A/N: Ello! Here I am, in a sudden bout of inspiration in the middle of trying to catch up with school… But whatever, all distractions are welcomed. I hate school. I spent a great deal of my time painting and re-painting my nails with different nail polishes, but now that's over, let's write!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Wishing ain't enough.
Rules Of Engagement
Chapter 4: The Blonde Beast & The Raven Creature
"---Police in Oto, took a helicopter and went after her, only to join the screaming match. The woman, identified as Uchiha Mikoto, was arrested along with her sister-in-law, Uchiha Uruchi, while her nephew, Uchiha Shisui, was let go after it was revealed both women had him as hostage. Uchiha Mikoto's husband, Uchiha Fugaku, was fined for improper use of expensive police material. Our sources have told us this strange event was all because the couple's youngest son, Uchiha Sasuke, failed to tell them he had gotten engaged with his boyfriend of years, Uzumaki Naruto."
"No wonder you didn't want to introduce me to your family!" Kakashi exclaimed, amused as Obito blushed and looked away, "They're one crazy bunch indeed."
"Yeah…" The Uchiha sighed, "I still feel bad, though. I mean, I was the one that caused the whole thing single-handedly. And now the whole world knows we belong in a mental hospital!" Obito scratched his cheek, "And all because Naruto and Sasuke got engaged."
"Serves them right," Kakashi said, rolling from his side of the bed to invade Obito's, throwing himself on top of the brunette, "For stealing our moment of glory."
Obito half-frowned and half-smiled, "How were they supposed to know we got engaged too? I wasn't wearing the ring when I went to visit them so they wouldn't know until we told my family…"
Kakashi kissed Obito's neck softly, mumbling against it, "Still, sweet revenge it was telling everyone about their engagement. Keeping the spotlight to themselves…"
"Now, now, let them be," The Uchiha scolded the other man, "Haven't you realized how turbulent they are yet? They'll end up breaking up out of pure impatience if we make them wait for their turn to get married. 'Sides, it'll be tons of fun watching them be dragged around by my Ma and Auntie Miki to plan the whole thing, don't you agree?"
Kakashi chuckled and nodded.
"And waiting is what we do best!" Obito continued proudly, "I mean, we know each other since we were thirteen, we were friends 'till eighteen, figured out our feelings 'till twenty, and only started dating three years ago." He sighed again, "The fastest we ever moved in this relationship is you meeting my family and getting engaged almost immediately after!"
"Well, when you put it that way…"
"I know," Obito tried to wiggle away from Kakashi, "Now, excuse me, but I have a bus to catch."
"A bus?" Kakashi repeated, "To go where?"
"The police station, of course." Obito smirked, thing he never really and it made the silver-haired man forget to breathe for a second or two, "After all the scandal made, do you really think Sasuke or Shisui are gonna be willing to bail those women out?"
Kakashi groaned and buried his nose on the Uchiha's neck, "Let Naruto do it!"
"Sasuke won't let Naruto do it, you idiot," Obito answered, his hand caressing the silver hair softly, "Have you ever dealt with him when he's not only angry, but ashamed as well?"
The man thought for a few moments, and then finally sighed in defeat, "Fine… But let me take you. That way someone will protect you from the terrible Blonde Beast and the horrible Raven Creature!"
The Uchiha grinned, "The whole Konoha police department will be there to protect me from the terrible Blonde Beast and the horrible Raven Creature, 'Kashi."
"Obito, right now to the terrible--- Naruto and Sasuke you're their biggest enemy. Let me put it this way: to Sasuke you're like an electric guitar during a death metal concert. Not only is he there to see you get smashed, he's there to see you get smashed, burned, and offered to the devil--- and you will be smashed, burned, and offered to the devil. And to Naruto, you're like the snitch in Rocknrolla, while he is Brick Top from Snatch. Not only will he kill you by letting crabs to eat you, he's also going to revive you so he can chop you to pieces and let his hungry pigs eat you again."
Obito's grin got wider, "Kakashi, you're exaggeratin'. I'm sure there will be no references to satanic cults or Guy Ritchie movies whatsoever."
Oh, had he known he was so wrong.
Because when they got to the police station and saw the couple in question, the Uzumaki Death Glare™ and Uchiha Death Glare™ were combined to form a Super Duper Mega Ultra Death Glare™, and Kakashi whimpered miserably like a puppy while Obito hid behind him with tears in his eyes, awaiting the end of the world itself packed in that glare just for the two older men.
And Obito had to admit he understood Kakashi's examples. Sasuke was looking as furious as a cocaine-maniac punk rock star that had been riling up during a very long concert, and he was already on his angriest song, letting the emotions overcome him and smash his guitar, burn it, and offer it to the devil.
Naruto looked like a lunatic and sadistic criminal mind that was planning coldly how he was going to get rid of the traitors, thinking up the most gruesome death he could come up with, then imagining how he would enjoy chopping the bodies ---if the death hadn't chopped them already--- and feeding them to his pigs and crabs.
"Sweet revenge isn't so sweet after all, eh?" Kakashi tried to joke when he found his voice again, but it cracked in middle of the sentence. Obito didn't even bother to nod, as he just tightly held the other man's hand as he directed themselves behind the cop who was kind enough to guide them to the cells were his mom and aunt were locked up at.
In the way, they met with Fugaku and Shisui. Shisui was telling Tekka and Inabi via phone how everything had gone down, while Fugaku was teased by his Konoha counterpart, some guy named Yamato. Neither of them made eye contact with Obito and Kakashi, fearful they would be victims of the terrible Blonde Beast and the horrible Raven Creature if they showed any sort of kind of possible sympathy.
"Here you go," The cop said as they passed some cells with shady-looking guys, "Uchiha Mikoto and Uchiha Uruchi. Ladies---"
"---Obito!" Uruchi cried out, stopping the cop from continuing, "Finally, you are here!"
"I was never as happy to see you as now, Obito," Mikoto admitted, relieved, "Now let us out."
"Only if you promise you'll protect us from the two monsters outside!" Obito asked, somewhat desperate, "Just looking at them was too much for us, Auntie Miki! And Shisui and Uncle 'Gaku ignore us, fearful something will happen to them! You two are like, the only ones that aren't scared by them!"
Mikoto raised an eyebrow, "What about my honey?"
"Itachi? Haven't seen him," Uruchi replied for her son, "Are you sure he was there when we were arrested?"
"Well, the TV there," Mikoto pointed to a TV hanging from a corner of the small cell, "Said he was with my husband. And so was that lovely young man, Deidara, remember him? He helped us cook during Christmas."
"Fugaku's personal slave! Of course I remember him!"
"Ladies, please, focus on us right now." Kakashi asked, "The point is we can't protect ourselves, and if you don't do that for us, you'll just have to wait that your husband Teyaki comes from Oto and bails you."
Uruchi snorted, "My husband, bail me out from jail! He would rather be chopped down to pieces and fed to pigs and crabs before that happens."
"Teyaki always stroke me as the type that would prefer to be smashed, burned, and offered to the devil like a guitar in a death metal concert, though." Mikoto added.
Kakashi and Obito shared a significant look.
Naruto was short-tempered, that was true. There was no point on denying as obvious as that, really, when he could call anyone a bastard or an asshole just because his coffee was too bitter.
He was a bitch when it came to his coffee.
Still, there were not many things that got actually angry and furious. Almost nothing, really. Even when his father was suddenly popping into his life like nothing had happened, even when Sasuke taunted him and fought with him, even when he was starving and the only type of ramen available was a vegetarian tofu one, none of those things ever had made him blind with rage--- even though the ramen one had been pretty close.
He was cool with everyone and everything. There was nothing life could throw at him that could get to him, and that was a fact Naruto was proud of.
But this…
Obito had no right at all to say anything! And the least they could deserve now, after everything, was to get to enjoy their engagement by themselves, if only for a few days!
Naruto's train of thought went on something like that, sometimes repeating ideas and all, but still, it served to the purpose of fuelling his true wrath.
Sasuke was even worse. His whole aura seemed to be screaming for some bloody murder, and this only augmented as Obito and Kakashi walked through the door of the station. Hadn't they been surrounded by cops, the two men would have been smashed, burned, offered to the devil, chopped down to pieces, and fed to crabs and pigs.
He wasn't sure where that idea had come from, but he liked it.
And then, Obito had bailed out Uruchi and Mikoto to protect him from them… It only served to make Naruto angrier! His whole body was tense as the two women and the scaredy cat came up to Sasuke and him, and the blonde was really trying to restrain himself from jumping the Uchihas in general--- three of them because he was angry and wanted to kill, and one because he was too sexy for his own good when he was mad.
"Sweetie." Mikoto said coldly to her son, not sparing a glance at the blonde. Sasuke just nodded in response.
That was when things got unexpected.
"WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!" Sasuke and Mikoto squealed in perfect cue with a high-pitched voice that Naruto was sure it was one notch away from being heard only by dogs, and then mother and son began bouncing on the spot cheerfully, giddy grins in their faces as they kept giggling and squealing.
In the back of his mind, Naruto suddenly realized he was going to do exactly the same when he saw his own mother.
"This doesn't changes anything, Obito!" He exclaimed, aching to get back his masculinity and toughness. He was the seme, damn it! "We're still gonna kill you, understood?! You violated our privacy and that is like, in the Humans Rights, written into our Constitution!"
"So what are you gonna do?" Obito taunted, feeling much bolder now that at least for now the horrible Raven Creature had been defeated, "Report me to UNICEF?"
"Well, maybe I just might report you to UNICEF!" Naruto answered, not so sure of himself, yet still angry. He was going to add an insult, like traitor or crab food, but he couldn't, as someone turned the volume up on the station's TV again, to listen to something they were saying on the news.
"---Third robbery on a store in this street this very week, but this one is somewhat different. A jewellery owner has been taken as a hostage and held at gunpoint by who our reports say are Oto's policemen. So far, very little communication has been made with the kidnappers, but as the criminal himself revealed, to, and I quote, 'teach this idiot a lesson not to sell my foolish little brother's boyfriend a ring so they can get engaged'."
A/N: To all of those who haven't seen Rocknrolla and Snatch yet, sorry if I ruined it a little bit for you. Someone was wondering where Itachi had gone off to. Well, there you go! :D
---Not Really Yours