17/03/2009 10:57:00

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner.

I want to take a minute to apologize for the delay in this chapter. I had some family visiting and then work took over.

Please, please, please, please, please, review!!!

Chapter 18 It's So Hard to Say Goodbye. (Bella POV)

"Alice, I carry you in my heart, always. You are my breath, you are my heart, you are my soul, and I want you with me always. Will you marry me?"

I anxiously awaited Alice's response. She sat there with her mouth agape, staring at the ring. I felt a smile creep across my face. I knew what her answer was, but by the look of poor Jasper, he did not.

I kicked Alice in the leg and she was shaken out of her shock. She turned to look at Jasper and finally spoke.

"Of course I will marry you Jasper. I thought you would never ask."

We all jumped out of our seats and threw our arms around them.

All of the girls were crying as Alice held out her hand to show off the ring.

As everyone went to return to their seats I quickly hugged Alice.

"I am so happy for you Alice."

"Thanks Bella, I was just so surprised. Don't get me wrong, I have been dying for him to ask me. I am usually pretty good at knowing when this kind of stuff is going to happen, but I didn't see this coming from a mile away."

"Oh yeah, the long dramatic pause before answering kind of gave that away."

We both laughed and hugged each other again.

"You know you are my maid of honor right?"

"Who me? I don't know Alice, I mean I am kind of busy with all of those clothing stores that I own, and the frequent trips to Paris and Milan."

She smacks me on my harm and I feign an injury.

"Okay, okay. It would be my pleasure to be your maid of honor Alice."

"That's more like it, that's my Bella"

I walked back towards Edward and he smiled.

I felt my heart stop momentarily as I took in his appearance. He looked like he had walked off the cover of GQ. His bronze hair was unruly, but so sexy. His green eyes shined like emeralds, and his smile pulled the carpet right out from under my feet.

He held out his hand for me and I felt so happy in that moment.

He wanted me. Of all of the women in this world, Edward wanted me. Or did he, I suddenly remembered that we needed to talk, and it had to happen tonight.

I grabbed his hand and he led me to my seat. When I was seated Edward took my hand in his and rested them on the table. I felt like this small thing meant something. We weren't hiding our feelings, they were right there, in the open, in the form of 2 hands holding each other.

I looked at Edward and he just flashed me that dazzling smile, and all I could do was return it.

I glanced at Esme and she was looking at Edward and I. She genuinely smiled as she took in our appearance and nodded her head at me.

As I looked around the table, I felt something that I hadn't felt in a long time. I felt like I was home, where I belonged.

I leaned over and whispered in Edward's ear. "Do you think we can get some time alone tonight, I really want to talk to you."

He chuckled and whispered "I would like nothing more than to be alone with you tonight Bella"

As dinner came to a close we all said our goodbyes to Carlisle and Esme, as they had an early flight back to Washington.

Esme embraced me and gave me her card. "You better call me as soon as you get to Seattle Bella. I will make sure we have a meeting set up for your interview as soon as you arrive. Also will you need someone to pick you up from the airport?"

I thanked her, and explained that Rosie and I had things worked out with Alice and that she didn't have to worry.

She hugged me again and went to hug Edward. I turned to see Carlisle looking at me, smiling. "It was so good to meet you Bella. It seems that you have made quite an impression on my family, present company included. I look forward to seeing you again, once you move back to Seattle. Oh and Bella, thanks for everything you have done for Edward."

"Your wel..wait what did I do for Edward?"

He laughed. "Lets just say that I haven't seen Edward this happy since, well ever. He was always the serious one. Not one to laugh and joke, but he has changed and I have you to thank for that Bella."

He took my hand and placed a small kiss on it.

Did I really make Edward different. It made me wonder just how Edward was before coming to Chicago.

I felt warm breath by my ear. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, I was just saying goodbye to your Father."

Carlisle stepped up and hugged Edward. "I will see you at the hospital on Tuesday son."

"I'll be there Dad."

He took my hand in his and led me outside.

He turned quickly and embraced me.

"Bella." He rubbed his nose in my hair. I rubbed my face in his chest ingesting his scent. He smelled so wonderful.

"What would you like to do tonight?"

A thought came to me suddenly. "Let's go on a carriage ride!"

"Then a carriage ride it is."

Edward hailed a cab and we shortly arrived in front of the Water Tower.

He walked up to man that was sitting in a white carriage with a beautiful black horse. I pet the horses nose while I waited for Edward.

His coat was so smooth and he had a white diamond right between his eyes. He was majestic and handome. The horses large eyes were sparkling. "You are so beautiful." I murmured softly. The horse shook its head as though he acknowledged my statement.

"Come on Bella." Edward guided me to the side of the carriage and assisted me on the steps.

I sat on the blue velvet seat and ran my hand across the soft material. My mind was filled with ways to start the conversation as I watched Edward get into the carriage.

Edward must have been made in heaven, and hopefully just for me.

My mind was suddenly filled with cheesey pick up lines.

"Are you lost sir?" Edward looked at me strangely. "Cause heaven is certainly missing an angel."

He looked at me and laughed. "Wow Bella, that was pretty cheesey, but in case you didn't know…"

He leaned forward and placed his forehead against mine and took my hands into his.

"I think there's something wrong with my eyes…..because I cant take them off you.. Oh. Oh. Oh or how about "Do you have a map…cause I keep getting lost in your eyes. Even Better. You must be a snowflake because I've fallen for you."

We both started laughing hysterically. Then Edward suddenly got quiet and took my face into his hands. He looked into my eyes and quietly said. "Are you a thief? Cause I think you stole my heart."

We aren't laughing any more and I feel tears start to fall on my cheeks.

"Edward, I think that I have fallen for you." He smiles and wipes away my tears with his thumbs.

"I have fallen for you too Bella, more than you can even imagine."

I muster up all of my courage and spill it all out.

"I don't want you to think that I am some hussy, that just gives herself to anyone, cause I don't. I don't let people do things to me or do things to people in public places. You just make me feel comfortable and I just want to be close to you. I am not embarrassed by anything that happened, I wouldn't change one moment, but you have to know that I am not…"

He softly brushed his lips against mine. "Shhh Bella, I know."

He kissed me and the only thing I felt was love. His warm lips moved with mine. He felt so perfect. His lips, his kisses, they were made just for me.

We eventually pulled apart tying to catch our breath.

He looks up at the sky skrapers and sighs loudly.

"Bella, I don't want to leave tomorrow. I want to stay with you."

I turn and look at him and giggle.

"Edward, you are so sweet. I would like nothing more than for you to stay with me, but I don't want you to mess up your residency. I know that you have worked really hard for it. Besides, I kind of hope that once I get to Seattle we can spend lots of time together, you know, exclusively?"

I look away, scared of his response. I know its childish and stupid to say, Will you be my boyfriend? Maybe I should have pulled the old note trick.

Do you want to be my boyfriend. Circle one: Yes No

I turn to look at him and he is smiling and laughing. I can feel the blush rising in my cheeks.

"Bella Swan, are you asking me to go steady."

I flutter my eyelashes innocently. "Yes?"

"Well, I do still have my letterman jacket and class ring."

I lightly slap him on his forearm acting like he hurt my feelings.

"Bella, I would love to be your boyfriend, steady, beau or whatever you want to call me, I want to be it."

I finally let out the breath that I had been holding. Relief washed over me.

The carriage had stopped and Edward grabbed me by the waist and lifted me out. He placed me on the sidewalk and kissed my nose.

"Have I told you how lovely you look tonight Bella?"

"Yes, but I wouldn't mind hearing it again."

He laughed and wrapped his arms around me. "You are the prettiest woman I have ever set my eyes on."

I was caught up in his eyes, his scent, his voice, his sweet warm breath on my face. I was putty in his hands. Despite all of my insecurities, Edward actually made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman on earth.

"It is getting late. Want to go back to my place tonight"

Edward lifted his hand to his chin tapping his index on his chin feigning uncertainty. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye while his lips curled up into a smirk.

"Oh yes Bella. I would love to go back to your place tonight."

We grabbed a cab and remained silent for the ride home. A permanent grin plastered across my face. My mind was swarming with absolute happiness. I made a list of all of the things in my life that made it to my 'Special Moments' list.

First was the time I made my mother a macaroni necklace in art and spray painted it gold. When I presented it to her and smiled with my snaggled tooth grin, she began to cry and she held me, so tight. In that moment I felt so loved. This was the sole memory of my Mother that kept me from hating her for leaving Charlie and I.

Then there was the time that Charlie took me out fishing for the first time. I had quite literally had a nervous breakdown when he asked me to bait the hook with a worm. I held the worm in my hand and the tears flowed. My next move surprised even myself. I had grabbed Charlie's bait can and dumped it into the lake screaming at the top of my lungs. "Run away, you're free!" I turned to look at my Father and had expected to see an upset red faced man, but what I saw took me by surprise. Charlie was doubled over in laughter and tears were flowing down his face. "Geez Bells, I didn't think you had it in you." He grabbed his tackle box and pulled out a package that contained a bunch of plastic colorful worms and handed them to me. That was the first day that Charlie had been happy since my Mother had left.

There was the day that I received my acceptance letter from UIC. "Full Scholarship?" Charlie had asked out loud. "Bella, that is so great. I am so proud of you." Charlie enveloped me in a tight hug and quickly excused himself muttering something about dust in his eye. I ran up to my room and threw my hands into the air like I just won a marathon.

Now there was Edward, and so many moments with him were added to my list. The most important being when Edward had stated that he wanted to be with me.

I scooted next to Edward and rested my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm me running his up and down my arm. I felt the warmth of his breath on my head. I felt like I was made to fit in the crook of his neck.

We had arrived at the house and I led Edward by his hand to my porch. I turned to look at him before I unlocked the door. I felt so aroused suddenly. I wanted Edward, I wanted all of him. If I ever doubted before that humans had an animalistic side, it certainly was disproved at this very moment.

I hungrily pulled Edward and crashed his body into mine. I took a moment to look into his green eyes and saw that they were also filled with lust. I crashed my lips onto his and thrust my tongue into his mouth. He tasted so sweet.

I reached behind me and turned the knob and kept Edward pressed against me as I pulled him into the house. I walked backwards and he pressed me against the wall in the front hall.

He ran his hands up and down the sides of my body. His hands grabbed my rear and squeezed me into him. I felt his erection against my hip as he pressed it into me. In that instant I knew it was time. I could wait no longer.

"Upstairs! Now!" I panted in between breaths. He quickly grabbed my hand and we quite literally ran to my room. Once inside he closed and locked the door. He turned quickly and grabbed me tightly into him. "Bella" he murmured while attacking my neck with his lips and tongue. I felt the sheen of sweat on my forehead. I was hot and sticky. Damn this Chicago humidity.

I pulled away from Edward and turned around. I pulled my hair aside and turned my head to Edward. "A little help please." I fluttered my eyelashes at him and he smiled. He slowly unzipped my dress and placed his hands on my back rubbing the skin that was exposed. He pulled the sides of the dress and it quickly fell to the floor.

He gasped as he looked at the lingerie that I had on under the dress. Mental note: Thank Alice tomorrow. He kissed my exposed shoulder and kissed his way to the middle of my back.

"Edward, would you like to join me in the shower?" He stopped momentarily and before I knew it he had quickly pulled away and looked at me astonished. I walked up to him and lightly kissed him while I undid the buttons on his shirt. I pulled the shirt off and rubbed his chest. The muscles stiffened as I ran my hands over him. I felt that his nipples were hard and I slowly ran my tongue across one. He shivered at the contact.

"Bella, ugh" His head fell back and he let out the breath he had been holding.

I grabbed his hand and we walked into the bathroom. I turned on the light and pulled the curtains to the bathtub open. I started the water and turned to look at Edward. He had already removed his pants and was standing there in black silk boxers.

He walked up behind me and turned me around. He had gently pushed me against the bathroom counter and I looked in the mirror as he stood behind me. "Look at yourself Bella. I don't know how it is you can't see how beautiful you really are." He undid my bra and it fell on the floor. He pulled the sides of the thong down and they fell to my feet.

I watched him in the mirror as he ran his hands across my body. He looked up our reflection and smiled. "So beautiful." He said so quietly, that he thought I couldn't hear.

I watched as he cupped my breasts and rubbed his hand across my abdomen. I felt how hard he was as he pressed into the small of my back.

I turned to look at him and pulled his boxers down. I had seen a couple of penises in my time, but Edward took the cake. He was long and thick. A flash of fear crossed my face. What if he was too big? I am a virgin after all.

"He leaned down to kiss me. He pulled me into the shower and I felt the warm water run down my back.

"I will be gentle Bella, I promise."

He grabbed the soap and washcloth and turned me around and washed my back. He washed my legs and arms and pulled me close to him and slowly ran the washcloth around my breasts and down my abdomen. He threw the washcloth down and began rubbing his hands across my soapy body.

I relaxed my head against his chest as he massaged my body. Both of his hands came down to my mound and he rubbed. I shuddered at the initial contact. He bent me forward and the water from the shower ran down on my head and back. He rubbed my folds and placed one of his fingers through them and rubbed it along my clitoris. He rubbed slowly and my hips moved against his erection. It wasn't long before my breathing became labored and I felt the burning in my core.

"Edward, Oh my God. Yes." I shuddered and my hands fell against the wall in front of me for support as I came. He pulled me back into him and he held me.

I pulled him and turned him into the water. I grabbed the bar of soap and slowly washed his entire body, front and back, with the exception of one part. I turned him back towards me leaving the water running on his head.

I lathered my hands with soap and softly wrapped them around his length. I slowly moved my hands up and down his shaft. He moaned in response and quickened the pace. He watched me as I cupped his testicles and continued to stroke him.

"Bella, if you don't stop now we will not make it to the bed." He declared suddenly.

"Do you really want me to stop Edward" I ask innocently.

"God Bella. No"

So I continued my actions as he leaned on the back wall of the shower. I used both hands now and I stroked him harder and faster.

I heard him groan with delight and his legs got very stiff. I did not stop as he released his load onto my hands.

He sat still for a moment and slowly opened his eyes. "Are you sure you're a virgin Bella?"

I laughed and Edward rinsed his body.

I grabbed a towel from the rack and was about to start drying off when Edward grabbed the towel from me.

"Allow me."

He slowly dried my body and then his. He grabbed my hands and pulled them to his mouth kissing them.

"Are you sure you want this Bella?"

I looked at his bright green eyes trying to convey my feelings. I placed a small kiss on his chin and then all the way down to his collar bone.

"Yes, I am absolutely sure."

He led me back to the bedroom and laid me down on the bed.

The moonlight that bathed the room cast a glow on Edward and I was completely lost in the beauty of him. His hair fell down into his eyes as he looked my body up and down.

"You are so perfect Bella."

He ran his hands up and down my legs. He stopped at my thighs and slowly he spread them. He got onto the bed and placed his legs between mine.

He began to rub my folds again and then slowly placed one of his fingers inside and moving it in and out slowly. It felt so good. I was so wet I could feel the coolness of my juices on my inner thighs.

"You are so wet Bella." Edward whispered against my neck.

I groaned in response as words were lost.

He knelt between my legs and rested all of his weight on his left arm.

"Are you ready Bella?"

I nodded in response.

I felt his tip push past my folds and into me. He let it sit there and I felt my hips reaching up. I wanted more.

"More Edward, please more."

He pushed in a little further and he let out a whimper.

I started to move rhythmically. It hurt slightly, but the pain was not bad. It was the best pain I ever felt.

"All of it Edward, now, please"

He pushed into me completely and I let out a gasp.

"Bella, are you okay, do I need to stop?"

I looked at him and smiled. "No, it just feels so good."

His look of amusement quickly faded and he began to move in and out slowly. I felt him, all of him inside of me and I couldn't get enough. I began to move my hips in rhythm with his strokes.

"Harder Edward harder" I pleaded. I wanted more of him, I wanted him closer. I pulled his body down to feel his chest against mine.

I attacked him with my lips. I hungrily kissed his lips and sucked on his tongue. I wrapped my legs around him pulled him in closer to me.

His strokes became harder and faster I felt my insides tighten. I moaned with pleasure. I was uninhibited and my arms clung to him holding him tightly. "Fuck me Edward" I whispered.

"Say it louder Bella, I want to hear you say it."

I obliged. "Fuck me Edward, I want you to fuck me harder, I want to feel you cum inside me. Please." My voice was pleading but I didn't care. I just wanted him deeper.

He plowed into me so hard I came, I felt myself tighten around him and I felt the release of my orgasm. He cried out suddenly.

"Fuck Bella, I'm cumming." He thrusted into me 2 more times grunting and I felt him harden and pulsate inside of me.

We both were panting, trying to catch our breath

He laid his head down in the crook of my neck. I heard his breathing regulate.

"Bella, that was so damn amazing. I have never felt anything like that before. It was, damn, I don't know how to say it. Perfect? No it was better than perfect."

I felt a wave of tiredness sweep over me. "Edward that was amazing."

I didn't move. I didn't release my grip on him, or my legs from his waist. I basked in the moment letting it overtake me. Edward was exactly where I wanted him. In my arms.

I was dreaming of Edward again. We were looking at each other and we both looked down. I thought I had been holding Edwards hand, but it was the hand of a child. He was about 3 years old. I looked down at him and he looked up at me and smiled. He had my brown hair, but Edwards's big curls. He had Edward's sparkling green eyes. My heart melted. "Mommy can we get some ice cream?" I squeezed his hand lightly and knelt down beside him. "Only if you give Mommy a kiss." He smiled and wrapped his arms around my neck. He planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek and laughed.

"Love you Mommy." Edward swooped him up into a tight hug. "What about good old Dad." Edward tickled him and he laughed. His laugh was contagious and we all began laughing. "Love you little man." "Love you Daddy." I felt the tears well in my eyes.

I felt someone touching my face. "Bella. Love. Are you okay?"

I slowly opened my eyes and Edwards face was full of concern. My only thought was that he was still here.

I latched onto him and pulled him close. Holding him tightly.

"Why are you crying, are you hurt, did I hurt you Bella?" I could hear the hurt in his voice.

"Edward, I am just so happy and no I am fine. In fact I feel wonderful; I don't think I ever felt this good."

I heard a sigh of relief. "Then why the tears?"

"Just a wonderful dream. It felt so real."

"Care to share?" He asked.

I thought about it. Should I? No, better not. I don't want to be the clingy, move to fast kind of woman. Even though in my heart I wanted a future with him. The whole 9 yards.

"Maybe later, right now I am starving."

He looked me and shrugged his shoulders. I felt him against my hip again.

"Maybe breakfast can wait a minute." I rolled over and straddled my legs at his side.

"My turn Edward."

I heard him yelp when I thrust onto him.

End Notes:

So I wasn't planning on them having sex. However raging hormones took over and well, that is just what happens in real life.

Don't worry Edward doesn't think any less of Bella. In fact I think this is going to be a pretty important moment to both of them.