"
Hidan had smirked, "And we've only caught five of those cocksuckers."
There was reason to worry!
"But Father," Itachi exclaimed, "It's in Konoha! Why are you handling it?"
Fugaku couldn't help it. He blushed.
Itachi raised an eyebrow at the older man, "Father…?"
"Because these criminals stole one of our patrol cars, and I rather get it back myself before Konoha police even notices them." Fugaku replied after a moment of silence. Itachi crossed his arms, "Patrol cars get stolen all the time, Father. You don't have to be embarrassed about it."
Deidara cleared his throat, "Itachi, it's his son. He wants to save him himself, yeah, that's all!"
"Don't defend him, you!" Itachi refused to look at Deidara in the eye ever since Christmas, "There's something fishy about this and I'll find out!"
Come to think of it, it was kind of suspicious. Who would take the time of stealing a patrol car at Oto and then drive it all the way to Konoha? The two cities were ages away! The guy could've stolen a regular car to do it, if he was in Oto at the time Orochimaru assigned him the job. Or drive their own car. Or take the bus, which was by far the cheapest option of them all.
"Boss, yeah! I'm not going anywhere until you tell us the truth, yeah!" The blonde found himself suddenly demanding. Fugaku budged almost instantly ---Deidara was learning the man was really easy to convince--- and groaned.
"The thefts are my wife and my sister-in-law."
Silence.
"…Come again, yeah?"
"My wife and my sister-in-law," Fugaku spoke slowly, as if talking to a five-year-old, "Stole a patrol car so they could kill Sasuke."
More silence.
"…Uh?"
"And they took my nephew Shisui as a hostage, because they caught him trying to warn Sasuke."
Even more silence.
"…I can't believe I'm saying this…" Itachi muttered under his breath, and then spoke louder, "We have to save Sasuke! Mother in wrath mode is the worst monster one can possibly encounter in this life and the other!"
"Great." Fugaku nodded, "Now, good news and bad news. The good news is that I know exactly where to find Sasuke and Naruto both, thanks to the blonde leaving all his possible addresses and the address of the friend, Inuzuka Kiba, we could contact when he was questioned. The bad news is Mikoto and Uruchi know it, too."
"So we have to get going now." Itachi declared, and nodded mostly to himself, "I'll go load my gun with those soft bullets so we won't hurt Mother."
As Itachi walked away from them, Deidara turned to Fugaku one last time, "Sir, why does your wife want to murder her own son, yeah?"
"Sasuke failed to mention he's been engaged to Naruto since Christmas."
Itachi's head snapped up at the end of that sentence, shock all over his face. Then he emitted a sound that resembled a menacing growl, and instead of taking out one gun, he took two, a box of soft bullets and other of real bullets.
"This one," He pointed to the gun he was loading with soft bullets, "Is for Mother. This one," He left the other gun on the closest desk, and started loading the second one with the real bullets and a scary glint in his eyes, "Is for that blonde idiot."
Deidara felt for Naruto. He really did.
"Let's go," Fugaku started, "If we leave now we'll be there by midnight!"
Glazed onyx eyes did their best to focus on the small luminous screen of the cell phone Naruto was presenting them, scanning each number one by one and then the whole combination, trying to recognize them once they were all together. The silence was tense, even though the background was filled with moans and pants and police sirens and it would've brought weaker men to a fit of giggles like a little kid at their first Sex Ed class.
"That's Shisui's number," Sasuke finally stated, giving the cell phone back to the altered blonde, "Can I sleep now?"
"Shisui? What would he send such a weird text?" Naruto asked, glaring suspiciously at the phone. He opened the message again, re-reading it over and over. Sasuke sighed as all response. Naruto continued, "He was the one that warned us your family was coming."
"I know, moron. I was there, remember?"
"This text has too much of a ha-ha-we've-found-you-losers tone to really be from Shisui…" Naruto frowned, ignoring Sasuke completely. He gasped suddenly, "What if they have captured Shisui?!"
"So they have Shisui and probably know where we are," The brunette waved it off, "Whatever. We'll escape early in the morning."
Naruto sighed heavily as Sasuke pulled him back to him and leaned his head on the blonde's shoulder. Yeah, they would do that.
But after a few seconds of silence, he realized that the sirens had stopped. And there were strange red and blue lights coming from the window that gave view to the street. And someone was banging loudly on the front door, but rather than knocking, it sounded like they were trying to bring the door down.
Was that a helicopter coming closer and closer? It was even drowning his grandparents' sounds! If Naruto didn't know better, he'd say the thing was right above the house…
"NARUTO, SASUKE, WE'RE RIGHT ABOVE THE HOUSE!" Fugaku's familiar voice boomed, "WE'RE HERE TO SAVE YOU!"
"FUGAKU, STAY OUT OF THIS!" This time it was Mikoto's voice the one booming, though it seemed her voice came from the street.
"MIKOTO, BE REASONABLE! THEY JUST DIDN'T TELL US ABOUT IT RIGHT AWAY, BIG DEAL! IT WASN'T LIKE WE DIDN'T KNOW IT WOULD HAPPEN!" Fugaku tried to make his wife reason, but she screamed again.
"THEY HAD THE OBLIGATION TO TELL ME IMMEDIATELY! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME HAS BEEN WASTED?! WE NEED TO MAKE THE INVITATIONS, PLAN THE RECEPTION, GET A VENUE, A BAND, DECIDE WHO'LL WEAR A DRESS---"
It went on something like that. Naruto rubbed his temples and Sasuke mumbled something along the lines of them making far too much noise.
"Naruuu…" The Uchiha slurred, and Naruto sighed, his cheeks already tinted pink. Nothing good came out of Sasuke calling him Naru. The last time he had ended up wearing butt-less leather trousers around Konoha. And the time before that, he had ended up doing a puppet show at a kid's birthday with Sasuke fondling with him behind the screen. And the time before the time before that, he had ended up buying a really weird sex toy he had never really seen being used, but the incredibly satisfied look on Sasuke's face whenever he had had time to use it was enough to make him jealous of the thing.
"Yes, Sasu?" The blonde answered. Two could play that game.
"Tell them to shut up." Naruto's eyebrows shot up. That was all? No perverted petitions that revealed Sasuke as he really was and that was the Prince Of Perverts?
"---SO NOW I THINK YOU AGREE WITH ME NOW THAT WE HAVE TO KILL SASUKE! NOT TELLING US WAS HORRENDOUS, DON'T YOU AGREE?! AND FOR YOUR SAKE, YOU BETTER AGREE, FUGAKU!" Mikoto kept on screaming.
"I STOPPED LISTENING WHEN YOU MENTIONED DRESSES!" Was her husband's reply. The woman huffed through her loudspeaker.
"THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF IT ALL!"
Naruto decided that yes, he would shut them up. Between all the sounds of the chopper, the screeching voices of both his parents-in-law, sirens from police that probably had been called by the neighbours, dogs barking and howling, he could still hear his grandparents doing it, oblivious to everything that went around them.
Damn. He wanted to do that.
He opened the window that gave to the street, and suddenly all the sounds became even louder. Naruto winced. He was getting a headache.
The helicopter's bright light focused on the window, startling Naruto, "NARUTO! GO INSIDE OR SHE'LL KILL YOU!"
"SHUT UP!" Naruto screamed the loudest he could, but not even he could hear himself properly, "WE'RE TRYING TO SLEEP!"
"WHAT?" Both Fugaku and Mikoto asked at the same time. Naruto winced again, "I SAID, SHUT UP!"
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Mikoto said, "SPEAK LOUDER! MAKE SOME NOISE, DON'T BE AFRAID! I WON'T LET MY HUSBAND ARREST YOU FOR DISRUPTING THE PEACE, BUT I WILL KILL YOU ANYWAY!"
From both ends of the street, Naruto saw at least a dozen of patrol cars, labelled KGPD to signal they belonged to Konohagakure Police Department coming their way, each one with their sirens on.
It was at that moment that Naruto realized silence was truly golden.
"In other news, a bizarre episode that took place in a suburban neighbourhood of the city of Konoha has shocked everyone. A deranged woman travelled all the way from Oto in what seems to be a stolen patrol car from that city's police department with her sister-in-law and her nephew, just to stop at her son-in-law's grandparents' home and start screaming what neighbours described as 'wedding nonsense'. It was later reported that the woman's husband, chief of police in Oto, took a helicopter and went after her, only to join the screaming match. The woman, identified as Uchiha Mikoto, was arrested along with her sister-in-law, Uchiha Uruchi, while her nephew, Uchiha Shisui, was let go after it was revealed both women had him as hostage. Uchiha Mikoto's husband, Uchiha Fugaku, was fined for improper use of expensive police material. Our sources have told us this strange event was all because the couple's youngest son, Uchiha Sasuke, failed to tell them he had gotten engaged with his boyfriend of years, Uzumaki Naruto."
"So much for secrecy, eh, Sasuke?" Naruto tried to joke with the brunette as he stared at the TV most of Konoha's police was gathered at, quietly laughing, ones more openly than others.
A/N: I hope you like this chapter. It suddenly took an unexpected turn while I was writing, but I like how it turned out xD
---Not Really Yours